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  1. #1

    Default Swinging with Friends

    Wife and I are newbies to the swinging world and are exploring our options.

    We been close friends with this awesome couple for the past 1 year. We get along great as a foursome and even with each other as individuals. Over the past year we have been out on numerous trips and weekend getaways and its always been awesome fun. As our friendship has evolved over time, our interactions have become very flirtatious with lots of sexual innuendos going back and forth!

    The good news is that my wife and I have done a lot of talking with each other and we have both recieved enough hints from our friends to take it to the next level. It seems clear to me and my wife that if we push ahead, we will end up sleeping with them but we also have the option to back away if we think it could undermine anything we have with each other or them currently.

    For my wife and I the sexual part of it has become one of our best fantasies when making love. We like what we have. Our fantasies are great and have spiced up our life but we both seem to want more. My wife thinks swinging with someone so close might have its issues be she also thinks she'll be more comfortable doing it with the other male than a stranger since she knows him well. I feel the same way both for her comfort and mine.

    As for the friendship, Its a great friendship but our friends also have definitive plans to move overseas for good in about 6 months time. So we are not so sure about the long term continuation of our vanilla friendship. It is very likely that we might loose touch with them once they move or definitely not remain as close. So we are a bit on the fence and leaning towards going for it.

    So what do you guys think, should we go for it or back out and just focus on maintaining the vanilla friendship. Please advise...

  2. #2

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    It sounds like a dichotomy going on all the way around; it sounds like you and the other couple kinda do and kinda are afraid the first time a kid jumps off of a high dive; they really want to feel the thrill, are scared of the thrill, want to climb back down, are ashamed of facing their friends mockery if they do etc. until they just do it.

    The only difference being this is four people instead of one.

    There are games that help couples delve into swinging in levels of intensity and touch; the first level being very light flirtatious types of things. I think you can find them here on this site.

    You might research it a little, talk to your wife about whether or not she thinks this might work, and maybe she could talk about it with the other couple's wife. Everyone would go into this with the understanding that anyone could have veto power at any time. Believe it or not, that fact, when established, actually gives more freedom to enjoy and push into things.

    Also make sure everyone grasps the levels of soft swing versus full swap. Establishing that you'd like to gingerly and tentatively experiment with soft swing only often can give the group more freedom to push further, because everyone knows that you can always pull back if someone gets too uncomfortable.

    And, if someone really does get too uncomfortable, do pull back, and explain that while this was an experiment, the friendship is far too valuable to lose on something like this.

    When you do this, by the way, whatever level you end up with, whether it's the softest of soft swing (like just having sex with your own partner in the same room as the other couple having sex) or full swap, any level is okay.

    We've done it at all levels over time and have enjoyed all of them. It's got to be the right couple for the right level.

    And, by the way, in my opinion it should not be a factor whether or not they are moving away. Here I present yet another contradiction, do it like there would be no tomorrow, and do it like you'd be swinging and playing with them the rest of your lives.

    And, finally, in my opinion, it's really important for the girls to stay v. tight with each other and the guys to stay v.tight with each other. This, I believe, will become obvious.

    And everyone will tell you, talk, talk, talk. Tell how you feel--at every stage and a week later. Talk to your spouse and talk to the other couple; nothing hidden makes fo r excellent relationships.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    I am not sure about this at all. I haven't met anyone who has ever had a good experience with friends that become their swing partners.

    Even though we are swingers, we have a lot of vanilla friends that we banter sexually with, in jest. I am certain it doesn't mean they are swingers, nor have an interest in becomming swingers with us.
    Mrs. Indy

  4. #4

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    I'm not sure whom the author is of this quote, but it's good advice:

    Make friends out of swingers, Don't make swingers out of friends.
    Dave & Holly

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict BiloxiCouple's Avatar
    Couple with benefits and retired
    SLS Profile

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    We don't swing with friends, co-workers or unstable relationships.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    On the other hand, they are leaving the country permanently anyway. By the time any adverse reactions occur (IF they occur), they'll be gone. Wouldn't it be a shame to wonder "what if..." for the rest of your lives?
    "Lie? Me? Never! The truth is far too much fun!" -Capt. Chas. Hook

  7. #7

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by laptop_c
    So what do you guys think, should we go for it or back out and just focus on maintaining the vanilla friendship. Please advise...
    I believe the "don't swing with friends" crowd arrives at their view due to concern about breaking up (or negatively altering) the friendship. It might be better for you to have sex with strangers first - then decide if you want to risk sleeping with your friends.

  8. #8
    Awaiting Email Confirmation ibn battuta's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    SLS Profile

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    The wife and I've had one great swing experience with a friend, and very recently lost a couple we were friends with because we misread the cues they were sending us about their sexuality. My positive friend experience was with a single man that I had known since 2nd grade, lived next to growing up, stayed close to in college (at least closer then any of my other friends from back home), and still maintain a good relationship with today. We weren't awkward with each other about sex before hand, he knew everything about me (including being my only vanilla friend that knew I swung) and was perfectly willing to help my wife and I out with a MFM. I think if we had not been so close it wouldn't have worked.
    In contrast, at the beginning of this summer my wife and I brought the subject of a swing up to a couple that we felt had been sending us very obvious signals (the husband offered me his wife for the night in a bet about what type of car James Bond drove, the wife flashed me, the husband told me the Mrs. was hot, a game of strip poker was initiated by them, there was a ceaseless drone from their side about their sexual exploits, etc...) and while I will spare y'all the details, it was probably the most awkward night of my life and they no longer seem to want to have anything to do with us. Evidently, the hyper-sexual nature of their discourse with us was due not towards any desire to be with us, but rather a downward spiral between the two of them in which they are constantly trying to make the other jealous... good times and great oldies...
    In summation, I would tend to agree with the other posters: swinging with your friends can work, but I think those incidents are in the minority. In general you will probably lose more friends that way then its worth.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    I remember a couple the ex- and I knew many years ago, when we were first married...a Navy bud of mine and his wife. They were a very friendly and open couple, and we enjoyed their company a lot.

    After awhile they got very frank and open about their past (individual and combined) sexual exploits (for lack of a better word). It wasn't so much their seeming promiscuity, but the fact that they could talk about it with each other and not be bothered in the least. Back then the ex- and I were a bit sexually conservative. We didn't know what swingers were. When they noticed our discomfort they backed off and stopped the stories.

    Looking back on it now...those two were totally swingers! And I'm sure they were sizing us up for new play partners. The ex- and I probably would not have gone for it, but we wouldn't have held it against them either. Nothing would have changed.

    We were deployed to different boats (submarines) which were on different schedules, so we eventually just lost contact.

    And now, years later, I'm left wondering "what if....?"
    "Lie? Me? Never! The truth is far too much fun!" -Capt. Chas. Hook

  10. #10

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    Thanks to one and all for your advise and inputs! There clearly is some thinking and talking wife and I need to do before we decide to plunge or not plunge into this.

    I definitely understand the disadvantages of swinging with close friends. For us the fact that they are our friends gives rise to a dicothomy of sorts meaning on one hand we are afraid to swing because they are close friends and we may be risking the friendship on the other the intimacy and the comfort of being with someone close and familiar (and so sexy) makes us feel safer and more interested!

    But no matter how i look at it, the fact that our friends are going to move overseas in the near future, somehow pushes me to think that the taking that risk might just be worth it. Funny that wife and I were talking about how we lost contact with so many of our friends once they moved out of the area and yes there was no swinging involved there but we still lost touch as all of use moved on in different directions!

    Having said that we do have some work ahead of us. Luckily my wife and I are on the exact same page, which i think is the greatest part of all this!! At this point in time, we are in our wait and see mode and take things as they come.

    Anyways, coming back to the present, while the four of us have never talked to each other at the same time (besides the flirting and joking) about this, the girls have done quite a bit of talking although without too much specificity. This coming weekend the girls are treating us guys to party at the local strip club.... the last time we all went there we had a blast!

    I am looking forward to this weekend. As I was telling my wife the other day, that regardless of wheather we end up sleeping with our friends, our friendship with them given has already become one that will linger in our memories for a lifetime.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Swinging with Friends

    It does sound to me like you both are thinking through things quite well, and that you do value and trust your friends.

    Good luck!
    Mrs. Indy

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