Need some advice about my wife

[njbm 2,564]

Sounds like non-monogamy is more important to her than your relationship. I am sure that you figured this out. Your move. 

[GoldCoCouple 3,894]

Quote

She said she had thought about that and was tracking her cycle. During her fertile times she was either avoid meeting, only doing anal, or made sure they pulled out.

There's a word in the swinging lifestyle and/or are very sexually active using these methods of 'birth control'...

 

Mothers

 

Swinging is a team sport. If one member of the team says no, then the entire team says no. If that isn't the case (as it sounds) then swinging must stop. If she isn't willing to stop, then there isn't much you can do but this WILL start the steady spiral downward as trust is destroyed and communication breaks down. Unfortunately, all you can do is stand your ground and remind her that her continuing starts to become cheating instead of swinging and is damaging your relationship. Maybe finding you taking a firm stand will make her rethink her choices. Good luck and know we're here to support you.

[enhancer 1,500]

If any of this is true then it would be simple for me!  See you later you narcissist bitch.  No way I could live my life with a partner that had zero respect for me , but then again I could never fall in love with someone like this in the first place.  

[CuriousHus 1]

We spoke again today after both having a little time to cool down and think.

 

I made it clear that I expect her to use condoms from now on. She said I'm placing restrictions on her and that it isn't my choice to make. I pointed out this is a very responsible concession to make but she disagreed and still refused. The argument when on but eventually I said I'd had enough. No more swinging. Her response was that I can make my own choices but she has absolutely no intention of stopping and will continue to have sex with other men. She'd prefer I stay involved but is also happy playing without me completely.

 

She did make one counter argument which is a valid point. Before we married she was very honest, open, and clear that she loved sleeping around and going dogging, clubs, parties, etc. She also admitted she'd cheated on exes. Us swinging together was her agreed outlet which I never had an issue with until now. "I know who I married" was her point. While I'm furious with her I can't utterly dispute this.

 

We're now in another period of not talking. Ironically I think she gone to a meet today even during this.

 

I guess I have some soul searching to do. Either pack my bags, or ignore her extra activities and hope she doesn't get pregnant. I hate both options and that fact either way I'll resent her force this choice on me.

[lcmim 907]

To me the decision does not sound like a difficult one.

[GoldCoCouple 3,894]

So your options are she can either continue to have unprotected sex with whoever she wants, damn the consequences and with no concern as to how you feel or you can leave. It sounds like she has made the decision for you...

[discreetplay 173]

On 9/1/2022 at 11:34 AM, MrMrsswinger said:

I'd pull the plug on swinging immediately. I'm willing to bet she won't agree. When she pushes back on you stopping swinging, I'd schedule some consultations with divorce attorneys and get your ducks in a row

Looks like MrMrsswinger nailed this one. 

 

I'd have a divorce attorney already retained.

Edited September 6, 2022 by discreetplay

[patsfan5864 42]

On 9/2/2022 at 5:45 AM, CuriousHus said:

Update.

 

I confronted her last night and the initial part of the conversation went better than I expected to be honest. She didn't think playing bare would be an issue as she's only ever played bare. I obviously pointed out the additional risks now she's off the pill. She said she had thought about that and was tracking her cycle. During her fertile times she was either avoid meeting, only doing anal, or made sure they pulled out. She also said that she would seriously consider going back on the pill or some other birth control, and if she does fall pregnant that she'll have an abortion if I ask her to. She also apologized that she hadn't spoken to me about this and reiterated that she didn't think I had any problem with her going bare with other men.

 

Unfortunately things then took a nose dive. I asked her to only have sex with a condom as we do now. She abruptly refused saying it my choice to use them myself, other men can too if they choose, but otherwise she's always playing bare as that's what she wants. When I pointed out the risks again she again said she'd be careful and get an abortion in the worst case if I insisted. The argument then went in circles.

 

Eventually I ran out of patience I told her we were done with swinging and I didn't want her seeing other men. She flipped out saying we'd decided on an open relationship, we took a break for COVID, but being non monogamous is a permanent arrangement and I can't change my mind now. To cut a long story short the argument finished with me saying I want our relationship exclusive and her saying I can do what I want but so can she, and she'll carry on having sex with other people without my permission if need be. We both stormed off separate ways and haven't spoken today.

 

Looks like some of you were right.

Call a divorce attorney, like today.

 

I would want nothing to do with someone who allegedly loved me, but was also so thoughtless, mean, and careless.

[EastInWest 1,492]

 

On 9/3/2022 at 8:13 AM, CuriousHus said:

We're now in another period of not talking. Ironically I think she gone to a meet today even during this.

 

I guess I have some soul searching to do. Either pack my bags, or ignore her extra activities and hope she doesn't get pregnant. I hate both options and that fact either way I'll resent her force this choice on me.

The bolded is saying a lot.

 

Whether it's true or not, the fact that you aren't sure and just assume seems like it says a lot about where you believe you stand here.

[CuriousHus 1]

Sorry for the slow reply. I've been doing some soul searching.

 

I'm staying with her for now. More for the kid's sake. But I haven't decided still if I'm really willing to accept this or not. She's being very selfish and unreasonable.

 

Thanks for the advice so far.

[lcmim 907]

How does your local law determine paternity?

If you stay with her that might very easily be of importance.

I understand trying to protect your children from this.

If you stay and all of this comes out you may have a more complicated situation than if you dealt with this proactively.

 I missed if you said the ages of your children.

 

[GoldCoCouple 3,894]

Thanks for the update. In the end, it is you that must make your decision based on everything (including the things we will never know). Just know that we are here to help support you.

[CuriousHus 1]

Thank you again for the support and advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

 

I really don't know what the divorce and paternity laws are in detail. But I do know that I don't want to break up the family home. At least not while the kids still live here which the will for many more years to come.

 

She'll get away with what she wants I suppose. I'll have to turn a blind eye, but I'll never forgive her after this. She's done irreparable damage to our marriage!

[enhancer 1,500]

19 minutes ago, CuriousHus said:

Thank you again for the support and advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

 

I really don't know what the divorce and paternity laws are in detail. But I do know that I don't want to break up the family home. At least not while the kids still live here which the will for many more years to come.

 

She'll get away with what she wants I suppose. I'll have to turn a blind eye, but I'll never forgive her after this. She's done irreparable damage to our marriage!

Families and kids are not better off living in a dysfunctional household!  You are not doing anyone any favours including yourself.  Good luck on your future.  

[Davdia 78]

On 9/9/2022 at 1:09 PM, CuriousHus said:

Thank you again for the support and advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

 

I really don't know what the divorce and paternity laws are in detail. But I do know that I don't want to break up the family home. At least not while the kids still live here which the will for many more years to come.

 

She'll get away with what she wants I suppose. I'll have to turn a blind eye, but I'll never forgive her after this. She's done irreparable damage to our marriage!

I honestly don’t feel bad for you, at first I did, then after reading your post it’s clear. You either enjoy being pitiful or you enjoy the attention.

You literally have zero self respect and zero respect for your children. What do you think they think about mom going out all the the time without you? Children are not stupid, your putting them and yourself in a damaging situation. You are responsible!!!

Do the adult thing and remove yourself and more importantly the children from this ridiculous relationship.
By not stopping this or leaving, you simply encourage it.

Again this is all your fault for agreeing to this in the first place…..Seriously WTF!

[couplers 3,493]

On 9/1/2022 at 2:52 AM, CuriousHus said:

She's recently met several guys but she went bare with all of them as she prefers it. She let a few cum inside her too.

 

She's not planning on ever going back on the pill.

We women in our poly family (me especially) hate condoms and never use them.  It's not only the feel while screwing, but also missing the feel (for me especially) of a guy ejaculating - we are, however, on birth control.  There are alternatives to the pill such as a nonhormonal IUD, the diaphragm, sponge and film.  The IUD is better as an "install and forget" device, while the diaphragm, sponge, and film require messy insertion in the heat of the moment and follow-up a certain time after the sex is finished.

 

 

Edited November 5, 2022 by couplers

[hlgcpl4fun 22]

Not a good thing. I noticed not only did you say she was not on birth control, you never said anything about testing for STDs. Playing Russian Roulette with both of your lives.