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babycole

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babycole last won the day on February 18 2009

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About babycole

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 06/29/1977

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Louisiana
  • Swinging Experience
    1 1/2 years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    babycole

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  1. Yep, we've been there! Had great time with Mr. Stud, while Mrs. Deadfish just basically laid there. We were a good "friend" match, so we decided, maybe she was just "off" that night. Round 2.....well, again, Mrs. Deadfish made her appearance. We went away for the night with them, and the next morning while me, my hubby, and Mr. Stud played around in the bed, she packed!!! Well, needless to say, we cut out the play while remaining friends with them. They are now getting a divorce, and she claims that she never, ever enjoyed the lifestyle, she was only doing it because she thought that would help their marriage. Although, that was never something she communicated to her hubby or to us, her friends.......Oh well, just another person who wrongfully thought that swinging could fix what was already starting to fall apart! Becareful of the Mr. Stud/Mrs. Deadfish combos!!!!
  2. Ok, I tend to be a pretty trusting person, so if you say you just want to check out the club with this co-worker, then I won't bash you for wishing to do so. However, if you really feel like a visit to the club will help , I agree with the above posters who suggest you forget about the co-worker (she is just putting you on!), and just grab your girl and go. But, if you are still apprehensive about the whole swinging thing, maybe you should do a bit more exploring of the feelings of why you are apprehensive before throwing yourselves into the world of swinging by hitting the club. Obviously, there is no rule that says you have to go and play if you visit there, but if you are an overly jealous person or overly insecure person, how would you feel if you bring your girlfriend and she is getting hit on by other guys and girls alike? While no play is automatically expected of anyone, the general assumption, i think, of swingers clubs are that those who are there, are there to play. The same might be assumed of you guys, so some flirting probably will ensue. My suggestion is that you sit down with your girlfriend, explore the questions of the curious on this board. Do some serious conversating on the subject and explore the fantasies of the two of you being with other people before you ever venture into the club! Good Luck!!!
  3. Also, I have to say we just talk about everything more in general. It has helped us work through so many more problems more smoothly...big ones and little ones. It has helped us open up to admitting our desires (sexual and non-sexual) so much more, and without worrying what will be thought of them, because we know that no matter what, we can work through it. So not only has it made our marriage stronger in the bedroom, but all the way around!!!! And for that, I am so grateful!
  4. Hmmmm....I really can't say that the tag line usually is a big deal for us. Of course, a funny, witty one always catches our eyes, but that's an ideal quality that I personally look for in a person that I will be around. I would say why not search profiles that are not in your area, and if you see a tag line that you just absolutely love, borrow it. The likelyhood that person coming across yours and saying "They stole our tag line" is very minimal if any. As far as the Bon Temps Roulez line, my first thought was, "Oh, they must be from Louisiana too", but you guys are from NJ. If that thought comes from maybe a great time in New Orleans or if you're from the area, then if anyone asked, then you would have an explanation. But it's a great saying so if you are feeling it, then go for it! One thing I would just absolutely suggest is that you make sure the tag line has proper spelling and punctuation. To me, that's a big turn off. While of course typo's do happen, just make sure that you take the time to check that! And then, as, of course, as we would say down here in South Louisiana....Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez!!!!!!
  5. I would have to agree with the majority of the posters before me. First of all, NO, I would NOT ever suggest taking any of my children, boys or girls, to a more experienced person to learn about great sex. Age appropriate education on sex will be taught to the best of our abilities at the appropriate times. Questions will be answered honestly and open for discussion as they come about. I don't think as teenagers, we would have been able to understand the concept of non-monogamy. Our life and love experiences at that point in our lives did not allow for us to even fathom the idea of sharing each other without getting jealous. That was something that evolved for us, and discovering it together was a great part of that journey! I wouldn't deny that learning and discovering process from my kids. I think as far as my advice on them finding a good mate. I would hope that I can raise kids who are confident in what they want in love and life and that they will find a good match based upon what they are taught and shown through the love that my husband and I have for each other. I think if they grow up that way, they will be wise enough to apply that to all aspects of their relationship. That they will find partners who compliment them in many ways, including sex. Life is about living and learning, and while it is always tempting to doing things for our kids so they won't make the same mistakes as we did, that also denies them that lesson that we may have learned through those mistakes. Why deny them that? After all, what may work for us with sex, may not be the same things that works for them, right?
  6. After talking to my hubby more about this, he doesn't want me to completely write this guy off. We are still just gonna take this in baby steps. And it may just end up being that we can only be friends with this guy with no sexual interactions involved (which is just fine by me). His reasoning is because even though we are swingers who can separate sex from feelings, he's worried that I won't be able to separate it where this guy is concerned and that maybe that might not be a good thing. So for now, he wants to just become more involved in the friendship that I have with this guy and to kind of re-establish the friendship that he once had with this guy. Through our conversations, after having him read all the posts on here, I have come to realize that it's not an insecurity about our relationship, just a hesitancy on this situation. So, baby steps it is for us to see where it will take us. And in the meantime, I'll just be extra careful to not push anything, just to let it evolve as it may.
  7. To respond to Julie, from what we have learned, their marriage has been rather rocky from the start. When we came into becoming swinging partners with them, we were not aware of this. By the time it became apparent to us (they were great at facades), we had already became friends with this couple. That was the point in time where we stopped any sexual activities with them, and just remained as friends. They separated for a few months, got back together, and they are separated again now. So, I'm not so sure that his feelings for me were the reason for the split. Especially since realizing these feelings for what they were, we have limited our contact with each other (which wasn't hard to do as they lived several hours away), and just remained on a friendly level. But who can say what goes on in someone else's mind for sure, right? And yes, before any moves will be made towards anything (if that's what my husband and I agree on), there will be have to be a definite splitting of the two, not just let's separate and see how things turn out. As far as Ivory's response, that is exactly how I feel. If my husband found someone who he could happily carry on a relationship with, and he and that other woman were respectful of our marriage and my feelings and were willing to communicate in all ways to make sure that things were going nicely, then I would be absolutely sooooo excited for them! And you are right, having 3 children ourselves, I can definitely say that I was able to love the 2nd & 3rd without sacrificing any of the love I feel for our first! And I feel the same way about the really close friends I have. I truly feel love for them, and the love I have for them does not threaten my marriage. I also have sex with other men through swinging with my husband. That does not threaten my marriage. Maybe this is too much logical thinking on my part, but if that is how that works, why can't I have a friend that I love and that I have sex with that doesn't threaten my marriage as well? That's just basically how I've looked at this...
  8. Ok, first of all my apologies on not being able to figure out how to directly quote each of you guys on this reply. Secondly, Thanks for all of your honest opinions! I am always glad to be able to get different points of views on situations. Doing that sorta helps you gain new perspectives on it that maybe you wouldn't have seen otherwise! Mrs. Fuse: I can appreciate your opinions coming from a situation where you guys have loved more than just your own spouse! And you may have hit on something in your posting. I haven't gave my husband 100% confidence that nothing would change between us if we brought this other guy into our relationship. I am not disillusioned to think that it wouldn't affect us in someway. I mean, even just logistically, if I'm with someone else without my husband there as well, then I'm not spending time with my husband. We had discussed this previously and were well aware that would occur. I think the key to that, like everything else we've experienced in the lifestyle would be communication, communication, and more communication. If I were doing something that left my husband feeling neglected, I would expect him to let me know so that I could change that. I would expect to be able to go to him the same way if the shoe was on the other foot. I am also not disillusioned to think that all of this could happen without a hitch. I know that it would take talking and work from all parts to establish something that was comfy for all. I know that if I were in my hubby's place, even though I am open to him having that kind of relationship with another woman, I know I would have my own issues and reservations from time to time as well! And of course, I think this would all be easier to swallow if it was a quad thing rather than a single guy coming into the mix. My husband and this guy were friends, but when I expressed that I felt more for him than normally would be expected, my husband started to pull away. Right now where we are at with things is having my hubby get comfy with him again, while I continue to maintain a completely platonic friendship with him. Barnsworth: I can see how this would definitely intrigue you since you too had the same "rule" as we did about feelings becoming involved. I have to tell you, that these feelings came as a rather complete surprise to me. I think part of this was due to inexperience on our part (this was the first couple we had fully swapped with), and being naive about how to be "friends" with swinging partners. I have since learned (as we still consider ourselves swingers) not to have so much one on one contact with the guys I am involved with. Apparently, I am a person who connects with people easily and it's easy for others to connect with me as well. So even the couples that we have soft swapped with in the begging, I have some sort of connection with. If they are going through hard times, I am feeling their pain. If they are having great times, I'm celebrating with them. I'm like that with anyone I meet. Anyhow, basically what happened here is that we (this new guy and I) were in complete denial of what was happening between us. We had just thought we had found the perfect swinging partners. It wasn't until months later, after we had stopped sleeping with each other that we realized that it was more than that. So now, I definitely take precautions to ensure that I don't get too close to the people I swing with. Live and learn I guess, right? Also, I think you may be dead on about insecurity really being just a negative response to the situation! That makes me feel tons better!! I will definitely have him read all of this thread when he gets in, and maybe some of what you guys have posted he will relate to and this will help me understand his feelings on all of this a little better. As far as how I feel for this other guy. I think things have been better understood by my husband once I described to him exactly how I feel for this guy, instead of just saying "I love him too". The best way I could describe this is I love him like a brother, but in a weird sense, since I of course have slept with him before. And I don't even know that my ideal kind of situation with this guy wouldn't just be a true "friends with benefits" kinda situation instead of a poly one. I really am not looking for another husband. And I do think that since that is how I feel, and I am not asking this guy to make a life-long commitment to me (that's what I have with my hubby, I'm not looking to replace that or gain another), I really feel like I have no place in asking of any kind of sacrifice or commitment to this potentially single guy. What do y'all think?
  9. Thanks for your responses and your good luck wishes! Not having the kind of poly, friends with benefits, etc. relationship with this guy is definitely an option! It's what has been so far. And I totally agree that it is especially important to move at the pace of the slowest person! And I'm not so much looking for advice on how to move hubby along or speed up the process of him deciding that this is in our best interest. I understand fully that he may never decide that taking it to that new level would be ok, and I am ok with that. What I am looking for is info on how to make him a little less insecure and more confident in our own relationship, which is a great one already! Maybe I am looking at this wrong? It just seems to me that his insecurities seem like either #1: That he's not as secure in our own relationship as he claims, or that #2: He hasn't fully grasped the possibility of more than one love? During our swinging experiences, I am always the one that tends to form the friendships, relationships, bonds, etc. while he could really care less about the people we play with. I guess saying that I am way more emotionally open than him would be appropriate. But, the part that bothers me more than the possibility that we may or may not have a poly situation blooming is that he possibly doesn't have the confidence in our relationship that I always thought we had. What are your thoughts?
  10. Hi All! I'd like to present a situation that maybe you guys would have some advice or words of wisdom on. My husband and I joined the wonderful, crazy world of swinging a little over 2 years ago. While we have had several playmates, one couple really stood out for us. They were more than just sex partners, they were people that we became real friends with. We got together as couples and even several occasions with our kids. They've been to our kids' birthday parties and vice versa. We stopped swinging with them when they started having some relationship problems towards the end of 2007, and haven't been sexual with them since. Now they have been separated for two months and things aren't looking great for them. So here is where the issue I would like advice on comes into play.... While the wife of this couple and I have stayed friendly acquaintances, the guy of the other couple and I have become really, really great friends. From the start, we just clicked like two old friends who had known each other forever, and the sexual chemistry that we had was incredible. When we all first started chatting (we met them on a swinger's website) it was a daily thing for almost a month before our schedules would allow us to meet in person. Between the phone and the chats on the computer (which mostly happened between him and I) the friendship grew quickly. At the time, I didn't realize that this could possibly ever become more than the two of us just finding the perfect swinging partners. Anyhow, to make a long story short, after quite a while of the two of us being in big time denial that we were feeling anything other than sexual chemistry and great friendship, we realized that we both felt deeper than that for each other. After coming to that realization, the two of us have been very careful to keep our feelings for each other in check and to not cross any lines. After I realized exactly what I was feeling, I gathered up the courage to tell my husband that I was having feelings for this guy (We had said back when we first started that if feelings ever developed then we would cut things off with the couple so I was soooo worried that I would have to cut contact). While his original reaction was hurt and anger, once he got over those first feelings, we had many, many, many discussions on what it would be like to bring someone else into our relationship. While we knew that it would not happen with this guy because he was married and his wife was no longer even comfortable with him having a sexual attraction to me or any other woman (a result of their rocky marriage, I'm sure, as her and I still stayed acquaintances), we still discussed how this would play out in our relationship between each other. We kinda left it as we would leave ourselves open to this, dealing with things as they would come up and make decisions based on how things played out and felt at the time. Here's the problem now. Now that he and his wife are separated, and may be making their way to a divorce, the possibility for him to play some other role in my life besides just a great friend is there. I know that the feelings we have for each other could quickly resurface. And I'm well aware of the fact that he could get back together with his wife and that this could not be a possibility. But part of me is excited about that possibility of being able to have him as a playmate again. However, now that we are faced with the very real possibility that someone else could become part of our life as something more than just a playmate, my husband is having to work through some big fears. He says that he cannot help but worry that this will affect our marriage in a bad way. He also is having some insecurities, like what if she likes him better than she likes me. I think some of this comes from him not having a complete understanding of how I could possibly love more than one person at a time in a romantic love kinda way. I've explained it all to him as best as I can, and I think he is understanding it all a bit more now. He is still open to all of the possibilities in this, but we have just decided to start with baby steps to it all. I was just curious if you guys had any advice for me on how to help him along in this process. Is there a really great way for me to explain to him how loving more is a very real thing? Is there a way for me to help ease his worries about it all? I really hate him feeling insecure or jealous in anyway. I hate seeing him fret over this. Especially when I know that through this all, my love for him has not changed, lessened, or disappeared, even though my love for this other man has grown. So any advice any of you may have that you have experienced that has worked for you would be appreciated!! Much thanks in advance & love to you all for your responses!!!
  11. If you go over to visit the neighbors and they ask if you'd like a drink, and you realize as they are mixing it that all of their alcohol bottles have labels with their names on them!
  12. Our first time was a myriad of emotions, but I have to say, none of those feelings included jealousy. It was a very exciting experience, just for the fact that we were finally participating in something that we had been fantasizing about for quite some time. I have to say that in the fantasies, I would get soooo turned on by the thoughts of my husband with another woman, but it wasn't that way for me that first time. I think that my own thoughts got in the way too much for me to really enjoy any of it. My head just wouldn't shut up. It was constantly saying "I can't believe we're doing this. This is weird. etc..." I had to shed all of those "monogamous" thoughts from my head in order to start enjoying the lifestyle. Luckily, those thoughts only entered my head that very first time. Now, when I see a woman that really knows how to get my guy all hot, it's very exciting to me, and I get a great sense of "joy" from seeing him have such a good time, and in turn, once I know that he is in a state of pleasure, I am able to enjoy myself as well.
  13. Our first swap was soft swap only (we were just sticking our toes in the water first to see how it felt). But with that experience, it felt like unfinished business to us, so after that we decided we would be more than fine with full swap. We have had times though, if it was my time of the month, where we have just soft swapped with others, but then again, still felt like unfinished business to us. So, we voted for "maybe, but only if we really liked them". We would soft swap with others under certain conditions, but if we really liked them, we'd certainly feel the need to fill the slots with the tabs one day soon thereafter!
  14. Yep, we both had sex in high school. And yes, still having sex with the same ones we sexed it up with at 15, each other!!!!
  15. I have to say, although I'm naturally a brunette more of an auburn tint to it, but I am always changing my hair to keep things different. I recently decided to go red, and I can tell you that I have had a tremendous response from our male friends that have seen pics of me since! And yes, one of the comments made was... "So, I see you've decided to go red....you know what they say, red on the head, fire in the bed" So maybe there is something to it, lol!
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