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MissB

Registered
  • Content Count

    5
  • Joined

Community Reputation

15 Good

About MissB

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 04/07/1985

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    S Female
  • Location
    IL
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. It's been a tough go of it. He did show up at my place, but I was away with a friend. He left me a four page letter telling me how he feels about me and it was absolutely heartbreaking to read. I haven't changed my mind and I haven't contacted him. From what he said in the letter his wife is leaving him and I hate that I had a part in that. The self-loathing is overwhelming at this point. I'm complicit in breaking up a marriage and family, not sure what to do with that.
  2. I called to let him know I couldn't be part of the relationship anymore and told him not to come, and that I wished to have no more contact with him. He said he is telling his wife this weekend and he would see me the following weekend. I have blocked him from email and phone etc. I am going to go away the next weekend so if he does show up I will not be home. Because as much as I'd like to say I could send him away, I'm afraid I would be weak if he showed up and I'd let him in and I cannot do that, I can't risk it. So, I 'm walking away from him and it hurts. I know it's the right thing but that doesn't make it any less painful and I hate that I let it get this far. I promise I'm not a bad person. I never meant to be the other woman or cause his wife any pain.
  3. I'm almost in a panic. He says he is going to tell his wife this weekend about me and how he feels, and then the following weekend he will fly out to see me. I keep trying to tell him he cannot blow up his marriage over us, that going to his wife after the fact will crush her and it isn't fair to do that to her. How do I get him to understand he cannot do this. It makes no sense and it doesn't matter that she 'swings' because the relationship I have with him is outside of those boundaries. I told him not to come to my city and that I wouldn't meet with him but he is adamant that he will work it out with his wife and if she doesn't understand why he needs me, he may need to *reconsider* what makes him happy in life. I am NOT okay with this, and I don't want to be the reason her heart is broken. What do I do?
  4. Thank you all for your advice and perspectives. I feel like an idiot. I find myself thinking "how did I get here?". I sent him a text asking him to call when he had time. I'll do the right thing and let him know we can't *see* one another anymore. I'm sure I sound pathetic, but my heart hurts. I've shared more with him about myself than I've ever shared with anyone else and I will miss him. I never intended to interfere in anyone's marriage, I feel horrible for his wife. I suppose I justified it because we weren't having sex, but I know the emotional part would also be painful if she found out, so I have to stop it before she finds out. I hope she never knows what has happened. I was honestly hoping that because they are swingers that this type of relationship would be ok, it would be seen as acceptable, but I think that feeling in my gut the past few months knew the truth. It is so very painful, but it's better for me to have the pain than his wife. She doesn't deserve this.
  5. Let me start by saying I am not a swinger. I'll lay out this situation as clearly as I can so I can get honest opinions and advice. I met a man online in Oct of 2011. We live a ten hour drive from one another and we have met in person twice. We talk everyday via IM, phone, text and webcam. He is married, and he and his wife are in the LS and have been for 7 years, they have been married for 15. She doesn't really know about me, I have called a few times on the weekends or in the evenings because he told me if I need him he wants me to be able to get in touch with him. I do make sure me calling at those times are infrequent. So, I have called and asked for him when she has answered the phone and she has never asked who I am, but he is honest with me about the fact that she does not know about what our relationship entails. He and I talk about everything, fun stuff, sexual, everyday mundane, goals, dreams, and those deep secrets and things in life that happen that most people don't tell anyone. A few months ago as we were getting off the phone he said *wait* he wanted to tell me something. He told me he loved me, I was shocked, I never expected he would love me much less admit to it. I know he is committed to his wife and family. The two times we have met in person we have cuddled and kissed, held hands and been very affectionate, but we have never had sex..of any kind. I honestly don't know if I would have sex with him knowing he is married, but then again he is a swinger and he has no problem with casual sex. The issue he says is he cannot have sex with me because it would not be *casual sex* or *just fucking* because he loves me and he knows he would make love to me, and he cannot right that in his head in regards to his marriage. I fully understand what he is saying, and I wouldn't pressure him into anything and quite honestly I enjoy having him in my life as a confidant and someone I love deeply. So, after all that, is this cheating per se? From what he has told me, they enjoy casual sex with other couples, but they are both involved each time. They swing about once a month or so, and he says since he isn't having sex with me, that he is not cheating on his wife. We do talk about sexual things, fantasies, our likes and dislikes and we've talked about what we would like to do to one another. So, is this out of bounds? Would this bother you if your spouse/partner had a relationship like this? Again, she knows I exist but she doesn't know how we met or the extent of our relationship. Where do I/we go from here? It was one thing when we pretended it was *only* a friendship, but now that we have admitted to our true feelings, does that make it cheating? Ask any questions you have and I will answer them as clearly as possible. Thank you for your time.
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