BuNNyinmi

the answer is i want to save it more then anything. i know now there is no chance of it being saved if all he sees in things is the lifestyle. i on the other hand i remember to this day what it was about him that i feel in love with even with it being taken away. i know that it can come back but only if he is willing to remember what it was that made him fall in love with me. what makes this even worse is the fact that we have only been together just short of 3 yrs and married 1 yr, 2 months. i believe that short time together has been part of my problem of not wanting to move forward to fast as to not damage our what used to be a wonderful relationship. i know i have said a lot of bad things about him. he can however be and wonderful man if he wants to. it is however only if he wants to and is willing to. right now it is not how he wants to be. i believe you all are correct that my marriage is headed straight for a divorce. even though that is the last thing i want. i am not someone to give up easy on this stuff. i thought i had found the love of my life but that is proving to be incorrect the more we got involved in the lifestyle. oh we talked but it was all about what he wanted and what he thought about things. all my ideas and thoughts i was made to feel were incorrect.

actually what i am saying by us not being to leave the lifestyle is that we become roommates. which means he hates me because then i have taken away the sexist thing in our relationship. when we took a break over the summer there was no relationship. he took away all affection, attention and everything that a relationship is. I tried so hard to get these things during this time but i damaged our relationship by needing the break and i believe he still has not forgiven me for it. i do not want to spread him around that is actually one of my biggest hang ups that he will not accept about me. what we have had when our relationship was good is the most wonderful thing and i do not want to share him or that with others. what it boils down to for the most part is that he feels he has been patient enough for 2 1/2 yrs and i should be moving forward more and faster because he feels he has given me things i have asked to get back. he has given them on his terms and when he wants to give them. we are only human and all need things in different ways. i have tried and tried to be very direct in the way i need the things i have asked for with nothing. What i have asked for are things like: attention, affection, feeling important, sex earlier in the evening, being able to say things i would like to do without him getting mad at me because it is something he does not want to do, some say in the lifestyle who we meet. yes i believe there has been a problem that he would like the control to be all on his part in this relationship but that will not happen. i have let it happen and now i am kisking myself in the ass for it. i was not raised to be walked all over and that is just what i have let happen. now i am trying to get some self respect, self esteem and control back. since i being in this lifestyle my self esteem has dropped and that is the worst thing for any person i believe. and worst of all not feeling wanted by my own husband unless it has something to do with this lifestyle does not help at all. i do thank all of you for reading my very long responces and giving me your honest opinions on all of this. it is very much appreciated.

Ok I am going to try and answer all the questions here. Sorry this is long I have alot of hurt and mistrust in this relationship now. I will tell you now that this will not be talked about anymore because he feels I dwell on things to much. I got another reason from him last night and that was because he finally felt like it was about him. (This is explained further down why he felt that way.) My questions to that is: could he still had that feeling and been with me also? No he could not have been. He gets me when HE wants it so there for it does not count. I ended up in a different room because the couples house we were at the bathroom is right next to there spare bedroom and the other husband stopped me on the way out. Saying to me that I probably did not want to see what was going on and pulled me into the other room. Yes I am to blame also for letting this happen. I did try to go back into the same room and my husband did see this happening. If there were any of the rules he would have thought I was ok with breaking it would have only been the same room one. The whole story for you is this. We started this lifestyle with the idea of me exploring my bi side. That was the fantasy he wanted to see and I was more then happy to do it because I have always been interested in being with woman. Come to find out now that was not the only thing he was thinking of 2 1/2 yrs ago when we started this. Those are his words not mine. We both agreed from day one to take things slow so we both would be comfortable with things progressing. However, I was the slower of the two and his patience has run out and ran out a long time ago. He tells me I did not include him in thing. I was under the understanding that this was for me to explore and if things changed then we would talk about it. The only talking that would ever happen was him stating what other people are doing. And I understand that it is easier for most of the men in this lifestyle to move along faster. My question for all you men that have a wife that has moved along to the full swap is this. Did things change in your relationship as you were exploring and working on the different levels of swinging such as how your personal relationship was taken care of as a priorty? Let me go ahead and answer this question for my relationship and that is no the personal relationship was not the priorty here. Most of the things I got in the first 5 months of our relationship started being taken away as we went further and further down the road. (Attention, affection, support, being able to express feelings and having them accepted, being able to express the things you want to do.) Stupid me I should have spoke up along time ago and stopped what was happening. Then maybe coming out of the lifestyle for a break or whatever would not be so complicated. What I mean by that is that everything is taken away we do take a break. I had to forced a break earlier in the summer because of some health reasons and it was the worst time of my life. He was so against the break that we hardly even said one word to each other. He says it is because he was trying to adjust to me taking away something that was sexy about me. There is way more to me then this lifestyle but I feel he does not see that anymore. As far as the counseling that will never happen. I have asked about it in the past and he states it is just not for him.

Question my marriage is just what I am doing at this point when we talk on the phone and he gives me another reason for saturday happening the way it did because he finally felt that it was about him. I have not appreciated him being patient for 2 1/2 yrs. Stepping away from the lifestyle is not an option at this point because I pay the price with becoming only his fuck partner and nothing more. The case for that is because this lifetsyle has consumed his side of the relationship and he has made our relationship all about it for him. He says it is always been what I want and nothing else. I suppose it has been because all I ever wanted was to be comfortable with my marriage and feel like I was still wanted in my marriage. But I felt so much like I did not measure up enough for him. Thank you for all you responces and support.

No the kissing does not pertain to me kissing other women. It is just kissing the other sex. All he can say about that night is that he was drunk and that is how he wanted to do things. Even after I asked the questions of why if he likes the idea of full swap so much why would he break our agreement and want to risk that it would make me more uncomfortable. He answers that as I am not fit for the lifestyle. No what I am not fit for is his form of the lifestyle where anythings goes from day one.

The same room was his idea because it is a huge turn on for him to see me pleasured by someone else and feeling as he is the one allowing it to happen. I mean the never finish as him not cuming with another female. I was under the understanding though that if we are always in the same room that it would not be as complicated for him to finish with only me. I wish him being ready for more later was the case with him but it is not. Once he finishes he is done for the night. And I do see that is asking for a little much at this point. But I would think there are other things that could take the place of him finishing with only me. The no kissing was agreed upon because it is a very intimate thing that would at least give us some intimacy left for just the two of us. We know several couples that do this. Necking is something to us that is completely different then kissing on the lips. I thought we both believed there were plenty of other places on a persons body that could be kissed with out taking away from us sharing something just for us. Yes there are different view points. He is all for anything and everything and has been since day one with no regard for my comfort level.

We did discuss different things that were important to both of us and came up with the list I posted. He did agree with them. I actually had others that I wanted but let them go because as time went by I realized they were not important enough for me to hang onto. He was involved but just not the way he wanted to be involved. Since day one he has wanted to be a full swap couple. We started this with me exploring the bi side and then moving on to same room sex with own partners and then to soft swap. He has never been happy with any of this. He has pushed all along to move it along faster and faster. Don't get me wrong I did do saturday night for him but I was happy to do it as the other husband is a very attractive man also as my husband is. It was just that we both agreed that there should be some kind of intimacy saved for us after an encounter and these things were the ones we both agreed to. I would held to the rules if anything had happened with me and the other husband and I did atleast hold to the no kissing agreement. Nothing happened with me and him other then oral for him. With that happening I had the hopes that with these agreements at least I could get some sex from my husband but he had finished already and was ready to crash.

I was drunk also and still knew just what I was doing. His response will be that we have been doing this the last 2 1/2 years the way I wanted to do it with not making him feel as if he was included in the lifestyle and activities we did with couples. Well correct me if I am wrong but we started this lifestyle so I could explore my bi-curious side and we are supposed to move forward at a level that we both are comfortable with. If one of us is not comfortable moving forward as fast as the other but is willing to in the future should that level of comfort not be respected. He keeps telling me that this and that is how it is in the lifestyle (refering to how other couples do things) and we should be doing it that way also. I have read 4 books on the lifestyle and every single one has said that we as a couple should make the lifestyle what we want to make it as a couple. Not what the other couples want. He has yet to read one of those books.

My husband and I had our first real full swap this past saturday. We had both agreed to some very simply ground rules. Or atleast I thought they were very simply. They were as follows: 1. Always wear a condom. 2. Always same room. 3. Never finish with the other person. 4. No kissing. Things did not go quite as planned. I ended up being in a seperate room then my husband. I felt a little disappointed that he let that happen but I also did not stop it. Getting to my concern is that my husband did not follow any of the above agreed upon things we set up prior to our first full swap get together. He has tried to blame it on being drunk and thinking me and the other wife talked about things that were going to happen. I am very disappointed in my husband as in the past with any soft swap encounter we have ever had he has always talked to me about things and made sure everything that was happening was going good for me also. He did no such thing that night. His reason for this is because he says he wanted to do it the way he wanted to do it. I could really use some input on this situation.