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genuinegal30

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About genuinegal30

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 12/02/1980

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  • Relationship Status
    F
  • Location
    UK
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. If I introduce an analogy, it might make it easier to explain my position: If I drive a top of the range Ferrari, and it's the latest model, is a beauty to drive - why would I want to a) drive another ferrari with the same specs, or b), consider driving a porsche when I know that it's not going to be as good as the ferrari? How can I appreciate driving other cars, when I already have one that beats them all? Or, you live in a beautiful stunning mansion, and you feel it fulfills everything you want our of a home, why would you by another house to live in when you have everything you want in that beautiful stunning mansion? People generally dont live between 5 different houses do they? They invest in one home, and live most of the time in that house. Or finally, the law of supply and demand - my demand for a product with all the characteristics I want, at a great price, is met by supply, and I keep on buying that product because no other product on the market compares - it offers everything I want. I wouldnt buy another product for the sake of it, knowing it offers the same characteristics and price as the product im really happy with? Hope that clarifies my point in trying to explain my concern of sleeping with other men.
  2. Hi there, im back.... Thank you SO much for all your replies, im so touched at how sensitive and maturely you have responded, it means alot. We had the conversation again last night - it came up through other serious discussions (about where he is in life and wants to go - not in regards to the relationship, but life in general). I did genuinely become emotional and distressed when we ended up speaking about it - well, when he brought it up again. He's still very adamant that he wants to do it. His views changed slightly in regards to swinging, in that for him, its not because he wants sex with a variety of people, he just wants to see me having sex with someone else, or for us to see other people have sex in the room, or them see us having sex. It's the idea for him visually - to see me get pleased by other people (man or woman). He even said that he'd be happy to just stick to more experienced swinger couples in their 40's, he said he'd prefer that. Furthermore, if this is something i'd engage in, he'd be happy for the rest of his life and wouldn't want to have sex with anyone else (which to me is kind of bulls*t). He even said it doesn't have to be something we'd have to participate in every week - just eery 5 to 6 months would be fine - it's not something he'd want to do every week/month. I admit this made me feel a bit better, because if it were an every week or every month act, i don't think id be too happy. I appreciate his honesty enormously, and respect him for that of course i do. I am aware of this and it's a quality I admire about him alot. The jealousy topic: This would obviously not be an issue if it were a case of him watching me with someone else and he were not physically involved with another woman. Despite my high desire for sex and psychological enjoyment of having fantasies of him being with other women, I just dont know how easy it would be to apply in reality. I agree that monogomy is socially conditioned, i have been instructed from very early on in life that sex within a relationship, should just be between two people. The majority of society share this view and generally stick to it because any other option (swinging for example), is deemed as unacceptable in society. There must be a reason why most couples in society do not consider this option, and i suspect they value that socially constructed principle of monogomy and the idealism of two people being only committed to eachother emotionally and sexually. Dont get me wrong, im not under the illusion that fulfilling sex is sustainable over a VERY long period of time, hence why people cheat or break up. So I do understand why there are options such as swinging, or just having open relationships. It takes two very trusting, loyal and devoted, open-minded people to agree to do this. Being competitive by nature, us humans naturally feel intimidated or defensive of other people being better than us - i dont believe that will change, in any capacity. So to engage in swinging is essentially removing that psychological and emotional state of being threatened by competition - how is this possible if it's innate? As for the fantasies I have - I don't feel guilty as such, it's just very difficult to comprehend why i get so turned on by this (and it is my only fantasy that I use every time I masterbate or have sex with my boyfriend), yet I really struggle emotionally and mentally to contemplate this idea in reality. Is it just the deviant nature of the thought which excites me? Or is it an underlying message to suggest it's something I need to pursue in reality? Or is it a mental subsconsiousnes trying to prove to my own security that he only has love and respect for me? So weird trying to interpret it. It's funny but in my former relationship of 8 years (he had a low sex drive and was shy in bed, I was the opposite), we didn't have sex for the last two years of our r'ship and I was even suggesting to myself the idea that I could stay with him (we still got on brilliantly, despite not having sex - he was my best friend), but have sex with other people. Thats because I adored him, but was not getting satisfied sexually. I just find it weird that now this idea is something id never think of introducing and thats because im completely sexually fulfilled with my boyfriend and dont feel the need to see what its like with other men. I do think and realistically at that, that sex between a couple does fade over time, so introducing the idea of swinging or engaging in other visual sexual practices is a genuine consideration if it means keeping the longevity of the relationship going. I suppose im just quite shocked that firstly, he brought it up so soon in the relationship (after 6 weeks), and still after 14 months when at this stage of a relationship, it's still incredible, exciting, rough, adventurous - surely swinging is something that is introduced when both couples feel they have reached a stage where introducing other people will spice up their sex life. It would be interesting to know from you guys how long you had been with your partner before you or both of you had considered swinging? Also, he didn't ask his two other girlfriends if they would swing. I asked him why, and he said his desire for it within a relationship context, only arise in his single days AFTER his last girlfriend and before he met me. His uncle (who is sexually promiscious, and recommended swinging to my boyfriend when he was single), kind of changed his views from then on. So then, he met me - older woman, sexually open and equally on par with him, and thought 'wow, I could do this swinging with someone I really love and have it both ways'. The fact he hasn't done it before is new territory to him, so he knows hes taking a risk if it goes wrong (for whatever reason). I said to him, 'whats to say you watch me having sex with 3 different guys every week and you can clearly see that I react in a much more theatrical (so to speak) way with them, then I would do in bed with you? How do you know you wont get emotionally competitive about it?'. He said he doesn't know, unless he tries, but he thinks that he'll be ok with it. His presumptuous attitude is very unsettling to me, thinking that he hasnt thought seriously about it enough. Why does it always seem to be the woman who has to make more compromises or sacrifices for a man to fulfill his needs - whether thats him moving job, wanting to engage in swinging, or supporting him through major life crisis, but the other way around - and its like guys (most, not all), dont seem to have that compromising bone in their body? For guys it's definitely black and white - if you dont agree to this, or support me with this, there are negative consequences - that never happens with a woman, she'd never place an ultimatum. I honestly do think we sacrifice more in a relationship - and i find it emotionally distressing at times. Back to the swinging - I dont know how I would feel having sex with another man, seriously. Because at the moment, my fantasies consist of him having sex with other women, not me having sex with other men. To be honest with you, in ALL honesty, I would do it, but i would emotionally disconnect and would only perform for my boyfriend. If a good looking guy, for example, were to try and touch me sexually on a night out, no matter how horny I was, I wouldnt be interested. Know why? Because my boyfriend is absolutely incredible in bed (i have genuinely said to him - he's too good to be in a monogamous relationship), and I know if I tried to have sex with other men, well, my boyfriend has set the bar REAL high so it would be hard to beat, so id find it hard to believe id find even better pleasure having sex with other men to be honest. Im being serious here, but if i was single, and I could enter the escort industry, through a safe, secure, reputible agency, I would definitely do it. In answer to someone's post - yes, we do have rough sex, in fact in 99% of cases, we very rarely make love. He could interpret is as making love on occasions, but in all seriousness, it involves ALOT of rough sex, with him in dominant positions. I thoroughly enjoy it, dont get me wrong, but sometimes, it would be nice if it was 50/50. He also enjoys being in a submissive position, for anal pleasure - he's NEVER had that done before by any other woman, I introduced it after months of telling him how much hed enjoy it. And so, he tried it and said they are the most intense orgasms he's ever had, and oh my, can I tell, haha. It's soooo funny how I really get turned on in my fantasies by him having rough degrading sex with different women, yet why on EARTH can I not accept this in reality!?!? Maybe, if we met up with an experienced couple in their 40's, respectable, understandable, had a chat with them, and for me just to see what the environment would be like, then I might consider it. Its probably going to be a case of me gradually taking one step at a time. Otherwise, if I feel like it's emotionally destroying me, and completely fracturing my moral compass, then i'll have to walk away. It's mad - he says im the best and most loving girlfriend he's ever had, yet if this is something im not going to seriously consider then he pretty much inadvertedly suggested there will be negative consequences (in a nice way, not disrespectful). Amazing how much people are willing to take risks of losing someone incredibly special, to satisfy their own sexual desires when if you look at the entirity of the relationship, we're a brilliant match. Sad....
  3. Yeh ok, i know you're right, but i thought swinging (from a guys perspective) was supposed to be about pleasing me, but i get the sense its just all about him...
  4. Well, I'm here (as to be expected) because of my boyfriend's desires to swing in the near future. He is 23, very high sex drive, sexually liberal (has been to a swinging club before, on his own when he was single), and is very open and honest about his past (maybe too honest) and what he would like. Me, I'm the conservative one, despite having a very high sex drive myself and being adventurous - the involvement of other people is something I'm not yet convinced about because of my feelings of jealously. Hes a very good looking young man, a charmer, fit body, incredible in bed, and honestly...I look at him and think he is wasted being in a relationship. I also feel like I'm not enough despite him saying I am enough and how he loves our sex life...for the time being. I'm 31, and might explain the level of my sex drive, so we are in sync in a physical capacity, but values and attitudes wise, we're out of sync. I honestly wish I had the ability to detach my emotions, and most of the time I wish I was a man (less emotional hassle). We've only been together 14 months, and he mentioned about his past sexual experiences and expectations within a relationship after about 2 months of being together, and it really unsettled me and assumed he was just trying to impress because I was older than him. I honestly believe that if I don't agree to swinging, he'll only go and do it behind my back anyway, so is it wrong to be completely altruistic and do it for him? I don't know..... I feel like I'm not enough, despite the regular hot sex we have where in most if not all of the time, he likes to be very dominant. It is rare that its just making love to be honest. This is the weird thing. When we're having sex or he is giving me oral sex, or i am masturbating with him, I fantasize about him having dirty, degrading hardcore sex with girls - and i picture him with this girl in a club, or alleyway, and just treating her with complete degradation. What does this represent EXACTLY? Yet if this happened in reality, maybe...behind my back, I'd be devastated, and I don't understand the dichotomy between the two - fantasy and reality. My boyfriend says that people should always try out their fantasy, but I think sometimes...it is best staying a fantasy. He adores and love me, and is mad about me. I couldn't ask for anymore attention, affection and compliments. I wish there was a magic pill that would allow me to diminish any feelings of jealousy/resentment and just allow him to have sex with other woman and me not be bothered by it. I don't know how I would feel watching him have hot sex with another woman, despite me fantasizing about it a lot. He says he wants to do it as a couple, doesn't want to do it as a single man. I dont know whether it is an excuse for him just to have sex with different women all the time, or whether he genuinely would love to see me with another woman. I'm confused.
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