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JW6145

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About JW6145

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    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 01/17/1977

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    M. Male
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    In my head, mostly
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    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. So I wanted to update those of you who are at all curious about how things are going for the 4 of us. Firstly, we are all still together. Angie and I, Rob and Becca and Becca and I. We have all done a lot of talking over the last several months. Rob has come to realize that I am going to be around for a while. At first he figured that this was a fling between Angie and I and that it would burn out. He has accepted (if not embraced) the fact that Becca and I are going to be in each other’s lives for the foreseeable future. Becca and I have started to spend limited amounts of time together outside of our foursome. We have also been intimate during these times, with our spouses’ permission and knowledge. Becca had a minor health issue several weeks ago and I was able to visit her and help out with some things around the house and help with her care. It was very nice that Rob trusted me enough to do that for them. Angie is as supportive as ever. She sees how happy Becca makes me and is enjoying some freedoms we have agreed on. Life is good for us. It’s still tricky navigating LS issues, like what to do when we are at the same party but not “together.” But we are working through and enjoying the ride.
  2. So it has been a month and I wanted to fill those who are still interested in on where we are. Honestly, things just keep getting better between the four of us. Becca, Rob, Angie and I have all met up several times over the last 4 weeks or so. Sometimes for playtime, sometimes for vanilla fun. They invited us to a party at their house a few weeks back that was strictly for vanilla folks. We felt very fortunate that we were invited. We took our kids and we all spent the night. The adults kept things strictly vanilla-none of us want to expose our kids to any of this. Though I admit it was very difficult to keep things non-sexual after the kiddos were in bed. We survived though. Rob is still considering letting Becca and I meet up outside of our foursome. He did allow Becca and I to run out for a few things together during their party. He also suggested that Becca and I spend some time together while Angie and he take part in a vanilla group activity that they both enjoy later this summer. It would just be for a few hours-but it’s a big step for all of us. I really like Rob-he is a good man. Becca picked him so I figure he has to be a good guy. Angie is wonderful. She has been rock solid throughout this whole escapade. There have been times when I’ve been down about not getting to see Becca enough- those times Angie has given me the kick in the pants I need to see that I have a pretty great thing going here and I need to be more in the moment and enjoy it. We are still communicating really well. She is getting better at telling me her needs and I have become more responsive to her needs. Becca and I continue to grow closer through phone calls and texts. We keep the calls to times when we are not taking time away from our families. So that means we talk during the day. We are both so grateful that Angie and Rob feel ok with the talks and texting. We’re also grateful that they really have a good time together and share a friendship. It makes things so much easier for us. I have been working towards putting this relationship in a good and proper place. I had been struggling with feelings of loneliness and loss-in that I did not get to see Becca as much as I wanted. But lately, as I’ve come to realize that this relationship might actually work out I’ve been feeling much happier and more secure. The big thing I’ve come to realize is that we all must be open and communicate really well with each other. I have so many of you here on the board to thank for helping me along and doing the right thing. I can continue to update you for those who still have any interest.
  3. I don’t really want to get into a discussion of open vs. poly so here is what my understanding is on the subject. A poly situation between the four of us would be if Angie and Rob also had feelings for each other and we developed into something of a 4-way relationship. Rob and Angie have sex-and she says it’s pretty great sex-and they share a friendship. But it goes no farther than that between them. Since Angie is open and even encouraging me to explore my feelings with Becca the relationship between my wife and I is open. I may be in a poly type relationship with Becca, but I am not with Angie-I am in an open relationship with my wife. That’s really all I have to say about the semantics of the situation.
  4. I have further updates for those who would like to read about them. But first I want to respond to some things Julie and others have raised. Julie, thanks for your input. I’m not sure if you didn’t get around to reading the post I wrote on March 6 but you posted your response after that-so let me clarify. Becca has come completely clean with Rob about our feelings. They have had some long talks about it-and continue to talk about it. Again, as of about 10 days ago everything is out in the open between the four of us. There are no secrets. Angie and I have been doing a lot of reading on open marriage, which is, I think, where we are headed. During our readings we’ve come to the realization that asking one person to meet all of our emotional needs places an undue burden on that person. Think about it, we all have friends we rely on for emotional support. I have one particularly close male friend that I tell anything and everything to. He is meeting certain emotional needs of mine that Angie cannot. Angie has girlfriends that she can talk to about things that she feels she can’t talk to me about. She gets certain emotional needs met by them. Again, Angie is my life partner. We will always be together. We depend on each other for comfort, stability and companionship. We are an excellent parental team. But we have realized that we are not meant to be the end all and be all for each other. We are both okay with each of us seeking loving relationships outside of our marriage. As far as mine and Rob’s relationship, I honestly don’t have any hard feelings towards him. He is a great guy and he has been supportive of Becca’s and my feelings. I feel no resentment towards him. He is still trying to wrap his head around the whole situation and Becca and I are giving him the space he needs. Now, Angie and I got back a few hours ago from spending the night with Rob and Becca. We met up early in the evening; had some playtime and then the four of us went to dinner. After dinner we all piled into their bed and put on an episode of Lisa Ling’s “Our America.” The episode dealt with polyamory. Admittedly, it’s not quite what we’re dealing with here-as I think we are in an open kind of situation. But there we were, laying four across the bed, me-Becca-Angie-Rob, cuddling and watching this show that dealt, kind of, with our situation. Later, Becca and I remarked that it felt very natural to be doing this. She didn’t sense any uncomfortableness from Rob, and Angie told me that she felt very relaxed as well. After the show Rob was quiet for a little bit before turning to Angie and kissing her. Eventually we had a short discussion about Rob’s comfort level about Becca and me. He said that he was doing fine but still needed more time. He’s going to get all the time he needs. Becca has been upfront with him about how she and I would like to spend time alone together. He has told her that he would like to get there for her, and for me, but he’s not there yet. This is fine. Honestly, this is not the train wreck that I (and many of you) suspected it could be. I did disregard my better judgment by giving Becca my phone number-but, so far it has turned out to be a positive relationship. I submit that things are still in the very early stages for all of us and it is best to proceed with caution. I have also discussed with Angie and Becca that I am proceeding with Angela’s permission and that it is our understanding that Angie can withdraw her permission at any time. So, for now we continue on…
  5. Desdemona, I don’t think I will become more Bonded to Becca than Angie, Angie is my life partner, Becca is someone I care very deeply for but I also realize she’s Rob’s, not mine. Rob is the one who is going to go to the company picnic with her, not me. I realize this, and I accept it. I think it can work-if all are on the same page with feelings and honesty. Which leads me into my update… A few days have gone by and there have been developments. When Becca and I spoke last time she told me that she opened up to Rob completely and totally. She spoke to him about us without my asking her to. She said it was a big risk for her to so, as he may have demanded that we sever all ties with each other but felt that the risk was worth it. She felt terrible not being totally honest with her husband. They had a long talk and hashed out her feelings for Rob and I both- and Rob’s feelings about the whole situation. The short story is that Rob is fine with her feeling this way about me. He is still sorting out whether or not he is comfortable with Becca and I spending time together outside of playtime with the four of us. The calls and texts continue between Becca and I, and the communication between Angie and I has not been this open in a long time. In fact, being this open with my wife has helped her bring up some other topics that I didn’t know were problems for her. So we are working on talking through those issues as well. So far this has been a very positive development in my marriage. I will keep you posted.
  6. Thanks all for your responses and input. I’ve had many of these same thoughts myself. Let me see it I can clear up some things for you all give this situation a little more transparency. To LFM2: What does Rob really know? He knows mine and Becca's feelings run deep. I’m certain he knows this because he and Angie have talked about it. Angie wanted to make sure Rob knew because she did not want to be put in an uncomfortable situation where she had to guard what she was saying. I did not want that for Angie either and asked Becca to inform Rob, which she did. What she has not told him is that we have used the L word with each other. When we realized there was a strong physical attraction we both liked it. That’s why we didn’t stop. Don’t you enjoy having sex with people you find physically attractive? Isn’t that what swinging is about? I don’t mean to be flip, but I like having sex with attractive people. Why didn’t stop after the second night? I don’t know. I guess again, because we all like each other and the sex with Becca is really good. I admit, I was/am also enjoying the emotional connection I feel with her. We will not be going against Robs wishes. I respect and like the guy and I’m not about asking anyone to lie. You talked about the whole truth, and I suppose she has not told him the whole truth. That her emotions run more deeply than she has told him. This is a good point and it’s something I need to ponder on. It’s interesting that you think I’m disrespecting Angie and Rob here. I honestly feel that I’m communicating better with Angie now than in the past-and we’ve been pretty open throughout our whole relationship. I guess I disagree with you on that one-but maybe this point needs some more reflection from me. As far as disrespecting Rob-yes, he is not in the loop on everything. This is an issue for me and it needs addressed. Yes, I am acting like a hormonal teenager. Believe me I thought that many times throughout this whole situation. And I have had these feelings for Angie. I still do. I’m finding however that Becca is providing me with emotional support that Angie is unable or unwilling to provide me. Thanks for your input Holly. To Mr and Mrs V.: Sorry. Angie and I have been swinging for several years and this is the first time something like this has happened to us. We are talking a lot and working through it. To mauijanedoe: You said Becca and I are not a unit. You are 100% correct. This is another fact I’ve been trying to wrap my head around. One of the things I’ve told Becca is that we do not belong to each other. I belong with Angie and she belongs with Rob. Rob has no incentive to make opportunities for Becca and I to be together without he and Angie present, I understand and respect this. Don’t like it, but respect it. To swingergirl: No disrespect taken, it’s a fair question, how is my love for my wife. We have evolved into a calm, respectful partnership of keeping house and raising kids. We have both made a lifelong commitment to each other that we both intend to honor. Do we give each other butterflies in the stomach anymore? No we do not. But she is the love of my life. I miss her during the day and enjoy our intimacy during family/alone time. I can’t help but wonder if part of the attraction to Becca is the newness of the relationship and the joy of discovering that someone else finds me interesting, desiralbe and sexy. To coupleerotic22: See my last paragraph to LFM2 and swingergirl. Ultimately, Angie is my life partner but I feel I am getting different things emotionally from Angie and Becca. For Fundamental Law: Just to clear up any confusion, Rob knows there are feelings between Becca and I. He’s aware that it’s more than “just sex” between she and I. It’s just sex between Rob and Angie. You are right though, a further conversation between the four of us is probably long overdue. To Visexual: Thanks! You may be right that this is just an infatuation, I have considered this possibility. I know what my heart feels, and I know what my head thinks. I’m still trying to work out the differences between the two. To all: So here is what I think I need to do. I need to make sure Becca levels with Rob about the extent of our feelings and let the chips fall where they may. If he insists that we end it, so be it. I think the thing that has been bothering me the most is that Rob is not completely up-to-date on were Becca and I are. I shall close my novella now. Thanks all for your attention to my issue. I will keep you current.
  7. I’ve been lurking a while and read a ton here the boards. Now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is not talked about very much on here. I’ve fallen in love with a playmate. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, and from what she tells me she didn’t mean for it to happen either. Let me start by saying I’ve been completely open and 100% honest with my wife, and my playmate Becca tells me that she has been mostly open with her husband. We’ll get to that in a bit. Becca and I met at a club, just a few months ago. From the first I thought she was attractive, I mean let’s face it, we’re here to fuck attractive people, right? My wife, Angie, and I went to the club that night to have some fun. We’re experienced swingers-we don’t play alot, swinging does not rule our lives- but we’ve had our share of fun. The night I met Becca was no different; we hoped to meet some fun people, have some good to great sex, and maybe make some friends we could hang out with on a regular basis. Becca and I both realized pretty quickly that there is a strong physical attraction between the two of us. The sex is effortless and I’ve never fit together with anyone better. After that first night of being together, my wife Angie and Becca’s husband Rob exchanged numbers. Becca asked for my number but I declined, telling her she could just text Angie if she wanted. I don’t normally like to have communication with the women I play with outside of swinging situations. I was not able to get Becca out of my head for the next several days- which is unusual for me. I threw caution to the wind sent her my number via SLS. She texted me a few hours later. Over the next several days we exchanged texts and even spoke on the phone a few times. All with Angie’s knowledge. We all four got together again a few weeks later-and it was even better than the first time. It was that night that I recognized that I had developed emotional feelings for Becca, and I was pretty sure that she had developed similar feelings for me. A few days after we were all together the second time I told my wife about my feelings for Becca. I told her I didn’t know if I was getting our sexual chemistry mixed up with emotion but I thought that could be the case. To my surprise Angie did not freak out. She told me she suspected something was up-given the amount of communication between Becca and I. I took a few weeks to sort out my feelings and spent many more hours talking to both Angie and Becca. I realized that I was probably in love with Becca. And I told them both so. Becca told me she feels the same way. This is not the “oh, I’ve just fucked someone new, I hope they like me best” kind of feeling. We’ve both been with other people since we met and it has not cooled our emotions. This is raw, real and deep. When I told Angie all of this she gave me license to pursue a relationship with Becca and follow it wherever it may lead. I did not ask for this, Angie offered it to me. Angie is secure about our commitment to each other-I am not leaving my wife and Becca and Angie both know that. Becca also has no intention of leaving her husband. Becca has talked with her husband Rob about us and the feelings we’ve developed for each other. What she has not told him is that she thinks loves me, she does not know how he would react to that (here is the mostly open part that I alluded to in the first paragraph). She has told him our feelings are deep but has not gone into how much we care for each other. Rob is completely comfortable with texts and calls throughout the day, but not with Becca and I meeting without him and Angie there-even for lunch or dinner. I completely understand and respect this. I don’t like it, but I respect it. I suspect if the shoe were on the other foot I would feel the same way. I really genuinely like Rob by the way, he treats both Becca and Angie really well-and he and Angie have really great sex together. Angie has told Rob that it’s just sex between the two of them and Rob feels the same way. They have no other feelings for each other past that. Becca and I text every day and talk several times a week; I know about her life and children, and she knows about mine. We have similar interests and lives outside of swinging, we are in similar businesses. We have become emotional rocks for each other. I get emotional needs met from her that I do not get from Angie. Again, I have been upfront with Angie about all this and she is fine with it. So here are my big questions: Do these things really ever work, or are we on the express train to Dramaville? Is it possible to keep something like this going long term? How do we navigate the fact that Rob is not comfortable with Becca and I meeting without him around (again, we will not be going against his wishes on this one) and knowing that he and Angie will want to have more variety in their swinging soon, which will leave less opportunity for Becca and I to be together? Any thoughts from the wise sages on here are welcome. I’m a big boy-if I’ve being naïve about anything please tell me. I can take it.
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