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gnb4u

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gnb4u last won the day on July 7 2008

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About gnb4u

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    Has Left the Building
  • Birthday 02/01/1968

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    couple
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    iowa

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    gnb4u

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  1. So you are saying that there are men that can become controlling and isolate a woman from her friends and family. -Will try to control all her personal and social contacts. - Will try to keep her from screwing other guys. - Will tell her things to keep her around and make her think they have a special relationship and a future while he is out fucking the whole nieghborhood. That sounds to me like an asshole and assholes are just as prevelant in the vanilla world as in the lifestyle. If you look back at my original statement it is that I wonder if the lifestyle is 'NO BETTER AND NO WORSE' than any other venue. A woman has no guarentees against meeting an asshole or a control freak at a church social as from within the lifestyle. My original question was, "is the lifestyle a "viable" place for singles to meet?" Not, 'is the lifestyle the perfect or hassle-free place to meet?'
  2. Please explain more. Why do you not think this can work? I am assuming that you think more traditional singles venues such as vanilla singles sites, vanilla bars and church sponsored singles events are more productive. Pehaps I too am becoming cynical in my old age as well but I see those venues as no guarentee and no walk in the park either. Please explain your thoughts and rationale more.
  3. The bashing I am refering to can come from singles and couples alike. It really doesn't have anything to do with play preferences or whether people play with singles or couples or anything like that. What I am talking about is people (in general) often ridicule or malign any single that appears to be open to the idea of legitimate dating on the website or in any kind of lifestyle setting. It is implied if not blatantly stated that all single men in the lifestyle are dogs that are there for pussy only and are not dating material and that the single females are either sluts that are fucking the whole town or are nieve little dimwits that are too dumb to handle themselves in the lifestyle realm. In other words singles are treated as if neither single males or females in the lifestyle are candidates worthy of consideration for legitimate dating. If a single talks about anything other than hardcore 'slam-bam, thank you-ma'm' fucking they are told to go to E-Harmony or other traditional dating venues. This does not just occur on the website either. We have some single friends we know from the clubs and whenever they are dating someone from within the lifestyle they are often treated like they are crazy for thinking that someone from within the LS would be a legitimate dating partner. In otherwords they are treated like if they want sex only, they should look from within the LS. But if they want to date and have a legitimate relationship, they should look from within the vanilla world. Does that clarify it at all?
  4. The fact that you say you have seen it happen proves my point that it IS happening. I agree that the numbers are not balanced and they never are and no where on earth are there any guarentees. My point is that if a single (and I'm talking about true singles here and not cheaters) is open to the idea of finding someone special and conducts him/herself in that manner, then the possibilitys are there. As far as the number of single fems, if the lifestyle were a little more single friendly and was a little more accepting of and supportive of singles finding each other the numbers of single fems would probably increase. For some background info: on the other site I was refering to, any time a single makes any mention that sounds like they are interested in dating or of finding anyone or of having any kind of encounter that isn't strickly a sexual encounter they get bashed for being on a "sex site" and told to go to E-harmony or Match.com. They are often told the only people on that site are only looking for pussy or cock and that the lifestyle is not a place to find a legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend.
  5. On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle. I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle. I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone? What are your thoughts?
  6. I somewhat disagree with your first sentence but do agree with your last. As long as the people with the same limits match up and their partners are ok with it you are good to go. There are quite a few couples out there that have different comfort levels and different speeds. If the female of one half is ready to go and the male of the other half is as well and each of their partners are both still several laps behind there really isn't anything wrong with two people partying like porn stars while the other two are still doing the touchy feely thing. In order for it to work it will need a good degree of communication, understanding and sensitivity though but it certainly can be done and everyone can come away with a smile and no drama.
  7. There was a thread on another forum where a straight couple was complaining how hard it was to find other couples for full swap opportunities. The thread was written by a straight fem and she was complaining how all the attention and play time was going to the bi-fem couples. Since our female half is primarily straight too we have often felt left out a lot as well and I could feel some of this posters pain. However there was another post that made me go, "hmmm?" and reconsider that assumption. It was suggested that bi-fem couples do get more play time but perhaps not more "full swap" play time. True the couples with bi-fems probably see a lot more naked play time but how much of that is spent with the girls rolling around and how much of it is spent full swapping. Since a straight couple's objective is going to be some kind of swap (soft or full) are they really being left in the shadows of the bi-fem couples or are the full swap rates fairly similar to the bi-fem couples? In this thread it was even suggested that straight couples may actually full swap more than bi couples since a lot of the bi couples probably just girl/girl play and leave it at that. I realize there are no true statistics to back up any of this but I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think bi-fem couples "FULL SWAP" more or less or the same amount as primarily straight couples?
  8. Oh I just wanted to add one more thing. It was a about a year from the time we first signed up on a swing site untill we had our first experience and it was about another six months after that before we actually became active in the lifestyle. so I don't think 2 years is necessarily unrealistic or abnormal at all. However like I said in my previous post at some point you are going to have to realise you have done everything in your power and you are just going to have to have some faith in yourselves. Doing research and asking questions is responsible and wise however there will come a point where more opinions will just confuse the issues and cloud the waters.
  9. Those are found where they are and they happen when they happen. That is more about what is happening with the two of you than about others. This is a worthy and legitimate goal but it is about you and not about others. If you have your shit together there is no reason it can't happen in even the simplest of circumstances. If you don't have your own shit together it will not happen no matter how perfect the other people are or how perfect the situation is. As long as you keep the above goal in mind and as long as you use your head and are reasonably responsible and follow your gut instincts and communicate with each other, you should not have a "bad" experience. "bad" experiences happen when people get drunk or stupid, get careless or irresponsible or get selfish and do things without regard to the feelings or wishes of others. You two have probably been somewhat torturing yourselves looking for the perfect match and situation. At some point you are going to have to accept that you have done all it is that you can do and then you are just going to have to take a leap of faith knowing that you have done your best. If you are inteligent, responsible, respectfull and compassionate people and you have given it your all in good faith things will work out for the best.
  10. I stumbled across this old thread and thought I would chime in. I have wondered the same thing as the OP for some time and have enjoyed reading this thread. While I don't think that men drive women into bisexuality or think women are so desparate for attention and foreplay that they turn to each other for comfort I will add a couple observations I have had. #1. I have seen quite a few women that claim to be very bi but when they are "engaged" by a man that is attractive and attentive, they don't show any interest in other women at all. I am a bit of a forum junkie and I have seen other bi women ripping on gals like this in the forums saying they are fakes and "pretend bi" or "bi untill a guy" etc etc. I guess you only win the acceptance of the Bi-Sisterhood when you only play with the girls. #2. One thing that makes me wonder if arvcpl has a point is that I have seen a lot of guys at the clubs that I would describe as being almost downright sexually inert. You know they probably dragged their wife to their first party because they had visions of threeways with Jenna Jamison dancing in their heads but now they sit in the back of club and don't approach women, don't flirt, don't dance and when approached by a woman just kind of smile and answer a few direct questions with as few words as possible and just stand there. I know a lot of people have varying degrees of shyness and I am not an aggressive person myself but c'mon. #3. Somewhat related to #2 I have also seen a number of guys that sit at the table and send their wives out to bring back women like their own little huntress. If this works for them in the end fine, but it seems to me if it is the female half that has to do all the talking, flirting, dancing and schmoozing it also stands to reason that in the end if the clothes come off it is going to be the women that are mashing flesh and the guy is going to end up doing what he did all evening and that is pretty much just sitting there:lol:. IMHO having a huntress is just laziness and lack of initiative and in the end you get what you pay for. #4. I have run into a number of couples that really don't even allow each other to play with members of the opposite sex. They are both ok with her doining some stuff with other women but they get real squeemish at the thought of the other doing anything with the opposite sex. Since guys aren't going to mess with other guys then while the girls are out dancing and feeling each other up the guys are in the back talking sports and monster trucks. #5. I have run into a number of newbie couples at their first club party who came in search of a single Jenna Jamison look alike who would join them for an FMF. They each had a huge fantasy of FMF and came to the club to find a unicorn and had such a specific scenario laid out in their heads that they had no interest or intentions of befriending any couples (other than to have them point out where all the single Fs where....you think I am joking but I'm not). When they realized that there truly were only 2 single Fs in the building and one was 300lbs and the other was 55 years old but looked 68 they were out of there and I haven't seen them back. #6. There are truly only men who only want to see their wife roll around with other women and they themselves have no interest in being with another woman. At first when I came across guys like this I thought they were just saying they don't have interest in other women to keep their own wife happy but in getting to know them a little discover they are sincere and truly don't have an interest. they are just so hung up on seeing their wife with other women that is all that the couple pursues even if the wife herself is 99% straight. These couples scare me because one or both of them have such a specific fantasy that they are pushing themselves and each other into things that are probably an unnatural state for each of them. Those are just a few of the thoughts I had at 8 in the morning, I'm sure I'll come up with something else before too long.
  11. I haven't seen the topic of "reverse dates" brought up on this board and wondered if anyone else had experienced this and if so what are your thoughts and experiences with them. For those not familiar with the term, a reverse date is where you meet, then play, then go out for the evening and do whatever it is that you are going to do ie dinner/drinks/dancing etc. We were not familiar with this term or concept untill we were going out of town a while back to catch up with some old friends and to meet some friends of theirs. While we were discussing plans and itinerary for the evening our friends wisely suggested we have a reverse date since it was going to be such a busy evening. What ended up happening is they showed up at our room early in the evening. We had about 5 minutes of catching up chit-chat and then the clothes came off and we had a hot and steamy encounter. After we all caught our breath we got dressed and then went out for the rest of the evening. I gotta tell ya, it was a great experience and I have to recommend it if the circumstances are appropriate to do so. the rest of the evening everyone was so relaxed and able to be themselves it made for a wonderfull night of socializing. There was no wondering of "will they or won't they?" and there was no tension from everyone knowing what they want to do but noone has the guts to make the first offer. Also, the sex was great because everyone was 100% sober and well rested and there was no glancing at the clock because it's so late and everyone has things they have to do early the next morning. Now I do have to add that these were established friends and previous play partners. It's not for everyone or for every date by any means. But for those established and trusted friends a reverse date may be just the ticket. Have any of you ever had any reverse dates and if so what are your thougts and experiences with them?
  12. Our situations had some similarities to yours. We also had a good sex life and my wife also enjoyed amateur group porn. When the idea first came up we looked at is as possibly going to an on-premise swing club that had a "group room" and just going in and watching and playing with each other and not have sex with others. That may be worth discussing. Also we were both very conservative and traditional and the thing that we maintained from our first discussions untill present day is that swinging is just a facet of our love and sex life and when we play with others it is still about our shared experience as a couple. In other words it is not about having sex with other people, we are making love together as a couple, it just happens that there are other people involved. The other people are not the objective. They are just providing additional excitment and stimulation to our sexual experience. If you can make the approach that it is about YOUR experience as a couple rather than just screwing other people it may make a difference. But keep in mind that the vast majority of the world's population is vanilla by choice. Most people choose to be monogamous and really are only interested in traditional marriage and relationships.
  13. I think they are completely different. To me swinging is something that a couple does together and has a strict set of rules under which they operate. Whereas an in an open marriage the individuals may choose to be married and they may still have a set of rules they follow but they are each able to pursue and enjoy separate relationships on their own outside of their marriage. For us when we swing it is something we do together and is part of our sex life as a couple. We do not each pursue our own interests or engage in any kind of sex or relationships without the other. The only thing that separates us from June and Ward Clever ( from the TV show "Leave it to Beaver" for those of you under 35:lol:) is that we sometimes share our bed with others on a purely recreational basis. Those in open marriages often have "relationships" in addition to their primary marriage. We call ourselves "sexual swingers but emotional monogamists." Obviously the lines between "open marriage" and "polyamorous" and "swinging separately" etc can get pretty blurry and often overlap at various points.
  14. Hi, everyone. This is an interesting feature and a great service you are all providing. Please take a look at our profile and feel free to tell us whatever you think. We are always trying to tweek it here and there so any thoughts and insights will be helpfull. Thank you gnb4u on swinglifestyle.
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