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Ebonylehigh

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Ebonylehigh last won the day on August 14 2015

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About Ebonylehigh

  • Rank
    100 Posts Club
  • Birthday 04/14/1982

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple - We post
  • Location
    Pennsylvania
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    Ebonylehigh

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  1. We have blocked and been blocked. Our main reason to block if it is some racial statement ie: no bbc etc.
  2. We don’t care about cert numbers. I like to know that a couple is a good time and actually plays. But we have also been passed on due to our cert number. Doesn’t really bother me, I figure it is a couple that we wouldn’t be looking for the same things anyway. Some people have time and money for endless meets with no play or a multitude of back and forth communication with no meet. That’s not us.
  3. We have done both MFM and FMF we prefer swaps instead.
  4. We have played with mostly older couples and a few our age. One slightly younger couple turned into a year long polyamorous relationship.
  5. This whole thread made me sick to my stomach. Fetishizing Black people is so yuck.
  6. We play on the first date if there is a connection. We meet for dinner/drinks and will usually go to a hotel after. If meeting at a club again it is with the intention to play, we have a little one and don’t get out often. So when we do we are looking to play if all are still in agreement once we meet.
  7. Thank you everyone for your replies! Wow it totally didn't hit me that his meds could be screwing with his erections too. I knew it was mental stuff still happening but we have been dealing with that for years since our son was born 5 years ago. I really don't feel like our marriage is broken, our sex is, but we have a very strong bond that survived a lot already. A lot of couples do not make it through infertility. I agree that we have to compromise, I found polyamory beautiful and so fulfilling. But it is clearly out of his comfort zone. He will have to allow me the ability to play, be it at a party or with a fwb. I can't go without this need. Just posting about this has made me feel better. I know we will get through this like we have done everything else. I also want to make clear we both know swinging did not get us here nor the couple we were in our relationship with. Swinging has always been fun and in our 3 years of it we have made many friends we still know today have had so many play experiences that had us come back to each other with furious passion. Just the combo of the heart attack, the failure of our first trip, meeting a couple that gave each of us what we felt we were missing at the time, has now forced us to face this problem that was long brewing before we met our first play partners.
  8. Thanks you two I really appreciate the positive vibes. So more info to better understand: He did a total sexual shutdown with me after I admitted to catching feelings for the other hubby. I think he was initially OK with the situation because he thought that would not happen with him being such a jerk. I felt more after that amazing night of his complete selflessness on my birthday which was in April. My hubby and I are solid in the fact no other person is a better mate for us, we will stay together through whatever happens next, he is my best friend and the only person I can never tire of his company. We still laugh and joke about everything (including the current situation) and discuss our feelings very openly. His sexual pull away started with a previous couple where the male half and I really connected and started to communicate a lot via text, he was uncomfortable with that and grew upset with our interactions. We eventually stopped seeing this couple for other reasons though. I also suggested separate partners but that is something else he is adamantly against. I even offered that I would wait to find a partner until after we found one for him first. That was a no as well. He is not into poly and thinks it is not what we should be doing at all. So if I started with single males if any feelings developed I know I would have to stop seeing that person. I also don't want to bash that couple because honestly I still love them both, we were their first swing couple and I feel bad that I am sure we have put them off of swinging. They felt like no one else would be as good a match or would tolerate the male half as we did. They are not seeing anybody and have pretty much gone back to their coping mechanisms to continue their relationship. We are unfortunately unable to do that since we never had this complete shutdown situation before. Nor do we have any of the other non sexual issues they have. I have stopped contact with them for now because I need to get in control of my feelings of jealousy that they are back to business as usual and our bedroom is completely broken.
  9. I am going to try and summarize the last year+ as short as possible. We essentially start swinging because hubby developed huge self-confidence issues and ED from our time through infertility. We are having sex way too little for me and I complain, he also then has a long commute job and I am at home with the new baby. It gets worse, I complain more. He suggests swinging; I balk but then research, winding here years ago and find comfort from the information and experiences to proceed. We have a rocky start; he’s not able to get up for the first few partners. He gets more comfortable after some time and we get into a nice stride meeting some great people and making wonderful partners. We are probably at our highest right before we head off to our first trip ever the Dec 2015 swingers cruise. We meet an interesting young couple we connect with immediately and play twice with them in the week before we sail as well with a few other couples that week (we were busy lol) As I posted elsewhere my hubby has a heart attack the first night on the ship and is airlifted off. We get back from that and say we will break from swinging, focus on both of our health and work the sex between us which had dwindled to little of anything because we became so busy sleeping with our play partners. Our new friends who we met before we left are very concerned about us and so helpful during the whole heart attack when we are back they want to see us and we do. Fast forward we are exclusively seeing them and its past just sex, we do family outings with our kids together, go on separate dates with the opposite spouses, take turns with my son and I going to stay for a weekend at their house and then her and her two coming to stay with us a different weekend. This had to start happening because my hubby began to hate her hubby. Her hubby was not very kind; he was not emotionally supportive at all to either of us. The nearly a year I spent with him killed my confidence immensely. His personality is exactly the reason she became head over heels for my hubby who gave her all those things, compliments, support and kindness. He also made her cum and squirt two things she hadn't experienced with her hubby the decade they have been married. Around Feb. 2016 is when she admits she loves my hubby. I am surprisingly myself ok with it and explain as long as she keeps her husband primary and my hubby keeps me the same I am cool with this. Her hubby says he is fine with it also but is really not. Throughout the whole relationship he does and says things to show he is not happy and feels she is getting so much more from being with us. He had told me he wasn’t into "dark skin girls" and other negative things but he was always up to play and enjoyed multiple cums each time. He had no trouble getting up for me ever, though I wasn’t his type. Then I wanted this to work so bad so I start kicking up the kindness, I start making him dairy free treats (he has a dairy allergy), being supportive and considerate, before I was just enjoying the amazing sex with was worth putting up with such a complete jerk. (My birthday he made me cum 38 times) which is when I was like ok I have to make him see this is a mutually benefiting situation to all. Anyway during this time we were seeing them every weekend, and we each stopped having sex with our spouses and waited for our (boyfriend/girlfriend) instead which we all preferred. Yes at this point I know we are in a bad situation that is not helping any of us. We became each other’s band aids and that went on until around July where apparently her husband just couldn’t take her being so happy because of someone else anymore and after leaving our house one weekend he says they should divorce. She freaks out and then calls us saying we are going to see each other next weekend but after that they will take a break from us. Apparently I find out from my hubby this comes after they just discussed that they could never stop seeing each other (which came up because of my contentious relationship with her hubby) so he is heartbroken and then angry we cancel seeing them that weekend and tell them that was a messed up move to decide that without discussing with us though we are supposed to be in a relationship. They apologize and say that we can all work through our issues together and not stop seeing each other. Hubby is mad and it kind of breaks him out of his fog. He was never comfortable with the situation and took me constantly reassuring and telling him to just enjoy his feelings for him to finally let go and feel something for her. So he is like this is bad and we need out. I don’t want that, I am in love with the polyamory idea and the whole loving quad thing. I refuse and head down the following week to be with them. My hubby furious sends her texts talking about how he loves her and finally feels he is with someone who gets him and other things that really hurt me. I was always ok with him loving her but he said something along the lines of losing feelings for me. We talk separation. When I get back home we both calm down but realize this is a big problem, he still goes to be with her that next weekend. After he comes back he is sure that we have to stop seeing them. He is now having sexual issues with her too, the same as with me. He cannot get up. She went from being able to make him cum twice (mind you in the 2 years we were in the lifestyle 3 women made him cum only with hand jobs) she was able to do that orally and every time she saw him, he didn’t even cum every time with me. I was honestly impressed. Anyway at this point it’s not working, I don’t want to give this up still. We see them again in September which is the last time I saw her hubby and I tell her to see him again alone while I’m working and he’s off for Columbus day, that was the last time they saw each other. It was another failure. My hubby started Therapy this month to try work through his sexual issues; he goes down on me frequently but has only been able to have penetrative sex a few times. We are not swinging, and I am over not having sex I feel undesirable and at the end of my rope. Sex has always been a huge deal to me from when he first met me so going without is not tolerable. I finally tell him I want to find a single male play partner, which is something he has been adamantly against the entire time swinging. He said ok but I know he doesn’t want that at all but I am beyond the point that I care, he completely shut his body down to me so what am I supposed to do. He felt like I should just wait out the therapy to July and I can’t do that. I do feel bad knowing I’m about to do something he really doesn’t want me to but what options do I have left?
  10. Lionheart72, yeah you pretty much nailed it. But I should also add in his wife and I understand he is heartbroken and have been supportive and I personally have heard him bitching about the situation for a couple of months now and I'm just done. He met the gf after meeting us, saw her a handful of times in 4 months and became a total jerk to both his wife and I. That relationship was not a positive and productive one. There were many things that happened during until she finally had to speak up and say it needs to end. Even then it wasn't enough it took us talking to the actual gf (her idea, I think she was trying to align with me to make it seem like his wife was wrong) in which we let her know how we have been neglected and she told him she won't see him anymore. It's been two months since that and I don't feel like I should have to keep hearing about this comparison of two different situations. I'm so annoyed that we have started to check the site again for new dates.
  11. We are in a relationship with another couple. The male of that couple had a single lady as a gf. That ended because he was taking love and affection from his wife and also ignoring me. He keeps being upset that his wife gets to still be with the one she loves (my husband) and his was taken away. Compares the two situations like they are the same even though when he was with his gf, his wife got nothing and was home with the kids. Whereas when they see us he always gets me that gets him off at least twice every time and there has been more times than that. Where I am affectionate and caring. Where we both clearly enjoy each other's company very much. Am I right to be offended that he keeps doing this comparison? It hurts my feelings every time because I'm obviously a non factor to him. He says he really cares about me and can see his feelings heading to love. I'm just not seeing that when he keeps doing this comparison.
  12. Yes fundamental law we are the poster kids for travel insurance, it was a literal lifesaver! Oh man Njbm, I know that was so scary, not being able to do anything for your spouse in distress is the most helpless feeling.
  13. Love "slut wear" the only time I can wear all this sexy stuff, turn into the sex goddess I am. I absolutely am wearing it to attract my play partners not at all to compete with other women. Although after our second party we attended I noticed that women complimenting other women on their shoes was a frequent icebreaker and nobody complimented my shoes! After a massive shoe upgrade, I have not attended a party yet where I have not been complimented and it has definitely led into some fun encounters.
  14. This was a wonderful review and just want to say that this is such a great couple. Although our cruise experience was the stuff of nightmares (hubby had medical issue that resulted in being airlifted off the ship early the second morning. I then had to wait 2 days until port to get off and fly to the Bahamas to get to him!) While I was still on the ship they made sure to come and check on me and we both really appreciated that. A terrifying experience was made manageable by the amazing lifestyle friends we have made. We have lived in our area for 6 years and had not made a single friend, two years in the lifestyle we have a slew of friends, some play partners and some not. Such an amazing community of thoughtful and caring people. But back to the cruise, we are due for a do-over!!
  15. Still in contact, they are still together but we no longer play. They are not really active in the lifestyle anymore.
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