luvjazz

Okay, get ready for the stupid questions....lol! How do you manage a poly-type relationship when your partner lives so far away? Does his female partner know about you? Does she ever participate? My husband and I have a great relationship with a male friend which recently became sexual, on the advent of his moving several hours away. I'm probably grasping at straws here, but if he happens to form a relationship with another woman but would still be allowed to join my husband and me again, I would consider myself extremely fortunate! There are definitely strong feelings all around. I'd love any insight as to how you all make it work.

That's the strangest thing in all of this. We have in fact talked about my feelings for our friend. My husband has asked me point blank if I was falling in love with him. At first I said no, mostly because I wasn't really sure at the time and I didn't want to hurt him unnecessarily. But I was very surprised to discover how unthreatened he was about my feelings. He knows implicitly that I am loyal to him, and completely 100% honest with him - especially when I relented and told him I may indeed be falling for our friend. We've not really discussed the poly lifestyle at all, at least not yet. It would be a difficult relationship to maintain anyway, now that our friend has moved away. But my husband knows that he is the one I choose to stay with, and that I still love and trust him. I have no intention of leaving him or our family, for my friend or for anyone else for that matter. I guess I do wish the three of us could stay "together" in a way, at least actively in each other's lives, not necessarily living together. I think you may be right.

Oh, I absolutely agree that the problem is all in my head. That's why I came here, to sort of "re-program" myself out of all the crap going on in my mind. And the sex with the friend is certainly over, at least for the near future, as we no longer live close enough to make that possible. I don't *think* I'm jealous of him sleeping with another woman per se, it's just that it happened (if it did, which I'm not completely sure and have no desire to ask) so soon after our encounter. He has told me in the past that he is not one for casual sex at all, and considering how much thought went into whether or not he would participate with us, his friends, I was doubly surprised that he spent the night with someone he just met. Combine that with no communication from him for a few days, when immediately prior we were talking or texting multiple times a day, and thus begins my emotional downward spiral. I don't know. Shit, maybe this *is* a Jerry Springer scenario in the making! Hubby and I did experiment with some other related activities last night, and we are making plans to hook up with someone else next month. And neither of us have any intention of breaking off the friendships. I'm just trying to wrap my head around everything I've been feeling over the past week. I would adore, absolutely adore, a poly-type relationship. But I'm pretty sure my friend isn't into that. Would I like to know that he felt something for me that night too? Absolutely. Could we continue on as friends after knowing that? I do believe so. Weird. I'm gonna stop before I start sounding like a freakin' soap opera.

My husband and I have talked about having a threesome for years, long before we had ever met our friend. He has always wanted to watch me with another guy. We had never gone beyond discussing, and were having difficulty figuring out the best way to know who to choose. We discussed inviting our friend (just between us) for weeks before we brought up the subject directly to him. We first invited him to join us about three weeks ago, and initially he declined though he said he was interested in the idea. The night it actually happened was the night before he left town; he has moved away to a new job. He said he had never thought of a threesome with us before we brought it up, and then he couldn't stop thinking about it. I think we all saw the opportunity--possibly even the last chance--and took it. So it wasn't exactly spur of the moment, since it had come up in conversations both with two of us and three of us. But the encounter itself came up almost without warning. I hope that explains it a bit better. I personally had never thought of swinging until hubby mentioned it. I feel like I should reciprocate, as in inviting another woman to join us, to be "fair." Hubby has mentioned the possibility of another couple instead, which might help kill off these feelings for my friend plus take the pressure off of me a bit since I do not consider myself bi. But after the mess I have been this week, I am starting to reconsider any of these scenarios. Maybe this just wasn't for me after all. It definitely helps to have some objective opinions, though. I'm very glad I found this forum!

I think what's really bothering me, after reflecting for a couple more days, is that my friend just met someone new. He just moved to a new area, and had met someone on an online dating site. His first day in town, he spent the night with this woman. I don't know if they had sex or not, and I'm not asking. This was four days after our encounter. I care about my friend, I want him to be happy, but I can't help feeling hurt. Obviously, that night meant more to me than it did to him. Expected, I suppose. Still hurts though, and I'm a bit afraid to talk with him about that.

This past week my husband and I had our first swinging experience. It was very spur of the moment, but was intense and simply amazing. We invited a very good friend of ours (male) and he accepted. It was the first experience for all of us, and we all enjoyed it. What scares me now is how I feel for my friend. I will admit, I have fantasized about this guy for weeks, and my husband could tell right away that there was major chemistry between us from day one, which is why we asked him to join us. But now I'm afraid I am falling in love with my friend. My husband has actually asked me about this, and I have been truthful. I love him, but I also have feelings for the friend. My husband is just wonderful about this, and says he doesn't have a problem since I still love him. He says you can't help who you fall in love with. My friend has told me that he has thought about our night together quite a bit since it happened. I wanted to ask if he was feeling what I am feeling, but I haven't. We all went into this knowing we wanted to preserve all the existing relationships (my marriage, all friendships, etc.), but as it was happening I could tell that my friend has feelings for me too. Though he has now met another girl and the jealousy monster is raging in me hard-core. I don't know what to do. I know my husband and I are okay, we have talked all about all of this. I want so much to talk about this with my friend, but if we both admit to having feelings for one another, I am scared it will destroy our friendship. I am so upset and confused. I really thought I was ready for swinging, and hubby and I talk about trying a couple next - partially because I want to get over my feelings for my friend - but I can't let go of this first experience. I'm getting emotionally attached. I want them both, so much. Please tell me I'm not alone in this, and tell me how to get past these feelings that are driving me crazy!