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cristleswing

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  • Content Count

    9
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Community Reputation

15 Good

About cristleswing

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 09/06/1982

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    tampa
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. What he is saying is the cold hard truth RIGHT NOW and I understand. The truth is that I have no clue how I will feel under all of these conditions and how could he? I have never been pregnant or sick and neither has he, how could we have any way of predicting how we would feel. Is it safe to assume that men mature and grow in trying times too and hopefully rise to the occasion? I trust him with life matters and loyalty. He is a good man who is reliable and responsible. I am not sure how to understand the polarity of his messege. He says marriage is forever and he wants to be loving and supportive of me yada yada.... how can he be so irrational in this department to say that it would be unacceptable for me to want to take a swinging hiatus once in a while. From what I've gathered its normal and necessary for all couples to take a break to deal with life, regroup and reconnect etc. I think everyone deserves the right to change, grow and experience their life freely without fear of losing their best loved one. The thought that keeps running through my head is that if someone loves you and they want to commit to be your partner in life, through thick and thin, then that means knowing that things will change, for better and for worse BUT you stick with the PERSON not the convenience of the arrangement. How can anyone commit to these things NO MATTER WHAT. It just hurts my feelings that he is more concerned about the arrangement and what he is getting out of it than the health and continuation of our relationship. Essentially, I am hearing that strange is more important than me. I dont mind that he likes strange and some sexual deviance, so do I! but when it takes precedent over me THAT is a problem, no? That is the message I am getting and I hope I'm wrong because this would mean that I could never say no to sex with strangers, no matter what? What do we call forced sex acts again?... rape, sexual abuse? I understand its not forced but what would you call a "do this or else.... (I'll break up with you)" situation? Tell me, who the heck could live with that?! If that is in fact what he is saying then that by definition is NOT love and not marriage, for better of worse. Its a convenient arrangement, for one of us. I really appreciate all of your input!! I am just getting fired up now and venting a little grrrr.... thanks for listening
  2. Btw alura, the way you two handled everything regarding when to swing/not swing is exactly how I envisioned myself wanting to. Do you think you knew and agreed upon those boundaries when you got married? did you talk about these things or did you just wing it?
  3. Thank you Alura! I am sorry to hear about the passing of your wife, it seems like you two had something truly special and really put each other first. I really appreciate your thorough and frank advice and your sharing the details with me. Fyi, I am 29 and he is 32. This makes him sound like a villain. He IS a wonderful man in so many ways but, yes, not very mature, as you insinuated. If I could share the positive details and stories it'd be a fairy tale! but this is the thorn in our side and as true blue as you put it, it may be a deal beaker. God I hope not
  4. Thank you! Yes, I would agree that it is taking a larger toll on me than I realize and growing larger everyday. I have been growing and learning about this for a year and enjoying it all along the way. But Recently I feel he has gotten more and more pushy about it, less and less respecting of my boundaries and feelings, and more insistent that we couldn't exist without swinging. His behavior really turns me off to the while thing! It no longer feels like something we, as a couple in love, are enjoying together. It's more like something I'm pressured into doing or else I cant keep him. This worries me for the future obviously. I do not want to find my self in a contingency plan with houses and kids on the line, what a mess! Isn't this supposed to be fun? Last I checked it shouldn't include ultimatums, but loving cooperation and understanding. I'm willing and INTERESTED in going forward, but not like this. I would like to know how other couples usually handle pregnancy, illness etc. I've never ben either and can't imagine how I'd feel about sex or swinging. I do know that I would at least like the option to opt out if it just gets too heavy and know that he has my back bc he loves me. Any stories?
  5. My last post was quite helpful so, sad to say, here I am again. I am still trying to work through some issues and I have absolutely no one to talk to since I do not know or have any experience with any other swingers. I apologize in advance for the long post but I feel it is necessary to provide all information in order to get good feedback. I am hoping that maybe this could help people like me in the future... My bf and I have hooked up with various single females and couples over the past year or so when the opportunity presented itself. We have agreed to only swing when we are both interested and present. We have not been to any official swinger parties/clubs/meetups. We've hooked up with all vanilla friends. About 3 months ago he proposed and I said yes. I have always known that swinging is and always probably will be important to him. I enjoy it in the moment but could ultimately take it or leave it, I more or less enjoy watching him get pleasure out of it, so why not?! BUT, now that we are engaged I have all of these nagging questions that make me SO uneasy. What happens while I am pregnant? when we have a new born? If I get ill and dont want to swing? What would happen to us and our marriage if I asked to put swinging on hiatus? would he survive? What do the rest of you do? Also, I feel it is very important for a couple to be in a good place before participating in any swinging. He is a pilot and we are already suffering the effects of him being away so much. He shudders at the thought of going 90 days without "strange" and has asked that we make a pact to never go longer than that. This lead me to ask if "I am enough" for him or if I will always have to worry if whether of not he got his fix or if he will get it somewhere else. He said, "no, I'm sorry, but you are not enough. I will always be this way." That is workable for now but what about for the rest of our lives? through all the crazy turns that life might throw? I do not want to be sick or big & pregnant and be worrying about him and his need for "strange". Arent these priorities so backwards?! OMG!! help!
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