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Thanks do much for sharing Julie, you have really given me much more certainty and peace in what we have decided to pursue. Allen sounds alot like your ex in that he has told me so many times how he wants to see me with other guys. It took me awhile to accept his sincerity, but now I believe with all my heart that is really his desire. We have talked about it so much. And the thing is, as we have talked and I accepted he feels that way, it turns me on to think of him watching me with other guys. It turns me on alot, lol. I have told Allen this and it adds to his excitement too! Did you feel that way too, aroused by your ex watching? I am now more than ever determined to enjoy it to the fullest and not hold back. Like you said, doing that will bring Allen and I both pleasure.

Thanks rvdudes and Rose. Great advice. We talked more last night about this, and realize we have alot more things to research and understand. But you guys are helping tremendously. We have decided that to start, we are definately set on a mfm. Like rvdudes said, that is what appeals to both of us, and we think it will be easier to set up and do. I love how Allen is so supportive and desires it as much as I do. From there, we do want to transition to couple play. I am so excited about this. I can't believe we are getting closer and closer.

Thanks Edison. What you describe of your marriage is where Allen and I are hoping to get. We both feel that me playing with other men will fulfill what we have desired for so long, and enhance out marriage. But funcouple's comments have me wondering what unforeseen pitfalls may result that we haven't considered. I just want this to be positive for us.

Thanks so much fun couple for the great advice. You have given me alot to consider, and I will definately read the books you recommended. I guess for us, the reason we are pursuing me being with other men is that is what we have talked about, fantasized about for so long. Both of us. I think for us, it will be easier to transition to couple play after we fulfill this first. At least I think so. But maybe I am naive based on your input. To be honest, Allen has never really expressed an interest in being with other women. I have asked many times, but he always comes back to me being with other guys. I am not opposed to him being with other women of a couple. As a matter of fact, I also have a curiosity about playing with a woman myself, and want to do that one day. Are we being short sited or borrowing trouble by pursuing me playing with other men first? I am concerned now.

What are the emotional differences your hubby sees? I'm curious what you mean.

Thanks for sharing dnr, I really appreciate it. And I understand the emotional difference you are talking about. Allen and I share all aspects of life together, sex being part of that. Me being with other men is part of that exploration of sexuality and sensuality we want to pursue to enhance what we already have. One of the reasons I feel ready to do this is I feel this is something we both want and desire. Even though right now, it will be only me playing, I feel we are both involved, both on the same journey. He is giving me, us, the freedom to explore and discover while undergirded with the security of our marriage. That alone is so appealing to me and further builds that desire. I am interested in hearing from other women on this.

Hello! This is Christy, my hubby is Allen. We have recently joined the board, and I am glad we did. We have been reading alot of the faq's and other threads. And I have read through the posts that Allen made. Thanks to all of you! I am learning so much. I am looking for advice from the women on here. Allen and I discussed this so much, me being with other men. It took me a long time to really accept his sincerity about it, that he really wanted this for me, for us. At first, I was suspicious that it might be a "tit-for-tat" thing, I play he plays. But over time, his sincerity was evident and I am know now that me playing is what he wants, and in no way obligates me to reciprocate. That is a tremendous sense of freedom to me, and is the main reason why I am now really wanting to pursue this. BTW - not that I would never let him play, in the future, if we get to that place. But for now, as we begin, I need the freedom of knowing it is limited to me with others right now. And, Allen wants this too. There is one thing that still concerns me. We are so into this right now, but I wonder what emotions and feelings we may deal with afterward, things we don't even know are there yet. We have discussed it so much, and I feel we are secure and ready. But I was wondering if any of you had any unexpected issues after the first time? Also, ladies, how do you enjoy the sex with other men while ensuring that hubby remains secure and not threatened? How do you give yourself the freedom to let go and enjoy each experience to the max without your response and actions making hubby feel insecure? Just really wondering about this. One last question - what has been the positive effects on you and your marriage by having sex with other men? How does it make you feel about yourself, about your hubby, about your marriage? Right now, I feel so grateful and secure with Allen for leading me to explore doing this for real. Can't wait to hear the responses. Christy

We feel we are secure enough in our marriage right now to venture into this. You are right - sex does evoke great emotions. And that is one of the things that make it enjoyable. We have discussed this aspect. What we desire is an addition, a strengthening to our personal intimacy - not a replacement. We are committed to us, and will protect that as required. With that said, I do want Christy to enjoy the emotional side too, within bounds. You know, those butterflies, from the touch of someone new. The feeling of being desired, letting another man pleasure her, letting herself go. I want her to enjoy it to the fullest with no regrets or worries. To know that I am there supporting her all the way.

Thanks lionheart for bringing this point out, I didn't do a very good job of articulating what I mean. What I was trying to convey is that I am not threatened by the pleasure that another guy may give Christy that is different than what I give her. Better is not the right word. I want her to have these different experiences, to enjoy many different sensations, pleasures. That is what I mean, not that one guy would be better than me.

Thanks for defining what a hall pass is. Obviously, you guys have built a tremendous amount of trust. He trusts your ability to choose someone who will not be a danger to you. That is really great you two have that level if trust and selflessness. I am not sure how this may evolve for us. I know I want Christy to have the freedom to completely enjoy her sexuality and set aside any inhibitions. Maybe down the road we would consider her playing alone with others she chooses, without the requirement for me to meet them first. I really am wanting this to be all about her, and subsequently us. I am okay with anything she does sexually with other guys. And I am fully prepared for the fact that she may experience a guy who is better for her sexually than I. I think it is absurd to think all of our needs can be met by a single person. I just want her to be fulfilled in all aspects of life - physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Thanks for sharing those two examples. Those are dynamics and aspects of this lifestyle I had honestly never thought about. I was focused on rules or expectations for the actual sex itself. It hasn't crossed my mind about other issues outside the bedroom. Thanks for giving us insight into those issues. We have agreed that for now, this will be something we do together. I want to be there, to watch, and she wants me to watch her with others. For the future, I think I would be okay with her playing alone as long as I know him and have met him. So I know she is safe. But I can see down the road where the potential is present for there to be miscommunication if these things are established beforehand. But for the actual sex, I don't think there will be any preset rules for us. She can do what she feels like in the moment. Nothing off the table so to speak. Can you tell me what you mean by a hall pass?

WooHoo. We have enough posts now to upload our avatar!

Thanks anglekin for sharing. That article was very informative. And thanks for sharing about the rules. It sounds like you guys take the approach we are discussing. Just go with the feeling of the moment. Christy has shared that is her preference, and really, I don't have any concerns with that. I want her to embrace and enjoy her sexuality to the fullest. I want her to have the freedom to do what she feels like in the moment. And it sounds like this has worked well for you guys. Has there been many instances of something making either one of you uncomfortabel where you had to discuss it later one? Just curious how often it has occurred, what it was, how you resolved it, etc.

Thanks for the advice lionheart. We talked more about this, and we now both understand how important condoms are for this. We were just not sure if other couples always use condoms or not. Christy was genuinely encouraged about the fact that there are non-latex ones. And she brought up a good point - when she goes to the doctor, they use polyurethane gloves for the examination and she has no reaction. We both were wondering if the non- latex condoms are as reliable as the latex ones? Another thing we are discussing now is our rules. Christy is a very much in the moment type person, so she has mentioned that she would just like the freedom to do what she feels like in the moment. I am okay with that, but from reading on here, most couples seem to have a set of rules of what is okay and what is not (kissing, anal, etc.). So, should we have a ground set of rules and stick to them, or maybe have them but be flexible in the moment if the situation is going well? Just wondering what others have done.