Yip

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and words - I appreciate your insight. Yip

Tough stuff to read but as I read (and reread) your paragraphs above, it takes me back to the thought that maybe I'm with a player that has just been playing me from the beginning Yip

Again, thanks so much for everyone's help. My heart has been so heavy (and isn't strong to start with) and I've been going through hell trying to figure this out on my own the last few weeks. Finding this site is the best thing that's happened to me. Yip

Sorry don't know how to use the 'quote' tool exactly right yet. This is in response to fun4Ds comments: I believe what he might be saying here, Are their genuine couples that he had known previously, that he is making contact with? Or is it just the general replies from someone he finds interesting that he seems to be (hooked on)? I know he has made contact with other couples that he had known before as well as some new ones along with some single women. Quote: Why hasn't he approached me about it if it's something he still wants to be involved with? I can only think of one thing, Fear. Fear of losing someone that is as special as you are. I cant say how things ended for him before. But I'm thinking usually the female half of the couple gets more attention in the relationship. Is she still in the lifestyle, with a circle of friends from their relationship? So if perhaps he didn't ask me because he was afraid of losing me, it makes no sense for him to have gotten back onto the websites unless he's just an outright cheat, right? He wanted his cake and to eat it too so to speak. I'm not certain about how it ended for him before but from what he told me, it was his wife that first got them involved with the lifestyle and that their encounters at first were MFM but as time went on, they got into full swaps. I have the feeling that he got plenty of attention as he is very well endowed, long lasting and attentive to women. He's a degreed professional with many interests, goodlooking, athletic, respectful yada yada - someone I would definitely welcome into my circle if I were in the lifestyle. I don't know if his wife is still in the LS as she has moved out of state. I would guess that if she is still involved, it's not with their old friends. Thanks for your comments fun4Ds Yip

I can tell that those of you that have responded to me are upfront and open about your choices and that you wouldn't 'cheat' on your SO's. I would hope that he is now at that same point because after losing my husband, my heart is too tender to withstand any more lies from him. That being said, how does one ever know for sure? Do I just have to guard my heart and hope that his last declaration of me being all he needs is the truth? Do I have to watch and be suspicious of him??? Thank you so much for your comments and guidance - it means so much to me! Yip

Hi, I'm new to this scene and have some questions. I started seeing a wonderful man 9 months ago. He was just out of a marriage with an alcoholic, I had lost my husband to cancer and we both fell hard for each other. He was upfront and told me that he and his ex had been swingers for a number of years and after her, he was hooked up on the swinger sites as a single but told me he had gotten off all of them when we started seeing each other. He told me he was so happy to be in a relationship and out of the LS as it really wasn't fulfilling to him. He did not do this at my request but rather told me about it after the fact. Long story short, a few weeks ago I found out that he had signed back up on a couple of sites. I confronted him with this and he came clean, saying he fell back into the habit and that trying to get people to respond to him on the sites was almost like an addiction. He told me that he had not literally hooked up with anyone yet and that he loves me and wants to make 'us' work and doesn't need the LS to be happy. So, my questions are: Does one ever really get out of the lifestyle for good? Once you have experienced the excitement of it, is one woman/person ever enough? He's never asked me if I have an interest in getting involved with the LS myself. I'm not sure if it's for me and think it might be fun. Why hasn't he approached me about it if it's something he still wants to be involved with? Can anyone give me a little more understanding of this situation? I'm totally confused at this point. Thanks much.