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DigginIt

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DigginIt last won the day on June 16 2020

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About DigginIt

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 08/14/1967

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    He writes, she corrects spelling.
  • Location
    Melbourne, Florida
  • Interests
    Boating, rock climbing, skiing
  • Swinging Experience
    Since April 09

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    DigginIt
  • SDC Username
    N/A
  • Kasidie Username
    DigginIt
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Colette's New Orleans

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  1. We went to Secrets last weekend. Not sure if I have updated my location but we live in Florida now. Secrets was packed. I have never seen it so busy and nobody was wearing masks.
  2. Hey, thanks for the feedback. You never know how people are going to take something once it is posted. The funny thing is, in another 3 - 5 years, I'm sure I will have different thoughts and opinions. Nothing is absolute and everyone is different but it is good to hear that our experiences resonate with others.
  3. Those of you who are new and thinking about swinging or those that are veterans will hopefully find something in this post to appreciate. I think it has been…maybe six years since our last post. I don’t really know or have the energy to investigate the exact amount of time, lol. However, we are not dead, divorced, or have otherwise changed too much over the years. A few more wrinkles since our last post and a little more wear and tear on the body, but zero regrets. So, hello to all of my old friends and hi to everyone we don’t know yet. I just want to share some insights that almost twelve years of swinging have brought us. I hope you enjoy. When you are new, I think everyone approaches swinging with a sense of wonder and nervous excitement. For some, it’s too much to cope with emotionally, jealousy and envy leads the relationship to tragedy. For some, it brings out the flaws in one’s relationship and they crash and burn because they turned to swinging to solve an issue that would have been better dealt with through counseling, not fucking other people. For many, they strike a balance between the one they love and with the ones they want to love at that moment. Feel free to substitute any word there that makes you comfortable -- if love is too personal. We fit in that latter statement. The sex is still just as exciting as ever, whether together or with others. We have collected so many “been there, done that” t-shirts. We have swung together, same room, different rooms, different states, had a few poly relationships/dated separately, threesomes, foursomes, puppy piles. We have spread our wings and still seem to love each other at the end of the day. I’m not saying it has been perfect. It is a relationship with another human being and there has been fights, insults, hurt feelings, hurt partners, bad breakups with others. Life is messy and beautiful at the same time. If you can accept that, you have a great head start. So what would I share with those looking at this from the outside or just dipping their toes into the waters? First, once pandora is out of the box, there is no going back, only dealing with the consequences. And more than likely, one of you is going to like it more than the other. It’s okay. If you love your partner, you love them for who they are, fetishes and all, and they love you the same in return. If you can’t love what your partner loves, you are in for some tough times swinging, because this will bring everything to the surface. Swinging is not a tit for tat and almost always, at some point, one is getting more out of it than the other. That will alternate. Here is a biggie, sex is ALWAYS more exciting with a new partner than with your SO. I may get some heat for that one, I’m sorry. I’m not saying it’s better, but definitely more exciting. It’s hard to compete between sex with a stranger to having sex at home, same time, same place, same position, trying to have sex without waking the kids, the dog, the neighbors. Also the strangers you are having sex with didn’t just argue with you two hours before about the bills. They don’t want to know about your politics, your religion, they just want to fuck your brains out and then go home. It’s just one of swinging’s brutal truths that I believe most people will deny so their partners feelings don’t get hurt. Most people don’t’ want to believe that their SO is capable of being completely satisfied by someone else. I put it to people this way…why would you want you wife or husband to fuck someone else for bad sex? If you are going to fuck other people, it should be amazing or why do it? Eventually, you will hit the seven-year itch…okay, not really, but just like the seven-year itch in a relationship, you MAY reach a period where you are more interested in only fucking other people than your spouse or just not fucking at all. It has nothing to do with any lack of love, understand that most likely, it has to do with escaping the stress that is in the relationship rather than dealing with it. If you hit this point, it’s time to regroup and know that it’s normal. We know several successful couples and they have all experienced something similar. Poly – this was very hard as we looked for it together with another couple vs. each of us looking independently. There are some good poly sites out there but ultimately, we discovered that we were actually just looking for deep relationships but not to actually be in love. The male half here, I found sex more exciting if I had some connection with my partner. I didn’t want another wife, but I wanted someone who was into me on a more personal level. Those were a fun couple of years but those were some of the most disastrous break ups because you or your spouse will always be ready to move on before the other is ready. At least, that was the case for us. This is often the case with your regular couples outside of poly, one or the other will always be ready to move on before the other. However, with poly, you are more emotionally invested. There are still people out there that we love, we just can’t be with them for different reasons. Same with any relationship that isn’t meant to last. Full circle – once you have pretty much checked every block, you realize that you chose your spouse for a reason. Nobody gets you like they do. Nobody accepts you for who you are like they do. And you are thankful every day that you have an SO that is in the lifestyle with you and that sharing is caring. Only in the lifestyle do you truly get more if you share. Good luck swingers!
  4. We have been to so many places over the past 11 years. We still love the cruises. Yes, Hedo and Desire can be fun but Desire can also be sleepy and Hedo can be full of non-swingers. It's a grab bag depending on when you go. The one consistent vacation has been the cruises. Why a cruise? Take Covid out of the picture, and you have seven days with the vacation being anything you make it. You can be nudist, you can be a swinger, you can gamble, you can go on excursions, you can party until you puke, or relax quietly in the spa. You can sit out on a deck in solitude or be near the pool and people watch which is always entertaining. If you get seasick, you may want to consider your options carefully but it's hard to go wrong. The only problem is ... after a cruise, you really need a vacation, lol.
  5. That little image is a link within the picture link. Click outside of it and it will take you to the profile but click on the image with the + symbol, it will send a friend request to that user. I actually get prompted, asking if I want to send the friend request, then I say no and it goes away but, the friend request is for some new "unknown" future features that are supposed to come in handy** soon. Not sure what those features are going to be but stay tuned, lol. So far, we have turned them all down because we are not sure if it is going to be some social media thing like collecting friends on facebook/twitter/snapchat, etc. I'm personally not on SLS to collect friends so until I know why it is there, what it will provide, ignore is the rule of the day for us. ** At least that is what SLS is saying.
  6. Hey guys, newbie couple saying hi!

     

    Read your replies about best resorts! Love your profile pic btw, you are a beautiful couple!

     

    What do you guys do!

  7. Some of the best friends we have made were connections made through SLS. I will say that over the past two years, we have been disinterested in SLS more and more. I think that there is a point you reach where you know too many people and just the thought of having to filter through the noise/disingenuous people to hopefully find another compatible play couple just becomes too tedious. Some simple rules of thumb that we use, many will disagree but still: No pictures or certifications = no email Free members = no email Profile has neglectful clues "we are new" and profile is seven years old = no email Very little thought into profile = no email Don't offer to go on a date offer to meet them at a local club - if it's not 5 hours away
  8. People you meet swinging are just like anyone else, some are considerate, some are not. This person would be off our play list. I'm going out on a limb here and assume that this was a single male? It was hard to decipher. If that is the case then my response is men pay upwards of 100.00 or more to get in a club. If they have three offers on the table, they will try to accommodate all three offers but they are going to go with the one they are most interested in (not talking about beauty necessarily here, just sexual interest). If it was a couple, we have found that many times in the club scene, there are circles or cliques. It doesn't mean you can't participate but you are never priority.
  9. Sjmar - so this will seem really sad but in seven years, there has only been perhaps four guys and maybe three women who have actually made my wife cum. I read the thread from Baconheads...and despite being great advice, you can't always count on any type of technique no matter how superb. There is a lot of emotional effort that goes into getting comfortable, getting excited, and eventually, hopefully, getting off. What we have found is that at house parties where we frequent, people have gotten to know us and know what we like, and that makes it a lot easier. Also in this environment, we know what guys/girls are selfish and which ones are giving. Mrs. Digginit needs a lot of oral attention to get her off and it is very easy to go too far, too fast, and get her way too sensitive. If we are not going to a house party it's pretty much zero chance of hitting an "O" such as a swing club, one night hookup, forget about it. First date, second date, pretty much forget about it. If they are sincerely trying, we will give it a third and final try. Now on the opposite side, my side...I almost never hit an orgasm. Cialis + Condom = maximum effort but no release. It takes a huge connection with my partner to get past those and that is quite rare.
  10. Hey Nabo. First, thanks for dragging me out of retirement here on the boards I really enjoyed your email. I can almost feel your emotions jumping off the page as I read your threads. You have really done an amazing job of detailing your concerns and I applaud you because it takes quite a bit of courage to put yourself out here on these forums because making ourselves vulnerable is not necessarily true to our nature. Over the years my opinion has changed as my experiences have changed. I no longer believe that there is a right or wrong way to approach swinging as long as your approach is paved with mutual understanding, trust, and respect for each other. Mistakes will be made, regrets will arise, but at the end of the day it's how the two of you deal with those mistakes and regrets that matter and that isn't much different than any other part of a healthy relationship. You are at a fork in the road. Down one trail is the path you have been on together. It's the comfortable path, the path you both know and down the other path is the unknown. You can attempt to stare down that road and guess at what may be down there but you won't actually know until you go. Jealousy is a real concern. I have seen many relationships crumble over the last seven years and yet I have seen many others, like ours, transform. I wouldn't quite say we are a poly couple but we have migrated towards couples where there has been substantial intimacy. It's not for everyone but we are getting out of the lifestyle what we want and that's what you need to figure out. And it may change as you change but you shouldn't not do something out of worry. If I had a dollar for every time I worried about something and then it turned out completely different than I anticipated, it would easily fund our yearly swingers cruise People in the lifestyle are just like anyone else you meet. They are pushy, kind, bitchy, loving, etc., so keep looking. Find that couple that makes you shiver because life is too short to settle for sex with people you don't like. Mrs Digginit has a boyfriend of almost 5 months. I've yet to find someone that I can spend more than a few hours at a time with. Don't keep score. Too many couples do and it only leads to animosity. Just remember that the two are you are in this together and don't forget to be loving to one another as you progress through the experiences. Love and lust are two equally powerful emotions, never get them confused. Keep coming here to talk things out if needed because if you are like me then you enjoy different perspectives, even if you don't agree with them. My mind processes things differently when I write my thoughts out and read through them so for me that is an added bonus. I really wish the two of you the absolute best. There is so much that we have gained from our experiences. I don't think I would trade any of them, even the bad ones. PS - I absolutely hate to meet up, have a drink, and then go back to fuck. If it's with a couple I've known, fine, but no matter how attractive the other couple is, I've never enjoyed it. I want to like the person I'm having sex with and I want to know that they really like me.
  11. Single guys wanting to swing, here are some tips for your profile: Sincerity - The reason most single guys fuck things up is they forget the most basic rule and that an invitation into the bedroom with a couple should be treated like a gift. Yes there are some hardcore bed-notchers but most couples want a fun experience with single guys who appreciate being invited. They are inviting you to have sex with the one person they love more than anything in the world. Attention - This is the ONLY thing you should be offering them. There are a million guys out there with dicks. Thick, fat, long, etc. Almost always, the more attentive you are the better your chances will be, not any physical endowment (yes there are exceptions) so if you are pitching anything, make it be about how you will ensure that their wife is the center of attention and make it known in your profile that you are capable of being respectful because you can be a rock star but it's not going to get you past the guy if you are not going to treat his wife the way HE feels she should be treated. What do you have to offer besides sex? Do you dance, can you hold a conversation? We typically will meet somewhere for drinks then the wife likes to go dancing to see if there is an attraction with the guy. This is where you can make the difference in sex for one night or a regular invitation. Be different because I promise you, no matter how good looking you are, how well physically fit you are, how much stamina, etc. There are 100 profiles before and after you that look the same. Don't offer nude pictures. Have pictures that are attractive, like you are going to look when you go out on a date. Not a selfie of you in the mirror flexing your muscles. If you are taking selfies, take the shit/clutter out of the picture. Nothing worse than a picture of you in the bathroom with a roll of toilet paper on the counter and your Prozac bottle next to a dirty bong. A good picture of you in jeans and a nice shirt will go much further. How about things you like to do? Tell us a little about you, not what you want to do to our wives. Make us like you. Here are some things you can do if you meet them at a club or if you are cold contacting a couple at a club: If you see a couple, don't follow them around like a stalker and try to sit next to them everywhere they go. It's creepy. If they keep moving away, take it as a hint, you're not doing it for them. If you think a couple has looked at you once or twice, maybe, just maybe, you are a contender so introduce yourself politely. Tell them your name, say something nice that you noticed about the wife but make sure you also talk to the guy. Don't blow the guy off whatever you do. Include him in the conversation. If after a couple minutes, if YOU are the one continually having to start the conversation, tell them it was nice meeting them and excuse yourself by saying something like, it was nice meeting you both. If you are interested in a single guy I would consider is a privilege and move on. You will leave a much better impression then if you just keep trying to create something out of thin air because they may or may not be looking for a single guy THAT night but you might stay in their mind for when they are. Be genuinely interested in them but don't ask questions like, where do you work, what gym do you go to, also creepy and stalkerish... You can ask things like where are they from but after that bridge out to topics of interest besides sex. Ask if they (yes, they) would like to dance. You just blew past the other 80 single guys in the club right there. Use common sense. Despite the fact they are at the club, you can't assume that they are anything other than voyeurs or exhibitionist and no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to happen. Understand that. If you stop thinking so hard about getting laid and think more about how to turn on the girl while establishing a bond with the husband, your chances will triple.
  12. It still boggles my mind why 'free' members ask to meet when clearly they can't see our face pictures because they are 'free' and when you point that out to them (which scares the hell out of me that someone will meet us without knowing what we look like...I mean, what does that say about them?) but when you point it out to them, their response is 'oh, well, just send us a face picture of you at our . Are you out of your fucking mind when you ask these things? We joined this site to remain anonymous so why would I send you something from one of my personal accounts? Why would I even create an anonymous im/email account to send you things when that is why I created my account on the swinger site for to begin with? Okay, I know some of you members keep your accounts as free but really...if you are asking us to meet you...don't you think that is a little much?
  13. that little statement says a whole lot. Sunbuckus - I read it the same way you interpreted it too.
  14. I was reading the tread to MD and she brought up another point and she took this a step further. When we have sex with others, it's a physical act but when we have sex together its "intimate" because of the bond that we share between us. We think this is something that almost everyone can agree with who is in the lifestyle. But when you look at it objectively...there is nothing different between the sexual acts with them and the sexual acts between us. The difference is only distinguished by the emotional connection we share. That emotional connection makes pretty much everything we do together intimate and nothing intimate that we do with anyone else. So, circling back around...to say that anything done with anyone else is intimate should be an alarm bell that there is still some room for growth in the relationship and that's a pretty exciting revelation.
  15. You completely overlooked during your quoting above that our statement was based on the fact that... "Our views have changed over time." Our perceptions have changed from when we first entered the lifestyle. If you search enough you will be able to find statements from us where we did reserve some things that we felt were special for ourselves and we did believe somethings were more intimate. Our smiling inwards is more about how we feel we have grown since we entered the lifestyle versus then and now. It was never about right or wrong but what makes one thing more intimate than another to a couple. Well, I'll agree it could absolutely sound pompous but again, we were talking only about a single thing which is what makes anyone feel one sexual act is more "intimate" than the other (we gave our opinion for those reasons) with the exclusion of not liking things as one example. I don't like a dick up my ass but if I did, I doubt I would think it was more intimate than sticking it in my mouth. There lies the difference what I said versus what you interpreted. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts about what you believe makes something more "intimate" than the other for truly a real reason escapes me other than some basic primal instinct.
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