Jump to content

mcluvin73

Registered
  • Content Count

    7
  • Joined

Community Reputation

18 Good

About mcluvin73

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 08/22/1973

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Central Florida
  1. Typically, it’s much easier for us guys to get off. Penis, vagina, feels really good, done. And once we do, it’s over for a bit and you’re left with that unsatisfied feeling. I always aspire to wait until my partner has an orgasm before I have mine. I said aspire. In my experience, each woman has their own unique “set of buttons”. It is not one size fits all. Some are visual. Some are into dirty talk. Some like clitoral stimulation. Etc, etc. So, as a guy with a woman for the first time, a little guidance goes a long way. Let the guy know what you like. If he gets that funny look on his face like he’s about to come (you know the one), switch it up. Change positions. Ask him to do something specific to get you there. Believe me, we appreciate that level of involvement.
  2. This was a big issue for us too in the beginning. After much discussion and strategizing, we deciding that if it ever did happen there would really be nothing to be embarrassed about. They are there for the exact same reason that you are. They’d probably respect you more. And yes, mutually assured destruction will ensure that no one else will hear about it.
  3. As has been said, you cannot make her do this. The more you try, the more it will strain the relationship. Y’all are pretty young and still have plenty of time to “do it”. For us, it all started as dirty talk while we were having sex in various states of inebriation. And it was intensely fun. Afterwards, we couldn’t believe the crazy things we said and dismissed them as pure fantasy and booze. The more it happened the more we realized that both of us had these pervy fantasies. And we talked about them...a lot. Once we didn’t feel like they were so abnormal we talked about what would be acceptable and what wouldn’t. After many hours of discussion we were ready to take the next step together. All of the above took a solid year. Moral of the story, take your time. It’s not a race. If you go too fast for either of you, it’s probably not going to end well. And also be prepared that she may never be into actually swinging. Maybe she just enjoys the fantasy. That can be fun too.
  4. So, again thanks to all who have responded. Your wisdom and thoughts are very much appreciated. After reading through all of this, I can definitely verify that I suck at identifying and dealing with emotions, especially the back-of-mind variety. Several comments have hit home and illuminated the need for me to deal with stuff through both self reflection and communication with my wife and potential partners. I think the following thoughts really apply to me: 1. Luvin eye full said that desire is blocked by feelings of insecurity. It's hard for a guy like me to admit insecurity. Just doesn't sound very cool. But look past it the beard and brawn exterior, I may be a little insecure about a few things in relation to swinging. Losing something in my relationship, inadequacy, infidelity. None of which are at all logical when I consider the facts. 2. Luvin also said feelings should inform, not control you. Right on. This is something I'm super good at in vanilla life but not so much in the LS. So, I've got the skills, just need to learn to apply that to play. 3. BobGann talks a little about the conflicts between societal conditioning and non-monogamy. I think I'm fine with the wife being with other people, but I feel that I subconsciously hold myself to the more traditional standard. I hate being rude to people (unless they earn it). It's one of my most valued codes of conduct. Societal norms frown on adultery. Even if a husband begs for me to fuck his wife, is feel a bit conflicted. Gotta get past that. 4. And finally Alexandsandra- it's a thrill to just get laid. Truer words have never been spoken my friend. So, I'll go to work to resolve the above issues and hopefully become the swinger I so aspire to be. Should be a fun journey. Still open to any other ideas folks have as I believe in constant improvement. Thanks everyone and take care.
  5. Hmm, that is a good point. I guess what I meant is that I want to bring my A game to the situation. Primarily for my wife, but also for myself and other participants. But maybe your right. Maybe my expectations are the problem here. Very profound and thank you.
  6. I've come to he right place for advice. Very encouraging replies so far. Thanks. I have considered the fact that I'm just not the swinger type. Don't buy it. From what I've seen, there is no "type". I also agree that I'm suffering from obsolete programming. Most of us are not brought up to pull our penises out in front of people we just met. In most circles that would be a bit rude. Conversely, in the right swinging situation it would be polite. Go figure. But, yes, I do believe that I need to reprogram myself a bit. That's what I need a little help with. Good points about degree of familiarity/comfort with partners. Normally, we meet people online (SLS/Fab). Exchange emails to eatablish attraction and compatibility, meet for drink a time or two, then set up play situation. It has at times seemed a little rushed. And, even though playmates have always been courteous, I have felt pressured on a few occasions, like play is just expected. Hard to have an organic and fluid experience when those types of expectations are there. I guess another clue to all this may be our most successful experience to date. We were naked in a hot tub full of swingers but really didn't get in there to play, just people watch and talk. There were various sexual acts happening but I really wasn't that turned on watching. Amused but not turned on. We ended up in conversation with a much younger Barbie/Ken couple- not really our type (never met or seen them before this). Surprisingly, we had a ton in common and had a great time just talking in a purely platonic way. Out of the blue, the other wife asked if she could play with my wife's tits (they are spectacular by the way). Why not. So here is this beautiful show going on inches in front of me. 10 minutes later we're in a cabana in a oral swap and finished with our own partners. Now, I was never really all in like I am when wife and I have sex but it was pretty good. The point of the story is that it was an organic experience. Just happened naturally without expectations. Maybe a few more of those experiences would help in my reprogramming. The problem is that we would have preferred to know a little more about the couple before that happened. So, how could I keep things organic and spontaneous without fucking strangers?
  7. First of all, much thanks to all who post and respond here. We have learned a lot from reading the forums. Our problem involves me, the male, not being able to get in the moment when we're in play situations. Both of us are really turned on by when we discuss and work various swinging fantasies into our own sex life. We've been around the lifestyle for several years and have attended events/parties. Love interacting and chatting with lifestylers. But when things progress with a couple, wife is all in but I have a difficult time getting my mojo on. There we are, with an attractive couple and the chance to live out our perviest fantasies, but I'm just not in that sexy place. I try to just relax and let it happen, but seems like the more I try the less sexual the situation becomes. Also, just to clarify, this is not necessarily an erection issue. It's not like I'm burning with desire but my dick doesn't cooperate (I'd probably be ok with that - at least at first). It just seems like my decorum/manners will not let me let loose and get freaky with someone other than my wife. The result is me feeling as if I'm letting down both my wife and the other couple. Shitty feeling. I'm close to just giving up on the whole thing, but I really do want to make this happen. I think my attempts at rationalizing all of this have been thwarted by my Y chromosome (I'm an emotional retard). There may be things going on deep in my psyche that I'm just not seeing. Hopefully, someone here can shed some light.
×
×
  • Create New...