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AlexisC
Registered-
Content Count
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Joined
Community Reputation
15 GoodAbout AlexisC
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Rank
Just Getting Started
- Birthday 08/14/1987
Personal Info
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Relationship Status
Confused
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Location
Washington
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AlexisC started following I'm a single female, with a boyfriend, and having sex with other men
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I'm a single female, with a boyfriend, and having sex with other men
AlexisC replied to AlexisC's topic in Swinging Solo
I'd really rather not get into this argument, but I will say the definitions only mean as much as you want to apply them... By the dictionary definition I am a swinger, by your personal (and possibly community) definition I am not. Likewise cheating is going to be defined differently by person, couple, and community. I'm not sure if I'm reading this how you meant it, so correct me if I misinterpret. There is plenty of compromise in my relationship, and I don't think I implied otherwise. If I thought that any of this would seriously damage my relationship then I would never have done anything at all. I have a good bearing on my relationship, and I'm not worried about it. I can see that you are bringing a lot of personal experience to this conversation, I think that may be making it a bit emotionally charged. Should I not be posting here? In the most specific sense I am still posting here because I started this thread. This is the only place I have posted. Why am I still posting in this thread? Because as long as you and others are responding I'll reply to you. I've been around message boards enough to know that it's generally considered "rude" to start a thread and then disappear. This thread and the responses have given me a lot to think about. Just one more boost in helping me to figure out where to go with all this. On a broader scale, why did I show up here at all? Because I have been talking to a couple who are very active swingers in the area. They made me re-examine my idea of "swingers" (for example I didn't know a single, male or female, could be apart of the lifestyle). I started researching, and I found this board which has been a wealth of information. So even if I never post in another thread I'll probably stick around and lurk through the archives. I was looking for advice mostly about how my situation could be perceived. Which has given me a lot to think about. This thread has kind of taken on a life of it's own, but that happens. I don't know that I have to be looking for anything to be here? I guess I'm just looking for information at this point in time. I mentioned before that I've been talking to a couple for a little while now, and they are members of one of the local clubs. So currently that's more or less the "who" of what I'm looking for.- 27 replies
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I'm a single female, with a boyfriend, and having sex with other men
AlexisC replied to AlexisC's topic in Swinging Solo
So the cheating not-cheating argument is more then a little charged. I think that it's not always so black and white. I know I'm to close to the situation to be objective about it. And as hypocritical as it will sound to some people, I'm very against cheating/cheaters/etc. I just see this as something I am doing for me, and not to him. It might be a tiny distinction, and I'm probably just justifying things to myself... but that's how I see it. I also think it's over simplifying to say that the choice is "what do you want more, him or sexual freedom and forget the other one". I know that my relationship is more important to me. But I wouldn't want to deny apart of myself anymore then I would want him to. That's hard to say. I am absolutely certain it's not something that would put an end to our relationship. *bolding mine* That's probably the best advice I've gotten so far; thank you. I'm thinking about bringing it back up with him, it's been a while since we originally talked about it. It's just hard.- 27 replies
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I'm a single female, with a boyfriend, and having sex with other men
AlexisC replied to AlexisC's topic in Swinging Solo
Thanks for all the responses... that's more or less what I expected to hear. A little harsh in some places, but I guess the truth hurts It was a part of our "what's cheating" talk a while back. He was saying that he was okay with it but didn't want to know about it. I told him that for me I would rather know about it if he did anything. It is obviously not an ideal situation. I completely understand why most people would be uncomfortable with my situation. And, how's this for a catch-22, now I'm wondering if I would want to play with the types who were okay with it. You have all given me a lot to think about.- 27 replies
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It I'm trying to figure out if I should pursue swinging as a single female, without telling my boyfriend. This is probably something I can only really decide on my own, but I'm also interested in how this situation will be perceived by others. So here are the dirty details... I've been with my boyfriend for about four years, and I am very much in love with him. I've talked to him before about swinging or something like it and at this point in time it is really not for him. He told me a while back that if I decided to do something with another man that he would rather not know about it. He wants me to be happy, but it's obviously something that he's really not comfortable with, and I wouldn't want him to be something he is not. I know that in general communication is a huge part of this lifestyle. Which is why I can see people having a real problem with my situation. I have met two men for sex recently. I don't feel guilty at all about it, I see it as something I am doing for me, not to him. *sigh* So I don't know exactly what I'm asking, I just don't know where to go from here.
- 27 replies