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little firefly

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About little firefly

  • Rank
    100 Posts Club
  • Birthday 06/07/1970

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    monogamous wife of a swinger husband
  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    Animal rights and welfare, reading, swimming, dancing
  • Occupation
    Market researcher/AEBN
  • Anniversary
    Sept. 25

Swinger Info

  • Favorite Club(s)
    The Estate

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  1. My SO, David, has had a permanent hall pass to play for I guess about 2 years now; the only stipulations being that he can only play at our local club, or at hotel events (no dates, no booty calls). It started when I was having trouble with my health and couldn't go out with him often. I had become comfortable enough, by that time, that I really had no problem allowing him to play without me being present. Even now that my health is improving, it's been nearly a year since I've even been out to the club with him. Since I'm monogamous anyway (I've just never had an interest in the LS), I found myself bored at the club quite often since I was never looking to play. It just made sense to allow him the freedom of going to the club or hotel event a couple of times a month or so with a hall pass, and for me to do things that I enjoy on the nights he's gone (girls night out, sitting home curled up on the couch with Netflix, having my niece and nephew over, etc.). For me, it feels no different than him going out for the evening to shoot pool with his friends. I trust him totally to stay within the parameters that we agreed upon, and that for him, no emotion ever comes into play. It's just a sexual release for him, and the way we have things set up works well for us.
  2. "Vanilla". It seems to be used a LOT at the club I attend and on the clubs online forum, and it really rubs me the wrong way because it's usually being used in a derogatory manner.
  3. Although it's not common, it's definitely not unheard of. Being monogamous myself (my SO has a hall pass for play), I tend to spend most of my time at the club we attend just talking to people, and every so often I'll run across a monogamous couple who are just there to enjoy the sexually charged atmosphere, including one couple who have been regular attendees since the club's inception 20 years ago. I totally agree with what others have said about making it known up front. It saves a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.
  4. I had to look that one up because I'd never seen one before. David was looking over my shoulder as I was looking at a pics and so of course he wants one now, LOL.
  5. My fiance David has a PA. I of course can feel it when I give him a bj, but I honestly don't feel it at all during intercourse. A lot of women have been afraid to play with him because of it, but those who have, have agreed that it can't be felt during penetration.
  6. I completely agree with this. Since Feb. of this year, there have been 4 marriage breakups at the club that David and I go to. 3 of them were long term (25, 21, and 15 years) and the other was still relatively new (2 years). All of them were affected by what VegasLee has stated here. I'm sure that this isn't the only thing that destroyed these marriages, but it caused the cracks that were already in the relationship to become doors that others were easily able to walk through. Instead of stepping away from the LS to work on their marriages and reconnect with each other, they found it easier to find comfort and affection with someone else. Their communication with each other broke down which caused a breakdown of their marriages. Being someone who doesn't participate, I'm able to observe people and I can say from an outsiders point of view that yes, if you have a solid marriage, swinging will do nothing but bring added pleasure to it, but if you have the smallest problem, it can blow up in your face. I'm just sad that in all but one case, there are children involved, not to mention threats by one of the couples to "out" each other in court and name names in the process.
  7. Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Always been one of my favorites and was my signature dance song when I was a go-go dancer at an 80's dance club several years ago. (ah, the good old days!) Slave to Love by Lords of Acid (for kinky BDSM scenes) Adore by Prince (for those romantic, slow, love making nights)
  8. hello from jack and cat

  9. I don't have to worry in the least about his maintaining that mindset. He's been in the lifestyle for many years and has no problem separating emotional attachment from just sex. I know that he'd give back his hall pass no questions asked if he felt that I was being caused any kind of discomfort from it. He wouldn't even go out at all if it wasn't for me insisting on it, but sometimes I need time to myself, just as I know he needs time to let his hair down (so to speak). So far, aside from my initial nervousness, there haven't been any problems at all
  10. @JustAskJulie, Thank you very much. The health issues have definitely not been a walk in the park to deal with and I know that I have a tough road ahead. My doctor has already told me that sometimes my bad days will seem to outnumber the good ones while I'm getting treatment, which of course means I won't feel well enough for sex. I don't like the reality of that of course, but I do know that David will be right beside me no matter what! I'm feeling so much more secure in our relationship as far as allowing him the freedom to play without me there, which is a long way from how it was in the beginning when I was having trouble with him playing period! I'm really glad to know that my nervousness was normal. He's been out without me once since that night (at my insistence), and had oral play with a woman we know. He gave me whatever details I asked for without hesitation, which put me even more at ease, knowing that he has no desire to hide even the most trivial detail from me if I ask for it. I feel that we're becoming stronger as a couple. I'm secure, knowing I have him for as long as I can put up with him (LOL), and I feel good about myself for being able to let him have the freedom to play on occasion, even if I don't feel well enough to be with him.
  11. @incommunicado, thank you so much for your input. It's very helpful. I followed the thread about the misfired experience with your wife and I could understand why you were feeling as you were. You're totally right. I do need him 100% and I know that I have him. Ever since the miscarriage and everything that came after, he's been watching over me like a hawk and afraid for me to do much of anything. I'll admit that although I love how attentive he's been, he's also made me feel a bit smothered as well at times. He wouldn't have even gone out last night if I hadn't practically pushed him out the door, lol. As much as I love spending time with him and being held, massaged, etc., there are times that I just like to be alone to think and clear my mind. Knowing how sexual he is, I knew that a hall pass would be an extra incentive for him to get out sometimes. I know I'm the most important person in his life, but I also want him to continue being able to have some fun and not constantly worry over me. After he and I talked this morning I knew that I was ok with what he did and as long as it's not an all the time thing, then I'm fine with it.
  12. Thank you Alura. After a few tests that showed severe Cervical Dysplasia the doctor ruled out genital warts and is talking probable cancer. David has never played unless a condom is used, that's one of my unchangeable rules, as well as a dental dam for any oral (having watched a best friend suffer and then die from AIDS 10 years ago, I don't take chances when it comes to safe sex). I have no doubt that he will be right by my side through whatever battle I face (and I'm ready to tackle it head on). I just want him to have the chance to still be able to have a little bit of fun. His happiness and satisfaction is as important to me as my health and well being are important to him. It won't be a regular thing, but I'm happy that I'm secure enough to give him the green light for some play.
  13. I was actually pretty much asleep when he came in and I barely remember him kissing me and asking if I wanted to talk, which I replied that we'd talk when we woke up. So, this morning over our coffee and cheese danishes, he told me what happened. I didn't ask for every little detail, but he answered every question that I asked of him. My heart was pounding out of my chest from anxiety at listening to him, but I took a genuine interest in hearing him tell of his night. I was honestly glad that he was able to enjoy himself and I loved the time we spent together this morning, just talking.
  14. Thank you sexcupid. Yes, that's about how it's been for me tonight. I'd been feeling queasy but keeping myself busy. I think I've pretty much finished my spring cleaning, lol. He did call me just a little while ago to see what I was up to. I didn't ask him anything about what had taken place as I'd rather he tell me about his night in person. I don't know that I'll want all the details either, but time will tell if my curiosity begs me to know!
  15. It just occurred to me that I posted this at a time when most everyone is probably out for the evening, Duh!! Haha on me for bad timing, LOL......Anyway, I'll still appreciate your responses and compare what you would/have done, to what I end up doing to see if I totally goofed it!
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