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So were new to the lifestyle and we finally had our first experience, it was soft swap.we hit it off well with this couple.unfortunately maybe too well? It seems everyone we try to get together things don't happen.it turns into a completely vanilla event.not to sound rude, but we already have plenty of those kind of friends.its actually starting to get annoying because we like them but never get anywhere then when they aren't around they send flirty texts etc..i don't mind that every time isn't play time, but when its like a5:1 ratio against I have to wonder are we being played for fools.we are very fun and generous, so im wondering if in some warped way were"sugar mommy and daddy"now.extremely conflicted and want to avoid being a jerk.

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If I'm understanding you correctly, you had a soft-swing experience with a couple, hit it off very well with them, and since then, have met up with them several times, but rarely does it end with the four of you playing.

 

This does happen, and probably a lot. The more we get to know a swinging couple, the less we actually play with them. We've got some great swing couple friends. In the beginning we'd play a few times. After it was obvious we had enough in common to hang out with often, the play times just faded to a smaller part of the friendship. It isn't an intentional thing, but rather, just "one of those things".

 

No advice, other than, if you want to play more often, you're probably going to have to find another couple, or two or three.

 

Just to make sure, in a completely different direction, this isn't a case of no one stepping up and just saying "Let's play", is it? Sometimes you just have to say what you want.

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As two4youinswva stated sometimes when you become friendly with another couple the play seems to drop off. We have been there! One way to combat this is to be the aggressors and initiate play time. Sometimes when you get along with someone well enough to spend vanilla time with them the night speeds by and you find yourselves too tired to play.

 

So my advice is to just say "hey lets fuck!!"

 

K

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Well, perhaps one could be a bit more diplomatic and get the same idea across.

 

"We are a bit disappointed that our friendship hasn't become more sexual. How do y'all feel about stepping up that part?"

 

Alura

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Lol on the"hey lets fuck"! I have expressed disappointment in the lack of play time and they seem to agree but alot of talk no action.my problem is although im aggressive as a regular person, my bedroom persona is actually very passive I prefer someone else takes the lead.maybe we need to seek out other couples in order to meet our desire.the night does go by too quick and we usually have early bedtime so we get tired pretty early.

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Your problem may just be getting things started... nothing more.

 

Laura used to suggest swapping partners and kissing. It never failed and we never stopped there.

 

Alura

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my problem is although im aggressive as a regular person, my bedroom persona is actually very passive I prefer someone else takes the lead.

 

That can be an issue if you are not able to do it then your hubby needs to be the one.

 

maybe we need to seek out other couples in order to meet our desire.the night does go by too quick and we usually have early bedtime so we get tired pretty early.

 

Finding other playmates might be the cure you are seeking if no one can or will make the first step.

 

K

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Agree with others, someone needs to be the pusher to get it started.

 

If it doesn't start with some prodding, then maybe they arent actually into sex with others but instead just like the atmosphere, talking, flirting..

 

We have run into several people in that category, we call them "partyers". They love the party, they will kiss, touch, flirt, dance.. and they wont come right out and say they dont want sex, they will actually say lets meet up, but they never will.

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these partyers, do they occasionally have sex to keep people interested? Cuz we've already had a soft swap with this couple..

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these partyers, do they occasionally have sex to keep people interested? Cuz we've already had a soft swap with this couple..

 

People have all sorts of self imposed limits, who knows.

 

Maybe they stop at soft, maybe they felt they went too far with soft, maybe they are just nervous and waiting for someone to make the move again.

 

Best bet is to do what many others have suggested, try to make a move and see what happens. If nothing happens, move on.

 

People change, sometimes you catch them at good times, sometimes at bad times. Maybe they had something going on (time of the month, ... ) and didnt want to say it.

 

 

Basically all we do is try to enjoy what others want to do and have fun. Only people we avoid are ones that rub us wrong, we still hang out and talk with people at all levels, from those we've swapped with before to those that stop at kissing.

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"Opposites Attract:" Stay occasional friends with your new pseudo friends, but keep on looking out for those who 'wow' you everytime in the bedroom; type A personalities that will take the lead.

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Big Nikki here.

 

Other posters above have given you good replies, so I'll cover one aspect that seems over looked:

. . . we are very fun and generous . . . wondering if we were"sugar mommy and daddy" . . .

 

You're a little coy about what that generosity amounts to. If it's been your covering the food and drinks tab, or club fees and the like, well, there are folks who aren't short of money and like to pick up the check and maybe that's your style. A nice place to be. But for a situation like this, you need to start saying "it's your turn to pay" or "let's split the tab" -- and you'll quickly find out where your friends are at.

 

On the other hand, if your generosity extends to the friends saying to you something like "hey, can you spot me twenty bucks" then you definitely need to drop these people.

 

Each of us depends on our ability to judge how well other people treat us. Maybe your wish to have these people as playmates is clouding your ability to size them up as friends. Splash some cold water on your face and evaluate them. If it's time to say adios, do it with no regrets.

 

-- Big Nikki

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Its a combo of several things we foot the bill 9 out of 10 and host 100% of the time.also we have a more stable lifestyle so sometimes it feels like they r there for the amenities such as our pool, cable, fridge full of food and beer, and we always have 420.plus we have alot of room for the kids to run around where as where they live is more confined.i dont mind being generous but I dont want to be chumped.

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We had some similar friends except that we had sex with them. They weren't very "well-to-do" so we treated a lot. We usually met at our house for dinner and played there later. We didn't spend much money, at least visibly.

 

Mrs. Alura prepared a nice meal for them, usually hamburger or chicken based, never lobster.

 

They never asked to borrow money.

 

Alura

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I cast my vote with you guys trying to be aggresive and see what happens. If they aren't receptive then you may need to look at disentangling yourselves from them and moving on.

 

Pretty much every single time we have done anything in the lifestyle I have had to be the one to make the suggestion to get the action started. We all get hot and heavy online or on the phone but once we get together we end up chatting and hanging out and no one seems to want to make the first move. Even if you aren't aggresive you may have to start if these people are like the ones we've found in the past.

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... we always have 420.

 

Check the quality of your 420. Perhaps it's too good. With apologies to Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show:

 

"It took seven weeks of urgin'

"just to get that local virgin,

"with the sweet face

"up to my place, to fool around a bit."

 

"She woke up feelin' rosy,

"and she snuggled up real cozy,

"When she asked me how I liked it,

"It pained me to admit..."

 

"I was stoned and I missed it,

"I was stoned and I missed it,

"I was stoned...

"...and it passed on by."

 

"I was stoned and I missed it,

"I was stoned and I missed it,

"I was stoned ...

"Oh, me, Oh My!"

 

:)

Alura

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I'm probably the last person to comment as my experiences are modest. Yet, if I'm flirting, a simple touch on the arm or stroke along the back can be used as cue that things are going to advance. Then , those cues are not resisted, a gentle kiss, or a wink followed by a more direct overture would surely set the tone. This would especially be the case at a Club, or at a home.

 

--Sue

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