lonelyhedonist

I LOVE your signature intuition!

Thanks for all the thoughts and advice. I'm definitely not in the dark about how often playing would be possible. That is really not near as important to me as just knowing its out there and a possibility. The hunt is all part of the fun right? And the idea of being with someone who can talk to you about how attractive so and so was and how I fantasized about the girl at work. It is the little things. And definitely wouldn't want an open relationship right now and told my wife that when i mentioned the idea. We aren't at a place currently where we trust each other enough to go there. And to be honest, telling her what I wanted made her trust me much less even though it should make her trust me more. I wish i could take it back and say I don't want an open relationship, but that's just not me. I think she, like many women, just wants me to lie and pretend that is not something I want and that I'd never want to be with another woman. But I don't want that shallow marriage where we both lie to each other.

We have tried counseling 3 times now. The last counselor told my wife open marriages never work, and everyone ends up hating each other. Then proceeded to tell me that even talking to people of the opposite sex was an affront to our marriage and I should never help, talk to, be friends with, go to lunch with or be around women. Needless to say I thought she was a little nuts and we didn't go too many times after that.

Of course there is love. But I'm not the type of person who thinks love is all you need. I'll never stop loving her. That's also not in my nature. I still love the girl I dated during our separation. Compatibility is the question here. And what we each need and want out of a relationship. I don't think she would ever leave me, but I do think she would be happier with someone else.

Good points, and I suppose some of those "other" things I mentioned have a lot to do also with her inability to have those conversations. It is not for lack of trying from my part, that's for sure. I think she learned some crazy bad communication skills from her mother who is on her fourth marriage and on the brink of divorce again. But there is definitely something missing in our communication and I cant seem to figure it out. We just don't seem to get too far beyond surface level and when I try it just doesn't work. It is not enough for me. I need something much deeper. It is like she immediately goes into fight or flight mode whenever we start to get beyond surface level. I should probably add that I believe she has personality disorder which is where I think most of this comes from on her end. And as for the open marriage thing, I don't think that will ever happen regardless. She personally doesn't operate that way, which is fine. I can be accepting of her just like she is. But I really don't see a scenario where she says, I'm this way and you're that way, and that's ok, go be with other people. As it turns out that is how the girl I dated while we were separated was. He had no desire for intimacy with more than one person, but understood she did and was ok with it. Of course it helps that they knew about and discussed all of that before getting married.

I'm currently married, but considering a divorce. Just looking for advice I guess. I have several friends who are swingers and when my wife and I were separated a few years ago I was dating a girl who is polyamorous. My wife and I got married VERY young and got married after our freshman year in college. I was going to be a youth pastor. We waited until marriage for sex. It was the perfect storm of everything wrong with conservative America. I pretended not to have sexual attraction to anybody but her. Pretended not to find beauty through anyone but her, and pretended not to have a crazy sex drive and also hid a slight sexual attraction to men and some dom/sub fantasies. I'm also very into threesomes and foursomes. Love to watch and be watched. Anyways, she hid a lot about herself too. She pretended to be more sexual than she was and by a few weeks into our marriage it quickly turned to once a month. We were both young and stupid and had no idea what a real relationship was. She told me 10 years after marriage that she sometimes gets depressed after sex. I told her 15 years after marriage that I'm a non monogamous person and would prefer an open relationship. Monogamy just seems counter to every feeling I have inside. I think I'm a giant free love hippie inside. lol That's me and my situation in a nutshell. And of course she says she has no interest in an open relationship and finds it repulsive that I would ever want that. She has told me before that if it is really what I want then just leave and we will figure it out. I'm considering doing it. Not just for that reason, but for others. And because I feel like who I am at my core will never be accepted by her. She only knows a little bit of my sexual desires and doesn't really want to know all of them. She cant handle it. And she would definitely think less of me if she did. So here is my question. I have this idea of a perfect relationship and I'm not sure how feasible it is. I'm kind of afraid if I leave, I'll never find anyone else that doesn't look at me like I'm crazy. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just wondering how far off I am. Y'all have more experience at this stuff than me. I want a wife or girlfriend who I'm totally committed to. Who I love and who loves me. Who loves sex and sex with others as much as I do. Somebody who I can not just be 100% myself around, but somebody I can be 100% honest with. And we know and trust each other explicitly. But we fuck. A lot. And not just each other. We have people on the side, we seek out jot couples together. She tries to find females for me for threesomes and I try to find guys to fuck her. Either with me or without. I would love to find someone who was a bisexual switch and ok with the fact that I was also a bisexual switch. Somebody that one night I can be her cuck who is forced to suck a man's cock to get it ready for her and then made to take her creampie, and the next day I have her strapped to a bench and making her lick my sub friend's ass. And I want to be lovers, best friends, confidants and everything in between. I want us both to love being each others wing man and to high five each other when we score. Am I being wildly unrealistic?