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two42lovers

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two42lovers last won the day on September 3 2008

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About two42lovers

  • Rank
    Luv seeing friends quiver
  • Birthday 04/02/1965

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    California central coast
  • Interests
    scuba diving, sport sex
  • Swinging Experience
    about two years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    two42lovers

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  1. We haven't seen much of that - certainly isn't a majority... Sounds like they are morons - why give them a second thought?
  2. Hmmmm. We think you have that wrong. You are hearing this from people who don't play with solo guys. They are a minority in the lifestyle. (Just look at the polls re playing with solo guys here on SB.) More couples are open to playing with single guys than not. There are a LOT of successful solo guys in the lifestyle. There's no accounting for taste, and there is no point in fretting about people's preferances. If they choose not to play with solo guys, you don't have a chance anyway - so why care what they think? If they aren't attracted to you, move on. Don't take rejection personally - they don't even know you. BUT listen carefully to the posts in this thread. They are full of insight - and everyone answering you here is doing you a favor. Bottom line for us personally is we play with solo guys, but more often than not we play with couples. Best bet is to find a swing partner and play as a couple. You will have many more options, and many more opportunities to play. Good luck!
  3. Something about this is a little confusing... it was great except it was bad? Best place to look for experienced solo guys are swing sites. Look for guys with multiple certifications from couples who've actually had sex with him. (Couples - not single women. How well a guy does 1-on-1 doesn't have anything to do with how well he'll do with a couple in a MFM.) Picking guys with certs will go a long way towards helping you avoid guys with performance issues. The guys on CL tend to be wannabees - there are worthwhile playmates to be found there, but they are mixed in with tons of losers. Same is true for the swing sites, if you are talking about the tons of solo guys with no certifications, but guys who are certified tend to be a much better pool of potential playmates. Inexperienced playmates don't know how they'll perform in an MFM - how can they? There's imagination, and then there is doing. Everyone tends to be more nervous when they are inexperienced, and for guys it often means they won't be able to get or stay erect.
  4. We enjoy getting those "had a great time, looking forward to doing it again" emails after a play date - especially if it was a new-to-us single guy. Lets us know they had fun and are open to more. If we don't hear from someone, it almost invariably means we'll not be seeing them again anytime soon. Best bet is to send a note saying you had fun and are up for more when the time is right. It's a fine line for solo guys playing with couples, with pitfalls on both sides. If the guy doesn't send a note, we figure they are pretty-much gonna be "once and gone". If they send an email suggesting another specific play date, we consider it overly eager and a bit pushy. Not that we'd cut them off - but we'd reign them in by saying we'll let them know when we're open (and of course then they can let us know if they are free.)
  5. Very, very creepy... maybe this kind of crap is something we've managed to avoid by sticking with more intimate settings? We tend towards private parties where everyone is a known quantity, or at least they have explicity agreed to the Ask First rule as a condition of being invited. We think the whole premise about him stopping when you said stop is wrong. He should never have touched you at all until he asked and you said yes. Ask First is the Golden Rule of swinging. If you have to say "stop" they've already crossed the line. Totally agree about the big down-side to getting confrontational. Naturally when the guy didn't listen, you got louder telling him to stop - bringing on your husband's intervention (as it should.) But maybe if your hubby gave you a little more time to stand up to the creep and stare him away, it might have worked, and been the end of it? The best bet is to go to the host or bouncer, and ask them to deal with it, but how do you do that if you can't get away? If your husband saw what was going on he could step between you and the creep (but not lay a hand or even raise his voice) and walk away with you. It would be pretty hard to do... Who knows, maybe the guy will be assinine enough to follow you to somewhere more private...
  6. Interesting thoughts - also interesting to hear the various ways people read the various posts. Only goes to remind us words mean what the hearer thinks they mean, not what the speaker thinks or intends. That works if you see "swinging" in terms of a personal philosopy independant of actions, but not so well if "swinging" means specific behaviors. If you say you are a doc because you went to med school, then yes, you are a doctor. But instead of the word "doctor" try using the term "practicing physician". (Changes the whole point of the statement, and no, you would not be a practicing physician if you have never seen a patient. Yes, we can call anybody anything, but no, just because someone is a "cowboy" in their own mind doesn't mean they are a cowboy who works with cattle. If we're having a round-up and we need cowboys, we need real cowboys -lol!) But we have to pay attention to other people's definitions. Swinging involves an agreement bewteen people to have sex. The way people define it is all-important. Suppose a couple see's themselves as "swingers" but they have never played. If you ask them "are you swingers?" their "yes" is going to mean something very different than if you asked the same question to a couple who actually plays. People come to SB to think about and discuss swinging. To say everyone has their own definition, and no definition is any better than another, is a judgemental statement. It cuts off people from discussing, and implies anyone who chooses not to be existential in their approach is bad and wrong. In our opinion, a single who knows how to play well with a couple is worth their weight in gold. Whether a single is in that catagory, and what defines it, is what this thread is about. The OP asks some good questions. Defining what swinging is, and how/if singles fit, is worthwhile because it gives everyone a chance to think things through, hear from others, and perhaps come to a better, more thoughtful pespective.
  7. Finding a female for a "straight" FMF is pretty-much the proverbial needle in a haystack... it will be much easier to find couples you'll both enjoy. Swinging is about sharing a sexual adventure with the love of your life. It's all about the two of you, and the good thing you share together. It's about seeing each other turned on and sharing intense sexual times. Make it all about each other's pleasure. Follow your turn ons together. Be all about pleasing each other, and seeing each other pleased. Have a blast, and good luck!
  8. Your last sentance says it all. You will have to make your choices and live with the consequences. One way to go is to come up with a long-range plan. Prepare to be patient. Bringing your husband with you into an open marriage will take time, and willingness to delay getting into swinging until he warms up to the idea (and of course he may never warm up to it.) How long will it take? No way to know. How long are you willing to be patient? You wronged your husband, but no doubt you are also struggling to be true to yourself as a sexual being. Swinging is the way to go - being completely honest - but you've hurt your chances of bringing your husband into the lifestyle by cheating. You've made it more difficult than it needed to be by breaking his trust. Maybe you should be prepared to be doubly-patient, as he works through his feelings? Good luck!
  9. At the house parties we've hosted and attended, most the couples tend to split up and play seperately some of the time. It would be pretty easy to mix and match... Wow. Hmmmm. Don't know where you are, but our experience has been very different. Hot guys - looks, body, hair (lol!) - come to our parties all the time. Then again, there is no accounting for taste, and what rings one woman's bell might not do it for another.
  10. Interesting. Even so, just because some guy somewhere at some point in time said "recreational sex" is the definition of swinging doesn't make it so. People have said a lot of things about sex for a lot of reasons over the years, and many have stated their opinions with great certainty. (Even to the point of jailing those who didn't go along - but that's a different subject.) If an uncommitted person having consentual sex is all it takes to be a swinger, all the world are swingers. Totally agree, but what does it have to do with discussing the differences, if any, between "regular" singles who have casual/no-committments sex, and "lifestyle" singles? If there is no difference, why do so many say couples should look for singles in the lifestyle, verses vanilla singles who don't know the "rules"? (If those vanilla singles like recreational sex, they ARE swingers according to your definition.)
  11. So two guys having recreational sex in a public toilet is swinging? (Seems to fit your definition perfectly.) The OP is asking what is the difference is between singles in the lifestyle verses singles who simply enjoy sex outside the bounds of committment. Whether or not singles are called "swingers" or "players" - or any term - is irrelevant. Couples who play are not better or more real than singles who play - but singles and couples have very different perspectives and objectives. The question is a good one - what is the difference, if any, between "regular" singles who have casual/no-committments sex, and "lifestyle" singles?
  12. We really like Julie's definition, but then started thinking... Are couples who only do threesomes with one gender swingers? (For example, if they play with women only, because they are not comfortable with the female-half playing with other men?) We'd say yes, but that means guys who are not OK with their wives playing with other guys can still be swingers... As far as we can tell, the only common denominator for swingers is honesty with their play-partners, and doing everything above board and with the consent of their significant other. If you are solo your circumstances are very different as compared to couples. Whether singles are "swingers" or not depends on how you define the word. Singles can certainly be players in the lifestyle just like married couples. Singles have no commitment to a spouse, so the the whole notion of recreational sex is very different for them, and the "eye-glass" they see swingdom through is also very different.
  13. We weren't there, and the OP has been skimpy on the details. We assume it was exactly as she saw it, and the problem is all the hosts. The OP couple will do well to avoid their parties in the future. We've had solo women come to our parties and play with most everyone - but we have at times also noticed some of the guys taking up WAY more of their play time than others. It can be very selfish - especially when the guy is very aggressive and it's pretty clear she is "tolerating it" and not really into it. It really seals it when the solo woman complains to us afterwards... this has happened a couple times. Guys like that are excluded - doesn't matter how hot their wife is.
  14. Have to disagree. Some guys have come to our house parties and "hogged" the women they find attractive. We've seen women hog the women they find attractive, too. They've cut in on two people who are having sex, and push the one out of their way - literally cutting in and taking over. They push to have sex multiple times with the women they want, are very aggressive, they don't ask, and they do what they can get away with by being pushy. Needless to say, these types are not invited back.
  15. People don't come to SB to be called degrading names or to be told that simply asking something means they have no sense. A woman cannot get pregnant from soft swap or same sex play. Why is the OP automatically stupid, why does sharing her concerns/situation/desires mean she has no sense? For the record, we agree with not full swapping, but she and her husband could have a memorable way to concieve their child.
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