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oldaffair

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    7
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15 Good

About oldaffair

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 06/11/1955

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    mm
  • Location
    Texas
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Again thank you all for your contributions. Just an update I sat down with her the same day I last posted here and told her we needed counselling as I had several issues that were really bothering me. Her response was we should be able to talk it out ourselves. I said I felt they were issues that needed a neutral third party so that it just didn't turn into an argument. So we are now looking for a suitable counsellor.
  2. ROFLMAO yes that's been mentioned a few times. But then again who isn't over 25 years. BTW I liked your suggestion best for using pillow talk to draw it out of her. I think that was the best suggestion of all. But now I know we really need to head for counselling the original question is moot. It just didn't seem important to respond to that anymore. But I am reading and will respond if I feel I can add more.
  3. Nope This guy was her direct supervisor. The company has a no harrassment policy and he would be the front line administrator for any problems. He would be required to know the policy and be prepared to impliment it. The fact is he would have been canned in a heartbeat for asking a direct employee to spend the night in his room. It gets even more interesting when you know that it was him that would send her on this course. It was an entry level course 12-18 months in and there was no way he would have been on it. As a manager he would have completed it years before. It takes place in a major city thousands of miles away from us. He could only have been there if he was attending a managers course. The company would have 60-80 people every week in for training. You fly in Sun night and fly out fri afternoon. They spread their business among several hotels and the higher up the food chain you are the better the hotel and digs are. His course would have been in another hotel entirely. I did some of his early training. He has a reputation of being quiet, dedicated and hard working. Also married and children. I have a hard time seeing him as the type to just proposition someone, especially an employee he supervises directly, to go to his room. Which should have been in a different hotel.
  4. I've read all your posts with great interest even though I don't agree with some of the things said. Some have asked where the mistake was. I accept that women get propositioned all the time. When she told me about it I started asking questions about what happened. The responses were such that my immediate gut reaction was she's lying to me. I've lived with this woman for 25 years and like most long term relationships you can tell when your spouse is being truthful or lying. I didn't have the sense that she was struggling with the memories but more of oh shit I shouldn't have mentioned that now how do I answer questions. There is also context. This was early in our relationship and we had already had incidents such as her disappearing one friday afternoon without a phone call or a note and not showing back up till 3 days later. She went back to her x husband for 3 days and quote {slept on the couch}! Yeah right! Ask me if I believe that one either. About 5 years ago she was heading off on another course for another company. I do all the computer maintainence for the household. It includes cleaning out her email system for junk and deleted emails she is hopeless with computers. I discovered that she joined a speed dating site that morning and had a dozen or so invitations stacked up already. Her excuse- I didn't understand what I was joining. ! Yeah right what part of the word DATING didn't you understand? I started looking further and discovered she'd been searching an old boyfriends name on facebook and google for the last 5-6 months at least 3x a week. This is the boyfriend that she went out with for 4 years or so and then broke up and married her first husband. He had surfaced during their marriage and she went out with him but told me she decided it would be a mistake and got him to take her home. Her excuse for searching now? she was curious to know what he was doing. 3x a week curious? When we started swinging like most couples we had plenty of rules. Every rule violation that happened was her. For instance we had and still do a rule against public displays with partners. T.O.W and I come walking out of their house and discover her and T.O.H standing there in broad daylight in front of the entire neighborhood swapping tonsils and hands going. Needless to say T.O.W went ballistic and I was less than impressed to say the least. We met this other couple whose ideas were that he would have sex with my wife and his wife, or his wife and I could watch him have sex with my wife, but his wife would not have sex with another guy. Yeah right. We declined that invitation but we got along well socially and had a few good evenings together over dinner and conversation. Well one night I'm alone in the hot tub with my back to the pool and I realize all of a sudden that there is a lot of giggling going on and not much swimming noise. When I looked this guy is crouched in the shallow end with one girl on each knee and my wife is giving him a H.J and they're swapping spit. Her excuse was she was drunk and got carried away when the other wife took her hand and put it on his cock. Needless to say we were out of there NOW and had one of the worst fights of our marriage. I was humiliated she went along with them. I could relate a few other incidents like this. For those who will tell me we shouldn't be swinging like this I agree and we have already stopped. Three years ago on new years day she told me she was packing a suitcase and leaving. That one was entirely my fault. I had gotten to the point of hating big parties or parties where I didn't know anyone and would be ready to leave 10 minutes after I arrived. I can't tell you how many places I dragged her out of or sent her alone because I didn't want to go. In this case I dragged her out of a New Years party and left 6 friends behind one of whom had spent hundreds of dollars on food and champagne for an after party we were supposed to go to. The good news is after discussion I understood her need & I realized I had to change that my behavior was no longer normal. I've succeeded to the point that the last few parties I closed down and had to be the one dragged out. The christmas one mentioned before the guy that was chasing her girlfriend came up to me when we were leaving and told me she really enjoyed meeting me and would love to have us for dinner and laid a nice christmas kiss on me and several on my cheek. I went out of there with lipstick marks all over my face. Strange thing is no one noticed until we got to the car and then like holy shit what happened to you. This is a girl that loves to party and socialize so I guess I can view some of the incidents with other guys as being a desperate escapism during the times she did get to party. A little over a year ago she told me that she no longer wanted to have sex with me because I had gotten too fat. I suffered some fairly severe sports injuries to my legs a few years ago and subsequent surgeries have been unsuccessful. I can't walk much without pain and swelling and have a very difficult time working out. Even upper body I have 5 or so rotator cuff injuries, torn my pectoral muscles and injured the lower back. 1 workout= 1-2 days rehab. As a result I have put on weight. After a year of my five fingered friend I announced I was leaving I wasn't putting up with it anymore. So she decided she would have sex again. Problem is I couldn't touch her. Going near her I would lose my hard on or not even be able to get one. I mean what do you say to someone who tells you that you don't turn them on anymore. I mean what is it a mercy fuck??? For those of you that have managed to read this far I thank you. It has been cathartic for me to write it all and read back through it as it's made me realize that we have fundamental problems that exceed the reason for the original post. I'm thinking that the confession and the fact I think she lied was really the straw that broke the camels back. I think without a doubt if we're going to survive past this point we need some serious heavy duty counselling. I honestly believe this woman loves me and I know I love her. I can't even imagine my life without her. I think both of us want to give something better to the relationship but we've lost our way under the weight of these other issues. I know some of you may have some further comment and I will read them but may not respond.
  5. It was 20 years ago to her. It's two months ago to me. I wish I had never asked that question. First rule of sales never ask a question you don't know the answer to.
  6. I agree which is why I'm asking here. I don't want to go postal on this with her. In my heart I don't think she slept with him I believe her when she says she said no. But I know it takes two to tango and I don't believe for a second that they got to the point of him asking unless something was going on before. Today that would be hot and a turn on to me but back then I didn't know about swinging and I can tell you it would have had very serious repercussions in our marriage and even could have ended it. I can't understand why I have such strong negative feelings about an incident 20 years ago that I would welcome today. Honestly I wish someone had treated me like a mushroom and kept me in the dark!
  7. I'm not sure if this is the right forum it's my first post. So here is my story. I honestly don't know which direction to move. First of all we have been swingers for about 4 years and had multiple experiences that for the most part have been fun and successful. We were talking about our Christmas party and having a laugh over some guy chasing her all night . I asked her if anyone had ever hit on her seriously asking her to meet them somewhere or whatever. To my amazement she told me about a course she went on somewhere around 20+ years ago one of the company managers had asked her to spend the night with him. I was a little shocked as I know the guy. More about that later. When I asked why she never told me she said she knew I would go after him and she's right I would have. She told me she just said no she was married and put an end to it. She was kind of vague about the details but I let it go at the time as it was so long ago and obviously dealt with. But like so many little things it's been gnawing at me. You see I was a senior manager for that company. I've been to those courses and I know the format that they run under. Those courses have 15-20 people at them and they share hotel rooms. There would have had to be at least one other woman there if not several. My wife loves meeting new people and she would have loved the opportunity to meet and socialize with them, dinner drinks etc. She's the kind of person that makes instant friends. There is no way she would have just hung out with this guy as he was from her office. There would have been women and other guys in the group. Most of the time after dinner they hang at the bar in groups and talk and network. I can't imagine this guy just walking up to her and asking a question like this. He certainly wouldn't have done it in front of the group. They had to be alone. There had to be liquor involved to get him to a point of doing this and I believe there had to have been some encouraging signs of interest because the simple fact is if I had found out about it I could have ended his career in a couple of calls and he would know that. I can't imagine someone committing career suicide without some encouragement that it would be alright. The bottom line is I don't think she told me the real truth. I'm now wondering and having trust issues. On the other hand it was over 20 years ago. She's with me, we've raised kids been married for over 25 years. We swing and screw other people all the time. If she were to show up with him now to take him to bed I wouldn't sweat it as we no longer work for this company and haven't for the last 16 years. My dilemma is that even though this is 20+ years old to her for me it is fresh and just two months ago. Part of me wishes she never told me. Part of me wants to forget about it and part of me wants to sit her down and demand she come clean. Part of me wants to just say well it's no different than the swinging we do now so what's the big deal but it would not have been acceptable back then. I'm torn. Did she really do something? Did she refuse vehemently? Did she refuse politely? Did she refuse after thinking about it or hesitating? How did she really end up in this situation that came so close? Did she cross any lines? Do I drop it and forget I ever heard it or sit her down and demand the truth. I can't make up my mind. Any thoughts here?
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