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countrygal

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About countrygal

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 05/18/1980

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Occupation
    RN
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughtful responses and am truly honored to have such people take time to provide the wonderful different views on my situation. Thank you. I have a small update. Last evening after dinner I actually cornered him before he left and told him to either talk to me about it, or pack more stuff. I had tried all other approaches and the temper in me came out. I apologized to him that this happened but until he can sit and talk to me about this, then there was no need for him to keep me hanging by a string. It has been all I have been able to focus on and I cannot let other things like my job go to focus on him. It actually worked. He and I sat and again he expressed his feelings and said he had been trying to work it out in his own mind on his feelings. He said it was not so much about the sex part, but he was very insecure with himself since he had never seen me that shall we say "excited" during sex. I explained to him that it was all new to me as well and that yes, I am not going to lie I enjoyed it. It was not about his lack of physical ability or his "size" that made it enjoyable as much as it was about all of us participating in it. I told him I actually felt closer to him that night because he had put so much trust in me. I don't think he is or will be able to determine sex vs. emotions. Long story short, he is planning on coming back home for good tonight and we are going to try and work this out, but I told him that in order for this to work we had to try some type of therapy or set aside some time each night to discuss not only this, but our feelings. Being a man, I do not think that is what he wants to do, but is agreeable. He said he will try anything for his children. I doubt there will be any sexual activity between us for some time but that is okay with me as long as we are communicating. I believe I can rebuild his self esteem he so says he lost over a period of time and I can promise that I will not be on any further swinger site but this one again. That is off limits until further notice. My husband is the world to me and I actually used the quote from Fundamental Law that there is always a bigger penis but it does not mean I want that man for my husband. I told him there are a lot of women that are better than I out there and it is just natural to be attracted to that. Thank you Fundamental Law for that. He was very responsive to that and understood and hopefully can separate sex from love. He has never had a drinking problem and I don't believe he does now. I believe he was using that as an escape however it would make him think more about it with clouded thoughts. I will be watching that however. Again, I want to thank all of you for taking your time to assist me. I believe once we begin communicating again, then I can have a chance to try and make this better. As for swinging, well as the saying goes, to each their own. It is just not for us, at least not right now, and might never be. I know a couple that I met online that has been doing it for years and their marriage is stronger than any I have ever seen. So it appears it is just up to the couple and their security. I believe our marriage is secure, it seems that my husband was insecure within himself at the time we did it. Good Luck to all of you and I will keep everyone updated as we progress. This is such a great outlet and wealth of information for so many variations of issues. Thanks again.
  2. Want to thank everyone on here for the wonderful information I have received and read and am working on fixing what I might have messed up. This is my first post but I would love to hear any comments or thoughts on my situation. I apologize as it is quite the long story but I want to make sure all is told. My husband and I have been together 5 years this coming June. For the past year we had been discussing swinging and thought it would spice up our lives that had become so redundant. (his initial idea, then it became my obsession) We had great sex with each other at first while talking about it in bed, and I wanted to take it to the next level. So much so that I joined just about every single swinger website and started talking to many people. I found one particular guy I was really interested in. This man was incredibly well built and very large down below. Just what I thought I wanted. Husband and he spoke for a couple of months and my hubby liked his personality. Well, after beating around the bush another month, I told him I was ready one day and had set it up. I did for that following weekend and we got all the arrangements made with the babysitter, hotels, etc. The man showed up just on time and we had some small talk before it all took off. The act itself for me was amazing. My husband appeared to be enjoying it as well. The man left and the husband and I spent the night at the hotel. I was in pure bliss. I haven't felt like that in as long as I can remember. It wasn't until the drive home I suspected anything was wrong. My husband was extremely quiet and when I would ask a question, it was very short answers. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. It was uncomfortable and I was thinking that would be all we would be talking about. Not one mention of it the whole ride home. When we arrived home, he kissed and played with our children a few minutes then disappeared into his office. I tried to go in and make small talk to just see how he was and if I could get any information out of him and he said it wasn't a good time to talk about that since he was working on a big project. He did not come to bed that night. I awoke the next morning to find him already gone to work and on a Sunday. It was unusual but I figured it was his project he wanted to get done. I left him 3 voice mails over 5 hours before he called me back telling me he would be home late. That has not happened in the 5 years we have been together. I suspected something and so I had my sister watch my children while I went to ask him if he was okay at his office. He was not at his office. I spent over two hours trying to find him before I finally saw his car at the bar. I went in and there he was drunker than I had ever seen him with a pad of paper on the table and a note to me half written telling me he was leaving. I WAS DEVASTATED. I am not sure if it was the alcohol, or the stress he must have been under but he let it all out. He said that the whole experience has left him shattered as a man and he can never look at me the same again. I just sat and listened and cried. He said the sounds I made with this other man, the enjoyment I was having, and the constant obsession I apparently had over doing this has broken his heart and he doesn't feel that he will ever measure up again since he has never seen me so pleasured. He said he thought it was great to talk about at first, but then he got disinterested while I kept on obsessing about it. He was right. I had ignored his comments about taking it slow and just exploring the ideas, and I acted on it before I even really spoke to him about it in detail. At first we were interested in going slow and trying things with couples, then it was lets just see what happens when it happens and I developed it into a single male 3 way without realizing what I had done. He said he just went along with my ideas on it thinking it would eventually get out of my head and once we did try it, it would be done with. I tried to tell him that I was sorry and that he should come home and we could talk about this once he sobered up. He wouldn't. He said he needed some time to think and he already had a hotel room. He said if I loved him like I said I did, I would give him some time. He said this was something that can't be undone in his head and he has to try and figure out how to live with it. It has been two weeks now and he still comes home everyday to see our children and eat dinner with them, but then leaves without even saying so much as bye to me. I am trying to give him his space but I am not sure if I should be doing more to try and get him back. I love him with all my heart and I don't want him to think less of me. Is my marriage broken forever? I asked him to go to therapy and he refuses to even talk to me right now about anything but finances or the children. I have even showed up at the hotel unannounced to see if there was someone else and every time I have, he is there alone with usually a bottle of liquor when before he only drank a couple of drinks per night after dinner. I am honestly worried I have not only destroyed my marriage but have destroyed him as well. Any thoughts or anyone ever heard of experiences like this that worked out? I appreciate any comments. Thank you for listening.
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