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cluelessnoob

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About cluelessnoob

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 11/28/1979

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Alabama
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. Well, thanks again. I guess it isn't going to work out after all. She sees this as me trying to change her, as me getting what I want, and her being suppressed. I made it clear that the choice was hers, and but as I can't accept this part of her life, she feels that I don't accept her for who she is, despite admitting that it was a problem. I want to thank you all for taking time to read what I had to say, and giving me your advice.
  2. As it stands right now, I've got her admitting and accepting that the underlying reasons for this aren't healthy, and she says she wants to get help. You're right, I chose my words poorly, I know I can't help her. That has to come from within. I'm gonna stick with her, see her through what I can. And from that, hope that it all turns out okay.
  3. This was a thought I had as well, as she's compared this more to an addiction than anything. I've been talking to her about it all weekend, and I've come close to both giving in and letting her go do this on her own, and going full swing back the other way and just giving up and moving on. But, I love her, and overall that's making me, more than anything, want to help her and see whether or not it's something that is a real psychological problem, and if there's help.
  4. Thank you all for your insight and advice, I really do appreciate it. I think my biggest concerns are the newness of this relationship, not yet having that solid trust and lack of insecurity that comes with time. I've asked that I be given time to take this slowly, at my pace, when I feel I may be ready, but what scares me in this is that from what I've gathered, it isn't a lifestyle choice that she isn't willing to wait for, but more a need that she says she may not be able to stop herself from doing, even though she's actually said that she doesn't want to do this anymore, but again, cannot stop. I've made a compromise with her, for the time being, in saying that what I want for now is a one on one relationship with her, to give me time, not only to help build our relationship, but to give this some more thought, and in that time, I'd be accepting of a female partner joining in the near future. I have alot of my own issues to work out with the other male that stem from past relationships ending because of a cheating partner who lied and tried to sneak, yet I knew what was going on. I didn't think it was too much to ask, and I did give some on what she wants, I just hope that she loves me as much as I do her, and will give me some time to make this decision. Thanks again everyone.
  5. Well, there are a few more points I feel I should throw out. There has been sexual abuse in her life, which she admitted to me today, and a feeling that she doesn't deserve to be loved. She's unsure as to whether what she's doing is just for some sort of sexual gratification or not, but has stated that she feels maybe she needs help and that what she does is for the wrong reasons. The one-sided rules that she had weren't so much a basis of how she wanted things to be all the time, just how they would be if I didn't go for a MWM encounter. She's expressed many times that the encounter would go much differently if I did agree to the MWM thing. I don't really feel that it's a selfish motive driving it, and it'd be naive of me to say something like "love would make you not want to do this", as it's been said that some people just aren't cut out for sexual fidelity. But the comment of, basically, give me what I want, and you can do more. I'm not completely opposed to the idea, I just want to be able to take my time and do this at my pace, if that's where things take me. You're right, I do love her, and don't want to lose her. I just take things like her saying she can't stop, rather than she won't stop, as there being a little more to it than fulfilling some kind of sexual gratification. Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but I'm a very analytical person.
  6. I guess what I'm looking for here is some advice. My girlfriend, of a few months now, came to me and told me that for the past few years, she's been into something similar to swinging. She either hosts or attends parties where these people get together, drink, have a good time, and eventually, everyone is having sex with someone. She told me there are a couple of guys that she's had regular encounters with, and I assume that these men would be who she'd want to engage in what she's asking. She came to me and asked me if I would allow another female to come into our sexlife on occasion, and then told me that she really wanted a MFM encounter. She had been in the situation where she was going to do it, before me, and I guess she couldn't go through with it. She says she can do it now, and wants me to be one of the men involved. I have to admit that when I was a teenager or in my early 20's, this would have been like a dream come true. I'm 31 now, and as soon as she presented this to me, I'm finding it hard to get past the jealousy I feel even by thinking about it. After a lot of thought, it would be difficult for me to have either a male or female come into our sexlife, but overall I think it'd be easier with a female. It kind of feels like with a man, my place as her man is being compromised, even if only at the time of the encounter, whereas a female doesn't make me feel threatened at all. I've explained this to her, so she told me that if we brought a female in, I wouldn't be allowed to do anything to her, which doesn't bother me really, as I'm only entertaining the idea of this for her benefit. She said that if I couldn't bring a man in, I HAD to let her have females, but I know that she would prefer the 2nd male. Basically, I guess I'm wondering if I'm wrong for feeling the way I do, as our relationship really has only just begun and now I'm being asked to share her already, albeit only physically. I understand this is something she's into, and as she explained, it's something she "can't stop doing" because conventional sex is just too boring. But I kinda feel like I'm being pressured into it, as the conversation has turned to, as I said, that she can't stop. I mean, if I agree to it, I have to learn real quick that she loves me, and not to be jealous or insecure. If I don't agree to it, and she can't stop, I'll either lose her because being with me means she can't do this, or she does it behind my back and lies to me, which I wouldn't stand for. Advice? Suggestions? I'm really interested to see if anyone else was in this situation, or something similar, and can help shed some light on how to deal with being introduced to it this way.
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