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sirspeach

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15 Good

About sirspeach

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 06/28/1963

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    Nebraska
  1. No, actually we are trying to put it behind us and take it as a lesson learned and move forward. In order to learn, I like opinions from others so that my side isn't shaded only by my own thinking.
  2. Possibly so. Is it not normal to set limits in swinging? We were not into the "anything goes" mode so I did not think it was wrong. From my own experiences, I've met many couples who are different. Some have no limits, some have some limits and some have many limits! Point being - if a person has limits it should be respected or if you choose not to - then don't go there with them.
  3. Snow White - wow, wonderful reply and appreciated : ) We've come to many realizations. First, he and I both try to hard to appease others - keep the peace and go with the flow. I did so by allowing it to go on as far as I did even with my uncomfortable feelings, thus putting on restrictions/limits. He did so by corresponding with the other female to keep the flow with her. We each had uneasy feelings many times and discussed them when we did, but neither of us put our foot down to call it an end. Why? Probably because neither of us wanted to be responsible for breaking this off and possibly hurting the m/m friendship that was there before anything else. Very immature thinking on our part. We are no longer talking with them. However their emails continue to us. I have them blocked actually. But he has a working relationship with the other male and cannot block him. I'm sorry - but I think these are truly sick people. They are pushing my fiance with advice about me. Premarital agreements and the such. They are telling him that I will limit him sexually in his world of discovery. They have told him she was pregnant with his child. Basically, it appears they are trying to wedge between us pulling him to them and pushing me out of his life! At this point we are ignoring it all and trying to go on with our life - but we don't need these annoyances!
  4. Thanks Twohots. We had fun with a previous person several times so I know it's not beyond our reach He, my fiance, and I have discussed this whole situation many times and continue to do so....and yes, I forward him responses! He has seen, accepted and admitted where he did wrong - he was put in the middle and he stayed there too long without thinking of what it was doing or would do to me. That's a good thing - being able to accept and acknowledge allows us to learn. Thanks!
  5. I tend to agree with you MIbbwcpl - emails won't stop from them with the bashing, insulting content. They have now gone as far as telling us she was pregnant with his child.
  6. Thanks Good Times, no offense taken. We have moved on physically however, trashing emails are continuing to be sent to me/us. I'm not sure I really have trust issues as much as my intuition told me things weren't right to begin with. Was it a self fullfilled prophecy then? Who knows. It started as being relayed to me the interest in a f/f relationship and soft swing. I'm 100% ok with that. But it didn't go that way. It turned into the other woman having more interest in my partner physically and thus, the private interractions. Her husband then tells me she is not bi nor wants to be. Fine - but hey wait, isn't this why we got into this?? LOL In any event, it has helped me hear others opinions. Thanks.
  7. I agree Slevin, one on one chatting or flirting is fine with me. Meaning at a club - two of us sitting together, at one of our homes, two of us in discussion etc. It was only when it was taken privately - emails to him at work and phone calls made during lunch hour. To me, that was going over my boundaries of what I'm comfortable with. I think everyone has limits or ideas of what they can or will accept and I feel it should be respected.
  8. I can agree to speaking to people in email and sharing them with your partner. In this case, the emails were sent to him at work. Several of them he sent to me at home but he admits he didn't think to send each and every one of them. I understand all about confusion - BTDT and obviously doing it again! This is all new to them and with any new swingers, there is a lot to learn. I'm not sure what they want as I'm not sure they really know themselves. But yes, too much drama - way too much, I can't handle that at all. It is over but now we have the friendship of the 2 males which I cannot expect them to end. I needed resolution and the knowledge that I'm not the crazy one! Thanks for your input Tribbles
  9. Thanks VegasLee - I quoted the parts that are so true and I know them to be! It has ended. However, I have been left feeling very hurt since all they can say to me is I screwed everything up. That's hard for me. I let my emotions and caring nature take over by not letting me see what I really needed to do some time ago! I also wanted reassurace that I was not so far out of line. Thanks again
  10. I hope someone here can give some advice to 2 couples who have recently began a swinging adventure together. Couple one: Married, both new to this. Couple two: Engaged, he is new to swinging, she has had a few years experience. Here's the deal. Both males talk frequently in person, via phone and via email. They have been friends for several years. Both females recently met each other and the respective partners. After deciding we were comfortable taking this to a level of swinging, emailing became the normal mode of communication. However, one of the females really wasn't included in the majority of emails (not cc'd). When she found out, she expressed to the other 3 that she wanted and needed to be included. Rules were discussed but one female has been opposed to intimacy in the realm of kissing another's partner. OK for f/f but not m/f. She also opposes swapping - each going their own way. It took a lot for the other 3 to understand her reasoning - and really not sure if they really do. One female states the other female is constantly attacking her character. The female "charged" with doing so asks for proof in emails she wrote so she can possibly either explain what was taken wrong or accept responsibility for it and apologize. No proof ever given - only continual complaining about her. Here comes the biggest problem. Female finds out that other female is emailing her lover separately and there has also been private phone calls made between the two. She is told it is all innocent (by both parties). However, she is not comfortable with this and addresses all parties involved not to allow this to happen again (very angrily with later apologies). Two weeks later - it happens! The other male sees no problem with the private emails or phone calls. Major blow up takes place and couple decides things need to be put on hold. Expressed to all involved. Only a few weeks pass and there is the continued asking about this weekend, the next weekend etc. No plans were made, still needing some additional time. "Dear John" letter comes though last night by the couple asking to get together. Basically faulting the female with all the reservations for this happening. Everything is her fault with no specifics as to what she did to cause this. Here is my question....I am the one being blamed. I am also the one who has been in the swinging lifestyle on and off for 6 or so years. Never had these problems before. I am the one who has restrictions. And I am the one who has been excluded. The other female states she has lost her "mind set" not being allowed to speak to my partner privately. She cannot drop her pants (her lover's words) and have sex with someone without that mind set. I really, really need honest answers here with the little information I've provided. I cannot see how I am being so out of line asking that things be kept between all parties involved. I called it betrayal that they went behind my back not once but again after I brought it up to them. I call kissing too intimate for me to engage in with another man. I have no desire to separate and allow our partners to engage in emotional bonding. I'm beginning to wonder if this other couple is looking for a poly relationship rather than swinging. They did tell us upfront in the beginning they want to be exclusive. That has been respected. Is it acceptable to any of you out there to hold private emails and phone conversations with the opposite sex of your swinging party? I have been lashed out at so bad with emails today from them - words such as: "Manipulation of (insert lover's name) words she wrote about me, and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER" and "I don't want to hurt you but this is not right for her to say the things she does about me". I am totally clueless as to what I may have said (recently) or done this time around. I'm not a complete idiot, I am an educated person - I would think I would know if I did something. I have practically begged each of them to give me a specific but they won't. I'm a mess here. Thanks for listening and hopefully giving me some guidance!
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