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NotSorry

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NotSorry last won the day on April 11 2009

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About NotSorry

  • Rank
    100 Posts Club
  • Birthday 08/21/1981

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    married couple
  • Location
    Philadelphia area

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    vegcouple954

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  1. I don't think you're ready for this. Is she willing to stop the separate thing because it makes you uncomfortable?
  2. We're not big on ultimatums in the NotSorry household. If you both truly want to make it work, you can... ultimatums destroy that mentality. If he was respectful of you and your feelings, would you be ok with swinging / dating separately? ~mr not sorry
  3. How public are these photos? That might be a concern of yours going forward. I strongly suspect that your friendship is over, or at least will never anywhere near as close. When reading her email, my thought was "I'm sorry I'm not what you thought I was", but I doubt that's an appropriate line to include. Probably comes off as too snarky (although if a friend of mine said these things to me, I would mean that sentiment genuinely... I would be truly sorry that they misperceived who I was so severely, regardless of whose fault that was) ~mr not sorry.
  4. People tend to have very fixed ideas about what a relationship is even though they likely never stopped to examine why they subscribe to certain ideas/beliefs or why they do what they do. I know it feels terrible to be judged but try not to take it personally. I think people react the way they do out of fear so try not to hold all the things they said against them. If they care to try and understand where you are coming from there is plenty of reading material you can recommend. If they don't wish to understand they can at least respect your privacy by not telling others about you. Deviation from the relationship norm is an understandably scary idea to many people so try to keep this in mind and be compassionate toward them in future communications. It sounds like you do need to have further contact. You should decide what needs to be addressed with them and make a game plan about how you can go about it without becoming angry and defensive.
  5. The worst sex I ever had was with a guy who kept telling me to lie still. That's the only time anyone has ever said that to me but apparently some guys might encourage this behavior.
  6. I think jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion to experience. I think focusing on how you deal with it is much more important than being worried that the feeling arose in the first place. Talk about it, find out what is at the root of it and find a way to alleviate it. The exploration of why things have made me jealous in the past has been extremely freeing for me. Jealousy was a big, painful part of my life in past relationships. I am ecstatic that I don't have to feel that way anymore.
  7. Perhaps I came of age with especially thoughtful males (I did after all grow up in the upper middle class suburbs, and it was hammered onto us that teenage pregnancy was very very bad), but even as far back as my teenage years I remember discussing with other males how we wished there were male birth control pills. Would the market for it be smaller than that for women? Yes. Would it still be a goldmine for whoever invented it? Absolutely. There would be an appreciable market for it as both a primary and secondary form of birth control. Eventually I will get a vasectomy - I actually look forward to it since it will end the inconvenience of other birth control methods (at least within our marriage).
  8. Time is definitely our biggest obstacle. Between keeping up with various groups of vanilla friends, spending time with family and being parents we are left with very little time to meet people.
  9. We have not added singles to our mix yet. When we do, race will not play a part in who we select. There are a few people out there who have racial biases and/or preferences... but I prefer to be optimistic and believe that most of us in the world will not go by that criteria. Good luck! mr not sorry
  10. It can also mean something like "we're slightly interested in that but it's not essential to us enjoying the experience". SLS, tragically, does not have a "slightly interested in bi activity" designation, so the best thing to do in that case is hedge. mr notsorry
  11. While I haven't been exactly where the OP is, I had a past relationship with a somewhat similar dynamic. I stayed for far too long. The short answer is I didn't like myself very much at the time and I didn't know relationships could be any better. To the OP: If you want to get out of this situation it will be extremely difficult but I promise you it will be so worth it if you learn to love yourself. Great relationships exist. I promise.
  12. Thanks for bringing this up. It is not something I would have anticipated being so common.
  13. I'd also say that trusting your gut is in order. When browsing profiles we occasionally come across a couple that despite having a reasonably respectable looking profile something seems off. Something you can't exactly put your finger on but it just doesn't seem right. We've not experienced this feeling in person yet but I'm sure that we will in the future. Maybe more experienced swingers can share some more about how this has worked for them in person. I'd never use a fake name and I don't think I'd like it if potential partners did either. It fosters distrust. I'm already on high alert trying to weed out fakes. Don't set off my bullshit detector for no good reason...
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