Jump to content

a. synonymy

Registered
  • Content Count

    6
  • Joined

Community Reputation

35 Excellent

About a. synonymy

  • Rank
    Just Getting Started
  • Birthday 08/03/1980

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Florida
  1. Thanks for all of the responses, we really appreciate it. My wife sat down the other night to read my post and everyone's responses and we talked about it again for a few hours. She's going to try to come here to speak on behalf of herself, but she's not big on message boards - so I don't know when that might be, but possibly tonight. Anyways, let me try to answer some of the questions and she can correct me if I'm wrong when she gets a chance to respond. The biggest question you guys have mentioned is: Why does she feel that way? To be honest, that's not a question I can personally answer, since I'm not the one who has those feelings. I can say that I think she would be comfortable with a strictly sexual relationship between me and another girl, but by-in-large, she distinctively prefers that I have some sort of relationship with the girl and she's made this clear to me on many occasions. She doesn't want it to be an affair - she wants me to be honest with both of them - but she's interested in the idea of me going out on dates, talking about my 'other' relationship with with her and us even doing casual, everyday things as a group. It should also be noted that she's not typically curious when it comes to her own sexuality and in this situation, she's not interested in having a 3-way relationship where she's romantically attached to the other girl, but she does want me to pursue an additional relationship on the side for both her and my pleasure. I think a lot of it stems from her development growing up - when she was in her early teens. She read a book or two about men who had a very dominating relationships and they had a wife and a mistress on the side. She admits to me that it could be the root of her feelings, but doesn't know for certain. I feel like she's acquired a strong taste for a male role in those respects and that this literature had a profound effect on her. She wants a situation where I have a woman I care about very deeply, even possibly love if I were so inclined, in tandem (not competition) with my marriage to her. Another large piece to the puzzle is the full swap we were very close to taking part in. The one thing I could tell she was interested in most was that myself and the other couple's woman would trade text messages, known to both of our spouses, that were sexual and romantic throughout the day. It wasn't something I intended to do at the start, nor do I think the other girl intended it - but, it happened and my wife was truly interested and turned on by what was said and that specific relationship dynamic. At any rate, those two pieces of the puzzle sort of opened this doorway into conversation and I began flirting with some of the women at my work in response to it. As it stands, the flirting is always innocent and I'm pretty sure I want it to stay that way for a while (at least at work). I find work to be a very precarious place to consider doing any of this, particularly since some of my close relatives and friends work in different departments within the same building. There are certain women who have come on to me there, clearly interested in the flirting, but they're usually married (possibly considering cheating) or simply looking for quick attention - neither is feasible for a relationship in my opinion. We also agree with everyone who said communication is key. If I haven't displayed that we already are very open and honest about it, let me reaffirm that we are and if we were in a relationship that involved a third person, we would absolutely continue that tradition. Vol, my wife has repeatedly told me that she's not interested in having a boyfriend. We often 'dirty talk' about having different partners during sex and she is always the first to state, in the wake of intercourse, how she likes talking about it but isn't interested in being with another guy in the least. She might be lying to me or even herself, but I'm fairly convinced that she's being honest. I'm sure she'll speak for herself as soon as she gets a chance to post. As for me, I'm not necessarily against her having a boyfriend, but I haven't given it much thought since she shows an aversion toward it whenever it comes up. To be honest, I'm not aggressively looking for it right now which is one of the reasons I have so many questions for you guys. If I do start to pursue it, I want to have some knowledge and expectations on how to handle it. She wants me to go out with some of my friends (several of which are women) at my work, go drinking with them and to clubs. I plan on doing this and seeing what happens. She even remarked once to me about a girl she found at her own work that she thought I would be attracted to and would be a good candidate for this scenario. The girl didn't stay at the job long enough for that to pan out, but like was said earlier by some of you, it would be a much easier situation for her to setup on her end than I. Anyways, I appreciate all of the suggestions. Feel free to poke and prod me some more for any questions you might have and offer any advice you feel I need or should be aware of. Hopefully my wife will post in the next day or so, if not tonight. Thanks again!
  2. Let me first apologize in advance if this (or something similar) has been covered and discussed extensively already. I'm sure my situation is not entirely new or original, but it is for me, so I'm throwing it out there. If you've got any experience or advice you'd like to drop my/our way, by all means, please do so. I also apologize for the length but the reality is that this deal has some history to it that I think is relevant. My wife (25) and I (27) have been married for five years, we have a son that just turned two. For several years, we've talked in foreplay about having other partners - but it was just talk for a very long time and nothing more. After the baby was born our sexuality dwindled considerably and until last summer, it seemed like it was going to evaporate into nothing. Well, at some point over the summer we both started seriously (and excitedly) considering the idea of swinging and perused some of the sites regarding it. We put a discreet profile out there, met a couple and after careful consideration, we had them over for dinner and whatever might come. To start off the night, we began fooling around with our own wives but no one ever 'made the move' and it ended up being a nervous and awkward event. They courteously left the next day and nothing happened. We continued to talk to the couple and decided to reschedule another night, but eventually we started getting cold feet about it and just decided to put the site and our vague and fledgling relationship with them behind us. So we did, but with some strange side effects remained lingering. My feelings about her with another guy are in somewhat flux, but for the most part, if it's the right guy/situation, I'm confident I could deal with it - considering seeing her with another man, as for many guys, is a huge turn on. For me, it's even a bigger turn on than getting it off with another woman. But my feelings are sporadic in this regard, so I can't say for certain how I feel. She, on the other hand, doesn't necessarily want to be with another man anymore. What she does want, from both a sexual and emotional angle, is that I explore having a relationship with another woman, but not strictly sexual. She wants me to have a real girlfriend on the side. Now I trust my wife on this. She's fully aware of this site and my posting here, as she'll no doubt read it upon me showing it to her (she may even participate). That being said, I want it to be known that she's not looking to split up our relationship or cover for something she's doing on the side. She's genuinely enjoyed talking about the idea, as far as I can tell, of me doing sexual things and emotional things (dating, caring for, commitment) with another woman. For the average married guy, I suppose this is an easy situation - you get to have sex outside of your marriage at your wife's consent, what could be better than that? And trust me, I see the advantages to it. That being said, I have some serious concerns... My major concern is who the hell would want something like that? How do I approach it with someone? We've done some extensive research on polyamory and swinging, so we're both comfortable with me having another girl who I have a relationship with, but I just don't even know where to begin to look for such a thing. How do you even breach that subject with someone I like without looking like I'm trying to find a clever way to cheat on your wife? I find people are usually on two sides of the bed with regard to having an emotional/sexual relationship outside of the marriage. Either they want to do it behind their spouse's back and are cheating -or- they simply want to experience the openness of sex outside their marriage like the average swinger. I'm somewhere in between the two and I'm not really familiar with how to handle that at all. To complicate things, we're close to my extended family and they are very religious - if something like this were to happen, it would have to be somewhat discrete? Is a relationship like that possible and enjoyable? Would another person ever consider something of that nature? Anyways, I've written a lot and I don't want to present an 'epic ton' of nonsense here. I've read this site from time to time and I figured it was a good place to find open and honest people to bring something like this up and get some good advice. Let me know how you would go about looking for another partner like this? How you would present the situation (I'm married but my wife wants me to have a girl friend) to someone? How would you maintain a relationship like this? What are the pitfalls? What should I look out for? Feel free to ask me any questions that might fill in the gaps. Thanks in advance for any responses...
×
×
  • Create New...