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Long-time friend of fiancee wants to join in.

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Hello everyone! My fiancee and I have been together for about four-and-a-half years and will be getting married in May (I'm 22 and she is 23).

 

We recently started talking about swinging (and both of us were interested) and my fiancee mentioned a male friend of hers from high school. She said that he had a big crush on her and would love to have sex with her.

 

I know this guy as well. All three of us were in a small band in high school, but my fiancee knows him better than I do.

 

He's a little older than I am, maybe by about two years I think. He's divorced and has a little boy.

 

This would be our first swing, so I want some advice as far as handling the situation and what we should do (and if we should even go through with this situation).

 

I know that I definitely want to hang out with him before I even say yes. I want to make sure he's mature and respectful.

 

This also probably won't happen until well after a few months that we get married, so it's possible that it might not be our first swing, but likely.

 

Please, any advice would be appreciated. And if I left out any details that you need to know, just ask!

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Swinging with vanilla friends can get tricky. The problem is, if it doesn't go well, you can potentially lose a friend. We have avoided playing with those we know in our vanilla life.

 

That being said, there are some couples (some of who we highly respect) that have successfully played with friends and enjoyed the experience. So, yes, it can work.

 

If I had to guess, I'd say they were probably clear with the friend that this was just play, and nothing more.

I would also suggest the majority of the conversation and logistics should be handled through you, the male half. Hanging out with him first is a good idea. Maybe just the two of you could grab a drink, coffee, etc. and chat a bit, just to see if it is going to work.

Don't forget as well that any of the three of you have the right to say No, or call it off if you don't feel comfortable going forward.

 

Hopefully you'll get some more advice from a couple that has successfully played with friends. They'll be able to give more insight than the basics I've touched on here.

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Considering he's a long time friend who had (has) a crush on her, and you guys aren't even married yet, I would be a bit leery of this.

 

It's possible that her having sex with him would be perceived as more than just recreational sex to him.

 

And what are her feelings towards him?

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As far as possibly losing his friendship, this is someone that we hardly ever see anyway since he lives well out of town. So losing his friendship (if that would even happen) wouldn't be too big of a deal.

 

And what are her feelings towards him?

I don't really know for sure. She has just simply told me that she would be most comfortable with him at this point (other than me, of course). She doesn't have some huge crush on him or anything.

 

Also, it probably wouldn't happen until we're married anyway, since he's going off to basic training for a few months.

 

I would be perfectly fine with it if he turns out to be a good guy when I hang out with him.

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As long as everyone involved is comfortable, mature, and honest about the encounter, we don't see anything wrong with it... and that's because our first encounter was sort-of like yours. It was fine, 17 years ago, and we all still remain good friends.

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We are new and our first experience was with one of my husband's best friends. We all went to high school together and both knew the friend we just didn't meet each other until later. The friend asked me once had he gotten the courage to ask me out would I have said yes and I said back then yes but I wouldn't date him now if my husband and I weren't together even though I did find him attractive. I told my hubs about the convo which was when we were still just dating and that was that. His friend never brought anything like that up again.

 

3 years after we got married and after many swinging conversations the hubs talked to this same friend about a 3some. Im not sure how he went about it all I know is the outcome: he agreed. I agree with a previous poster that you should be the one to communicate with and make arrangements with this other fellow just to avoid any misunderstandings. If it were another woman I would recommend your fiancee be the one to communicate with the other woman. A 3some should definitely be with someone you are both comfortable with but in my opinion with a MFM you are the one who needs to feel most comfortable since this is your wife you're considering sharing. You need to make your expectations and rules clear. Make sure that if you decide you are cool with this other guy you then talk about it with him AND your wife together.

 

When we did get down to business my husband kind of ran the show. He let me do my thing but he decided when it was his turn and likewise when it was his friend's turn and we all just went with it. Honestly, as long as there is only physical attraction between him and her like there was with my husband's friend and I you're fine. You WANT there to be physical attraction! Our experience went great even though it was with a friend from our vanilla life and we were very lucky.

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Chances are he's going off to basic training and you may not see him again for years...if ever. I left for the army and never went back to my home town and have no intentions to...ever.

 

But...he could be going in the guard, come back home, still have a huge crush on your fiancee and cause all kinds of hell out of jealousy after he has tasted the forbidden fruit (lol) and want's more.

 

My advice is stick to people in the lifestyle. There are plenty of people that I'm sure she will find attractive than someone who may not even be comfortable having sex with you in the room with them. Not every guy is comfortable with others around and the experience for all three of you could suffer.

 

Good luck.

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Playing with people that you have had a past relationship is like driving on ice. Everyone is sure they can handle it until they actually do it. Most people crash but a few manage the slippery slopes without a disaster.

 

Avoiding the ice altogether is the best way to keep from wrecking everything.

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We have read this post over and over. It does not have a good feeling to us.

We would never tell you what or who "to do", but this would not be a situation we would chose to experience.

 

Good luck which ever way you go.

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As long as everyone involved is comfortable, mature, and honest about the encounter, we don't see anything wrong with it... and that's because our first encounter was sort-of like yours. It was fine, 17 years ago, and we all still remain good friends.

 

Our first MFM was also with an ex boy friend of mine. For me, it made the situation a lot more comfortable. All three of us had a great time, and we have gone on to have many, many MFM's. Good luck.

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Hello everyone! My fiancee and I have been together for about four-and-a-half years and will be getting married in May (I'm 22 and she is 23).

 

We recently started talking about swinging (and both of us were interested) and my fiancee mentioned a male friend of hers from high school. She said that he had a big crush on her and would love to have sex with her.

 

I know this guy as well. All three of us were in a small band in high school, but my fiancee knows him better than I do.

 

He's a little older than I am, maybe by about two years I think. He's divorced and has a little boy.

 

This would be our first swing, so I want some advice as far as handling the situation and what we should do (and if we should even go through with this situation).

 

I know that I definitely want to hang out with him before I even say yes. I want to make sure he's mature and respectful.

 

This also probably won't happen until well after a few months that we get married, so it's possible that it might not be our first swing, but likely.

 

Please, any advice would be appreciated. And if I left out any details that you need to know, just ask!

 

Most of the threesomes my wife and I have done have been with people we know personally, including friends, her ex bfs, my brother and a co-worker.

 

It actually makes us more comfortable knowing the person, and we haven't had an issue. I was hesistant about adding her ex bf, but honestly threesomes with him have been some of the best we have had.

 

I'd do what feels right for the both of you and remember to have fun!

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