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Valha

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Valha last won the day on March 29 2012

Valha had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

18 Good

About Valha

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 07/09/1970

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Ohio
  • Swinging Experience
    < 1 year
  • Anniversary
    1990

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    MNT_Couple
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Escape
  1. Hello everyone it's been way too long since we've posted here! We've been busy swinging and having a blast.. yes life has been very good. We must say, that much of the success is due to the great advice from the people of this board. We read this thread and it brought us right back to when we were first starting out.... So to add to this conversation, we can tell you that more often than not, we go out to the clubs now with the sole intention of having a great time together. We always end up dirty dancing together, hopefully making a new friend or two, and depending on the mood of the club that night, end up in a private room together or sometimes putting on a show for the lurkers If we happen to make that 4 way connection and everyone is good to go, wow, then it's just that much more magical. Our best advice for new couples... talk, talk, talk, and don't hold back with discussing your fears and anxiety about the lifestyle together, and when you're really stuck on an issue, come here and read the forums and search for topics related to your current situation. There is a wealth of info here! We hope you guys come back and keep asking questions. Welcome, and good luck!!
  2. The last time we played with a couple, we picked right up on the conversations we were having before it got all hot and heated. Then we talked for about 30 minutes afterwards and a few more hugs and kisses were stolen Generally, if we don't feel that level of comfort with someone while meeting, we'd never even hit the playroom in the first place. A rather unique situation happened one time when we noticed this couple as it was getting late while out at a club. We sort of followed them around (ok, we chased them down!) and sat next to them in an open play area. The couple was going at it so Mrs V and I started going at it. Next thing you know, we're all full swapping and what not. Afterwards, we alll asked, hey what are your names? It was very funny, but got even more funny when we all realized we had been chatting with each other weeks prior online and hadn't realized who each other were until after the orgasms!
  3. Why are you missing the all-important point here?? The other gal isn't the one you need to talk to about this, it's your wife!! BEFORE you meet up with them again. I'm sorry but in my eyes you've already crossed the line- not because you fell in love as you say, but because you aren't giving your wife the respect she deserves by honestly communicating with her! I'm ABSOLUTELY ASSURED you would want her to tell you about it if it was the other way around. Now the question is what kind of man do you want to be? You know damn well you are at that fork in the road....
  4. Hi, Mr. V here. Not to get side tracked but don't you think there is a good chance that this guy picked up on your "not feeling sexy" and that had a lot to do with his performance issues? Not all guys are just horny dogs that only need sex. Personally, I couldn't make it with the hottest super model if I sensed she wasn't digging it too. In retrospect, I believe you had the right idea to take a break, so cancelling this playdate may have been the better idea for all involved. What's done is done, no big deal, but point is I believe you are completely correct in staying exclusive with hubby until you can work this through. Speaking from experience, details and nature of the 'rift' between you not relevant, only with time together to allow the emotions to quell a bit can each of you truly see the other person's side and why each acted (or failed to act) in a certain way. This also gives both of you time to reflect on one's own self on how each could have done things differently. More importantly then, you two will gain some insight on how you will do things better together in the future. Good luck to you, from the little history I have about you I have very good vibes that this will just be another event that brings you and hubby even closer and happier than you were even before. Just give each other the time and respect you both deserve.
  5. I see the big problem here as her lack of honesty. Hooking up with this guy seems to have been more important than being honest with her husband. Trust is breached and therefore a big problem with the relationship is at hand. Just because they've both fucked other people has no bearing on the situation. Why be married if both partners can just fuck whoever they want and lie about it?
  6. Mrs V. and I talk occasionally about her someday experimenting with girl/girl but right now she is not interested and says she will keep an open mind about it. So while I have made it known to her in past conversations that I would enjoy it, I rarely bring it up or push her. And yes, we both get peturbed when someone claims they will 'convert' her to bi because they are completely disrespecting her feelings towards the issue. The gall! The biggest crap that has happened lately is we had a couple contact us on Swing Lifestyle (our profile clearly says we are both straight, not just in the stats but we spell it out in the profile, too). Well, this couple contacts us, we go out to dinner with them, seem to all hit it off. Then the following day the husband of the couple is emailing Mrs. V back and forth, now asking to see our nudie/x-rated gallery. Mrs. V tells him she would like to wait for Mr. V to open it up, then asks him I guess you're into meeting again then, huh, tells him we both liked them too. He then emails back and says no, we really are looking for the female half to be bi!! WTF! So..... 1. why did you even contact us in the first place given our Swing Lifestyle profile? 2. why didn't you say at dinner it would be a requirement 3. you douchebag trying to perve our personal galleries when you don't even want to meet again? Man I was pissed. Take your bi wife and leave us alone! Ok, thanks for giving us the opportunity to rant & rave on that one, this topic fit the bill! Well, we've met plenty of couples with a bi female who have insisted that Mrs V. being straight is not a problem for getting together / playing. We've had to pass up some opportunities though, because we didn't trust the other female half to respect that boundary, while the ones we have played with (with bi female) that we felt good about behaved themselves wonderfully. They make some comments about Mrs V's hotness and all that is fun, but they have been luckily very respectful for the most part. Hang in here, there's plenty of couples out there for you, just keep looking and let them know early on what you guys are looking for.
  7. An excellent thread for Mrs V. and I to read. We have found one couple we hit it off with and were making preliminary plans to do a little road trip with and/or a Vegas trip with in the Spring, sharing a 2BR condo that would have common living areas. We're discussing all of the potential issues that this type of trip can bring up. We don't want to do anything that would hurt our relationship and just as important do anything that would hurt the other couple's relationship. It can't be stressed enough: good communication is key. We don't want to be a poly couple but would find it great fun to enjoy "friends in the LS" for vacations, etc.... Even though we're not talking about taking seperate trips like the one in this thread, there would still be plenty of opportunity for extended flirting/bonding with the other couple, or say if one spouse needed a nap or early evening rest. I believe it can work fine and be fantastic fun as long as certain rules are paramount. Reading this thread, we see a whole lot of examples of what not to do.
  8. Oh, I can be devious!!! And I can't deny at times I'm sure she had sensed some disappointment from me, but it's been hard at times when it's right in front of my face (literally!). But I've done my very best to stay cool about it, I haven't pushed her or even brought up "want to play with them?". So in all honesty, I'm learning that my best course of action is to let Mrs V choose/decide on potential playmates and I'll just either agree or disagree. I think I was letting the excitement get the best of me a little earlier on and it was making her uncomfy without me realizing it. 'Down boy'. So I've decided to let her do the emails for now and let her bring up if she likes someone at a club. This is REALLY new ground for us, and again this morning she mentioned what an awesome time she had with this other couple and is now looking at which Halloween parties to hit. I'm just along for the ride although I haven't figured out yet whether I'm on a roller coaster or a trolly! I'm just going to hold on and have fun with it.
  9. Mr. V. here. Thanks everyone for your input and support. I'm happy to say that we've been moving ahead steady as she goes. We've been out to clubs several more times since my last post. Mrs. V enjoys pole dancing (she's really good at it!) and we enjoy dirty dancing on the dance floor (in a way we'd get arrested for at a vanilla club ). I have to admit I have been a little frustrated in some ways because while Mrs. V had put the brakes on playing with anyone else, I have felt kind of like a kid in a candy store that wasn't allowed to eat any of the candy! Has it been only two weeks? LOL. Well, I haven't made too much mention of it because that may only come across to her as putting undue pressure on her. I'm just along for the ride, man. Anyways, my being patient and willing to totally give up the LS for our happiness has allowed me to appreciate the life we have together, and I believe she has seen how deep my love really is for her. Well just this week Mrs V has been feeling really good about trying to meet more couples for potential playmates, without any nudging from me, and has taken it upon herself to seek out some people on Swing Lifestyle, send email invites, and seriously start seeking out potential playmates at the clubs. Well, last night by chance we met up with a couple in the LS at a local club that we really enjoyed just hanging out with in the past. We had great conversation, ate together, danced, then danced more, then the girls danced on the pole while the guys watched, then the girls gave lap dances to the guys, then switched partners for some lap dancing. While the girl from the other couple was dancing on my lap I told her how nice it would be to do this back in a private room and she agreed that it would be. I quickly explained to her how we haven't been playing with others and that it would depend on Mrs V. She was so nice and completely understood. I told her basically how Mrs V had been feeling (see title of this thread) and she explained like others have that by far sex is always better with her beloved partner, but it would be fun to play with us, too. About an hour later of talking, dancing, mingling with others, etc, I told Mrs V when we had the chance at a bathroom break what me and this girl had talked about. Mrs V. seemed excited about getting with them and thought if there was a lot more interaction between all of us (meaning she could play with me and him together while both of us gave attention to the other girl too) that maybe she'd have a lot more fun. Well, soon after, the couple came over and said they were going to go to a room and play and asked if we wanted to join just to watch or join in if we wanted. I looked at Mrs V and she said "it's up to you", I laughed and said "don't leave it up to me you know what I'll say!" (she knew what I'd say) then Mrs V said "sure, let's go have fun". Well, a day later after talking with Mrs V, this experience for both Mrs V and I (and the other couple) was nothing short of the stuff you'd read in Penthouse Forum. What an experience! I may write about it in Swinging Experiences if I get the chance. Going forward, I think I'll try to temper my enthusiasm about what has happened and continue to just go out with Mrs V, when she wants to, and continue to just enjoy fine evenings with her. I'm going to try not to expect these encounters to happen, and instead just enjoy them if and when they do. Being patient, true to my wife, and staying at her pace sure pays off when that lightning does strike!
  10. Also Mrs. V and I found this response by Alura in a similar thread which is excellent. I'm all for taking time off but Mrs V. wants to keep hitting clubs, dressing in the sexy outfits, doing the exotic dancing, meeting people and see how it goes. I'm ok with this as well, but I told her we need to talk alone about what will happen when we find a couple she'll want to play with (or single guy) because believe me she will attract many. I just want her to be quick to honestly verbalize to me what she is feeling at any given heated moment. Maybe we need to learn some ASL hand signals!
  11. All good answers so far and its helping me put things into perspective. Some other info you need to know- her question specifically came about after we took a drive to try a well-reputed club. The club was a lot of fun, 95% couples (about 120 people there), but mostly a crowd well older than us. I was attracted to 'maybe' 4 women there while there were 'maybe' 2 guys she would have liked, so only 2 potential couples. One couple was already heavily involved in a date (they all arrived together). The other went south really quickly when the guy insisted he could convert Mrs V to be bi. (I thought to myself you could convert every girl lesbian). Anyways Mrs. V and I had a great time together tearing up the dance floor and it was on the drive home she was seriously asking this question. Now to Vegas Lee- since this, I have repeatedly asked her would you like to just stop all this? Because I'm definitely willing to for her and for us. She cant say for sure, but she has mentioned: - sex is better with you. - the MFM was fun because she still got to have me too, and the guy made her cum 3x. - the other play partners (counting on one hand here) were lacking. So to me, on one hand, she has a hard time expressing what she wants out of swinging even though she enjoyed the MFM and on the other hand the male halves of couples we have met so far haven't 'done it' for her. So, I'm not pushing her or trying to convince her to continue, she loves the club atmosphere and exotic dancing and wants to continue, but I thought it might help to hear in your own words (especially the ladies) what excites, motivates you all in swinging? Because for us, its been very time consuming finding potential play partners to fulfill the fantasy.
  12. Hi, Mr. V. here. We have enjoyed some limited play experiences, some great, some so so, and Mrs. V all of a sudden is wanting to put swinging on hold and here's her reasoning why- She says that so far, none of the sex is as good as she has it with me so she's asking "what's the point?". I say because I've enjoyed watching her getting pleased from a new perspective and enjoy her coming back to me, and I've enjoyed new experiences and coming back to her. We've had great 'reclamation sex' too so I cited that as a reason. Is she expecting too much? Maybe we need to be a lot more selective in partners? Anyways, I welcome your thoughts on this and how you would answer her question "if sex is so much better with my spouse, why swing at all?"
  13. For us, that's pretty much how our second club experience went, except we still had two set in stone non-negotiable rules: #1: same as above, if either wanted to, we would both stop & leave together #2: condoms for intercourse We were very happy that #1 only came about mutually after lots of #2 had us worn out!
  14. Hi, Mr. V here. I consider us very new to this even though we have had a couple of awesome experiences. Therefore I'll refrain from giving advice but just share with you how Mrs. V and I approched our first club experience. Our first visit to a club (was an on-premise club) we had set some simple rules in place. 1. At any time either of us was uncomfortable and wanted to leave, we were out of there. 2. We would only play with each other and be up front about that with the other party goers early in any conversation. For us, this policy worked wonders as #1 never came up at all, and #2 had a lot to do with it because neither of us felt any pressure whatsoever. Also, stating to the other party goers early on in a conversation let them know we weren't going to play with them and allowed us to just take in the whole experience of what the club was like, how all this worked, and just allowed us to have an amazingly fun night out together. Afterwards, we had LOTS of interesting things to talk about, too. It helped us tremendously. We also felt comfortable enough to play together while others watched- it was HOT! I guess the point is, set some very simple boundaries that will allow you both to be comfortable and stick to them. I'm curious, have you discussed any more about how she will enjoy or be jealous about watching you with another woman? I think it's important that you have discussed this.
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