gingerandwasabi

I think you sound like just the right guy to make sure things stay positive for all involved. Perhaps you could suggest a book on swinging like Just Ask Julie" that would help them consider their emotional parameters. The truth is there is really no right or wrong. One couple might maintain a one and done view of swinging and another might be comfortable with long term polyamory. Obviously most are somewhere in between. I tend to lean toward the simplicity of just a few play sessions with possible long term friendships to follow but my wife prefers building friendships first and playing over time and just seeing how it goes. Yet either of us might act as your partner did with the thank you, cheek graze, and wink. certainly knowing what to say afterwards comes easier over time. I think one of the best things to do to keep things in perspective is to thank your play partner's spouse so that everyone realizes it is really by their approval that this happens. Best.

Hi and welcome. If I may offer a reply to your question it would be to slow down, relax, and enjoy each other. It feels like your driving this thing like a for profit business. Swingers aren't different than anyone else except they are honest with their spouse about their desires. It sounds like you have more success with people your own age in vanilla situations and that probably holds true with swingers as well. If you two are young 10's some of these other couples may be going home and fantasizing about you but not completely comfortable with playing. I know this sounds rude to rate people but My wife and I sometimes feel that as 8's we sometimes don't fit or don't want to fit with the 9/10 crowd. But I don't always want to play with 5/6's. We sometimes feel there aren't a lot of people in our zone and despite our occasionally willingness to try and get out of our zone it doesn't mean others are feeling comfortable at the same time. One thing that can be different with swingers is that there are usually fewer games to the seduction and what games there are are usually controlled by the ladies not the men. Perhaps just relax and enjoy and let the girls determine the pace of flirting. just try to stay available and focus more on being polite and making friends rather than flirting in a gamelike way or even playing you will probably come home successfully meeting new friends and the rest will fall in place.

Wow. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. There is so much good advice here it's difficult to offer much else other than more sympathy or confirming something someone else already said. I think you should definitely let him know that he is more important to you than swinging and you are willing to stop swinging to work things out. I can't tell you how many successful swinging couples had to go through a moment where one person needed to hear the other one genuinely mean and say "you are more important than swinging" before they worked things out and went on to happily swing again at a later date. But beyond showing him you love him and are willing to stop swinging and will work things out. I also agree that you should be firm in not letting him act like a child. Be willing to let him go with an I love you and want to stay married but don't grovel for what you did. It will not help him change his perspective. Perhaps you could have ended the gaming conversation sooner but it is really hard not to admit to your favorite hobbies and 10 minutes is not that long. Perhaps a wam bam barely get to know you would have been better but it might have been worse too. Perhaps you should have not gone back to the other guy a second time but the back and forth thing is really hot and you are not a mind reader about how that felt for him. I agree there is more going on with your husband than he just couldn't handle seeing you so willing with another guy. You two talked a lot about it beforehand. Your willingness to enjoy another person was part of the plan. My gut is that this triggered something other than his trust button. Perhaps he got scared by this other guy's aggressiveness. I know if my wife was ever harmed as a result of our adventures It would be hard not to feel somewhat disappointed in myself for not protecting her better. (I know macho crap inside a guys head.) Perhaps If he feels like he doesn't measure up to other men this is more about him then you. Since his behavior is somewhat childlike there is a good chance he is feeling like a child right now. I like what was said here. He needs to step up and reclaim you. Maybe you can let him know you want that. That you see him as your real man. It would be great if he came out of this feeling like a man not a child. Finally let me say that counseling helped us. Not so much what went on there but our eventual conversations and our willingness to go. Again so sorry for where you are right now. Saying a prayer for you now. Please keep us informed how things go.

When we first meet another couple, We don't share phone or text male to female or female to male and we explain that's part of how we avoid any secrets. We often share numbers with same sex new friends and it's usually the ladies that keep things going. If one of us ends up with an opposite sex phone number anyway we give it to the other and delete it from our phone or if we are into opposite sex phone flirting we do it on each other's phone. That way if we end up with someone over doing it the same sex partner can ask them to cool it with more authority. Still once we get close with another couple everyone ends up with everyone else's number and ocassionally things change and we have had to ask to cool it. In your current situation my guess is that you are right that this guy is not concerned about your couples approach. Since we do everything as a couple and expect the same from other couples we play with, we wouldn't let this continue in this way. You have the right to politely say hey this is not the way we play. If we see you in the club let's talk more but until then we are not into texting. If he does not respect your request. Put the smack down. Tell him no more contact and block him. If it creates a problem at the club you can tell people the truth and they will admire your integrity. We are friends with a sexy unmarried couple that texts us now and then when they are headed to a club. They respect our decision not to play with them although we didn't explain all the details about their looser togetherness being uncomfortable for us. Hope that helps and that you two will have more closeness as a result of getting through this situation together.

I think your in a great place. It sounds like you are able to communicate openly and honestly with each other and ask for what you want. Keep that up and you will have a great marriage with or without swinging. As far as getting started with swinging I agree that meeting couples online is more difficult than attending a party. We no longer have an online profile and the only thing we miss is the party information. But we have plenty of venues with parties in our area. See if you can find some parties events or meet and greets in your area or attend a swingers club on a Saturday night The bigger the better because it provides some anonymity to be lost in a crowd if you want to be until you feel more comfortable. You can just dance and flirt with your husband then when you are ready you will find swinger couples much easier to talk to than people at a vanilla party. When we attend these parties we always have a great time and great sex with each other regardless of weather we meet another couple we want to play with. For us we often meet another couple to flirt with and then keep things going usually between the ladies talking and texting until the next party where we will plan to meet and play if we like them. That prevents us from getting into something that was good for one of us but not the other and it gives us plenty of time to decide what we are comfortable with. Still sometimes we know on the spot this couple is right for us and that's a lot of fun too. My wife does not consider herself bi. She never initiates. But she enjoys the feel of a woman's soft body against hers. about half them time another woman has initiated bi play. About half those times she has said no without a problem. That leaves about a quarter of the time she has enjoyed all manner of bi experiences with another woman but that only happens when the stars align and it's what she wants. Best.

I think us guys put way too much emphasis on performance via time hardness or whatever. 10 minutes plus when your wife is grinding hard from on top and controlling the rhythm is just fine. You said yourself you can go longer when you get to control the rhythm. Often my wife prefers to get her first orgasm as soon as possible. Is your wife getting off before you or with you? If not you can add a vibrator on her clit if you both like. My goal with my wife is that she gets hers before or with me. Sometimes she cums lots of times before me and once in a while I cum first but then I make it up to her. Actually nothing bothers my wife more than me not cumming. If you both have fun that's what matters.

Let me start by saying Welcome to the lifestyle. I enjoyed reading your other post about swinging with friends. Glad it went so well for you. It is hard to believe but this whole lifestyle works amazingly well when it comes to your privacy. You are very unlikely to be outed to the rest of the world for attending parties or the like. Other people in attendance have just as much to lose by mentioning seeing you at a swinger party. They may mention seeing you to other lifestyle friends that you know in common, but never have I heard of someone being outed to the outside world just for attending or participating. We often attend events at a resort in our area. We have met doctors, nurses, judges, police officers, and many other fine church going people all without a problem. Some have even been former clients and friends. For us dangerous people who talk to much have been those that don't consider themselves part of the lifestyle. We are most careful about those that dabble in sexy living but don't care for the lifestyle or rules of the lifestyle. You are obviously blessed with a great group of friends even just socially. I wouldn't let fear of being caught prevent you from going to a party if you want to go. Let us know how it turns out.

Slippery is good!

We went on a Caribbean vacation that had a nude beach. We loved meeting all the friendly naked people that week. And sex between the two of us was more intense after a day being naked with others. That led to some discussions. When we got home we wanted more and found a nude resort nearby. That resort was also fun but had a bit of a sexual charge that was new to us. That led to more discussions and some erotic literature. Then attending the Saturday night parties there we discovered Lifestyle people were just as friendly and even more fun. That led to more discussions, more erotica, and a lifestyle resort vacation. A little experimentation and more discussions and so on. It took us about 5 years from the time we first walked out on a nude beach to work out all our trust issues and be in a place where we are completely comfortable with each other's desires. Both of us got ahead of the other at certain points and both of us had to get over some insecurities. We learned to value each other's feelings most. Now, we both approach swinging as something we do for us. I'm not saying I don't enjoy it for myself, but it is strangely one of the least selfish things I do.

Excited for your new open communication. Some time After I shared my fantasy of adding other people, when my wife could see me as just a little crazy not unhappy with her, she agreed to read erotic books with me at bedtime. Since the books were my idea she let me choose them off amazon. I previewed them so that they were not too outside of our/her comfort zone. They were great conversation starters that allowed us to explore our feelings. 5 years later we are both comfortable with our own real life erotic stories and madly in love for sharing it all together!

Those are great suggestions which I would use if I had their contact information or even knew their names. But this event happened rather spur of the moment in a group room at a club which isn't our normal way of interacting with other couples. That also probably added to the wow factor!

There are a number of erotic stories and books you two can read together that are great at describing the feelings you two want to explore. You can find some here on this site and lots of books at Amazon. Just surch for MFM and or first time. I might also add that while fantasizing about bareback situations may be exciting it may not be a practical or safe choice in most situations. I'm not judging just suggesting that the possible consequences make most couples use condemns when adding another. It is very reassuring for us to have that rule and to hear our extra partners say they have the same rule.

I appreciate your post. We are a white couple that has recently had their first experience with a black couple. We all had a great time but it has made me think about stereotypes. I think there is still some sort of black white taboo that added to the excitement for us but admitting to it also makes me feel stupid. The guy my wife played with had a stereotypically lean black athletic body. While his cock was longer than mine it was not an extreme difference and I am definitely thicker than he was. My wife enjoyed the difference but not the difference in our cocks. What she really noticed was that his biceps and shoulders were so stereotypically strong looking. Similarly, my experience was enhanced because of all people, a sweet black girl married to a big black stud praised me for having such a big cock. I also noticed that during our play I really wanted to comment about our black white differences but was afraid to do so for fear of coming off racist. So instead I just praised her for being beautiful. Actually, come to think of it, I may have said something about her big beautiful ass, a comment I would never make to a white girl built the same way. The whole time our eager black partners seemed to be enjoying our differences just as much. When we offered to switch you would have thought I offered to buy them a new car. No doubt he was excited to experience my blonde Barbie looking wife. I'm not sure if her excitement for me had more to do with me being white or her being horny but she too was excited. I realize a lot of our excitement came from stereotypes that would be inappropriate in other situations but with everyone having fun the stereotyping we all did seemed strangely positive at least for these 4 people intent on kindness.

Eyze Wide shut is worth a visit if you are in the area. It is very clean and well set up with a seperate side for dancing and drinking with a DJ dance floor with stripper pole, pool table, buffet and a full bar. The play side is huge and surprisingly clean. They are super quick to change sheets and so on.The only drawback is that there are so many rooms, even multiple group rooms, and a small crowd gets lost in there. So they sometimes close off some sections. I wish the crowds were larger but they do have to compete with the Saturday Night parties at Caliente which is also in Tampa Bay allthough more than an hour away. If you can only go to one place and enjoy dancing, socializing, and the party atmosphere more than the playtime I would say go to Caliente instead on a Saturday Night. That's not to say you can't play at Caliente either at the after party or in the hotel rooms. You can. But If you like going to swingers clubs for the fun in the play area then go to Eyes Wide Shut it has much more to offer on that side and you will not be dissapointed. There are people of all types and enough attractive ones that even the hotter couples will find their match on most weekend nights.

We talked last night and this morning and are really feeling better about the issues I raised. I think the hard part about communicating is that we don't notice the incremental changes that take place if there has not been clear words spoken about how we have already changed. I think me initiating an occasional extra how are you feeling about things and what would you like to do different would go a long way to head off frustration but it can be hard to get her to talk about it. I also think I probably owe her an apology for encouraging her to enjoy little situations where she has fun and I just got to watch. I encouraged her so it's not really fair to say then I deserve the same. Maybe just that I want the same not that I deserve it. The only problem is that this morning she agreed to make an effort to try to enjoy seeing me have fun too. I do have a little fear that my apology might take all that back, but we are in this together for the long haul swinging or no swinging so it's not like I want to hold her to something she doesn't want. It's amazing how much communication this all takes!