Can friendship ever be part of swinging?

Though hubby and I are on a break right now, I do have a question about friendships and swinging.

When hubby and I took the plunge last year, my view started off with that in order for me to feel comfortable with playing, I would need to get to know them a bit more than just establishing a mutual sexual attraction, they seem nice enough, this could work type thing. My hubby on the other hand viewed it purely as casual sex, one-off experiences only with one person or a couple, with no tags to friendship at all. Now when we took the plunge, we had moved to a big country town where there are no clubs, just people online (and we still live here to this day). We don't know anyone here and haven't got any friends here (even in the vanilla sense). Well I learned about the varying degrees of friendship in the LS very quickly. Some were keen on friends before play but really if play wasn't going to happen for whatever reason, that friendship was only limited. And then there were some that need to meet you only once, could possibly see a friendship continuing and play was a bonus to that. And then there was another couple we met who have to get to know you for a few months before they would invite you into their home, let alone play.

My question is; how important is friendship to you in the LS. Do you care for it or prefer to keep it simple and not make friends with playmates? I did read another lady on here says if she becomes friends with a playmate, she ceases play and maintains a friendship only, so it appears to me if one of them goes belly up, friendship is saved even if play is no longer. That was an interesting take on it, one I could consider. Do you agree with that?

We have made friends then played, played then became friends, and made friends but never played, probably won't ever (not attracted).

Probably the most common for us is play then become friends. I don't prefer a one time thing, but sometimes that just happens. We also have friends that we only play with once a year or so, but still consider them friends and still love playing with them.

We do like making friends that we can do vanilla stuff with, just flirt and have fun and play when the time is available or right. We'd never stop playing b/c we were friends, only if the attraction no longer existed or the sex was really bad. I think abandoning playing because of friendship would lead to tension in the friendship and in my opinion would be kind of pointless. "I like you too much to fuck you? But, we can still hang out." Just doesn't make sense to me.

When we've had lackluster play experiences we usually don't maintain much contact. We act friendly but are not friends.

We've played and end up friends with several people. The friendship is different mind you, not quite the same as our vanilla friends (not any worse or better, just different). We've also played and not become friends with some too. It really depends on the personalities and each persons definition of friendship.

We have made friends in the lifestyle and had one night stands. Friendship in swinging can be hard because you generally need more than sex as a connection. We take it as we can.

As we are not really into casual sex, nor one night stands, we enjoy the concept of friends with benefits. Friendship is an important part of the whole LS experience for us.

That's the way we are and probably a reason for our limited, but truly amazing and lasting experiences with the couples we have been fortunate enough to share ourselves with sexually.

We were friends first with four of the couples we played with and played first with the fifth. The fifth, 'play first', seemed to be the better. But all were friends!

Yeah I suppose you are right....some people have different takes on friendship is in the LS and though you may have friendships with people (play or not), sometimes you won't be friends with people (play or not). I don't take offence to anyone who does not want friendship, but what has annoyed me in the past people who say "if nothing more, a friendship is always more important to me than play" and then if you can't play with them anymore for various reasons, they take the friendship away because play ceased. It's like a double standard. I would rather be told, no we are not after friendship, or maybe there can be a friendship, or yes there will definitely be a friendship. Call me selfish, but I like to know where we stand.p when it comes to friendship, or not. Each to their own, but a little honest and open communication wouldn't go amiss. :-). It's that same honest and open communication that I think forms a good foundation for play sessions, one off or more than once at least. :-)

Fuck friends make the best playmates. There are friends that you or your wife do not want either of you to have an intimate relationship with. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have friends that you fuck and friends that you don't. Can anybody explain it better than that?

Thank god, some of my friends are ugly.

I don't have any friends in the vanilla world who I would consider play with. It makes it all the more easier to know the difference between friends you fuck and friends you don't..:-)

This one is of real interest to me. My wife and I have started a friendship with a couple who would like it to develop into a swinging relationship. We are just considering how we feel about us and swinging and they are co with that. We have a lot in common and they seem real nice people.

Having never done this I wonder if the friends first thing raises the risk of emotional attachment and does the knowing people first aspect outweigh that risk.

Any thoughts?

REAL friends in swinging is hard. Most swing friends have the friendship based around swinging, take that away the friendship dies. Unless you have activities outside of swinging you do together, and would do without the swinging, you won't see a real long term friendship in most cases.

It's less to do with swinging and more to do what makes someone a friend, shared activities.

Our best friends are are lifestyle friends. After all we have seen them naked not a lot of pretense when you are naked. Now that does not mean everyone we know or even have sex with are true friends, but all our true friends are in the lifestyle and yes we have had sex with all of them.

Fact is when we made lists for our son's Bar Mitzvah and daughter's wedding we included a group of our lifestyle friends. These are people that we share more than sex with they are true friends that we know would be there for us should we need them and who know how to behave in public. (I will say if you know what to look for you are spot the swingers in the pictures for both events. They are the ones on the dance floor always smiling and dancing not only with their spouse but with everyone else. Just look for the happy people in any group and you will find the swingers.)

. They are the ones on the dance floor always smiling and dancing not only with their spouse but with everyone else. Just look for the happy people in any group and you will find the swingers.)

I've seen that sort of thing as well, I think though its the happy people who make good swingers more than swinging makes you a happy person.

I've always made room for both. I have a great couple, Tom and Karen, and I adore them both, do them both and just have made such a sexual connection with Tom, over the years. On the other hand, sometimes there's nothing like a ,'meet and mate,' for pure lust and the rewards that has as well. I admit there's something about a new guy being really into me, literally and figuratively, that is a a really great time. -- Susan

I think after our own experiences, we have realised on several occasions that while we understand everyone is different, some people are friendly and some people want friendship and that's fine with us. Friendship really is a bonus in playmates and like the LS, it should not be a forced thing but rather a natural progression of things.

Our best friends are in the lifestyle.I have had vanilla friends since middle school(6-8 th grade) and when my Mom died seven years ago,all I got was an email from them saying they were sorry to hear about my Mom. While friends in the lifestyle were there for us and told us of we needed anything to call them.One of them would have been a pall bearer if we needed him to. That is what true friendship is about. We have friends that is took us about two years before we played but that was because the wife didn't like my husband's lack of teeth,he had medical issues. She finally played with him and every time we get together they are the first to go off together. And none have any jealousy with anyone.

Wow. Thank you for responding to the question I posed. It's made me realise that some kind of connection with people is something I too would value. I suppose we are all different but I think for me that having some level of friendship with people might perhaps let me enjoy the experience more.

We've made solid friendship with many of out LS friends to the point where us and they have traveled half way around the world to visit, meet families, etc. Totally normal for us. We skype, email, text and visit when we're in the country. We also have vanilla friends who we met at a LS resort who we travel with. They don't play but like being in that environment and we like that they know all about us and are comfortable with us. Some people prefer no strings attached, one night stands, but we find people more attractive when we know them as a person. Different strokes for different folks.

We have made friends then played, played then became friends, and made friends but never played, probably won't ever (not attracted).

This is kind of what we expect will be our M.O.

She is still very nervous and needs to ease into things so building a friendship as a basis for action is something that will help her let loose a little. We're not into hit it and bounce type of interactions. Although we know that not all interactions will lead to a full fledged friendship we expect to have a connection before the clothes hits the floor. Then again we are total noobs so this may change in the future, doubt it though.

We've made many friends in the lifestyle over the years but we played first and the friendship developed afterwards. We strongly prefer people that we can have an ongoing relationship with. This does not mean that we can't have sex with someone at a hotel party and forget to ask their name but it's just not as good for us.

As I posted in another thread just a minute ago... we have friends in the lifestyle, some we play with and some we would, and others we wouldn't. We had a discussion with one couple just last month about the fact that the interest for play is only there for half of us. Now, if we played separately, it would work out to play no problem. However, since we don't, we won't play and we will keep them as friends. As they said "we'd rather NEVER play with you and keep you as friends." That meant the world to us.

Friendship is not why we swing, it is a positive side product. We don't go out saying we have to be friends first. If we connect with a couple sexually, we'd actually rather play sooner than later. We can play and then develop a friendship that will (hopefully) still be there when we stop playing with them (which we will eventually).

You gotta have some flexibility...I believe there is room for different kinds of relationships... as the male part of the couple I may be very into the female part of the other couple and my wife into the guy but that does not translate into me liking the guy as a friend....so there has to be that chemistry for a real friendship and it does happen....My wife had shared with her best friend that we were into swinging she was married at the time ...a couple of years later she divorced and started asking about our adventures she became interested and we started having threesomes with her on a regular basis for about 3 years...now she has a new relationship and is back to her vanilla life and to this day remains my wife's best friend...and a very dear friend of mine.We still go out for dinner and do vanilla stuff with her and love it . Cris

We prefer being friends with couples before there is any play time. There is a couple that we have known for three years and have never played with them. They do not play with others, but enjoy the atmosphere of the swing club. We enjoy their company and hang out with them most nights. Another couple we have met in just the past four months are the same way. We also see them as very good friends and would not disrespect their boundaries. They are both good looking couples. If we ever were to have the chance to play, I don't think we would take the opportunity because we have been only friends for so long that we would not want to ruin that. As for the couple we have known for four months, we would play with them. Guess because we don't know them that well.

We have found that an couple that we were friend's with for about 5 year's are our best lifestyle partner's.it was not planned but happened one day while we were laying around the pool,what is nice foe us is that we do not only visit for the fucking part but nothing stop's anyone from asking anyone else for a fuck and then go have your fun either in the group or alone and then carry on with the visit,it is great as all are happy with it and enjoy each other,this has been going on about 3 years now and still going strong