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trouble moving things along

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My wife and I have ran into a little trouble getting things started. It seems that no one wants to be the first to say go! We have met up with 3 couples so far. All have been great and conversation flowed wonderfully, but it seems that everyone gets caught up in talking. and it's really late by the time things get going. We then feel rushed because we have to get home for the sitters sake. I'm sure it's nerves on our part and theirs.

 

Does anyone have any tips on moving things along at a more moderate pace?

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At a certain time, usually around 11pm, my husband says, "Hey it's great chatting with you, and we're happy to keep talking. But, we need to get home to our sitter by 2. If you'd like to play we're up for getting a room. Then we say we'll give them a few minutes to talk it over and go get a drink or use the restroom." This has worked really well. Be sure that you know that your wife is on board before saying this.

 

Hopefully during your talking there is some flirting, touching maybe kissing, so you know there is a good vibe going on between the 4 of you.

 

This even happens with experienced couples who've played together before. We were with friends who have a midnight rule (won't start play after midnight). At 5 til midnight I just clapped my hands and said, "ok, 5 minutes, what are we going to do?"

 

Usually being direct is great for dispelling nerves and getting things going. It's not pushy, because you are giving them a choice and a little time to talk.

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At a certain time, usually around 11pm, my husband says, "Hey it's great chatting with you, and we're happy to keep talking. But, we need to get home to our sitter by 2. . . .

 

This is great advice and a very effective strategy.

 

I will add our own twist to this. My wife and I came to the realization at a certain point in time that if we did not pop the question, nobody will. So if there is any blame to be assigned later, it's on us. That is a load-off for the other couple and makes them feel more relaxed.

 

But I must qualify my statement. We both hold to the belief that a try-out is not going to hurt us. If the sex ends up being awful, we do not beat ourselves up over the idea that we have made a big mistake. We are able to pick yourselves up, dust ourselves off and keep going right on to the next try-out.

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Our friends, who don't have kids (makes it easier) invites couples over for a naked dinner date. Their close rate is much higher than anyone we have met. That sounds so unsexy put into words that way but it's very effective.

 

Now, for the rest of us who are a little shy...

 

You have to flirt during the time. You can talk about anything but there has to be flirting or it will always be more difficult. If there is really great flirting, Mrs. Diggs, being the aggressive one will eventually initiate. One of you has to be able to break through that shyness and just take the step. You are there with swingers :)

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You have to flirt during the time.

 

This is a very good thing to say.

 

I, for example, sometimes follow an impulse to play "footsies" under the table. If I sense a positive response (eye contact with a return smile) my hand might touch a knee or some similar gesture.

 

Flirtation requires a skill and some common sense. My wife and I have met more than one guy who believes that a string of lewd suggestions constitutes a flirtation.

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I really like this topic. We have always had a hard time moving from drinks and discussion to a decision on playing. We were out with a couple recently - they were newbies and we were more experienced. There was obviously a connection between the four of us, but the discussion was pretty vanilla. After about an hour, the woman form the newbie crowd said "this is really fun, but let's get down to our reason for being here.... we like you guys, and we were excited to meet someone we might play sexually with, So, do you want to come back to our place." It was perfect, but I was struck by how easily, as a first timer, she did this whereas we have huge difficulty with that transition.

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I have a small, chrome, elephant on my keychain and sometime during the evening I can tell everyone is "dancing around the subject", and then, I'll simply take it out of my pocket and place the elephant on the table and say.. "Ok, here it is, the elephant in the room.... discuss".. That usually leads to a good laugh among everyone and things progress nicely.

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I just point at our imaginary watch and say "Oh, look, it's half past Let's Fuck!".

 

Okay, I actually "like" this one, too, but not everyone can pull it off (sounds dirty, I know), making it fun instead of tone deaf and vulgar.

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Okay, I actually "like" this one, too, but not everyone can pull it off (sounds dirty, I know), making it fun instead of tone deaf and vulgar.

 

Oh, we strive for fun...and avoid tone deaf and vulgar like a poison oak butt rash...

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You are there with swingers :)

 

Good point! I guess it is all in our mindset. We also read in similar thread that "you're all there for the same reason".

 

Thanks to all for your tips and words of encouragement.

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It's easy to sit back here on our side and offer advice and for you to dissect what you should have done vs. what you actually did but in the heat of the moment it's not always as easy as it sounds but if you and your hubby are both a bit shy and you are with another shy couple, someone has to do something. This is where I'm thankful I have such an aggressive wife (aggressive in the good sense). One of you just has to step outside of your comfort zone.

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Well, the first time, my wife, ever the curious one, said point-blank: "So, how does this work?" The wife of the other couple, much more experience. suggested that they put on a lingerie show. The second time, we were with the same couple and a couple who were friends of theirs, and the wife simply slipped away and put on some lingerie, which got things going quite nicely (actually, we all got naked and got into their hot tub, which, to this day, we think is the best ice breaker we know of!) More recently, we were with a newbie couple, and after lots of flirting, my wife simply changed, and then the other woman changed, and the rest was history. Unfortunately, the guy ended up not being able to handle his wife with me, and we've never seen them again. They deleted their profile, and haven't responded to the two texts we sent them. But, that's another story for another day. It was a pity, because we really liked them as friends, and would have been happy to just hang out with them. C'est la vie.

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That story would fit well in my "how many couples have you run out of the lifestyle' thread. Sorry it happened but it sounds like you have found your ice breaker which is great!

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Okay, I actually "like" this one, too, but not everyone can pull it off (sounds dirty, I know), making it fun instead of tone deaf and vulgar.

 

Is it like the

? You gotta time it right or it just doesn't work?

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Some people like brusque and vulgar. Not many, but some. And you can usually tell who they are. :)

 

However, very few people have each occasion work perfectly every time. We do what we can do.

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Ok we knew a couple we use to meet at our club once in awhile at our local club. On sat and sun it would stay open late so no problem there. But on thurs it would close early so I would say hey it's getting late so me and the mrs are gonna go play AND you guys are more than welcome to join us. Keep a time limit and when it is close to it, just put it out there and if they say no thank you, then chances are they would have said no anyway no matter how late.

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Great stuff. We have had this issue before. Will try the time deadline rule as we too have sitters that leave at 2 or 3

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