Jump to content

Branigan

Registered
  • Content Count

    35
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

33 Excellent

About Branigan

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 10/14/1979

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple/ M.
  • Location
    Calgary
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. I suppose perhaps my definition of poly is not accurate. The overall theme of responses here is indicating that Poly means that all players are equal. With that I suppose we are just elevated swingers. We will never put other people at the same level. We do have an emotional connection with them and it grows stronger every day but we won't ever forget who we are in this.
  2. Thanks for this, I will certainly be reading up on your story. It sounds like you have alot of insight to offer. Based on your interpretation of poly, we would not fall under that. Maybe swinging 2.0 haha. We will never move in together, we will never place the other partner on the same level as our spouse or see those partners as equal. That is out of the question. We have a 23 year old relationship and no one can ever come in and receive the same level of love or devotion as we give each other. Regarding children, we are all fixed, every one of us, so that is out of the question. Even if we weren't, we would not look at anything like this. I truly admire what you are doing, it takes a very strong and secure person to live the life you have described. I am excited to read about it.
  3. Thanks for this but let me be clear, NO ONE can please her like I can. That is not a question. This new guy can please her, the only other person to actually give her the big O, but not like I can. I have been with her for 23 years, no new person can even come close to how we know each others body. As I say often when my wife and I re-claim each other after great times with other people, "There's no place like home" The NRE is great but we are still figuring out feelings. Again, we proceed with cautious optimism.
  4. Thank you for this. Your perspective is exactly what i am looking for and I agree with you on all points. We are not looking to move in together or come out too all our family at all. Really it just comes down to allowing ourselves to feel. Giving each other permission to fall in "love" so to speak. Of course always keeping our primary relationship as the focus. We have never expressed emotions before and fully aware of NRE but we have been seeing them for about 4 months and things are going very well. There is nothing "wrong" with ours or their relationship at all. In fact, one of the most attractive things about them (and us according to them) is the stability we both seem to have in our own marriages.
  5. Hi all, My wife and I have been classifying ourselves as swingers for as long as we have been doing this (3 years now). We have had may amazing experiences and some not so much. One of the biggest issues is that 4 way connection. We found it in a couple that we are quite close to but we still see it as a "swinging" relationship, even though we adore them so much. At one point they entered into a poly relationship with a couple that lives in the same city as them and although kind of sad for our loss we were so happy for them. That relationship ended poorly for them and there was alot of hurt and a little strain on their marriage for a short time. Being involved in a large community I have seen numerous swingers travel the poly road and in many cases I have seen heartache, hurt and even marriages ending. In fact, I have yet to see a successful swinger -> Poly transition work out. Well, recently my wife and I met a couple we connect with like mad. I'm talking crazy connection. Lots of amazing sex, amazing friendships, communication and similar goals and values. I've never seen a man please my wife the way he does and I've never been so comfortable with another woman as I am with her (besides my wife of course). All of this is just so incredible we are talking about labeling it. We talk about the future and we have booked a family vacation with them in March. We are all very excited.....BUT, with the numerous failures I have seen for friends and acquaintances it gives me pause. I fear that it is destined for failure. Worse than than I fear a strain on our marriage as feeling develop. Not for any specific reason other than what I have witnessed. What I am asking is for people to weigh in on their stories. Stories of successes, failures and how to navigate through both keeping our relationship as the priority and without damaging it. Another note to help get you in my head. My wife and I are childhood sweethearts. Been together since we were 14. We had only been with each other up until 3 years ago and certainly have never fallen in love with anyone other than each other. Our marriage is strong, we communicate and still have so much passion for each other. We have gone through issues since swinging but nothing that we have not been able to resolve easily. We are aware of the intense NRE involved here and keep ourselves in check but we are excited to see where this goes. I just don't want to end up being hurt or hurting anyone else involved.
  6. I have been on both sides of this. I have felt a pang of jealousy as it pertains to a couple of my favorite play partners. I find it easy enough to get through it. I have even joked about it with them. Communicating feelings is important not only to your primary but to those close to you. On the other side, I have been the "favorite" of a certain woman who I hold dearly. She had a tendency to gravitate towards me at every event there was. It got to a point where I had to cut it off as I was the only play partner she was seeking. It put an immense amount of pressure on me and I felt as long as I was accommodating she would not venture out to find other partners. The biggest issue was that she seems to avoid/ act cold towards a couple of my favorite partners now, who think it's because of me and her jealousy. Something I do not like seeing.
  7. Thank you all for your input. I fully agree the most we can do as friends is be there for support, whether she accepts it or not. One of our friends has approached him and he is apparently looking at getting help. I hope does and that they can begin healing.
  8. Last weekend the Mrs and I were at a Hotel takeover party. Organized by friends of ours, there was a large group of close knit people. One couple who is well known to all of us was in attendance. The general consensus for quite some time has been, he's an ass and she's a sweetheart. We all love her and tolerate him. Basically he comes across as an arrogant, misogynistic, racist homophobe (words of another friend lol). At the party there was an incident where she was off playing with a couple that they are familiar with, a couple they have played with before (new to our group). She has free reign to play with women without him being around but not men. The story that was told was that the man of the couple was fingering her at one point and he walked in. He lost his mind and they went back to their room and exchanged words. The argument was overheard by a few people and it was told that there was possibly some aggressive behavior on his part. He stormed off after, muttering things like "fucking bitch" "slut" etc. A bunch of people tried to calm the situation and fortunately he left as others tried to console her. As it does, the rumor mill started and many people started talking about instances at other events where similar things have happened. In fact, this is turning out to be a common thing for these two. A bunch of us are very concerned as to the safety of the woman and although it is apparent that he is emotionally abusive to her, he may also be physically abusive. His temper is out of control and I have witnessed it personally on a few occasions. Many of us have been talking and we are unsure how to proceed or if we should even do anything. It's a tough position to be in as she is exhibiting the typical "abused partner" behaviors of defending and saying things like "he's not like this all the time". As a friend...what do we do? How do we approach this? Note: I know that she allowed a rule to be broken but as you all know, in the moment, things can happen. It should be noted that he has free reign to do whatever he wants....and he does. I have seen him play without her, I have seen the double standard he holds. Obviously they should not be swinging, we all know that. We've told her that. Their relationship is broken and they use this life to mask it but it just accentuates it. They have been banned from future events and we have all decided to stop inviting them to private events as well. We cannot continue to have this behavior happen in our community. Many friends have reached out to her in support but we fear it is falling on deaf ears. Any insight would be appreciated.
  9. Obviously he is comfortable letting her go off with you two. Have you thought about the reverse? What about giving him an opportunity with the ladies? What about giving him some private time with just your wife. Perhaps a one on one encounter would help boost his confidence. A point to consider when talking about Viagra is that it will not always counter act performance anxiety. Anxiety is a powerful internal struggle that can eliminate all the positive effects that Viagra can offer. That being said, most don't know that and it can help break down that psychological barrier. A bit of a placebo effect there.
  10. Based on my experiences at numerous different events and parties....you stepped into the twilight zone! lol. So strange!
  11. First off, thanks for checking in. I appreciate it. It was a New Years party and went exceptionally well. I met the guy and had great conversations. He was genuine and kind. She made out with him a bit but nothing extreme. All in all I feel way better about it all. I'm feeling way more comfortable with him. I have always been one that needs to see the whites of your eyes to make up my mind. As for our night? We went in to the party with no expectations as one should but we had our eyes on this one couple that we knew would be there. So hot, both of them. We clicked really well and had an incredible night. One of those nights where you look around and life seems surreal. Living the life people dream of. We all started in one room, the other wife and I eventually ventured to her room for some private time (hilarious naked hall dash BTW) then all ended up back together again. I think we were at it for at least 3 hours. We're all bruised, sore and satisfied! One for the books for sure.
  12. Agreed, rules are ever evolving and changing. We discuss changes frequently. I hope that with meeting this man, my fears will be allayed.
  13. THIS! This is exactly why I posted. I want to feel complete compersion. I do in most situations. Whenever we are with a trusted couple or she's off with a trusted man I am positively vibrating with excitement. Why not here? This is why I am talking about it. I suppose it all has to do with trust. I intend on giving this guy every opportunity to gain that trust, I do fear though I am seeming a little like the Dad with the shot gun here. lol. I want to be clear and perhaps I have not stated this yet. She gives me the freedom to explore single women, although, other than that one time with an established friend, I have not. It would be hypocritical of me. As Bob250 said, you go as fast as your slowest partner....that just happens to be me I guess. This is all about me and my feelings. She has done nothing wrong with talking to this guy and is respecting my feelings. If anyone reading this thinks otherwise, please understand that the purpose of this post was to help me figure out why I am feeling the way I do.
  14. You are drawing parallels between two separate issues on two separate posts. This post, which was was back in March has nothing to do with her chatting with this single guy. There is no pattern. Had I asked her to cease communication with him and it continued you would have a point but that is not the case. She has my permission to talk with him. My only requirement was that she disclose to him that play is off the table at this time, which she has done and he acknowledges. Without argument, with understanding. The point you are trying to make about our communication although appreciated is moot. Again, the timing of my posts is important here. Our discussions on singles came up initially BECAUSE of that night. Not before. That incident spawned many discussions of our comfort levels and new rules we have to put in place. I get from your comments you don't think I have been vocal or honest to her about how I felt about that night. Believe me, she knows, I am not a man who hides his feelings. BUT, once we are past an issue, I will not be pulling it back to throw in her face. We are past this issue. There is nothing more to re-hash.
×
×
  • Create New...