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  1. #1

    Default First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Hi all!

    So first post, other than introductory, so may be a little long. We have our first 'official' play date scheduled for this coming Friday. We have in the past tried a Mfm, which went ok...nerves in both guys caused some issues but otherwise a pretty good time. Our next experience was with a couple. Didn't go off quite as we had hoped (does it ever? Lol) M ( the husband) got to have a full swap and enjoyed it very much other than the lady had some second thoughts afterwards, which made M feel bad. The husband of that couple did a good job with me but wasn't able (no matter how we tried!) to achieve a full swap with me. We ended up in separate rooms, even tho that was not my original choice, as it seemed to help the guys work better. I was ok with it, but missed being able to SEE which is one of my major turn ons! Who knew I would find it so hot watching my husband with someone else!? Still, it was an enjoyable evening.

    We went quite some time after that (almost a year!) before finally meeting a couple we have chemistry with. Met them for drinks, decided it was a go. The lady in the new couple is Bi and very into me...which is terribly sexy and something I am really looking forward to. Always wanted to play with a woman but haven't yet so that will be an experience! This will actually be our second attempt to get together as our first date was put off due to illness on their side. So it's been a long time coming!The problem is, M isn't saying much...he says the last time he built it up too much in in his head and it made things harder than they needed to be. So he wants to NOT think about it before hand to avoid that problem this time. So it's hard for me, because I'm beyond excited to do this and can't talk about it! Lol...so here I am, talking to you all! I am a little worried that M is doing this so I can get my full swap...but he is assuring me that he's good, he's not doing it just for me and it's like he said, he's trying to avoid all the mental build up this time around.

    You all may not be able to answer, but I was hoping some of the guys might weigh in and tell me if that's, like...a guy thing? Should I be worried? Maybe just some general thoughts? As a woman, I find that long, slow build up - sexting with her and him so incredibly sexy, but he wants to avoid all of that this time. He doesn't mind at all that I'm sexting back and forth . To be honest it's mostly benefitted him this past week!

    Anyway, any thoughts would be appreciated!


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Happily married to a wild woman
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    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Whether or not exchanging text messages ahead of a meeting is already debated contentiously here at Swingersboard so I'm not going to touch that question. What I will say is that after your husband achieves his first success he will never again avoid a run-up period. His excitement will build, like yours, as the meeting time becomes closer.
    Donít let your meat loaf.

  3. #3

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    We're still pretty new and although our actual first time was exactly planned, there were problems. Theres never been a problem in our bedroom, quite the opposite, but there we were both extremely excited and no matter what we seemed to try.....well it wasn't happening. Anyway the other couple was pretty good about it and if I'm honest it was probably me that was annoyed. Not at my husband, but because I'd been concerned that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. Well after some time my husband and myself got together and after a fair bit of kissing and touching.....things went up and a few moments later we swapped back. Well they moved pretty quickly and everything worked fine.
    Although things haven't always gone smoothly since, this hasn't been an issue again.
    I think trying not to think about the upcoming swap is still thinking about it and lets face it communication is definitely part of the build up and although I find the nerves terrifying they also turn me on.
    Good luck

  4. #4

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Whether or not exchanging text messages ahead of a meeting is already debated contentiously here at Swingersboard so I'm not going to touch that question. What I will say is that after your husband achieves his first success he will never again avoid a run-up period. His excitement will build, like yours, as the meeting time becomes closer.

    Iíve noticed the contentiousness around texting beforehand on here. Itís a choice weíve made that M usually participates in, so we are ok with that part. Thanks so much for the thought re: getting this under our belts and it being better next time! That is certainly what I am hoping for! I want him to be as excited as I am!

  5. #5

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by Newcouple17 View Post
    We're still pretty new and although our actual first time was exactly planned, there were problems. Theres never been a problem in our bedroom, quite the opposite, but there we were both extremely excited and no matter what we seemed to try.....well it wasn't happening. Anyway the other couple was pretty good about it and if I'm honest it was probably me that was annoyed. Not at my husband, but because I'd been concerned that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. Well after some time my husband and myself got together and after a fair bit of kissing and touching.....things went up and a few moments later we swapped back. Well they moved pretty quickly and everything worked fine.
    Although things haven't always gone smoothly since, this hasn't been an issue again.
    I think trying not to think about the upcoming swap is still thinking about it and lets face it communication is definitely part of the build up and although I find the nerves terrifying they also turn me on.
    Good luck
    Thanks so much for reply! It's funny because our first time was exactly planned and like you didn't work out so well. I agree...not thinking about it still thinking about it! Lol... All I can do, I guess, is take him at his word and jump in...see what happens!

    I agree too, with the build up/nerves things. I get those whoops in my stomach (like when you're on a swing?) when I think about the fact that it's getting so close! Nerves for sure but also a serious turn on! ��

  6. #6

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    A guy goes into this situation with a set of expectations, even if he doesn't think so. We think we know ourselves and we expect our bodies to do certain things without even thinking about it. Erections are usually something we are trying to NOT get. Going into a very erotic situation, ED isn't even a thought.
    So when this happens, it's usually a bigger deal that the guy can vocalize. Now, as he is going into the next erotic situation, he has only one thought. This can cause a snowball effect. That's why he's trying to not think about it. The best cure seems impossible but he has to relax. Also, communicate to the other couple that this may happen. If they have ANY experience, they have probably experienced this. There are many ways to enjoy each other without a hardon. Once he can relax and start to enjoy the person and put the situation to the side, it will rage.

  7. #7

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  8. #8

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by JandKinBoise View Post
    A guy goes into this situation with a set of expectations, even if he doesn't think so. We think we know ourselves and we expect our bodies to do certain things without even thinking about it. Erections are usually something we are trying to NOT get. Going into a very erotic situation, ED isn't even a thought.
    So when this happens, it's usually a bigger deal that the guy can vocalize. Now, as he is going into the next erotic situation, he has only one thought. This can cause a snowball effect. That's why he's trying to not think about it. The best cure seems impossible but he has to relax. Also, communicate to the other couple that this may happen. If they have ANY experience, they have probably experienced this. There are many ways to enjoy each other without a hardon. Once he can relax and start to enjoy the person and put the situation to the side, it will rage.

    That's what I'm thinking too...but am glad to hear someone else say it! The other couple already know it may be an issue and are totally fine with it. They are fairly experienced and say they want nothing more than for us to have fun, no pressure. Hopefully he can relax into that and enjoy it!

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict Wornsilver's Avatar
    Status
    Couple, he posts

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Trying NOT to think of something is nearly impossible. "Stand in a corner and don't think of a white horse." James Thurber?? maybe? Anyway, it has long been recognized. You have gotten some good advice, the other couple seems perfect for the situation, accept your body, accept the fact that you can enjoy yourself and cause a good bit of enjoyment for others without an erection. Have fun, keep us posted.
    Cigarettes and squirrels are harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.


  10. #10

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Thanks all...I appreciate the help! You're right of course ... He IS thinking about it, I'm sure. And his problem last time wasn't a lack of an erection. Rather it was more about how the anticipation got into his head and nothing but 'her' was going to satisfy. He feels that made him somewhat blind to the fact that apparently she was just going along with things, rather than actually 'wanting to'. And he felt bad about that afterwards. So he doesn't want it to happen again...which I totally understand! And personally, I don't blame him for how things went down last time. She had responsibility for herself too. This is a learning experience, after all. I guess I was just feeling a little, I don't know the right word...lost maybe? Without being able to talk this to death (which IS my habit! Lol) beforehand. I know he wants to do this, I know he wants to be successful...for both of us to be. And I have to respect the fact that he will be honest if all of that isn't true. And I suppose I respect the fact that he's chosen this way to deal with it....but geeze! It's hard! Lol...Anyway...only two more sleeps! ��

  11. #11

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Two more days...report back what happens.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  12. #12

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Two more days...report back what happens.
    I most certainly will!

  13. #13

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Update...well, I knew there was something not right. Hubby has decided he's not into this. So have cancelled the meet with the couple. Perhaps we will try again someday but unlikely.

  14. #14

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Sorry to hear that. Just keep the open lines of communication and honesty open and you never know. The problem with opening Pandora's Box is that it cannot be unopened later. Lots of spouses realize this and will choose caution instead of taking that risk. It's actually a good thing knowing that he loves you more than the idea of swinging. Let us know if anything else develops. You're still invited to stay here with us on the board.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  15. #15

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Sorry to hear that. Just keep the open lines of communication and honesty open and you never know. The problem with opening Pandora's Box is that it cannot be unopened later. Lots of spouses realize this and will choose caution instead of taking that risk. It's actually a good thing knowing that he loves you more than the idea of swinging. Let us know if anything else develops. You're still invited to stay here with us on the board.
    Thanks GoldCoCouple...I appreciate the thoughts and the invite to stay on, I guess we have a lot more work to do.

  16. #16

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    I see that by the time I have read this Friday night has arrived and you two are probably out on your adventure. It was fun bordering on humorous reading your post because I read it aloud to my wife and said somebody recorded our first couple adventures entering the swinging lifestyle. We suffered male issues also with nerves(myself included)We hope your night goes well for you this time and hopefully you post a successful report

  17. #17

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Aw man I am gutted for you guys, did your hubby elaborate much on why he's not into it?
    To be honest I think we would find your situation a little bit stressful , the idea of arranging a meet with one couple is a bit daunting for us , its a bit of a pressure cooker situation as all your eggs are in one basket, that's why we prefer going to a club , there's never been any pressure and quite often we will just enjoy the atmosphere and each other, occasionally we'll hit it off with a couple and something will happen but it always feels quite natural, maybe your husband might find that kind of environment less intense


  18. #18

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by Scaredstiff View Post
    Aw man I am gutted for you guys, did your hubby elaborate much on why he's not into it?
    To be honest I think we would find your situation a little bit stressful , the idea of arranging a meet with one couple is a bit daunting for us , its a bit of a pressure cooker situation as all your eggs are in one basket, that's why we prefer going to a club , there's never been any pressure and quite often we will just enjoy the atmosphere and each other, occasionally we'll hit it off with a couple and something will happen but it always feels quite natural, maybe your husband might find that kind of environment less intense
    Well, in our case, it turns out it was because the lady of the couple was texting with me (we were looking forward to my first bi experience) and he felt like a third wheel. He recognizes he should have said so up front - there's that communication thing again - but when it came down to the wire he just wasn't up for it. I don't know where we are going to go from here. Remains to be seen. Unfortunately, there are no clubs closer than about 7 hours away, so makes it harder to make that our thing. Not to say we won't, but it's up in the air for now. While I'm really disappointed that we didn't get to try it, I of course respect his choice. Just wish he'd been up front from the start ( which I've told him).

  19. #19

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Where to go from here: work on improving your communication and trust with each other. Nothing bad can come from making them better and maybe the next time there won't be any misunderstandings or problems (if there is a next time). It's better to not have crossed this bridge than to have crossed it and found out that he wasn't ready for it. Take your time, you both have the rest of your lives together and you never know what tomorrow brings. I suspect you will eventually achieve your goal, but you just need to be patient.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  20. #20

    Smile Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Where to go from here: work on improving your communication and trust with each other. Nothing bad can come from making them better and maybe the next time there won't be any misunderstandings or problems (if there is a next time). It's better to not have crossed this bridge than to have crossed it and found out that he wasn't ready for it. Take your time, you both have the rest of your lives together and you never know what tomorrow brings. I suspect you will eventually achieve your goal, but you just need to be patient.
    Agreed! And that's what we've been doing. I even posted a new thread about one of the interesting things that's come up in those discussions. It's all a learning experience and while we both want to continue on, we are both good with just taking it one step at a time. If it happen ( and I agree, it likely will, someday) it happens...if it doesn't that's ok too. As long as we are talking about how we feel, what's to lose?

  21. #21

    Default Re: First time (sort of!) coming up on Friday!

    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

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