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user69

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About user69

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    Just Getting Started

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  1. Thanks for the questions and response. ED was a natural progression of aging and health issue - so not changed by the lifestyle. As far as satisfying him visually - he has always watched porn on a regular (daily) basis. Sometimes this has weighed on me as I also attribute this to "if you need OUTSIDE stimulation to want ME - what's the point" I guess it's a mind game on my part - I can acknowledge that and have read that perhaps this is what some men need. (especially a very visual one) Guess I'm just being un-realistic to think I could be desirable "just because" - it's what I feel so.....shouldn't everyone think like me?! :-) At this point we have pulled back from the lifestyle - I think there was too much of ME associating with his pleasure with another woman and my perception of lack of desire for ME coupled with MY very unsatisfying experience, that it was just more than I wanted to deal with any longer. Will have to see where things go. :-)
  2. Thanks for the reply - yes, I do find some other men attractive. I have noted to my guy that I DO feel the problem is I HAVE to desire the other person, and there is a combination of lack of that type of guy in the lifestyle in our area (race) AND the experience of the guys I have been with not into me - feeling like going thru the motions, If it's bad or fake sex, what is the point? (other than my partner is enjoying his time with the swap) I am sure that many of us have struggled initially with the idea of swinging as it's against societal norms, I was open enough to it, but am questioning why we're doing if the experience sucked so much that I try to forget. The last 2 times were so awkward that I couldn't even discuss in a normal "de-brief" conversation with my guy. I wanted to forget it, and never discuss it. (nothing horrible happened, In 1 instance "she" was NOT "BI" like she said she "totally was" and I basically was like, "can I please dis-entangle my leg from you 3 and just go shower" and the other instance it was a couple that BOTH were "pillow princes" (not sure if that can be for a male - not sure the term. :-) - neither reciprocated ANYTHING, um, ok, then.... I felt like I've really tried to be open to experiences, but the more open I am, the less positive any situation is for me. (not for him) We have stopped for now, I'm keeping an open mind, and maybe if we find a couple that clicks it will be different.
  3. Yes - age and job stress are a big factor. Thanks for trying to take it off my shoulders, deep down I think I know that, however, it can be a mind game at times. I also know he is totally a visual person which is why the lifestyle and all it has to offer is such a turn on. I'm completely opposite and get no excitement on watching others...so it's hard for me to relate. Thanks again for taking the time to comment!
  4. Thanks for the honesty and a male perspective, it makes sense. I believe that would be very similar answer he'd give. Unfortunately, as I've taken time to review our experiences over the past years, while he loves seeing me pleasured, I've yet to have an experience in which that was truly the situation. I've tried to not "take on for the team" but it's hard to not let him have fun just because there is no mutual connection with me and the other. In being honest - I did let him know that I believed part of the "problem" that I was struggling with in this lifestyle is that I have yet to actually desire another - I want him. Hard to come up with a solution for that one. Appreciate the feedback!
  5. Just curious, we've been in the lifestyle for a 3+ years, other than knowing Mr was incredibly turned on and enhancing OUR sex life because of that, when we've incorporated others, I've not had any positive scenarios - but not ready to give it up. He experiences ED (age,job stress)we've always been up front with other's about that, and have experienced "bi F" that really was only Bi for her boyfriend (2X's) or scenarios that I felt the guy was just not into me - I don't need bad - faked sex, thank you. BUT, it seems the past 4 months, (highest levels of stress in all the time we've been together) the only way he is into ME at all is if we are at a club, watch porn or he is thinking about the last or next time we're involved with another person or couple. It's starting to take a toll on me mentally...."does he no longer desire just me?" "is it only outside stimulation that makes it interesting?" We've had an incredibly satifying sex life (numerous times weekly), for the past years we've been together (less than 10 yrs) I've not gained weight, done anything differently, in fact have been way more "out there" sexually, and we are down to 1-2 times a month. Wondering if this has been an experience of others. Do you get "de-sensitized" and only turned on during a "swinging mindset"?? (I know it's noted typically it "enhances an already great relationship" normally.....and I thought it was......but.....) Would love to hear other's experiences. -Not complaining - just concerned.
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