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  1. #1

    Default Thank you Almost

    We were looking for a single woman to join us and very soon learned that the unicorn is not a reality. We though we could find a couple where the husband just wanted to watch. We are not the only coupe looking for the same thing. We were contacted by a couple who went through the same search. They told us that since their search they have answered requests from others like us. They have claimed to have met many newbies. We wondered if we would just be a conquest like taking our virginity.
    A bunch of text messaging and then a phone call with all four of to make sure we were both real couples. We planned on a meeting for drinks only. The drinks led to dinner and all the stories of meetings they had. Not all of their meetings went to plan. They said that they both know when to stop if a couple wants to. They also told us many meetings are for full sex. We said this was just for the wives and they understood and agreed. We left after the wives said they would meet for a shopping date so they can talk alone. They decided that we would all meet again.
    We met at our place. Ground rules were the men would not undress. We would just watch. A few drinks and the fun started. Some kissing and undressing. My wife seemed relaxed. Then the last pieces of clothes off I could tell she was nervous. I saw her tense up. She turned onto her stomach legs very much together. Our friend was not pushing her. She asked if she should stop. This went on for about ten minutes and then she completely stopped. She told my wife that they should stop and they did.
    They kept their promise of not pushing. They said they would meet us again if we want. We now have to decide what we want.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    We are at the stage you were just before the meeting that you describe.

    This is going to be an interesting journey.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict agreatguy's Avatar
    Status
    Couple - Man posting

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Don't get discouraged.
    Our first date was simply a meet and greet, dinner, drinks. We danced a little and my wife invited the other guy to step outside. I was impressed with her confidence. They stayed outside for a while and came back in. She told me she kissed him and he felt her up a little. She encouraged me to do the same which I did.

    As the evening wore on it became apparent that the couple was not representing themselves as they had in emails. We told them as newbies we were soft swap, same room only. They said that was fine but as the evening went on they started telling us how they preferred same room and the wife even wanted to be able to text me. We said our goodbyes around midnight and on the drive home my wife had a breakdown. Come to find out she was muscling through the evening but really had gotten turned off about an hour before. It took us a while, several months actually to work through that. We realized we aren't looking for friends just good one off experiences and prefer some mystery and anonymity so we've had better luck at clubs.

    I say all that to say this. Take a little time to work through it. These are the situations where swingers learn how important communication is. It's especially important for you to be able to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with her shutting down for her own reasons, whatever they may, be and be completely supportive of that(it sounds like you were so you're already a step ahead of the curve). She needs some time to digest this first experience and figure out what she wants and for you both to figure out what you want together out of the lifestyle. Once you've done that you can move on to your next experience better for the knowledge and experience you have.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict couplers's Avatar
    Status
    female in poly family

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Quote Originally Posted by ToeDippers View Post
    We were looking for a single woman to join us and very soon learned that the unicorn is not a reality...
    Unicorns are out thee you just need charm, luck and patience. I've told the story a couple of times here and was just going to do a copy/paste, but those posts seem to have been lost in the Great Swingers Board Memory Purge around 2009. So to recap - After about two years of my husband allowing me to keep my boyfriend while being monogamous with me due to my jealousy, I snapped when a girlfriend of mine said she thought my husband must be fun in bed and I said "That could be arranged." She took me up on it and I learned to love the jealousy and eventually my Lesbian side. This first friend didn't have Lesbian interests nor even let me watch, but we all enjoyed the experiences in our own ways. It ended when she got serious with her boyfriend and couldn't see screwing my husband any longer. But we went out with them as a couple (I don't know if she ever told him) and we remain friends with her and her husband, a different guy (who does know).

    Both hubby and I enjoyed the way things had gone (and at this point I wanted another "jealousy" fix), so I brought another woman, an acquaintance, more closely into our life. I went to lunch and shopping with her, then introduced her to my husband. We "dated" her together, we took her to dinner, the theater, and on vacations, which we paid for. I left her alone with hubby from time to time to show that I had no problem with them being together. It went nowhere sexually, but the fantasies between hubby and I were breathtaking - for him, me describing her body from the few times that I saw her undressed; for me, the fantasy images of them screwing. We still got together from time-to-time for a few years afterwards until she moved away with no expectations of sex.

    We repeated the dating pattern with fifteen or so more women, and four took us up on the invitation to have sex with hubby. One other didn't want me present, and I respected that; the other three not only let me watch but either immediately or eventually had a Lesbian relationship with me as well. (My second great sexual awaking). One of the women was Clair, with whom both hubby and I became sexually and romantically involved. Clair joined us along with my boyfriend Red to turn our strange ménage à trois into a poly family (especially when Clair became pregnant and had our first child, with me closely behind).

    We had the advantage of being in our mid-twenties, hubby being fit and handsome, us not yet having any children, and having some disposable income to treat our date and do what she wanted. Of all the women that we "dated," none have expressed any regrets or animosity towards us. We were looking for relationships, and found them whether it led to sex or not. We are on good terms with all of the women who we are still in contact with.

    So the woman who you are looking for is out there; be nice and generous. And enjoy interacting with people whether it leads to sex or not.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Our journey should be more fun and interesting. Our new friends who we met because of our first post are great people. My feeling is because they too wanted that unicorn they are trying to make our journey much easier than theirs was. The only rule they set was that he had to be there to watch also. I think they got into this because he knew his wife played before they met and he never got to see he with a woman.
    Since we tried this my wife has been apologizing to me. I keep telling her that there is no reason to be sorrry. This is more about her and less about me watching. She also thinks that the couple is mad. I don’t think they are and told her even if they are mad not to worry about it.
    Why did my wife stop when I thought it was going well. To watch two pretty women undressing and naked kissing and touching was an out of body experience. If it weren’t that we made up rules I would have jumped right in. I now know my wife would have been happy to have me next to her. She told me she pictured our threesome in a candle lit bedroom. She wanted me to share her with another woman. Having me and the other friend watching our wives on a floor rug with the lights on just was too clinical. She said she felt cold. She just couldn’t relax enough.
    The way this went down was by our rules. The other couple was open to anything we wanted. They even agreed to me being involved. They only had the rule that he had to be there. He didn’t need to be involved.
    I think we should wait before trying this again. I don’t even know if that couple would meet us again. They did say we should call when we think we are ready.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Actually this couple sounds perfect, sensitive to sense your wife’s discomfort and stop. Too many pushy people. When your wife is ready maybe a second time with this couple will be easier, less nervous.

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict agreatguy's Avatar
    Status
    Couple - Man posting

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    It really sounds like you did everything right. You followed the rules and so did they. It just wasn't happening and it stopped when that became apparent. Your wife has nothing to feel guilty about. She dipped her toes in the water and it was a little cold. Now she has a better idea of what she might want it to feel like next time and with some time she may realize that the water wasn't so cold afterall it was just not exactly what she was hoping for or expecting at the time. Step into that exact same scenario with this experience under your belt and it may go completely different. You'll look back on this after a while as a great learning experience.

    Call them when you're ready. They seem like a great couple and probably wouldn't have told you to call when you were ready if they didn't mean it. Most experienced swingers know better than to put that invitation our there just to be nice.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    You are a great couple. You didn’t push your wife to do things she wasn’t comfortable doing. That show the love and respect you have for her and your marriage. There are so many thoughts that go in to making a decision to having sex with someone new. Your wife is not only wanting sex, she wants sex with another woman. The act is very foreign to her. I bet she was hesitant the first time she had sex. This is a first time too.
    It looks like you clicked with the couple. They understood what you wanted and they respected your wife.
    Keep the conversation going with your wife. Don’t push her. Let her go at her own speed.
    The other couple is what you need. They understand. I am positive they will be there when you are ready, especially if you offer a nice dinner lol ��

  9. #9

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Is it possible your wife doesn’t want to be with a woman? Some of us have a fantasy that is better off staying just that, a fantasy. Even on this board there is a heading for fantasies that is filled with doing things you just think about. I feel that the majority of the posts are made by men.
    My Wife wants a gangbang
    My wife wants a glory hole
    My wife wants a big black c.ck
    My wife wants to be fisted
    My wife want double penetration
    I think you get my idea. So many of the things we are doing is really what our husbands want. You posted watching porn with lesbian sex. Who picked the porn?
    You watched while your wife got down to her birthday suit with another woman. You watched but did you see? Was she eager or nervous? Was she having fun or was she putting on a show for you?
    The bottom line is she stopped. She wasn’t ready to fulfill what just be your fantasy.
    As a side note, I stopped too. I went further than your wife and just wasn’t comfortable. Don’t lead her back to the situation. If she truly wants to do this again let her make the arrangements. Let her bring up the subject.


  10. #10

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    Quote Originally Posted by Shore2Please View Post
    Is it possible your wife doesn’t want to be with a woman? Some of us have a fantasy that is better off staying just that, a fantasy. Even on this board there is a heading for fantasies that is filled with doing things you just think about. I feel that the majority of the posts are made by men.
    My Wife wants a gangbang
    My wife wants a glory hole
    My wife wants a big black c.ck
    My wife wants to be fisted
    My wife want double penetration
    I think you get my idea. So many of the things we are doing is really what our husbands want. You posted watching porn with lesbian sex. Who picked the porn?
    You watched while your wife got down to her birthday suit with another woman. You watched but did you see? Was she eager or nervous? Was she having fun or was she putting on a show for you?
    The bottom line is she stopped. She wasn’t ready to fulfill what just be your fantasy.
    As a side note, I stopped too. I went further than your wife and just wasn’t comfortable. Don’t lead her back to the situation. If she truly wants to do this again let her make the arrangements. Let her bring up the subject.
    Reading this was like having an ice bucket poured on my head. I don't think I am pushing her to do this. We have talked about this a lot before taking the next step. I can't remember who was the first one to suggest we go out and do it. When we couldn't find the Unicorn I think it was my idea to find a couple. We discussed it. We knew that a couple wasn't what wanted, it was just an answer to something we couldn't find. We weren't looking for her to have sex with another man. We were looking for something more than that.
    Last night I had to ask her if I pushed her into this. Was she doing this to satisfy me or was it something she really wanted to do. She assured me she wasn't doing it for me, it was for us. That bothered me, I wanted it to be for her and for her to enjoy a new experience. I asked why she stopped when we were with the couple. We had both agreed that they were both as perfect as we were going to find for our first time. The wives even spent time together alone shopping and having drinks. There had been absolutely no pressure from me. That night she was more excited than me. What made her stop? I said to her you looked like you were having fun undressing and even kissing and touching a little. Why did you stop? She asked if I was mad at her. I assured her I wasn't mad. At the time I thought someone did something wrong. Had no idea what went wrong. Then she told me why she stopped. She said this was supposed to be about us. She said we always talked about being in bed together with someone and enjoying things together. Her She said it might seem funny but she wanted romance. If she was going to do something she wanted my body next to her to feel what she felt. She said she stopped because two men were fully dressed watching. She was uncomfortable being watched on a stage. I assured her that she was right to stop. I think I appreciated that she wanted me in bed with her. I felt bad that I was good just watching her.
    The couple we met said they would do anything we wanted to do as long the husband would be there. He could be dressed or naked, in bed or just watch. They offered to have a manage with him sitting out. I am not an exhibitionist. Having sex in front of another guy is not something I thought about.
    We will see where it goes.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    You have already accomplished the most important part of swinging, communication and respect between the two of you. You found a perfect couple to assist you in getting to where you both want to be. They understand the limits. You have a connection with them that goes beyond a sex act. Get back together with them for a social drink or let your wife meet the other wife again. They know something stopped your wife and they respected her. Have the honest talk. Tell them you would like a 3some. They are a reasonable couple willing to work with you to get passed the first or now second difficult move. The couple has shown they enjoy your company.
    How does your wife feel about you having sex with the other wife?

  12. #12
    Just Saying Hi Manwhore1985's Avatar
    Status
    Couple male/female
    SLS Profile
    Bbwanbbcstud

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    As for finding unicorns... The best way I've found is the wife's friends and acquaintances. Our "pet" is the same girl that she had her first lesbian experience with right b4 we met. I was my wife's first (male) lover. So it's kind of cool we share her firsts. If you start hanging at clubs, you can find cuckold types, but they are usually 50+ or the occasional older woman-young man couple. If you are exotic(handsome,beefy, hung, black, latin, young, etc), you may get a not-so-voluntary cuckold's wife(A wife who bullied her less attractive husband into swinging without a full swap only rule). These wives tend to be the ones between 30-45 and very attractive. But i wouldn't advise you to play with a couple who is like that. It's kind of taking advantage of a bad situation/relationship. And it takes advanced skills to navigate without stirring drama.

    As for sharing husband or sharing wife... You don't know how you'll respond until you do it. As the man, the first time we full swapped... I couldn't get it up, was embarrassing..while he banged the shit out of my wife. He told me it was normal and i thought he was just being polite. We popped a couple's cherry over a year later, and he had a hard time keeping it up. So it's actually pretty common. The husband sharing... There will be sounds and actions she may find too intimate(like kissing with some) she will not know upsets her until she sees it. Same the opposite on that too. Also if you seem to be enjoying it wayyy more than your last few rumps with her. Alot of women don't get the extra excitement of strange for a guy. You may have to police your expressiveness as to not set off your wife. But you won't know these things until you do them.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    We have done it all the reverse of what is talked about here. Whenever we had a threesome with a stranger he was a stranger. We fuck without even knowing our names or talking anything personal. Some we become friends with and we fuck again, but it doesn't feel the same. Actually, we haven't done the meet up, club or party thing. Would love to experience that too. There are none in our area. The nearest is NYC and that is 200 miles away.
    www.amazon.com/author/venusshaw
    www.facebook.com/writervenusshaw
    www.swingersexdiaries.com

  14. #14

    Default Re: Thank you Almost

    I don’t kiss and tell normally. Think we met the same couple and they are everything you said. Respectful, not pushy and very easy to get to like. Your wife wasn’t the first to clam up when approached by the wife. They both were respectful when my wife couldn’t go thru with being bi. They told us before starting that she was bi and we made it clear we weren’t. My wife didn’t rule out playing like that even tho she said it most likely wouldn’t happen. I did get to watch my wife being undressed by a woman before she said stop. And it did stop. The husband didn’t mind much as he was happy with my wife. Oh, I was happy with his too.
    We have met them again and in a party setting. Everyone likes them.
    Their main focus is on wife play and if that is what you are looking for, take your time and do it at your time table. I feel they will accommodate you. Have fun.

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