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  1. #1
    Checking It Out Alex77's Avatar
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    davitaruby

    Default Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I bring up this question because my wife loves to have sex fast, hard, and rough. So my question to both women and men is: What is your preference? Rough sex (fast and hard) or Sensual sex (slow and Sensual)? I'm really curious how many are into ether, or just one of these.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I think it varies depending with one’s mood. Certainly with a husband or lover,a woman wants or even needs that gentle sensuous love making. In the swinging environment, where having sex is really goal, hard and fast can be nice. After my first hubby died and I began dating, many of the men recently divorced or some even in the process, I found that for many, sex was an opportunity for them to express their anger at woman, it was hard and it was fast and I found it to be enjoyable. But, on the night that I was first with my current husband, it sensuous, intense and I knew he would be the it man.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I've heard it qualified that "physical relations" can be sorted into three categories: making love, having sex, and FUCKING. We in the lifestyle might be able to add a fourth, recreational, but where the first three are all linked fairly directly to emontional the fourth tends to avoid messy emotional attachment for obvious reasons.

    While each individual might have their own preference as to their specific flavor, "hard and fast" tends to gravitate towards fucking or recreational sex because those two subcategories tend to be more selfish styles of physicality simply due to the goals: even gentlemen who swing or participate in LS choices can be construed as "selfish" because getting a partner off sometimes can be the most selfish thing you can do. I personally love getting a woman off for the sense of accomplishment and have had skewed ratios nearly all my life. If my partner or partners has 4 to my one I'm a happy camper.

    Stylisitically, it makes sense to have familiarity and capability in all four fashions; especially in our lifestyle. That being said; physical limitations, emotional limitations, synchronicity, personality, and simple preferences will affect everything. I've had the absolute best time with partners that upon first inspection would be absolutely no fun at all, and then I've had the deadest fucks ever out of the stereotypical "hot girls" who simply lie there. Had one lady friend in my younger years who (thankfully only a couple of times because I ended it due to the oddity of it) who make neither eye contact nor let me "look at her" because she was embarassed of the faces that she made. Wasn't a good time.

    Have fun, experiment, and most importantly communicate with perspective partners. Chemistry leads the pack - good luck and good swinging!

  4. #4

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    This is easy:

    Yes, please.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  5. #5
    Checking It Out Alex77's Avatar
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    Bisexual married couple m/f
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    davitaruby

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    Thank you for your responses. The reason I was asking is because my wife really enjoys hard sex, "Fucking" which I am okay with. My preference is slow and Sensual. I like to savor the moment. She is a hard person to please and I have come to terms with this but sometimes I can't keep up. Going fast and hard from the gate will not allow me to last at all. She says that going slowly makes her not really feel anything. When you just go fast and hard all the time, even tho I ejaculate, it's just not an orgasm per say. I feel nothing. And she doesn't get off ether because it's fast. Maybe I am just not made right, but can guys really keep up that intensity for long periods of time? We are super new to the lifestyle and we are both very excited to start this new adventure but I am hoping that we are not doing this for the wrong reasons. I feel like this could go horribly wrong if we are doing this because she feels I am inadequate or just unable to please her. I want to make sure that we are on the same page and that our relationship as a whole is not in a rocky situation. I have read here that that could lead to all sorts of bad if you start this lifestyle and you are not really into your own partner. Or your relationship is on the rocks.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I'm not a woman but I know how my late wife felt. She never wanted hard and fast from me, nor was I able to give it to her. "It doesn't fit into our love-making, Darling," she said.

    With a playmate it was a different story. Hard and fast was great.

    That's why we were in the lifestyle. We could experience both.
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." óWill Rogers

    "Swingin' Down to Tulsa," a novel by the Aluras. Read a free sample Here

  7. #7
    Checking It Out Alex77's Avatar
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    davitaruby

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    Okay. There is a new update. So my wife and I have had time to actually have an honest and transparent conversation and I think we understand each other better. She knows what my concerns were and I now understand her better. Before me, she had some really bad experiences with her previous boyfriends. But she never really new any better. Her sex life was not that great and she felt like her equipment was broken. She new how to get her self off but even then it took her a while. And to make matters worse, I was not any better then them. It all came down to communication that opened the gates. From the beginning she had told me that she was really hard to please. And to an extent she had proved it during our sexy time. There were a lot of things she would not allow me to do due to being tickled near certain areas. Soft and Sensual she said she had no real feeling and when I go down on her it would take her so long that even she would get frustrated.
    After a few years, I finally had the guts to come out of the closet to her about my bisexuality. One of her old friends let some information out of the bag that she is a bisexual too. (I know this seems like I am getting of topic but it all ties in, I swear) I had already come to terms that I would not have sex with anyone else again. It did not go as well as I hoped. It was a big shock for her and I get it, it was understandable. I did not think she would react like that since she herself is bisexual.
    She said that she did not tell me because all the guys that knew, always thought that was a free ticket to threesomes and those were not on the table.
    Remember how I said that she thought her equipment was broken? Funny thing is that she did not tell me because she thought that by me knowing, I would assume that she just wanted to get with a girl. She assumed that I wanted to be with a guy and would leave her.
    It took a while but finally she calmed down and realized that I love her above all else and that she is my world. But the sex was still the same. She eventually came up with an idea from her sister that this was a good thing and to think about the doors this would open for her to explore her sexuality and share it with me. And she got excited. Seeing her get excited got me excited. But we were going at it all wrong. Super rushing, and she would dictate to me what we should be writing on our profile for dating. And that is where I saw the red flag. Hence me asking the original question to you all. I am happy to say that we have had a more detailed talk and she started to do some research herself and saw where we were headed. I had told her if she only gave me a chance I think I can help. I found out that since she had a certain expectation of what it normally is, that she did not allow her self to be satisfied. From just talking and being open and really telling all to each other, she started to get wet. Something she normally does not do. This was my ticket in. I know she is turned on and took the reins and did not let her dictate what was about to happen. I gave her SLOW AND SENSUAL and it became INTENSE. She had an orgasm that was not felt before and was shocked to see what can happen with this new form for her. I was able to make this feeling last a little longer for her since I had full control of our tempo. And right when I saw her arching so hard and really getting loud that you could see she was about to explode that is when I became savage and just switched gears and gave it to her fast hard and with no mercy. She lay there quivering. And was speechless. And all she can say after that was "wow, I am a believer". After this we made love a second time and this time she was able to get more out of the experience.
    Sad to say that after all these years and 4 kids later, we had finally made love for the first time. That was three days ago and now she has been wanting me every night since. And she has been more open about her fantasies. I feel like this is the beginning of something beautiful.
    We decided that we still want to go forward with the lifestyle and she is very exited to watch me be with a man. But this time we are taking things slowly. We have been changing our profile and it no longer says full Swap. We are not ready yet. We are doing this for the right reasons now. Later once we both feel comfortable we will go to the next step and actually engage. Right now we just want to go to clubs and maybe parties. But mainly to watch and maybe find a couple that is willing to have fun with their own partner but in the same room with us. Having sex while someone else in the room sounds really sexy to both of us. Now what we are truly looking for is a couple that even if they are not interested in us per say sexuality would become good friends with us and maybe mentoring us through this lifestyle. I don't know if such a thing exist but hoping it does.
    Sorry for rambling but I needed to get that off my chest. It was not fair to just leave this story unfinished. I feel like someone else might come through with a similar problem. And maybe this thread will help them as well.
    In the spirit of full transparency to my lovely wife who is the best woman in the world and I could not see myself living without her. I am going to link her to this whole thread and she can read everyone's responses as well as my own. That way she can call BS if she sees it. Hopefully she will put in her two cents or opinions in the matter on this thread so that it helps another new comer. Thank you for taking the time to read all this and am very grateful that a forum like this exists and is there to help us out in our new adventure.

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    Quote Originally Posted by Alura View Post
    I'm not a woman but I know how my late wife felt. She never wanted hard and fast from me, nor was I able to give it to her. "It doesn't fit into our love-making, Darling," she said.

    With a playmate it was a different story. Hard and fast was great.

    That's why we were in the lifestyle. We could experience both.
    Could not have said it better. Same for my wife and me.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I am in the slow and sensual school. That's how we do it. I've had some partners who like it rough and it's not my style.


  10. #10

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    We're on the upper side of the age curve in this hobby and so have years of experience as swingers and even more as simply sexually active people. Over the years, we've seen behavior swing markedly towards the hard and fast experience. We attribute it to the pervasiveness of porn (not that porn is a bad thing!) Most porn depicts multiple position changes, acrobatic sex and hard and fast boinking. We get it, if you're just watching, slow and sensual, soft and gentle is kind of boring. Nothing ruins an evening of play for Mrs Doc faster than being flipped and tossed around on the bed into 10 different positions and mercilessly pounded for 45 minutes. We want and enjoy orgasms and like to share them. When we want to sweat like pigs and exercise for an hour, we go to the gym. Slow and sensual for us!!!!

  11. #11

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    Hi this is the wife.
    I just wanted to give my side so there is a better understanding of what my husband is saying. My entire sex life has been well, a lie. I had to base what was out there on what I got. It was always hard and to the point. I have heard of slow and sensual but never received it.
    I was a product of my parents selfishness in a sense. I love older men yet was never shown anything new. When my husband came along, again the pace was set into his pace.
    This continued for many years until I just didn't want to have sex any longer. Recently we talked about the lifestyle and opening up to each other. It has been exciting. 3 days in a row we had sex. 1st day hard and fast, next day s&s, next day same. I told him I have NEVER felt what I felt those 2 days. I came more those 2 days then our entire marriage. There was a sense of closeness and love, a connection that wasn't there before. I had an entirely new outlook on life and he rocked my world. I'll take that over hard any day.��

  12. #12
    Checking It Out Alex77's Avatar
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    davitaruby

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I love you baby. And sorry for reinforcing your belief that you were broken. I hope you now know that you are not broken, just not fully awake. And you are waking up now. I love you more and more everyday.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    What one person calls 'broken', another might call 'perfect'...IMHO, great sex is a combination of both and should be constantly evolving (so that it doesn't become stale and 'boring'). But unless you try something new and different, you never know what you might enjoy. When I was young, I had a GF who always said that, for her, sex was 'trying'. Meaning she was willing to try anything (twice from what she said, just to make sure that if she didn't like it the first time that impression was correct).
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  14. #14

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I like to mix it up. My wife seems to like both.

    Sometimes I'll fuck her hard and treat her rough like a paid slut and sometimes I'll make gentle, caring love to her like she is my wife.

  15. #15
    Swap Meet Enthusiast Dont.Stop's Avatar
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    dontstoporlando

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    I'm no jackhammer, have never aspired to be. Lovemaking will be more vigorous after we've been with others or after we've been away from each other's company. Sometimes it's hair stroking, other times it's hair pulling. Whatever the level of intensity requires.
    Just make it fun for both.
    You say "oral fixation" like it's a bad thing!

  16. #16

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    As a woman, I'd say both, just depends on the chemistry. As a 53 year old woman (how the hell did that happen?! ) I didn't know my body until my third and current husband, who has shared the past six years with me. I suppose age, empty nest, swinging and being nude every moment I can has much to do with it, but sex is an awesome event! I no longer panic and back away and we are into serious foreplay, and I've even started to squirt!
    We have noticed many in the lifestyle don't want to participate in foreplay, the want to fuck, fast & hard, which, like I said is OK too, I just wonder how many are missing some fantastic orgasms because they are unaware.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    Quote Originally Posted by MrSaxon View Post
    I've heard it qualified that "physical relations" can be sorted into three categories: making love, having sex, and FUCKING. We in the lifestyle might be able to add a fourth, recreational, but where the first three are all linked fairly directly to emontional the fourth tends to avoid messy emotional attachment for obvious reasons.

    While each individual might have their own preference as to their specific flavor, "hard and fast" tends to gravitate towards fucking or recreational sex because those two subcategories tend to be more selfish styles of physicality simply due to the goals: even gentlemen who swing or participate in LS choices can be construed as "selfish" because getting a partner off sometimes can be the most selfish thing you can do. I personally love getting a woman off for the sense of accomplishment and have had skewed ratios nearly all my life. If my partner or partners has 4 to my one I'm a happy camper.

    Stylisitically, it makes sense to have familiarity and capability in all four fashions; especially in our lifestyle. That being said; physical limitations, emotional limitations, synchronicity, personality, and simple preferences will affect everything. I've had the absolute best time with partners that upon first inspection would be absolutely no fun at all, and then I've had the deadest fucks ever out of the stereotypical "hot girls" who simply lie there. Had one lady friend in my younger years who (thankfully only a couple of times because I ended it due to the oddity of it) who make neither eye contact nor let me "look at her" because she was embarassed of the faces that she made. Wasn't a good time.

    Have fun, experiment, and most importantly communicate with perspective partners. Chemistry leads the pack - good luck and good swinging!

    Very well written. Could not agree more.


  18. #18

    Default Re: Preference to women in regards to fast and hard or slow and Sensual

    My wife seems to be different most women. She can't get off from clitoral stimulation alone, but can orgasm from solely vaginal penetration. Sex typically ends with "Hard & Fast".

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