Rant - The Profusion of "Uneven" Couples in the Quest for Swinging Fun

Okay, this has been a bit of a theme since the beginning. Please excuse the rantish and douchey sounding component and please feel free to relate your thoughts and experiences and observations along these lines. SO DAMN SICK of couples where one partner is a 7, 8, 9 and the other is a 3, 4, 5. How can "hot couples 2+2 attraction" and action occur when an AUTOMATIC take one for the team is in place because ONE of the four is woefully underwhelming? And that take one for the teamer is usually my wife. It's why I keep telling her "Please let me find you a super sexy sane single who happens to be a 9" so he and I can spit roast you to a quivering O fest that leaves no stone unturned, or better yet send you out alone. Nope, bless her, she wants me to interface my gifts with another couple's female "strange" and won't play ball on the MMF...YET!

We, as a couple, are what we like to think of as a "near-perfect 15". But the formula is what's key: We add up to our 15 by EACH of us being a solid 7.5....not by her being a 10 and me being a 5 with generous judging. (My wife claims I'm a 9 due to being tall, full head of hair, with a runner's build and a great witty wit. And here I was thinking it was my majestic, magnificent member.... I claim she's a 10 due to her tall, willowy, slender build, beautiful smile, high IQ, and magic vibrating Kegel tunnel that tastes like honey, tickles like a feather, and sucks like a Dyson Dickilator). But I digress.

What's with so many LS couples where there is one partner (usually the female) who is put together, attractive, hwp, interesting, engaging, aging incredibly well, and just downright SEXY. And the other partner (usually the guy) who is, well, cripes, gone to seed, poorly dressed, rarely flossed, schlumpily attired, dull at conversation, and in many cases presumptive that my wife will be interested in him just because his wife is hot. Aaaaarrrrgggg.

Are we just unlucky, or is this why so many of the girls in the LS love playing with the other girls? We've been to many LS parties where we've seen Uneven after Uneven after Uneven couple.

Guys...here's a hint. Untucked shirts don't hide beer belly shelves.

End of douchey, partially tongue in cheek, frustrated rant. Feel free to pillory me, or chime in with your observations here.

You have not found the 7.5 + 7.5 yet? Keep looking. Nobody said it would be easy.

And keep this in-mind. This is not simply about what you want. If she has a desire for MFMF relationships, indulge her. If she is happy, you'll be happy.

So let me see if I understand this. Are you saying that there are guys that are a 10 in your wife's estimation and a 3 using your judgement? Women do put more weight in cerebral and other intangible attractions than physical attributes.

Finding a 4-way match is a difficult thing. The only observation I would offer doesn't really have to do with the problem as you see it, but maybe is a solution. There is nothing you can do to change others, so letting that frustrate you is a losing battle. Maybe think about your approach though and try something different.

I think frustration comes when people wanting to play "waste time" on another couple only to eventually find that they don't swap at all, don't swap in the same way you do, have all sorts of rules, etc. There is an easy solution for that though, have that conversation early on, and then if the match isn't there, just politely excusing yourself and moving on cuts down on the frustration. Maybe you could do apply the equivalent to couples you both aren't attracted to? If you are seriously on the hunt, don't spend time walking a path that you know won't take you where you want to go since that only leads to frustration. Pick out the couples you both are attracted to and concentrate all your energies there and don't let yourself get distracted by others.

If your complaint is there aren't any couples at all you are both attracted to, then again, a change is probably in order. Just keep trying different clubs and parties until you find one you like.

I think your observation's are keenly accurate. Especially the part about how they feel they should have an equally hot woman even though they traded their six pack abs in for a keg.

You also failed to mention the 74 year old with the 22 yo hot chick. (I ain't saying she's a gold digger...)

Having been around the lifestyle for years with the mrs being somewhat newer, we see plenty of males who are hot enough for the mrs to say, "What the hell does he see in her"? It works both ways. This post reminds me of ONE profile I've seen on Kasidie where the male half goes so far as to state the female MUST have fake breasts, and that he has the build of an offseason body builder. She has a pHD level IQ and won't settle for anything under 8 or 9 inches.

It's the most offensive profile I have ever seen in 15 years of being in the lifestyle

One has to wonder what they expect to find.

It goes further to state no bisexual men, but he is a massage therapist who's clientele is gay and bisexual men.

Bottom line..... Wait for what you both want. You can always say no if you don't like what you see and feel there is no match. Just keep it real and tasteful.

I understand what you are saying. I would not say that we are that hot/not couple, though my wife is not in fitness shape..but she attracts alot of attention so must not be an issue. We are in the 50's crowd (53/52) and many times I think time is against the guys or they just have not taken care of themselves. The proportion of she's hot, he's not seems to be great from my unscientific study. That's one reason we rarely respond or contact any couple where there are no guy pics at all.

The Confidence Game (males pay attention!)

I touched on this myself at one point. We have run into this a lot, but its part of the "game" here. A 10 and a 2 is not a "6" its a "2". Lowest common denominator is all that matters.

On the plus side, for me personally this has been great. Me being in shape has led to a big upswing in our partner potential, especially in the younger crowd where the guys are still in better shape, so that's good for my wife too. Unfortunately we still run into a lot of couples where the guy is afraid to take his shirt off while the woman is just fantastic.

Its just one more difficulty in finding your "match" couples, and I think less of an issue than others.

Gosh that's just... amazingly shallow.

Personally, even for random NSA sex, I'm much more interested in a person's mind and personality than in their outward appearance. Most "really hot" people I've met are shallow, self-centered, petty, manipulative jerks who I can't stand to be around 20 seconds after they open their mouths much less spend any time whatsoever exchanging bodily fluids.

That said, love-handles or not, presentation is important. If you are slouching, un-showered, dressed in a ratty shirt and stained jeans, slouching in a corner and not making good conversation, forget it. You want this... make a little effort. I did.

Lionheart72 said:

Gosh that just... amazingly shallow.

Outward appearance is manageable to an extent. If you let yourself go that is as much your "personality" as your personality. It is shallow to say "no thanks" to someone who has let their bodies go to seed, but not shallow to say "no thanks" to people who you disagree with somehow?

We all have our strike zones. EVERYTHING can matter in them, for some more than others. No one will "fuck everything", we all have our limits.

There's an old axiom.. "no matter how attractive someone is (M or F), there's someone tired of fuckin' them" they say beauty is skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone. not trying to sound rude, but it sounds like someone is already their own biggest fan. Put em in a room alone and they'll be fine.

Thanks for the replies, and very interesting to read. Shallowness aside (our profiles state we clearly DO enjoy intellectual "sexiness", people who laugh ALOT, and an attitude of sizzle that transcends the outside "shell" - it's just been a frustration. I guess especially the presumptuous guys. Like my wife says..."Sheesh, I'd rather fuck you for the 10,000th time than have THAT guy pawing away at me". She thinks I'm a sexy guy...yippee!

Please don't think for one second we're dateless. Far from it. And we have met a few couples where we'd call them "absolutely perfect 12". As in She's a 6 and he's a 6 and they are just crazy hot sexy...and FUN sexy FUN to play with...and really fun to chat and banter and laugh with. All good.

And I also know that I'm not every woman's cup of tea. While I haven't found many guys NOT interested in, ahem, engaging with Mrs. Swingularity, I have felt some of the female half's of potential play partners don't respond to me. I also know mostly why, but that is another thread (think subtlety gently tiptoes versus blunt instruments clanging). More of a style thing.

Anyways, please note my disclaimer of douchey-ness and at least degree of tongue in cheek when I tossed this out there. It's a bummer to get to the end of an evening event and be thinking "If only Mrs. A was married to Mr. B" we'd be mingled on a bed having a slippery Orgasm extravaganza right about now...

Sorry, we ARE shallow. We want to have sex with people we find attractive. If it was about the sex only we could just fuck more often.

No, we won't have sex with people who are mean, obnoxious, or generally egotistical but we have to find them attractive. We are very average 'works in progress' and look for others like ourselves. Constantly trying to improve themselves.

We like everyone but we will keep searching until we find attraction AND personality.

This is not specific to people who are "a couple", but i sometimes find myself attracted to "perfectly ugly" individuals. This is when someone embodies a combination of attributes that are the polar opposite of what would typically be considered "mainstream western pop-culture standards".

Of course, there are prob'ly other factors at work in these cases, such as the way the person speaks, their body-language, etc. and also their grooming and personal hygiene must indicate a modicum of self-respect and social propriety. I have observed (not at swinger clubs or sex parties, just throughout my life) cases of where a reasonably attractive person (by mainstream western standards) can't get laid while the ugly person is getting laid all the time...by hot people as well as other "ugly" people.

^^This is not a lecture, it is more like a confession.

Women don't necessarily age better, but they are much better at dressing to play down problems and putting on makeup to enhance their attributes. Many guys like me, don't put a lot of work into physical appearance. I diet when I get fat, shave every other day, put on whatever I grab in the closet. At this age (51), I have experienced a lot. One thing I have learned is that women don't like me right off the bat. It doesn't matter if I go to the gym every day and wear a suit. It takes women awhile to get to know me but once they get thru the horrid outward appearance, they start to like me. I am definitely the weak link in our overall number. But on the other hand, I'm not looking for a woman, I never have to try to impress the lady of a couple. Guys don't care how I look.

I honestly don't even know how guys do it. The thought of trying to find another couple for me is daunting. If we ever did an mfmf, it would be with a couple we have known for a long time. I could never humiliate myself trying to impress a couple where the gal is looking at me like "please no"

So I wanted to clarify something. There are a lot of 'pieces' that come together that determine if we find someone attractive.

I think at the heart of this thread, it is more about people who have no care about their personal appearance. You can only do so much with your looks, they are what they are, but you should want to keep everything else in good working condition

As far as finding another couple being daunting...IT IS...but the reward is well worth it!

Okay, this has been a bit of a theme since the beginning. Please excuse the rantish and douchey sounding component and please feel free to relate your thoughts and experiences and observations along these lines. SO DAMN SICK of couples where one partner is a 7, 8, 9 and the other is a 3, 4, 5. How can "hot couples 2+2 attraction" and action occur when an AUTOMATIC take one for the team is in place because ONE of the four is woefully underwhelming? And that take one for the teamer is usually my wife. It's why I keep telling her "Please let me find you a super sexy sane single who happens to be a 9" so he and I can spit roast you to a quivering O fest that leaves no stone unturned, or better yet send you out alone. Nope, bless her, she wants me to interface my gifts with another couple's female "strange" and won't play ball on the MMF...YET!

 

We, as a couple, are what we like to think of as a "near-perfect 15". But the formula is what's key: We add up to our 15 by EACH of us being a solid 7.5....not by her being a 10 and me being a 5 with generous judging. (My wife claims I'm a 9 due to being tall, full head of hair, with a runner's build and a great witty wit. And here I was thinking it was my majestic, magnificent member.... I claim she's a 10 due to her tall, willowy, slender build, beautiful smile, high IQ, and magic vibrating Kegel tunnel that tastes like honey, tickles like a feather, and sucks like a Dyson Dickilator). But I digress.

 

What's with so many LS couples where there is one partner (usually the female) who is put together, attractive, hwp, interesting, engaging, aging incredibly well, and just downright SEXY. And the other partner (usually the guy) who is, well, cripes, gone to seed, poorly dressed, rarely flossed, schlumpily attired, dull at conversation, and in many cases presumptive that my wife will be interested in him just because his wife is hot. Aaaaarrrrgggg.

 

Are we just unlucky, or is this why so many of the girls in the LS love playing with the other girls? We've been to many LS parties where we've seen Uneven after Uneven after Uneven couple.

 

Guys...here's a hint. Untucked shirts don't hide beer belly shelves.

 

End of douchey, partially tongue in cheek, frustrated rant. Feel free to pillory me, or chime in with your observations here.

 

eta: typo corrections

Glad you're a 15 by your standards.

Chances are you might still be seen as a 10 and a 5 by someone else, it happens. Some people find Mrs. Magiriano hot and others wonder why I find her hot...

At the end of the day as a good friend once said I'd fuck a rolling doughnut if it has a personality, beer belly or not.

Glad you're a 15 by your standards.

Chances are you might still be seen as a 10 and a 5 by someone else, it happens. Some people find Mrs. Magiriano hot and others wonder why I find her hot...........

At the end of the day as a good friend once said I'd fuck a rolling doughnut if it has a personality, beer belly or not.

You realize this statement doesn't mesh with your sls profile statements right?

She would have to be a slim to medium build, height unimportant, as long as she has a perky ass and breasts no larger than a C cup.She`d have to be black, mulato, hispanic, asian or anything with dark hair/eyes. Blond blue eyed with big breasts Barbies are a major turn off for him. A pierced clit/navel/nipples and tastefully done tattoos would be a bonus.

He would ideally be tall dark and handsome, medium build, George Clooney look alikes would be a bonus however Brad Pitt would get a pass. Excessive body hair is a major turn off for her. Tasteful and not excessive body piercings and tattoos are ok

There would definitely have to be chemistry between all four of us since neither one would take one for the team. Profession, education and line of work are unimportant as long as they could carry an intelligent conversation. We`re both well traveled, well spoken, and educated and we would like an evening with people that we have something in common with. We like to dance, have a healthy sense of humour and altho we don`t drink and Mr Magiriano is a smoker we don`t mind social drinkers and those who are not chain smokers..