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Kamcouple

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15 Good

About Kamcouple

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 09/28/1977

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Canada
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Been a busy week, weekend but had time to discuss this topic with my wife. First and foremost I after her reading this discussion I feel I need to stand corrected on a few points I made. I mentioned my wife would not do X, Y, Z when in fact she said she will do it, it is just not a preference. The only thing she will not do is let a male go down on her (because she is extremely ticklish) but yet she said her experience with another woman was one of the best oral experience she has ever had, and of course Anal. She told me she has and will do the other things mentioned just not a personal preference for her. As far as the embarrassing gushing/squirting she said she has no issues with it if there is a towel/blanket under her and coming to terms with it. She said the issue (more then embarrassment) is spending 10 mins or so changing the sheets every time we have sex, Go figure. Now I got that out of the way and in the good books, My wife has told me she wants to be the best woman I have ever been with, she wants to give me the most amazing experience that will have me begging for more. This is the ultimately goal according to her. Yet she has an obvious anxiety issue, and likes to be in control and almost a trust issue with her partner that she needs to get over before she can ever reach that goal. We live in British Columbia, Canada so don't have insurance (like mentioned) to go to a sex therapist and something like this isn't (I believe) covered under health care as it is not a necessity of life. It was mentioned that possibly this was my wife's friend had a fantasy and seen the opportunity to explore it and try to help us also. When I asked my wife she did say that when they had their "girl talk" that her friend was the one who opened her up and explained "Swinging" to her. So this is probably true. Since the topic of swinging has come up in our lives it seemed like a good way for her to explore and not feel like cheating if I was also doing the same. I think since the idea of swinging after awhile intruded me, I was willing to ignore the fact that my wife needed help more then what swinging could provide, and after opening my eyes on this thread I almost now feel selfish. While there is a slight chance that my wife could "come out of the box" while swinging and experiencing sex with another partner, I (and we) believe that the experience will probably more then likely will be a disaster that not only could hurt our relationship as a married couple but also the people we plan on swapping with. My wife has said time and time again, he best experience she ever had (oral) was with another woman (no offense to me she keeps saying). I think at this point I might let my wife explore with other woman and see where that goes. In the meantime me being the patient husband, I can only help her the best I can, books, porn, toys, education, space with other women if that's what it takes, and possibly someday a sex therapist. My wife has gotten over huge anxiety issues and come a long way since we first met, so I have no doubt that she can and will get past this. The end goal will be rewarding and hopefully someday we might be able to try out our ultimate fantasy. Thank you everyone for support, and opening my eyes. Really appreciate the time everyone has taken to respond. Would recommend this site to anyone!
  2. Been a little busy in real life, so haven't had a chance to reply to each post. My wife had did have a chance to read my thread (posts) and at first she was a little upset at me, as she felt I gave out "personal" info to strangers. When it was explained how I was unable to talk to close guy friends about this issue(s) and that you all have been wonderful, open and honest in your replies she turned to reading. Wife spent better part of 30 mins reading each and every one of your posts, and felt you all had very valid points. Will let her post on Sunday when we have more time. Thank you all once again, for taking the time to read and reply to us.
  3. First & foremost I would like to thank everyone on Swingersboard for their replies! From what I understand General consensus is that Swingers (much like anyone) do not like issues or drama, so I thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. I have been mulling over these issues for quite some time, and it was really hard for me to open up to strangers on a topic that I could not even confide in some of my closest friends. Thank you very much everyone for your time, really glad google brought me here. My Wife: She has been very open and honest to me (besides talking with her friends) and we talk about our issues. Besides that time 2 years ago when I spoke while frustrated, I try to be more sensitive to her issues. I do tell her it's "Ok" if she squirts, I tell her when she locks up cause she has the "pee feeling" that its ok and to relax but she never does. It was brought up about her past maybe holding her back which I think someone had a very valid point. If she is fighting and pulling away from me (someone she loves and trusts) then it will probably be a disaster with another partner. My wife had a lot of anxiety in life when I first met her, and although she doesn't show any signs anymore of it this whole fighting/locking up during sex might be part of that anxiety and part of her past. Would love to go to a "sex therapist" as mentioned but we just can't afford the $250+ per session that they require. Swinging: When my wife first mentioned Swinging I was embarrassed, confused, nervous, etc I believe it was her friend who opened her up to the idea of another partner for "experience that she missed", and my wife has been pretty mindset ever since. Yet as mentioned if my wife is unable to satisfy me, or resolve her issues how can she satisfy another. This will just embarrass myself and more then likely herself, lower her self esteem, and cause possibly issues with other people. All of the above could and probably will complicate our relationship further. (from what I read) After reading all your posts, everyone has said Swinging will just complicate things further so avoid it until her/our issues are worked out. Wonderful advice which I think we will need to follow. Thank you If/when my wife get through our issues, I have no doubt that we might try "Swinging" with another couple. My wife has looked at me and honestly said she is curious what it is like to be with another guy, and I honestly have been intrigued also ever since she brought it up. So as swingers I have to ask, if a time ever came and my wife had "rules" such as: When it comes to sex my wife has been very adamant on the fact that she will never do Anal, she is extremely ticklish so she doesn't like me going down on her, she also doesn't like giving guys oral due to gag reflex. Foreplay is a minimum. She also doesn't like doggie style position. I don't think none of these things will ever change as she is pretty mind set on this. I don't know as swingers if that creates an issue for other couples with "rules" such as my wife has. We obviously need to get past the issues at hand first. Thank you all you everyone, you have given me a few other options and a few results/consequences to think about. I really appreciate all the time people took to reply to this thread. Thank you, Kam Couple
  4. She has always said of embarrassment, the only time she ever has said sex has hurt is if there was lack of foreplay (which she doesn't enjoy) and there isnt enough lube. When she was a teen and all her friends were partying, having sex, she had extremely strict parents who gave her an 8PM curfew even in her senior year. She didn't have much freedom until college, so I have been told. During college she was with a guy that tried to have sex with her, when she declined he abused her. From that moment on she told herself she was waiting until she found someone she was serious about. As far as what is not holding her back? About 2 years ago one night she was locking her legs, and we had a really bad sex experience. Speaking while frustrated I informed her she was not good in bed, and I might look elsewhere or move on from her. Which I regret saying now. I almost feel from that moment my wife took the liberty to improve her sex life and any cost and when her friend suggested swinging she has been focused since. Great suggestion thank you, going to get her to read these posts tomorrow and ask any questions also. Really glad Google brought me to these forums, you have all been wonderful help so far!
  5. Appreciate the reply, thank you. I am being open here trying to come up with idea and answers to help me get through this "speed bump" with my wife. My wife has said she would not tell a stranger any of this information and just wants to swap. Which comes to the embarrassment part as stated above. Trying to understand your two posts Swinging does not resolve "issues" and if there is any "issues" between a couple when they try to Swing it just complicates it and makes it worse?
  6. mauijanedoe Thank you for the fast reply. One of my biggest concerns is, as you mentioned "sex therapist". I for one would not wish our problems on anyone else and as I mentioned it seems to have already strained 1 friendship. As far as the drama part, I have also had this feeling that even if we go through with it, it might just complicate things more then resolve our issues. Another major concern would hate for my wife (or myself for that matter) to be a disappointment in bed. Yes, she feels that exploring with me, books, toys, pornos is not working to expand her limitations which is why (based on friends advice) she thinks she needs to sleep with another man (men) to get that experience. This is a tough question and would rely on multiple things. Do I trust the person? Is it safe? Do I trust my wife? etc. In a way when my wife looks at me and honestly says "I want to sleep with one other person in this life", I can understand her curiosity and can say Yes, but then again it would all depend. This was my suggestion, going to a party or place with multiple people. Get to meet new people. Take it really slow to find out what both her and I are comfortable with. It was easy for me to say a year ago, that I would sleep with her friend, but if the time came, I might have not been comfortable. My wife (based on her friends suggestion) wants to just swap partners to start and has her mind set on this though. She believes that her friends got experience sleeping with multiple partners in their early teen/adult lives so she needs to catch up.
  7. About Us: My wife & I met 6 years ago when we were 30. Right away we both connected, she was smart, gorgeous and shared many common interests. I thought to myself why is a woman like this single there has to be a catch. After a few days, weeks she opened up to me and told me she had an anxiety issue (which was noticeable but not OCD) and she was a virgin still. My now wife had many boyfriends but nothing serious and was waiting for that special someone. She has however had oral with another woman 2 years before we met. I was very patient and helped my wife get over her anxiety issues (without meds), and respected her "no sex" wishes. My wife had no problem with nudity over the years but very basic hands-on foreplay during this time. Fast forward 3 years and I was that special someone, my wife was now no longer a virgin! At first things were great she was curious and we had sex countless times a day, week, month. All positions, all places there was nothing stopping her. The Problem: During this time that we started having sex I noticed she wasn't into "foreplay". She was more of a hands on woman, and didn't like to use mouth. She is also extremely ticklish all over her body so me going down on her was also out the question, I was only allowed hands-on also. Then came rules, never ever under any circumstances will she ever do Anal, and she doesn't like "doggie style". She was more of a 3 position woman. My wife (I think) has major anxiety over having an orgasm that she won't admit to me. She doesn't like the "pee feeling" and when she squirts (which is often when I am on top of her) she doesn't like getting the sheets all wet. When she is about to orgasm she locks up. - When I am on top of her she closes her legs and/or locks her hips which hurts me - When she is on top of me she has her bum so high in the air it feels like I am falling out of her 80% of the time, I don't enjoy it and go soft - We can do scissors/sideways but after awhile her legs get tired At this point I am not enjoying our "sex experiences" and tried to talk to her. My wife informs me that she believes that she missed out on "experiencing and exploring" sex in her teen years when all her friends were doing it. So I take a few ideas off the top of my head to try and help her the best I can. I get her some couples porn, get her some books like Kama sutra. I even bring her to a adult store to buy some toys to explore with. I tell her to be open and honest with me, and will help her explore. Swinging #1: While out one day, my wife asks me if we want to go over to her friends place for a few minutes. While there it was quite apparent that my wife had talked to her close friend about our "sex issues". Her friend gently eases into a conversation that maybe if my wife explores with other people and not just me she could possibly "learn" or get the "sex experience" that she is striving for. My wife informs me at this point that her, and her friend were interested in "Swapping husbands" as they don't want to feel like they were cheating and asked my opinion. I originally said I had no opinion. I think I was shocked at first to say the least. My wife wanted to have sex with another guy, and her friend wanted to have sex with me. My wife (who had been doing some research) later that week shows me a clip from "Playboys Swing" which got me interested in the lifestyle. As long as we are open, honest, and safe .... I tell my wife that I am interested but not setting this up, she had to do the work. Happily she agreed. Later that week my wife goes over to her friends place, only to return an hour later. When her friend and my wife brought it up with her husband he was quick to say NO. He said there was no way he would be able to "perform" in front of another guy. Before my wife could suggest separate rooms, he asked my wife to leave so he could speak to his wife. Since that night my wife has only had Facebook contact with her friend and it seems to have put a strain on their friendship. Swinging #2: My wife suggests we put an Ad onto a local website to see if any random NSA couples were interested. Although we got lots of emails from males wanting to watch, video tape, join in, only 1 couple in (south eastern BC Canada) replied. We sent them our semi nude, faces blocked, pictures and never heard from that couple again. Present Time: About 6 months has passed since the whole Swinging topic has come up when we put ads on a website. My wife still has the same "sex issues" listed above, yet now recently my wife has once again started seriously talking about partner swapping. She has suggested in the past week we look for local couples, advertise, look for clubs, or even travel to meet our needs. She seems more knowledgeable then me in this swinging lifestyle (Good ole Google brought me here) I really don't know how I can even approach any of my friends with this topic. I have a few concerns: 1) My wife missed out exploring with sex partners growing up as mentioned, and now that she is sexually active, and so mindset on this swapping that I am worried that if I don't agree that she will just do it anyway. She has said she wants to sleep with another man besides me once in this lifetime many times. I love my wife but when she went behind my back asking her friend to "swap husbands" I think a bit of me felt maybe I don't know my wife as well as I think I do. 2) I am worried that if she is not giving me a great sexual experience that it would be a disaster if she tried with another partner. I love my wife and have patience, where as a lot of people I know including close friends have zero to no patience. I wouldn't want to sleep with someones wife and get enjoyment while they got disappointment. 3) Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I accept this is the way my wife is and adapt? 4) Did I put too much pressure on my wife too soon, and she is doing this for me? Even though I have concerns she wants to go through with it? A year ago I was all for it after thinking about it, now not so much as I have concerns. Would like to hear from some experienced people, would you get together with us knowing some or all of this? What are your thoughts and any advice. Summary TLDR: My wife was a virgin when we met (besides an oral experience with another woman), and gave herself to me. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest to suit my needs, but seems to satisfy hers. No Foreplay, and lots of rules. After trying to help her and educate her more in sex, she talks with friend(s) who suggest she try getting more experience from another partner. My wife suggests she doesn't want to cheat on me so her friend suggests Swinging. After failing to convince a friends husband for a swap, and failed local ads the subject is dropped. Now my wife all of a sudden wants to swing again (swap partners) and she seems to have been doing a lot of research recently, but I now have issues. My wife also informed me she wants to have sex with at least 1 other person in her lifetime. I feel silly posting this to strangers, so I appreciate the time to read this, if you have anymore questions I would be happy to answer. Thank you, Kam Couple.
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