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ruralgal

Registered
  • Content Count

    3
  • Joined

Community Reputation

19 Good

About ruralgal

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 02/05/1974

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    m female
  • Location
    USA
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Gosh, all of you are awesome! You have no idea how much your support means to me when I can't talk to anyone else about this. We talked today, after a lot of prodding from me. I told him I'm not going to swing anymore, and I that I'm making a few other changes in my life as well. I said I wanted to stay with him and work together on our issues. He said he wants to be with me too, and kept harping on about how I'm a control freak and I get to do what ever I want and this is THE ONE thing he wants from me. The stuff he is saying/texting to me is just unreal, and so hurtful, and I am trying not to take it to heart. He is the control freak here, his mother is very domineering and his Dad is very passive and I think those roles have been reversed in our marriage. It's quite scary to realize you've married a bully who uses threats, ultimatums and silent treatment to get his way. It's been going on for ages and I've blamed myself usually. Now I'm finally sticking up for myself and saying NO and he is freaking out. Maybe someone here will have some input as to why he is so desperate to keep this going and be with other women? I wish I could understand. He says he likes swinging because we do it together and I said how can you enjoy it if you know that I am not?? What would be the reason? We have on okay sex life most of the time, it was better before we started swinging, he disagrees with me on this. He wants me to just "suck it up" (yes, his words... horrible, right?) and go along with it. He has been in a motel for the past three nights but is coming home tonight . I need to stay strong and not allow him to walk all over me. I think he's a good person at heart, but I don't think he's self aware enough to see the destruction and hurt he is causing. So I'll keep coming in here to post because it's helping keep me sane! Once again, I'm very grateful for everyone's feedback and support. Thank you so much.
  2. I really appreciate everyone's wise and well thought-out replies, it's so helpful and reassuring to have a place to talk about this. I've told him I no longer want to swing and that I think it's destroying our marriage but he has ignored it. We clearly have a lot bigger issues than just the swinging and I'm going to get some counseling/therapy. I asked him if he was open to seeing a counselor and he said "not at the moment". He is using bullying tactics and giving me ultimatums i.e. "do it my way or I'm leaving you". I'm not going to cave this time, if "getting some strange" is more important to him than our marriage then I'm better off without him anyway. Again, thanks for the kind words and advice.
  3. I'm new here. My husband of 25 years and I started swinging about 6 years ago. He encouraged it after we had a couple of drunken mfm's with male friends of ours. He joined a swinging website (without telling me) and posted an ad saying we were looking for single males for threesomes. When I found out what he had done I was a bit shocked, a bit intrigued, and also hurt that he didn't talk to me about it first. Very quickly we got caught up in the parallel universe of swinging and I won't lie, I got a huge ego boost when I realized how attractive other men found me. So, fast forward to now. After having multiple mfm's, foursomes with couples, and also attending a few parties and going to a few clubs, I have realized that I don't at all enjoy seeing my hubby with other women. I am also not attracted to other women. He has always gotten off on seeing me with other men and I so wish that I felt the same about seeing him with other women but I just don't. I freely admit I put up roadblocks to couple play and attending parties. I've said to my hubby numerous times that I just don't enjoy it when he is with other women and I find it really difficult. His opinion is that I'm being selfish and want all the fun for myself. I've reminded him that we never actually spoke about what our desires/boundaries are when we started and I never said I wanted to see him with other girls. Things are now at a crisis point in our marriage and he has said that although he loves me, my selfishness over this is worth throwing our 25 year marriage away for. His view is that why is it so hard for me to give him this one thing when he is a good Dad/provider etc. I struggle with the fact that he seems hellbent on pursuing it given that I've said I don't enjoy it. I'm so confused - I feel like he's manipulating me to get what he wants by threatening to leave, and I also feel terrible that I struggle so much to reciprocate and enable him experience the fun I have. Does anyone have any advice to offer or similar experience to share? This morning he packed his bags and left, saying he needed to get away from me for awhile. Help please!
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