It wasn't the best experience of our lives, but it wasn't the worst either.

A long post, that is. Sorry.

My wife and I have been together 27 years, married 25. Yesterday we popped our swinging virginity, and I think we made every mistake in the swinging handbook. If we left any out, please tell us so we can incorporate them next time.

Back in September last year, under the influence of a long car trip followed by a few too many wines, I confessed to my wife that about 5 years before I met her a married couple I knew had invited me round for dinner, told me they were swingers and swept me into their bed. I had enjoyedthe experience so much I had long fantasised about exploring the lifestyle with her.

Rather than throw me out of the house my wife seemed intrigued, and after some conversation agreed to think about it and do some research on the Internet.

We talked about it pretty intensely for about 5 weeks, but then I decided to back off and let the subject trail away. I can be pretty intense sometimes, and I wanted to remove the pressure.

Fast forward to about 10 days ago. We're sitting wwatching TV when my wife tells me she has decided she wants to swing. Not only that, she has been chatting online, emailing and phoning another guy for about two weeks, and he's the one we're going to do it with.

He's also got a girlfriend who will be joining us. They're both married, but not to each other, and have no swinging experience but meet for sex every Sunday.

At first I was over the moon, but last Monday doubts set in. She seemed to be half in love with this guy, and we had had no contact with his girlfriend. How did we know what they were like?

My wife got upset, and said if it was not with this guy she wasn't interested in finding anyone else. So I capitulated.

He had also told her he liked to blindfold a woman the first time he was with them, and this quickly became her fantasy.

Because it was a 3-hour drive to meet them there seemed to be no way this was not going to end up in sex.

I was a bundle of nerves the whole way, but my wife seemed very calm. But as soon as we got into the motel room I knew we were in trouble. We found them both physically unappealing, and honestly I would like to do more than say hullo to a woman before she gets my dick in her mouth.

But we kept going. I couldn't get a hardon with this woman, but I did good oral duty. About three minutes after the other guy had my wife's clothes off he was kneeling over her with his dick in her mouth.

Things kept going. There were 69s, the other woman and my wife had some involvement - a total first for her. One of the problems was the damn bed was too small, so it sort of evolved into a rolling threesome with changing personnel while the fourth lay on the other bed and watched.

The other problem was the other couple were really rough with my wife. The guy had boasted about his sexual prowess, and while he did have a big dick foreplay seemed to be pistoning his finger in and out of my wife's pussy really hard. The other woman asked if she could go down on my wife, and my wife pretended to come but said she was also vry rough with her.

I eventually got a hardon with my wife and we did some fucking, and I went down on her with a vibrator and gave her her only orgasm of the day.

My wife said later she came close to orgasm a couple of times with the ther guy, but then he'd do something to spoil it. Also, the other woman was very vocal, and that put her off a bit too.

After about 2 hours we had had enough, and started the 3-hour trip home. It was an interesting journey, with some shared laughter and some serious talking.

What we agreed was that we would like to keep exploring the lifestyle, but with different people and a bit more care in the choice. Also, a non-play meeting first would be a good idea.

It wasn't the best experience of our lives, but it wasn't the worst either.

I just know I'm going to get heaps of comments on this, so bring it on people.

Despite being awkward, you didn't make more of it than it was, which is that you had a mediocre sexual experience. Your wife also realized the fantasy of this guy was not equal to the reality of him. That' a great lesson to learn early. No one panicked, got weird or created a scene. And, more importantly, you could actually laugh about it afterwards. I think the upside is you were both able to have sex with other people and it didn't bother either of you.

That's pretty much the conclusion we came to on the drve home. As my wife said, although it wasn't a great experience she had no regrets and no guilt, and I feel the same way. Just wish I could have got a hardon.

We've decided we're going to look for a couple who are more like us, or maybe ease into it with a single guy prepared to take some time.

We also want people who live a lot closer to us. Driving 3 hours, having sex for 2 hours then driving 3 hours home was quite exhausting.

Susan here-- Trust me, with the right woman you will get very hard and you'll cum like a freight train.

Hope the blood test comes back negative.

Lets see:

1. Wife took control and set it behind your back and refused your input? Check.

2. Met with a cheating couple? Check.

3. Did not meet them prior to see if there was any attraction and sounds like you didn't even get photos? Check.

4. Put yourself in a situation where you felt you couldn't back down? Check

5. Played despite no attraction? Check.

Well on the plus side you.....

1. Didn't do it while drunk.

2. Break the rules you set out with.

3. Get in a fight.

4. Leave crying.

Well we almost all make stupid mistakes our first times. If that wasn't so common then their wouldn't be a concept of 'newbie'. So really it sounds like you guys would be 'ready' for swinging, and already know what not to do when meeting a couple for the first time.

Thanks for your input Chicup. Breaking it down like that makes us feel even sillier.

My wife read this posting when she got home from work, and agrees with it all, except I left out that the other woman stank of garlic. If you were meeting another couple for sex the next day, wouldn't you lay off the garlic?

That's why I said we decided to look for a couple a bit more like us, with more sensitivity. It sounds snobbish, but we're both professional people and we have a good idea of the people we want as friends.

It wasn't all bad. There was one hilarious moment - well, I thought it was funny. My wife and I have been monogamous since we met, and playing with this couple my wife couldn't work out how to get the condom open, and then had to ask the other woman how to - um - fit it in place.

Thanks for your input Chicup. Breaking it down like that makes us feel even sillier.

My wife read this posting when she got home from work, and agrees with it all, except I left out that the other woman stank of garlic. If you were meeting another couple for sex the next day, wouldn't you lay off the garlic?

That's why I said we decided to look for a couple a bit more like us, with more sensitivity. It sounds snobbish, but we're both professional people and we have a good idea of the people we want as friends.

It wasn't all bad. There was one hilarious moment - well, I thought it was funny. My wife and I have been monogamous since we met, and playing with this couple my wife couldn't work out how to get the condom open, and then had to ask the other woman how to - um - fit it in place.

I am a snob so its ok with me.

You know you might get more input on this thread, but with your title I figured this was a single male posting about how great he is, I wouldn't be surprised if some board members just ignored it as such

Hmm, I'm a ball of ambivolence lol.

I could list everything that happened with a positive and a negative, but I think you already know what they are. One bit of advice for you both is to be honest...before, during, and after. It seems that you had the after part worked out okay.

Try setting things up together next time. Try meeting in a place that's not a hotel, in case you're not attracted. Try working on it together, and you will find things go along more smoothly

Mrs

I'm actually quite proud of the after part. It's shown us what a good relationship we have. We've spent the past two days talking about what we did wrong and what we want next time. And she woke me up at 3am this morning to jump my bones lol.

Indeed It's great perk of the swinging lifestyle. How you are able to speak about things you never used to, how you can talk about fantasies, and how you can wake up at 3 AM with an agenda

Yes. We all made similar mistakes when we first started. Communication is a must. As long as you talk things out, times will get much better. Also, if you read another thread here about rules being broken, you will find out not to get too upset when it happens. At least it seems you were able to keep your sence of humor about the whole thing,I believe that is about 90% of the way there.

Mr hmr

OP,

The first thing I will tell you is that almost all swingers who have been in the lifestyle for a little while have "horror" stories to tell. Learning is not always fun, but after you can sit and laugh about it...and say "what a dumb ass I was!" LOL

Number one, we ALWAYS ALWAYS see pics from jump. Snobbish or not, this is about sex and attraction for us. We are in love with each other, so in truth I'm not looking for a relationship from jump from play partners. Does he turn me or not. I think I can speak for Jay in this regards as well. After if we click great!

So before you spend numerous hours talking and chatting and flirting make sure that they are a couple that you both would enjoy having sex with...this way also you know if they are only chat buddies but not potential play partners.

I would have had them meet me halfway....I'm not driving 3 hours lol when they can just as well drive an hour and a half.

Swinging with cheating is bad mojo. You do NOT want a pissed off wife calling you. And this does happen.

Don't be hard on yourselves, these happen to almost everyone. Take it up for experience and learn from it. And don't be afraid in the future to say no thanks when you are not interested. I know most couples would have no problem with that.

Shelly

I'm bumping this thread because I think it's a good one to talk about before archiving.

I've changed the title as chicup commented, as I think it might have been looked over also.

Any new comments ?

Any times you have experienced "Not the best, but not the worst by any means" ?

Any advice to those that might have ?

Our "not the best, but not the worst" times tend to be when we decide to go for it with a couple we're kind of borderline about, and it's just not that great. The problem is, sometimes we do that and it's fantastic. You can't know in advance.

I have in mind a couple we probably won't see again because they live too far away, and we met them kind of a long drive from where we live, because they had a time share. We decided to go for it because we were flattered and we wanted to have a good time that night. We agreed later that had we met this couple at a meet and greet, we wouldn't have been interested in them. In the future I hope that if we're presented with that kind of option, we'll just drive home. Of course if the sex had been mind-blowing instead of just "fun", we would have felt differently!

Thank you Fuse, I think you grasped why I felt this thread might be better for posterity than it received, titled as it was. I'm glad 2aussies found a balance that worked for them. Reading this I thought, many swingers that last very long in the lifestyle, could do just that. Look at it this way....

I think many could relate to this situation in a some what, similar way.

Any times you have experienced "Not the best, but not the worst by any means" ?

 

Any advice to those that might have ?

Before my wife and I took the plunge, this was a frequent area of discussion. We felt we were taking a big step, and didn't want to regret taking it. If we had a mediocre time, or even a bad time, we might have buyer's remorse, so to speak.

Part of our discussion was about the impact of crossing the bridge. We couldn't undo having sex with other people. Would that leave a mark on us, our relationship if we decided we didn't ever want to try it again? We decided it wouldn't. It might take time and talking, but our relationship is incredible, so we both felt we'd work it out. With that thought put to rest...

We next moved onto discussing what we would do if we had mediocre experiences. We decided, though not firmly, that we would keep on playing for a few more times, with different people. It would not be fair to judge the lifestyle based on a single experience, no matter how great or bad it was. If all we kept having were mediocre experiences, despite different people each time, we'd give up the lifestyle and move on. We're still here, so that obviously didn't happen

Our first experience was soft swap, and we enjoyed it. It wasn't stellar, but we attributed some of that to first time nerves. The second time was with the same couple, and soft swap again. It was better, but still not great. It wasn't until we'd been in the lifestyle about half a year before we had a fantastic experience. By that time, we'd swung five times.

That was the experience that made us buy the store. It happened to be an MFM. My wife's sheer pleasure and joy in having sex with that particular man was evident the whole night, and she had a grin on her face the whole way home that she couldn't wipe off. She had sex with him a couple of more times, and then he drifted away.

That experience made us both realize how fantastic the lifestyle really is, and that the trick is finding the _right_ couple or single to make it all click.

The worst experience we ever had wasn't _bad_ per se. It was fine, more or less. Nothing distinctly negative. But, if that experience had been repeated several times before the great sex my wife had with the prior mentioned male, it would have weighed differently than it did. As it was, this not-so-good experience happened after that great experience, and we just chalked it up to not a good match and moved on.

Sounds like you learned a lot from your first experience. I had to wonder after reading the specs on this couple if your wife's choice in this particular couple wasn't made to try to push you away from the idea of swinging... kind of a "fine maybe if I pick the worst possible scenario he will never ask for it again". I'd still be wary of this being a potential issue.... there were just too many red flags in this couple.

Julie, I assume your post was for us, the OP. It's a fair comment, but I just don't see my wife as being that duplicitous. Also, she has been very agreeable to meeting other couples to test the waters.

We've had several MFMs since then, which she has enjoyed a lot, since she basically gets to pick the men. On the couples front, not so good. We had high hopes of one couple we chatted with for weeks, and had even set up a meeting until her mother got sick, then they never talked to us again. We think they may have split up,

We met another couple who told us online they were not smokers, because we stated explicitly we didn't want to meet smokers. Then when we met them they smoked like chimneys, and the husband was very glum. We got the feeling she was driving the whole thing.

Anyway, the journey continues