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PeterJ

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PeterJ last won the day on January 19

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About PeterJ

  • Rank
    Super Contributor
  • Birthday 09/14/1957

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Upstate New York
  • Swinging Experience
    13 years

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  1. For sure I want to signal my sexual preferences to random motorists. (But why not go with tradition and fasten a pink flamingo and a pineapple to the roof of your car.) Actually, when I was a college freshman (and stupidly impetuous) I was riding with two friends back from Maine to Boston at the end of a winter long weekend. On the Maine Turnpike I noted a cute young woman behind the wheel of a car in the next lane over we were slowly passing. There were two pre-adolescent girls in the front seat with her, looking too old to be her kids but too young to be her sibs. I stuck my head and shoulders out the window and motioned for her to pull over on the shoulder of the Turnpike. We exchanged phone numbers and I dated her all of spring semester until her boyfriend came back from a junior year abroad in Germany. So, yeah, maybe I could pick up a swinger couple on the New Jersey Turnpike. 😉😂
  2. I don’t know, Petra. We speak on the phone about once a week and have lunch every few weeks. So, I could ask her. But I won’t; there are some sleeping dogs I’m just gonna leave laying there (not that she is in any sense a dog 😉😊).
  3. She didn’t share it with me until at least a month after she’d broken off the relationship. But if she had told me during the course of the affair or when she was considering initiating it, I like to think I would have supported her in that. True, I’m looking back from the perspective of a half-century later after I’ve been in an ENM relationship for two decades. However, there was another occasion during her time in medical school when one of her fellow students invited her to accompany him on an out-of-town meeting of some medical-student organization. It was clear that the invitation included having sex. I encouraged her to accept the invitation. If she hadn’t been considering it I don’t think she would have brought it up with me. But in the end she declined. I believe she was more interested in MFMF activities, but as I’ve noted previously the logistics on making that happen were difficult in the days before the public internet.
  4. Numex, indeed. My first wife had very little sexual experience prior to the beginning of our relationship. Although attractive she hadn’t dated in high school and very little as an undergraduate. I think I recall correctly that she’d had quite brief sexual liaisons with three guys. We knew each other for two years through an extracurricular organization, and I’d had the hots for her from literally the first moment I’d set eyes on her. I wanted to date her so bad, but other than a couple of desultory friend-zone dates, she just wasn’t interested. Until she suddenly was. She’d graduated but several months later was back in town with nothing really going on in her life. I asked her to a party at the off-campus house where I was living for my senior year. We’d had just enough wine to be relaxed and then the kissing started. Within a few days we had begun having sex. A lot! Like, I quit going to class and for a couple of weeks we primarily stayed in bed and fucked. She had so little prior experience; had never masturbated or had an orgasm. This was her first serious romantic or sexual relationship and she was keen to explore. And I was happy to do so with her. We married about 18 months later. She continued to be interested in exploring sex. I think she always was a bit envious of my much broader sexual experience coming into our relationship and felt as though she’d somehow missed out, While she was in medical school, beyond the soft swing with another couple (the wife in that couple and I have now been married for 34 years) and her affair with her classmate, we discussed swinging (or as it was then referred to, "wife swapping" 🙄). She expressed interest in having sex with a couple of other guys she knew from school and I gently encouraged her to pursue that interest. We also discussed looking for MFMF possibilities, but the logistics in those pre-internet days were daunting for a couple who were in medical school and grad school. So yeah, @Numex, "what might have been." After a decades-long period of relative estrangement following the sad end of our marriage we are now again quite close friends. We have lunch every couple of months and speak on the phone weekly. We had lunch last week with our spouses and a mutual friend who was visiting. She clearly deeply loves her husband, who is a terrific guy. She has implied that she’s no longer sexually active, but did so in a way that suggested she didn’t miss sex. If circumstances were different I’d still want to have a sexually intimate relationship with her as well as enjoying our close friendship. It’s probably best t she’s in a loving marriage that is apparently celibate by choice. Or we might get in trouble.
  5. David, whether Amy prefers you or her friend’s husband, she wants to fuck both of you and she’s not interested in a third. Based on that I’d describe the two as being in a closed ENM relationship. (I know there are folks on this board who restrict the term "swinging" to MFMF play, but clearly the contributors to discussions here are engaged in a quite wide range of ENM activities and interests. More power to us all.)
  6. Petra, on more than one occasion I’ve had two women sucking me and the woman who finally gets me to orgasm snowballs the other. In a regular MF situation I’ve had my partner snowball me. I’m not freaked out by cum. I’ve been snowballed by a.woman with the other man’s cum. And I have no hesitation about eating a woman who had just had me or another man ejaculate in her pussy. The taste of a mix of female and male juices I generally find quite pleasant.
  7. Petra, my reaction to seeing him later is hypothetical. After that initial brief supervision experience our paths never crossed again. (A year later I changed professions.) Regarding my supervision experience with him, 45 years later I don’t recall whether he was helpful in developing my clinical skills or not. And I don’t recall having any thoughts about my girlfriend having sucked him off before she and I met. But I’m guessing I would have been thinking that like my first date with her, he thought he was getting something special, when she was just blowing him so she didn’t have to fuck him. Which I was at that point she was doing with me every evening and many mornings. On the other hand (as I’ve posted on this site previously) I was transfixed and super turned on watching my first wife jerk off one of our friends in our first (and only) soft-swing situation. And when she told me she’d been fucking one of her med-school classmates that also made me super turned on. I was kinda disappointed that they had discussed bringing his wife and me into things, but then didn’t. If she hadn’t already broken off the relationship when she told me about it I’d have been totally amenable to getting a full-on four-way going.
  8. Ah, yes, the old back-of-the-mouth trick. 😂I was in grad school and on my second date with my (second) wife she didn’t get out of her panties but asked if I wanted to cum in her mouth. I did! And she was very good at sucking cock. Indeed, she sucked me off a second time in the middle of the night. Beginning on our third date we did all the forms of MF sex, including anal, which she’d not done previously but was curious about. (She liked it. A lot.) And she continued to give me really good head. Several months later I was going to be having supervision on some clinical cases with an adjunct faculty member. My now hot and heavy girlfriend said "I think you should know that one time (before we were dating) I gave him a blow-job." I wasn’t sure I needed to know that, but okay… By way of further explanation she said she’d gotten into a casual sexual situation with him but didn’t want to fuck him. Kinda like our second date, I thought to myself, though I didn’t say anything. I’m doing my best to recall a conversation from 40+ years ago; this is how I best recall it. "When I’m not prepared to fuck a guy I just duck him off. It’s easy. When I sense he’s getting ready to cum I just make sure the head of his cock is in the back of my mouth and I try not to let him pull back. He cums and it just goes down my throat like snot when you have a cold." That conversation kinda took some of the "special" out of my memory from our second date…😉😂
  9. I was 27, my then wife was 28. It was a soft swing — no PiV. The other couple were among our closest couple friends. A dozen years later, long after divorces for both of us and with no sex between us in the interim, the other wife and I began dating. We’ve been together 37 years and married for 34.
  10. The first time I had sex with a Black woman I was struck in a nice way by that same contrast. With subsequent Black partners it was just like any other partner, a gorgeous lickable & fuckable pussy that was hopefully part of a woman I could feel connected with, at least in the moment.
  11. @AusAsh, in addition to the excellent advice you have already received here, I recommend you and your wife also read "The Ethical Slut". It is available in print and also iBook and Kindle formats. It isn’t a "how to" book as much as a "how to think about" volume. I believe you will find it helpful in dealing positively with the possible relationship issues you’ve noted. The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love https://a.co/d/hPOP5LA
  12. Over the many decades I’ve been sexually active I’ve had plenty of really exciting sex in a wide variety of modalities. But by far the hottest sex — in a category of its own — was purposeful procreative sex with my wives. Nothing else matched that for excitement and satisfaction. When my current wife and I were trying to get pregnant we discussed how frequently we should have sex to maximize the chances of conception. I consulted with a close friend who was a professor of large animal reproduction at a vet school. As he noted, humans are biologically just another species of large mammal. "Cover her as frequently as circumstances permit," was his advice. Even though we were both working long hours at demanding jobs we still made it a point to have sex in the morning when we woke up and when we retired for the night. The weekends were just an extended fuckfest till we got sore. The sex was just so hot.
  13. Petra, agreed, most folks who don’t inhabit the overall alternative sexual not only don’t know the proper terminology, they don’t grasp the differentiations among the many varieties of non-traditional erotic and affiliative/domestic arrangements. I suspect most Americans would struggle with all the terms bundled into the acronym LGBTQ. Even on this board there are more folks than I would expect who don’t appear to grasp the difference between MFM and MMF, or between FMF and FFM. What troubles/annoys me about the periodic spates of articles in the popular press on non-traditional sexual and domestic arrangements is two-fold. First, the writers and editors don’t seem to bother being accurate. Second, they don’t seem to care; they are publishing clickbait that more titillates than informs their readerships. But I also remind myself that iterations of these sort of articles, as flawed and inadequate as they may be, probably in the fullness of time help change societal attitudes. (Most Americans are today cool with gay and Lesbian people; the majority weren’t a half century ago when I was a boy and young man.)
  14. I’ve mentioned in this forum several times that at a party a decade ago when I was in my mid-60s I played with a couple who were in their mid-80s (and had been swingers since the late 1940s, before the term existed). They were so wrinkled! It was a bit shocking as I began to engage with them. But as things progressed that feeling fell away; I was just into sharing pleasure with this lovely couple and they looked fine. (For me it’s the personality and the sex that counts; "looks" are decidedly peripheral.
  15. I remember this NY Times piece from when it first ran a couple of years ago. It was excellent then and on re-reading I found it even more so now. Two observations. First, the original story was heavily illustrated with photos of discretely nude elderly couples embracing. As I’ve noted in at least one past post here, four years ago I photographed for ASN, the online swinger magazine, a sex party of mostly people in their lsteb50s through early 80s. I’m very used to seeing old people in sexual situations. Still, I found the photos in the article a bit unsettling. Second, and completely incidentally, a couple of days ago in a post I mentioned being siightly acquainted with Tex Williams, in the early 1970s the first person to market vibrators explicitly for sexual use. This passage is included in the Times piece under discussion in this thread: "In the late 1970s, he read a magazine article about a “girl’s best friend,” a vibrator called a Prelude. He bought one for Anne…It didn’t go so well at first: For Anne, it was a reminder of what she saw as her own deficiency. She imagined that other women orgasmed more quickly, while she needed mechanical intervention. But David encouraged her to try the vibrator on her own, and they began occasionally using it during sex."
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