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swinging vs. hotwife vs. next steps

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My boyfriend has been talking more and more to me about having sex with other men. He has purchased risque dresses for me and encouraged me to go to bars and flirt with guys. To put myself in a vulnerable position in a corner wearing no underwear. The thoughts I had over time were exciting, I'll admit, and recently have done this on several occasions -- three times in bars and once at a dance club. It took no time at all for at least one guy if not two to approach me. Sitting on a bar stool without crossing your legs invites a man's passions to fire up, and hands found home base. I didn't resist, but very mildly admonished them to ease up on the drinks. Dropping a little line like, "You men must think about only one thing." Even as I spoke these words their hands and fingers fondled me where my dress was raised high.

 

When I had enough excitement, I excused myself and left with Scott, my boyfriend. We went home and stayed up the night satisfying my needs and his. As I shared in a similar post about a dance club, I let a man take me into a dark corner during a dance while Scott sat at our table. Pressed against the wall and with his hands exploring everything top and bottom, I again offered meek admonishment without physical resistance. He took his time as I continued now and then, and finally helped me straighten my outfit and return to the center of the room. He was with four others and they all wanted to dance with me, but I opted out. Scott and I left for home.

 

I've had long discussions with Scott about these events and what he sees as my next step. He suggests that I bring a willing male, a Bull, to the apartment and let him screw me as much as he wants while being watched by Scott. He said, "I want a hotwife for a lover, someone who is attractive to other men and is open to having sex in my presence. That will prepare us for swinging.

 

Now I have to admit I very much want to be wanted. I am an exhibitionist, and love being watched. I've also read about being a hotwife and this fits. I've also read about future steps that the boyfriend or husband take -- things like servicing the Bull and wife/girlfriend after he is finished. Plus other steps toward submission that go even deeper.

 

Maybe in time I will be open to him servicing someone after I'm finished with him. Me too. In fact, he does that already and very well. Scott is submissive overall. But this is all so new. I'm confused about what I want vs. what he really wants long-term, and will I be up to it.

 

It's all erotic to think about, but is it equally erotic to perform or watch? Should I view some movies on this and see how I react inside? See how Scott reacts if he sees these things performed? I wonder if he really wants this. I'm fearful that once I start I won't want to stop. I know me.

 

I hope you don't think I'm a bad person.

 

Advice please.

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No, you and Scott are not ‘bad people.’ You two simply have fetishes. You are an exhibitionist, he has the desire to see his woman pleasured by other men, and may have the cuckold fetish. If you also go a little further to actually having sex with another man while Scott watches, it’s just a furtherance of your fetishes.

 

A fetish isn’t ‘bad’ until it hurts another person, IMHO. Who are you hurting? Not yourself, not Scott, and certainly not the other man.

 

If you want to bring another man into your bedroom and he’s willing, why not? All of you are adults, you can run your life the way you want. Go for it!

 

As far as definitions go, don’t worry about them. For myself, I see ‘swinging’ and ‘the LifeStyle’ to be any situation where a committed couple has willing sexual experiences with third parties. So ‘hotwife’ and ‘open relationships’ and even MFMF are simply subsets of swinging. (I know, I know, some people will disagree with that, perhaps violently. Show me the terms in Merriam-Webster, and I’ll conform to that.) If you’re enjoying something, what do you care what other people call it?

 

Best of luck.

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Thank you, Adamgunn and JandKinBoise for your encouragement and thoughtful responses. If I could, I would PM you both, but need to wait a few more days.

I didn't wait to go dancing again at the same place mentioned above. Scott said he would follow along an hour after me, so He dropped me off and left. Having already been there once, I felt comfortable enough to go in and order a drink.

 

Sitting alone at a small table, wearing one of my micro dresses, it wasn't long before a good looking man approached with an invitation to dance. With a smile I accepted and off we went across the dance floor. He could easily see I wore no bra and his hands subtly felt for hip bands from a panty or thong, but nothing constricted. Our direction across the floor then went toward the area of subdued lighting.

 

As the band played a slower tune, my body was pulled tight against his and his left hand found my breasts soft and pleasurable. I quietly whispered to him," We're on a dance floor and everyone can see." He turned me so his back was blocking everyone's view and danced me against a wall. No longer satisfied with my breasts, he explored the uncovered pelvic area...all of it.

 

One of the bartenders tapped him on the shoulder and said, "If you can't wait to get to your bedroom, I can let you into the utility room." I was a bit embarrassed and thought we'd be thrown out. Instead, we were let into a small room and the door closed. I hadn't expected this. Everything moved at a fast pace except my alcohol tainted mind. He pressed me against the wall and pulled me up by my thighs. I whispered, "I don't even know your name. This is so sudden." Without another word from him, I felt his erection at my vagina, And a couple thrusts found home.

 

When finished, we returned to the floor and danced a while. He whispered a litany of sweet compliments. I looked for Scott, but didn't see him. The man bought me another drink which I slugged. He said, "Let's go to my place where I can take very good care of you. I didn't resist. I spent the night with him giving and receiving affections.

 

Home just a short time, I found that Scott had not slept here, nor was He home yet. He must have found someone as well. It wasn't a together night, but an outing, my first in some time, that really excited and satisfied me. Don't know if this is a first step. Is it?

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That's one sexy story. And a huge leap from dancing and allowing men to fondle you and bringing a man home with your boyfriend for sex. I'd be a bit concerned about safety and disease but I'm not judging. We've always played as a team, never alone so that's our experience. We've never considered picking up partners alone and staying out for the night.

 

I'm interested in where you boyfriend was. Is this new swinging really a way to have an open relationship for both you and Scott? If so, great? You may find that you need to have some rules or boundaries that help to establish your relationship within the greater activities.

 

Good luck and glad you enjoyed yourself.

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...I see ‘swinging’ and ‘the LifeStyle’ to be any situation where a committed couple has willing sexual experiences with third parties. So ‘hotwife’ and ‘open relationships’ and even MFMF are simply subsets of swinging. (I know, I know, some people will disagree with that, perhaps violently. Show me the terms in Merriam-Webster, and I’ll conform to that.) If you’re enjoying something, what do you care what other people call it?

 

Thanks, Adamgunn. I'm on the same page as to the breadth of experiences ans approaches to sexuality and sexual behavior that I subsume under the terms "Lifestyle" or "Swinging". For me it's pretty much any fully consensual non-monogamous sexual activities.

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