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nola40scpl

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  • Content Count

    22
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45 Excellent

About nola40scpl

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 11/23/1961

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple, he types, she shakes her head in disbelief
  • Location
    New Orleans

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    grantnbec
  1. i can't say that we know personally anyone who actually 'gets off' breaking in newbies. it just happens that it falls that way with us sometimes. i believe it may have a lot to do with the fact that we are very laid back and not aggressive or even assertive. not that we don't know what we want, but we're more of a 'go with the flow' type of couple. but i can tell you there are many couples we do know that love taking advantage of newbies and many times it turns out bad for the newbie couple.
  2. while your communication with your wife is very commendable and what others strive for, it seems your communication with your play partners falls well short of what is expected sometimes. you say you feel the other husband wanted your wife all to himself, yet perhaps it was something HE picked up on that she was totally into what was happening at the time but no other desire was expressed? as other posters mentioned, there is nothing wrong with a little 'guidance' during play sessions. while stopping when you felt you were uncomfortable is what is best for you, perhaps the right thing would have been to express your desires and give the other couple a chance to decide if that was acceptable to them. you say they were cool with you stopping, but perhaps they would have been more than obliging had you expressed your desires. i know it's not always 'convenient' to lay it all out on the line before hand on a first meet but when things get active sometimes others do look for that guidance, especially if you've told them you have little experience. as so aptly put, there is a lot of give and take. i'm not saying give beyond your comfort level, but give others the chance to decide if they're comfortable with your level of play or desires. i think in this case we would have felt like you took your toys and went home because we wouldn't play by your rules and then wondered why we didn't get the memo outlining the aforementioned rules.
  3. our oldest knows and doesn't really much care. our son chooses not to know. my siblings know and have even had one ask for advice. the mother in law knows and says as long as we're both happy who cares what others think. our close vanilla friends know, but those that disapprove aren't really that close. some that approve are envious because we have that relationship. what we have found is that those that don't approve are the ones who are cheating on their significant other and everyone else knows about it so it's a tendency to ignore the negative considering the source. as far as the employer goes, i don't let on in anyway because i feel in the long run he'll end up being judgemental even though he wouldn't realize how many clients i know from the lifestyle. i guess living in the area we live in, things like the lifestyle are a little more 'accepted' to a certain degree. if someone asks us it's usually because they've seen us somewhere so there's no use denying it but it's not something we 'flaunt'.
  4. came across this one today. don't know if one would consider it outstanding but it did stand out! 'She is a cute white female with a lot of curves and huge beast.' now i'm scared!
  5. NOW we would be interested in meeting you, if you only lived closer. seriously, one profile i would definitely recommend all others be modeled after. excellent job and now very inviting. keep everyone posted on the effectiveness.
  6. This has to be one of the greatest analogies I've ever read. definitely going to steal it from you! As an addendum to my earlier post: since we don't knowingly play with softies, we're not faced with the decision of trying to 'convert' them. but we're not that type anyway. we live in the moment not for it. we feel the same way about 'changing' our style of play. you have many soft swap couples who complain that no one will play with them. especially the full swap, reasoning 'why can't you play with limits?' to which we usually respond, 'why can't you play WITHOUT them?'. full swap couples are 'expected' to lower their level, yet softies are not allowed to 'raise' theirs? As I said, there's a million different arguments.
  7. not to hijack the thread but seems it has taken a different turn from the OP's post, but since we brought it up............ sorry mr. bbc, but your argument doesn't hold water. just because a woman is married to a white man does not excuse her from the 'race' issue. she's excluding people based on race. that sir according the the omnipotent mr. webster is the meaning of racism. but i think everyone here is missing the real underlying point. when you bring up such arguments about weight, height, eye color, what kind of car one drives versus the granddaddy of them all, the color of their skin some argue one is a 'preference' and one is racist, others claim they're ALL preferences. excluding ANY group of people based on any of the above 'preferences' (and you can add your own) is not racist or prejudiced, it's SUPERFICIAL bordering on narcissism. what you're basically saying is 'we don't care if every time you open your mouth our iq drops 10 points or every time you have more than two drinks you act like a jackass, we just want our 'friends' to know we only fuck hot (skinny, rich, white, orange, take your pick) people so they don't exclude us from their circle.' usually anyone with a hard and fast list of 'preferences' will begin the description of themselves as 'open minded' which couldn't be farther from the truth. open minded usually means you're open to opinions and ideas other than your own. sticking to your 'preferences' means you're very close minded. how about living IN the moment and not living FOR the moment? there'd probably be a lot more hot stories here and a lot less bitching! (climbing off my soap box now) back to our regular schedule thread.............. it's been said enough times already, i think the best answer was a simple 'we've read your profile and just don't feel we are compatible.' if that doesn't work, BLOCK 'EM!
  8. have to agree with ktime on this one. like i tell all my friends, 'it's only cool the first time.' besides, i don't care how macho a man thinks he is, if the ladies are into guys, he doesn't have enough penises to go around! SOMEBODY is going to feel left out! ;-)
  9. There's a million different answers to this question and I guess in everyone's mind it is the right one if that is the way they feel. There's been some good points made here. I was called out on another thread when I stated there were 'swingers' (swappers) and deviants, experience has taught us it goes deeper than just 'that's our preference'. We were full swap from the very beginning. We discussed this at great lengths. My biggest interest in getting into swinging was to see my wife with another man. I knew what I was capable of doing to her and I wanted to see if someone else could. And if they did it better you can bet your but I was going to be taking notes! Soft swinging reminds me a lot of high school and I'm not sure how many of us want to relive those years. :d getting to first base, maybe getting a little head and usually never to completion. This was not what we were signing up for. As someone stated earlier, seems kind of pointless. As I have seen it put (trying for justification) 'nothing wrong with having a little appetizer before the main course! The appetizer is to get you ready for the big meal.' basically what that's saying is 'hunny, I love you and sex is wonderful, but i really need some other man's mate to slurp my gherkin to get me in the mood to have sex with you.' we've read and heard the stories too many times where a soft swap couple relates an experience and the last line is usually 'and then we went home and had the most amazing sex!' sounds like there's deeper issues there. But to each his own. Another thing we've found through experience with soft swingers is that someone (and usually the full swap hubby) usually gets left out. In the lifestyle today with so much focus on the bi-sexual woman, most soft swap couples are in it strictly for the girl/girl play. Of course, her hubby will join in if desired but she has no interest in another man. So to answer your question, no we wouldn't knowingly play with a soft swap couple. We have, like some, when in a group situation but we knew that possibility existed when getting involved in a group situation. Many people find out that by limiting yourself you're also limiting the possibility of meeting some great people. Stated above, plenty couples start out soft until they realize they really aren't getting out of it what they thought they would without making a few 'adjustments' to their rules.
  10. I have no problem with that and the wife and I have discussed it from time to time. My only restriction was 'the bastards are going to marry you! someone is GOING to help out with the bills!' Seems most guys beat a hasty retreat when they find out that they're not just there for the booty. :lol:
  11. just to clarify a point here and one which is also one of my biggest pet peeves. understand i am not calling your dumb by any means, but please get a grip on the english language. racism is racism whether it is whites toward blacks, blacks toward whites, etc. think about what you just wrote. see the definition of racism posted earlier. here's the definition of reverse: opposite or contrary in position, direction, order, or character now what would REVERSE racism mean? now back to what the op started the thread about...... doesn't seem racist but more of someone taking advantage of a situation they knew they could.
  12. we've done our fair share of breaking in newbies. i guess it may be because we are more passive than aggressive. but we approach everyone the same way. so why treat newbies any different than you would treat 'veterans'? i think many people even if they are nervous or scared will still pick up that you are treating them differently and it probably has a big impact on the way they respond. usually people will offer up how long they've been swinging but we NEVER ask. we don't mind telling others when asked but feel it easier to not form a preconceived opinion and 'lump' them into the 'oh jeez, they have no clue' category. we do through the conversation find out what their limits, desires, or level of interest is to help us make the decision whether to pursue playing, but we are the same way with others that have been doing this for a length of time also. we love the wide eyed wonderment of those venturing into the unknown. especially the little mischievous twinkle those ready to take the plunge get in their eye as things progress. get to know them as potential play partners and not 'newbies'. if they let on they're newbies question their limits and if you're the type to venture into those restraints (if there are any), have at it. so far we've been with well over 2 dozen newbie couples and in all but 2 cases, we knew they hadn't been swinging very long, but they told us after the fact we were the first couple they played with. twice we knew up front we were the first but never asked. for the record, we've had more bad experiences with those 'experienced' but never the newbies. go figure.
  13. i've learned to use laughter as a diversionary tactic. being hung like a gopher has it's drawbacks. if i can keep the lady laughing, then by the time she realizes this fact it's too late and then it becomes a pity fuck. so far so good! honestly i love to laugh and make people laugh. laughing to me means you don't take yourself serious. one of my biggest turn ons is a woman who can make me truly laugh and has a great sense of humor. i don't care what you look like, if you can make me laugh, you'll usually find my pants around my ankles before you even have to ask. usually with a partner like that there's even more laughter during sex and that makes it even more fun!
  14. howdy, newbie to the forums here, definitely not new to swinging. i've read some pretty good critiques on other forums and have seen some pretty good 'don'ts'. one that has stuck out is try to avoid the cliches. how many people do you know are actually looking for diseased druggies? and what the hell did ken and barbie do to people? turn them down? i think you get the point. use the space for something useful to potential suitors. that being said, the first thing that makes me click away from a profile is when i see HWP. this is the most over used cliche i have seen yet. for example, as visually appealing as you two are, according to the latest charts, neither of you are HWP but overweight, (google BMI charts) so you see how this can be turned against your favor. yes, there are people out there THAT picky. perhaps a 'we tend to be attracted to body types similar to ours' would be a little less 'self serving'. the rest of the profile is direct and to the point. well written with a tad of redundancy as stated previously. there is no doubt what you are looking for in play partners. adding the HWP 'requirement' tends to make it a little transparent. you may as well have just made your tag line 'FAT PEOPLE STOP EMAILING US!' :lol::lol:
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