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How do I get my girlfriend to open up about her fantasies?

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We have been together for 2 years and have great communication and a great sex life. I have told her all of my fantasies and I think it has made her uncomfortable. She asked if she wasn't enough for me. I told her of course she is.

 

We have gone to a swingers club in the Chicago area who does a Sunday pool party thing. We have gone 3 times. I was very comfortable from the start but she has been up and down. We had sex with each other all 3 times publicly and privately. She says she enjoys the sex but she has to really be in the moment to do it publicly. She also says she doesn't like seeing group sex or really sex in general. She also says she really doesn't enjoy the environment in general. But when I tell her we can stop going she says that we can still go because the door is still open a crack regarding swinging.

 

She has body issues which she is making progress with by going to the club and a couple nude beaches and resorts. She is more comfortable at the nudist places I assume because there is no sex. She is the slowest person so we go at her pace. I love her and reassure her of that and let her know she is in charge and she accepts that. So all this is background to where we are.

 

The only fantasy she has mentioned when I ask is she likes to be touched and she would like to maybe be touched by many hands. I find it hard to believe that is her only fantasy. When I mention maybe mfm she says no that I am enough for her. She has also mentioned that if she did say as an example mfm that I would "run" with it. So maybe she is afraid that if she opened up to me that I would "run" with it?

 

I would never push her to do anything she doesn't want to do and I think she knows that. I have tried to get her to talk about fantasy situations when we have sex and she either wont do it or she just humors me to a degree and just laughs about it and breaks any moment we had with it. Anyone have any suggestions?

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I've read twice what you have to say, my good man. I recommend that you consider the possibility that these are her only fantasies.

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I think she hasn't built enough trust with you too really explore her sexuality. She has fantasies, but she won't tell them to you because of the trust issue.

 

Try just doing some kinky stuff at home?? Do you two play with toys? Do you mutually masturbate? Ask her to describe in detail her last orgasm?

 

I have done all the above with my wife, and it's a blast!!

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I guess it is a possibility. I'm a lucky man already. I never dreamed we would do any of the things we have done already. I am having the best sex of my life now at 57 years old. She keeps,surprising me as our love and relationship grows.

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I would add go slow, allow her to become comfortable in new comfort zone and don't push too much.

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The trust and confidence has come a long way. When we first met she wouldn't undress or have sex with the lights on. Now she goes nude at nudist resorts and has had sex in Public at the club. I have asked her to masturbate and do it mutually and she won't. She might rub her clit while we're having sex but only if I put her hand there and then she only does it for a short time. I asked her to do it privately to help her learn her body and how she orgasms but sh wouldn't do that either. I am proud to say, I can make her orgasm every time now orally. We tried some toys but she doesn't like them. We have got to the point where she will recap her orgasm and talk about what she likes and what works.

 

I never push. I ask if she is willing to do whatever and if she says no it's no. And I don't have a problem with that. She has come a very long way in a short time and I am proud of her.

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Huh. Interesting. Sounds like she just needs to get in touch with her dirty, dirty inner diva. Everybody likes sex, and if they don't, it's because they either haven't learned how to like it, or they've been told it's wrong to like it. Maybe it's a little of both for her?

 

I know you want her to open up to you, but pressing her for details about her fantasies may actually be slowing your progress. Instead, focus on just talking with her about WHY you want her to open up to you. Who cares what her fantasies are? That part can come later. For now, the best part is her finding out why that openness is so important to you, what it means to you, and what it says about how you feel about her. You want to let her know that you understand how big a deal it is to open herself up to you like that, and how much you appreciate that she would trust that much of herself to you. She needs to know that she can feel safe with you, telling you about parts of herself that she may very well feel she should be ashamed of. And just keep reassuring her that she's in charge, and can pull the plug whenever she wants. Be sure she knows that you're going to respect that.

 

And get that girl a Hitachi Magic Wand. :) Holy hell, those things can make you see stars. Roll her eyes back in her head for days.

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She tells me she trusts me completely. We had a situation with a single male at the club that I took care of. She tells me she feels safe with me and that I can protect her in any situation. Funny you mention dirty girl. I call her that all the time and she loves it and she is. She truly does love sex and really was brought up in a household that was open about it. So she doesn't see it as wrong. She has been burned in a her 2 marriages with cheaters. This is a huge problem with her. She told me she could never see me with another woman yet she has promised me a double blow job and I believe she means it. It look like going slow and building more trust is the path. Any more input from you intuition is more then welcome. I love your attitude and the way you see things and give advice. I see you as right on all the time.

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I will look into the magic wand. But she really doesn't seem to be into toys. I want to get her on a sybian and see if that changes.

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I will look into the magic wand. But she really doesn't seem to be into toys. I want to get her on a sybian and see if that changes.

 

Start by using the toys as a part of your play with each other. Don't start with a Sybian. You could very well end up with a $1200 clothes catcher. Start smaller, like with the Magic Wand mentioned, and see if she enjoys it before entertaining thoughts of a Sybian.

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I will look into the magic wand. But she really doesn't seem to be into toys. I want to get her on a sybian and see if that changes.

 

LOL, I've never been much into toys either. I like the sensuality of the real thing. But damn. The magic wands are almost incapacitating. Literally the most intense orgasms I've ever had, and they just go on and on. Word of warning: if she's a squirter, you may want to look into the waterproof model. Mr. intuition and I both expressed some concern about inadvertently finding ourselves on an episode of Sex Sent Me To The ER by electrocuting ourselves. Never tried a sybian before, although I hear good things. Expensive as hell, and kinda hard to hide in the bedroom, though. :)

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She tells me she trusts me completely. We had a situation with a single male at the club that I took care of. She tells me she feels safe with me and that I can protect her in any situation. Funny you mention dirty girl. I call her that all the time and she loves it and she is. She truly does love sex and really was brought up in a household that was open about it. So she doesn't see it as wrong. She has been burned in a her 2 marriages with cheaters. This is a huge problem with her. She told me she could never see me with another woman yet she has promised me a double blow job and I believe she means it. It look like going slow and building more trust is the path. Any more input from you intuition is more then welcome. I love your attitude and the way you see things and give advice. I see you as right on all the time.

 

Okay, that's awesome! I think you're right, that you're well on your way sexually, but it's just the trust issue. And there's not much more for us to suggest other than to keep doing what you're doing, being open and communicative, and just give it time. It takes time to let the heart catch up with the head. She knows she's safe with you mentally, but it sounds like she has quite a bit of scar tissue to soften up before her heart believes it. I wish you both the best.

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I think one of the clubs in my area has a sybian. Wasn't thinking of buying one was just thinking about letting her take one for a spin and see how she likes it.

 

She hasn't squirting yet but I think she has potential. One time at the club she was in a sex swing which we both love by the way. I was sitting in front of her licking her pussy and fingering her G spot and she was gushing a little. Her juice was running down my arm and into my lap. We were both amazed. She said that never happened to her before. I was so proud. It puffed my chest up. I felt so manly. LOL. So I should probably look into the waterproof one. I like the heart catch up with the head thing. It makes perfect sense. I am just going to keep doing what I am doing. Going slow, communication, and enjoy the ride. Thanks again intuition. I think you are right on again.

 

Is that you in your avatar?

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I think one of the clubs in my area,has a sybian. Wasn't thinking of buying one was just thinking about letting her take one for a spin and see how she likes it.

She hasn't squirting yet but I think she has potential. One time at the club she was in a sex swing which we both love by the way. I was sitting in front of her licking her pussy and fingering her G spot and she was gushing a little. Her juice was running down my arm and into my lap. We were both amazed. She said that never happened to her before. I was so proud. It puffed my chest up. I felt so manly. LOL. So I should probably look into the waterproof one.

Uh...yup. Get the waterproof one. I never used to squirt, but after learning how, I do it just about every time now. It's a little inconvenient actually, LOL

 

Is that you in your avatar?

 

Why yes, yes it is. :D

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It sounds like you have great communication with her but does she really have great communication with you. It sounds like she is holding back because she doesn't want to say something you may not want to hear. It also sounds like she may have some trust issues (?). She just isn't ready to open herself up to you yet (possibly from past problems). Trust is very important in any relationship, especially one where you are swinging. She doesn't want to be with another guy and she doesn't want you to be with another girl...that really limits the possibilities. I may be wrong, but it sounds like she is just going along with you and what you want. I would suggest working on HER trust and communication and not push the swinging thing until that can be firmed up.

 

BTW, while Hatachi's can be big and intimidating at first, they can do things that no other vibrator can. Ms. Gold, her hatachi, and I all have an agreement and get along fine but I know better than to make her choose between me and Hatachi...I'm afraid that I don't want to know the answer :lol:

 

Finally: Both intuition897 and her pictures are very well put together and nicely done. Click on her name and check out the picture in her profile Grrrrrrr... She's smart too (IOHO).

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We talked over the weekend and yes there are issues from the past. She does communicate with me very well. We are very honest with each other and no subject is out of bounds. She talked about her issues and working on them. She says when fantasy talk comes up during sex it's ok until things start to get "to real". I tell her just because we talk about this stuff doesn't mean it has to become reality. It can or cannot which ever she chooses. And she knows I keep my word. I have already brought up its not ok for her to just do it just for me. She tells me the door to this is,open,a crack. Be patient. I take her at her word. So it looks like,more talking and tiny baby steps.

 

You are right on the money about intuition.

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Let her know that you will be working on her issues TOGETHER. Relationships (as is swinging) are a team sport. It's also okay to keep fantasies as just fantasies as well...some are even better kept as such. It sounds like you are doing just fine with her. Keep up the good work.

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Together goes without saying with us. She says we are an awesome team all the time. And we are. I agree with what you said about fantasies. They are fun no matter which way they go, reality or just fantasy. I just hope she feels the same way some day. And I think she will. She likes the changes that have taken place in her and I know she is motivated to make even more. She told me she is enjoying finding out who she really is and being that person without guilt. It doesn't get any better than that.

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Very small thing but something that can make a huge difference in a relationship: NOTHING goes without saying. Even if you think something should or does, say it anyways. Especially when it comes to feelings and support. Let us know how things are progressing.

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