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Totally new. My wife and I opened our marriage but I've been out of the game so long I dunno if I have any game left in me. I also still raise three kids and going out is tough but possible thanks to the arrangement with my wife. Have not gotten far yet. Just the agreement and mutual interest

Hello all. First post. I wanted find a site to ask objective folks about something weight on my mind and I'd appreciate any advice or information/experiences about dealing with a wife in a midlife crisis. I am very aware of the risk factors for a cheating spouse in a midlife crisis. My wife's depression exploded about a month ago and she has been a completely differ t person since. She needed a friend after being locked up for almost seven yrs with three children, she gave up friends, work and free time when we moved (I'm military) add lots of marriage drama for the level years and I get why she is going thru this. At first I had the huge crushing anxiety that she would cheat. She had only secretly messaged one guy right up front at the beginning and I found out. I won't say how I know but I know she did not maintain communication. However the whole thing staggered me. She has found a new best friend who is a neighbor and they frequently drink all night me oarty at clubs. This friend is a swinger and that is such a foreign concept to my wife, she is curious about it and has talked to her a lot about that. I was my wife to feel good about herself and confident in her body. I want her happy and I want to be sane. I've gotten so stressed out sometimes since this started, I have panic attacks. The other night I collected myself from all the wohrry over cheating and I finally just sat down and we had one of the most honest conversations we've ever had. I flirted with the swinger topic but the way I asked about her friend's lifestyle led to me asking if she was interested in that now. She seemed receptive and admitted she liked the attention going out, dressing up etc got her. We danced around the swinger topic without ever saying it and I laid a series of ground rules were she to try that out or desire to try it out. Again the manner the topic was discussed, and her receptive response makes it seem as though she has considered it and that she and I understood that we were both talking about the same thing. However in the aftermath I feel weird bc it was never explicitly said that we were discussing her swinging. Should I directly ask if she wants to do that? How do I ask? How do I deal with it? Part of that is hot to me. The idea of her being sexual (she's always been ultra conservative with sex until recently). Is hot, but Instill feel pretty weird about that idea actually going thru Do I tell her that I find it a little hot? Has anyone here recovered from a midlife crisis? I'll listen to anyone, but the female perspective would be greatly appreciated. Thanks up from for any help