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singles finding love in the lifestyle?

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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

 

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

 

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

 

What are your thoughts?

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I don't think the lifestyle has enough unicorns to be able to find a LTR in the lifestyle. I have seen it happen just not that often.

 

You would be better off where the ratio of single men and single women is better balanced than in the lifestyle.

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I don't think the lifestyle has enough unicorns to be able to find a LTR in the lifestyle. I have seen it happen just not that often.

 

You would be better off where the ratio of single men and single women is better balanced than in the lifestyle.

 

The fact that you say you have seen it happen proves my point that it IS happening. I agree that the numbers are not balanced and they never are and no where on earth are there any guarentees.

 

My point is that if a single (and I'm talking about true singles here and not cheaters) is open to the idea of finding someone special and conducts him/herself in that manner, then the possibilitys are there.

 

As far as the number of single fems, if the lifestyle were a little more single friendly and was a little more accepting of and supportive of singles finding each other the numbers of single fems would probably increase.

 

For some background info: on the other site I was refering to, any time a single makes any mention that sounds like they are interested in dating or of finding anyone or of having any kind of encounter that isn't strickly a sexual encounter they get bashed for being on a "sex site" and told to go to E-harmony or Match.com. They are often told the only people on that site are only looking for pussy or cock and that the lifestyle is not a place to find a legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend.

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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.
When you say people bashing them. Are you referring to couples (who only play with other couples) or, all people in general ?

 

We know single people :rolleyes: We (would and do) promote their relationships as we would anyone, anywhere.

 

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue.
I can see that.

 

I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world.
This... I don't know... People come and go in the lifestyle. from all walks, for different reasons. I would think for them, just like us.. Someday, we may walk out and just spend the rest of our days together, without lifestyle friends. We, may not be such good examples.... But we never know the future.

 

I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.
Here again I don't understand... Why would we be un-supportive of our single friends finding a good relationship ? When they have told us of someone they have grown emotionally attached and involved with. We are genuinely, happy for them....

 

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?
There was a time we felt this way. Not now though, we have learned allot from singles in the lifestyle. Some are searching for different things. From, no strings attached sex, to soul mates. We all come from different paths in life. In their search for friends and companionships, they usually discover what we have found as a couple. The community, the swinging/ lifestyle. Everyone is entitled.... :cool:

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When you say people bashing them. Are you referring to couples (who only play with other couples) or, all people in general ?

 

We know single people :rolleyes: We (would and do) promote their relationships as we would anyone, anywhere.

 

I can see that.

 

This... I don't know... People come and go in the lifestyle. from all walks, for different reasons. I would think for them, just like us.. Someday, we may walk out and just spend the rest of our days together, without lifestyle friends. We, may not be such good examples.... But we never know the future.

 

Here again I don't understand... Why would we be un-supportive of our single friends finding a good relationship ? When they have told us of someone they have grown emotionally attached and involved with. We are genuinely, happy for them....

 

There was a time we felt this way. Not now though, we have learned allot from singles in the lifestyle. Some are searching for different things. From, no strings attached sex, to soul mates. We all come from different paths in life. In their search for friends and companionships, they usually discover what we have found as a couple. The community, the swinging/ lifestyle. Everyone is entitled.... :cool:

 

 

The bashing I am refering to can come from singles and couples alike. It really doesn't have anything to do with play preferences or whether people play with singles or couples or anything like that. What I am talking about is people (in general) often ridicule or malign any single that appears to be open to the idea of legitimate dating on the website or in any kind of lifestyle setting. It is implied if not blatantly stated that all single men in the lifestyle are dogs that are there for pussy only and are not dating material and that the single females are either sluts that are fucking the whole town or are nieve little dimwits that are too dumb to handle themselves in the lifestyle realm.

 

In other words singles are treated as if neither single males or females in the lifestyle are candidates worthy of consideration for legitimate dating. If a single talks about anything other than hardcore 'slam-bam, thank you-ma'm' fucking they are told to go to E-Harmony or other traditional dating venues.

 

This does not just occur on the website either. We have some single friends we know from the clubs and whenever they are dating someone from within the lifestyle they are often treated like they are crazy for thinking that someone from within the LS would be a legitimate dating partner. In otherwords they are treated like if they want sex only, they should look from within the LS. But if they want to date and have a legitimate relationship, they should look from within the vanilla world.

 

Does that clarify it at all?

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For some background info: on the other site I was refering to, any time a single makes any mention that sounds like they are interested in dating or of finding anyone or of having any kind of encounter that isn't strickly a sexual encounter they get bashed for being on a "sex site" and told to go to E-harmony or Match.com. They are often told the only people on that site are only looking for pussy or cock and that the lifestyle is not a place to find a legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend
I see what your saying, I think.

 

People are people. We all go through life searching for happiness. Along the way,there are obstacles and people for what ever reason, who encourage or hamper, the search for happiness. (Such is Life)

 

If its true love and life companionship one seeks.... Love will find a way....

 

We learned there are bumps, crossroads and uncertainty along the path.

 

People judging us, on the websites.... Are more like a bug hitting the windshield. We move on.... If they get thick, we just keep the wipers on with some periodic washing and turn up the radio.... Were cool...

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I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

 

What are your thoughts?

 

The lifestyle is as good a place as any to find love...I know we've lost a few good single men who found their partner through swinging.

 

One never knows where love will be found.

 

 

Teresa

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This does not just occur on the website either. We have some single friends we know from the clubs and whenever they are dating someone from within the lifestyle they are often treated like they are crazy for thinking that someone from within the LS would be a legitimate dating partner. In otherwords they are treated like if they want sex only, they should look from within the LS. But if they want to date and have a legitimate relationship, they should look from within the vanilla world.

 

Does that clarify it at all?

 

Yes, but we are bad/good examples. We promote a good relationship, for everyone in life. Single,married, gay. whomever....

 

Maybe, we are Karma at work....

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I don't think the lifestyle should be THE place they are looking for love.... but I don't think there should be an issue with a single swinger who is ALSO looking for love along the way... and good for them however they may find it.

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I agree with what Fun4Ds has said. I have seen firsthand several singles find love and happyness in the LS so obviously it can and does happen.

 

I wouldn't say that it is the best place or even a good place necessarily but there are no guarentees anywhere and places like E-Harmony et al have their problems as well. At least in the LS the guys aren't pretending that they aren't looking for a piece of ass:lol:

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Reality has made me way to ynic to believe that this can work

 

Please explain more. Why do you not think this can work?

 

I am assuming that you think more traditional singles venues such as vanilla singles sites, vanilla bars and church sponsored singles events are more productive. Pehaps I too am becoming cynical in my old age as well but I see those venues as no guarentee and no walk in the park either.

 

Please explain your thoughts and rationale more.

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Our single left us to pursue a relationship with a single gal. We hope he finds everything that he was looking for. Even though she isn't in the LS, he hopelessly fell. :)

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Please explain more. Why do you not think this can work?

 

I am assuming that you think more traditional singles venues such as vanilla singles sites, vanilla bars and church sponsored singles events are more productive. Pehaps I too am becoming cynical in my old age as well but I see those venues as no guarentee and no walk in the park either.

 

Please explain your thoughts and rationale more.

 

 

Mo, the point is that often when a couple meets swinging the man of the new couple thinks that he now owns the woman.

Like that he now demands that he handles all contacts in her name, tries to get old friends of her to leave them be, and demands that she never again plays with a single male.

 

I myself have also made an expiriance with a guy who was a bit of a player, and left me hanging, believing that we were in the beginnings of a real relationship while he pretty much said and did the same things to half a dozen other girls

 

Personaly I don't trust any man anymore right now... so perhaps the topic just comes at the wrong time

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I see profiles on SLS all the time where they are looking for fun, but open to possible LTRs. We have had folks here on SB that said the same thing also. I have to wonder about the population of the site you are visiting if their reactions are so negative to anyone who expresses an openess to a LTR. In my mind, there isn't anything wrong with the sinlges, but there is something wrong with those who bash them!!

 

S

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Mo, the point is that often when a couple meets swinging the man of the new couple thinks that he now owns the woman.

Like that he now demands that he handles all contacts in her name, tries to get old friends of her to leave them be, and demands that she never again plays with a single male.

 

I myself have also made an expiriance with a guy who was a bit of a player, and left me hanging, believing that we were in the beginnings of a real relationship while he pretty much said and did the same things to half a dozen other girls

 

Personaly I don't trust any man anymore right now... so perhaps the topic just comes at the wrong time

 

So you are saying that there are men that can become controlling and isolate a woman from her friends and family.

 

-Will try to control all her personal and social contacts.

 

- Will try to keep her from screwing other guys.

 

- Will tell her things to keep her around and make her think they have a special relationship and a future while he is out fucking the whole nieghborhood.

 

That sounds to me like an asshole and assholes are just as prevelant in the vanilla world as in the lifestyle.

 

If you look back at my original statement it is that I wonder if the lifestyle is 'NO BETTER AND NO WORSE' than any other venue. A woman has no guarentees against meeting an asshole or a control freak at a church social as from within the lifestyle.

 

My original question was, "is the lifestyle a "viable" place for singles to meet?" Not, 'is the lifestyle the perfect or hassle-free place to meet?'

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I am a single woman who spent years (yes, years!) on Eharmony and, though matched with hundreds of men, never met one! I signed up with SLS and so far, have met some really great guys, and one in particular whom I'm very fond of.

 

I hope that I can find love, wherever it presents itself. And the best part of all, by searching on a lifestyle site, I will have a greater likelihood of finding that special man who will share my life and my desire for sexual adventure!

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I found love in the LS. And I mean that passionate, intense love connection. The kind of love a lot of people are out there looking for.

 

Was I looking for love when in the LS? No. Did it happen? Yes, and I couldn't be happier about it!

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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

 

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

 

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I would agree...It is as difficult to meet a SO in the lifestyle as it is in the vanila world. I am currently single and have been in the lifestyle for about 8 years. My personal take is, it is not a priority for me that a gf/SO be in the lifestyle. My last GF was not in the lifestyle and I told her of my past "lifestyle/playmates" she did not have a problem with it at all, we had a great relationship.

 

I have not had any luck meeting a SO in the lifestyle to date...:confused:

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I would agree...It is as difficult to meet a SO in the lifestyle as it is in the vanila world. I am currently single and have been in the lifestyle for about 8 years. My personal take is, it is not a priority for me that a gf/SO be in the lifestyle. My last GF was not in the lifestyle and I told her of my past "lifestyle/playmates" she did not have a problem with it at all, we had a great relationship.

 

I have not had any luck meeting a SO in the lifestyle to date...:confused:

 

Well, Magnum: are you primarily playing with couples? Or do you date women whom you meet on sites such as Swinglifestyle?

 

Athenagirl

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Being long time married perhaps I'm not one to answer this, but then again perhaps I am as I have had a long term relationship in 'the lifestyle'. Asking singles about finding LTR's in the lifestyle might be a mistake, like asking someone bankrupt for credit advice.

 

Personally I wouldn't look for a LTR in the lifestyle, at least based on many of the lifestyle singles I've met. While this might make them more open to swinging, (and not necessarily, I'm sure many would find they too have the green eyed monster when its someone THEY love), I'd be somewhat concerned on what brought them to the lifestyle in the first place, especially the females. I'll be frank, outside of the bad divorce, want to have fun, short term swinger single females, I'd say a majority of them are a bit nuts. I've seen these issues come up often with swinger couples I know personally when they get involved with single female swingers they find in the LS.

 

So if I were single again, I wouldn't be looking for my future love in a club or on SLS, but just like all the vanillas do, normal dating sites and 'normal' locations, from bars to the check out line. The trick is after you meet them, figuring out if they are the kind of person who might be good for the LS.

 

Now when I met Mrs. Chicup, it wasn't with the LS in mind. It was pure very young lust. I myself was NO where near ready for the LS mentally. Looking back though I can see the signs that she would be open to this sort of thing. She used to read her fathers porn stash, she enjoyed watching pornography with me, I'd ask (with no intent on doing it of course at the time) if she would ever want to do a threesome and she would give that shy maybe which really means yes. She also liked sex, a lot and could talk about it. (That should be a rule in any long term relationship, if they DON'T like sex that often when you are dating, you can count on a mostly sexless marriage)

 

Despite having the signs, outwardly NO one would think of her as a swinger, she has this aura of "proper" about her with a side of boring. She would have never been a single in a swing club, and wouldn't have thought of doing it if i didn't bring it up in the first place.

 

So boiled down my advice is simple, at least for the men, dating just plain old normal women, but get to know them. Figure out what they like and dislike. Watch a porno with them and see how they react. Ask them 'so, if we weren't dating, would you want to be that girl in the middle?'

 

Being a swinger is a mindset and if you don't know your partners mind you shouldn't be in a LTR with them.

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Here's a thought -- perhaps some of the "blasting" singles find from lifestyle folks, when they say they are looking for love, comes from a feeling of being threatened. Is this single person eyeing my husband or wife?

 

If you think about this from a purely numbers perspective, most swingers are couples looking for casual sex. Most avoid deeper relationships with their play partners. If a single wants to play with one person from married couple, and wants a relationship, then the other half of the married couple could reasonably feel threatened.

 

If the OP is talking about singles finding other singles within the lifestyle, which I think he is, then again from a numbers perspective it is difficult. We have to admit this, just as couples looking for single women will mostly admit it is difficult. To ignore the effects of the lopsided population just shows willful ignorance. However, if it works out, then the rewards are significant -- you already have someone who understands the lifestyle. Whether they could function well as part of a swinging couple is another matter, as another poster pointed out.

 

If I were suddenly a single woman, I would look for a relationship in the lifestyle. But as we all know, I would have a lot of choices. For the single guys looking for single women, good luck... but if you are smart, you will have a Plan B and a Plan C.

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Being long time married perhaps I'm not one to answer this, but then again perhaps I am as I have had a long term relationship in 'the lifestyle'. Asking singles about finding LTR's in the lifestyle might be a mistake, like asking someone bankrupt for credit advice.

 

Personally I wouldn't look for a LTR in the lifestyle, at least based on many of the lifestyle singles I've met. While this might make them more open to swinging, (and not necessarily, I'm sure many would find they too have the green eyed monster when its someone THEY love), I'd be somewhat concerned on what brought them to the lifestyle in the first place, especially the females. I'll be frank, outside of the bad divorce, want to have fun, short term swinger single females, I'd say a majority of them are a bit nuts. I've seen these issues come up often with swinger couples I know personally when they get involved with single female swingers they find in the LS.

 

So if I were single again, I wouldn't be looking for my future love in a club or on SLS, but just like all the vanillas do, normal dating sites and 'normal' locations, from bars to the check out line. The trick is after you meet them, figuring out if they are the kind of person who might be good for the LS.

 

Now when I met Mrs. Chicup, it wasn't with the LS in mind. It was pure very young lust. I myself was NO where near ready for the LS mentally. Looking back though I can see the signs that she would be open to this sort of thing. She used to read her fathers porn stash, she enjoyed watching pornography with me, I'd ask (with no intent on doing it of course at the time) if she would ever want to do a threesome and she would give that shy maybe which really means yes. She also liked sex, a lot and could talk about it. (That should be a rule in any long term relationship, if they DON'T like sex that often when you are dating, you can count on a mostly sexless marriage)

 

Despite having the signs, outwardly NO one would think of her as a swinger, she has this aura of "proper" about her with a side of boring. She would have never been a single in a swing club, and wouldn't have thought of doing it if i didn't bring it up in the first place.

 

So boiled down my advice is simple, at least for the men, dating just plain old normal women, but get to know them. Figure out what they like and dislike. Watch a porno with them and see how they react. Ask them 'so, if we weren't dating, would you want to be that girl in the middle?'

 

Being a swinger is a mindset and if you don't know your partners mind you shouldn't be in a LTR with them.

 

Well said Chicup, I would have to agree with you whole heartedly...

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Here's a thought -- perhaps some of the "blasting" singles find from lifestyle folks, when they say they are looking for love, comes from a feeling of being threatened. Is this single person eyeing my husband or wife?

 

If you think about this from a purely numbers perspective, most swingers are couples looking for casual sex. Most avoid deeper relationships with their play partners. If a single wants to play with one person from married couple, and wants a relationship, then the other half of the married couple could reasonably feel threatened.

 

If the OP is talking about singles finding other singles within the lifestyle, which I think he is, then again from a numbers perspective it is difficult. We have to admit this, just as couples looking for single women will mostly admit it is difficult. To ignore the effects of the lopsided population just shows willful ignorance. However, if it works out, then the rewards are significant -- you already have someone who understands the lifestyle. Whether they could function well as part of a swinging couple is another matter, as another poster pointed out.

 

If I were suddenly a single woman, I would look for a relationship in the lifestyle. But as we all know, I would have a lot of choices. For the single guys looking for single women, good luck... but if you are smart, you will have a Plan B and a Plan C.

I'm a bit surprised to hear your take on single guys finding single women in the lifestyle... I've seen some swinger sites that seem to have jillions of young single women claiming to want just sex. If that's true, then it seems a single guy would have a great many women to choose from...

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On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

 

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

 

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I may have responded to a similar post in the past...It is and can be just as difficult to find a SO in the lifestyle or in the vanila world. The single females I have meet at parties have not gone beyond the "party" and the single females I have meet in the vanila world and thought to ask if they would like to "play in the lifestyle" have said NO.

 

I think you need to be very open, if you really like the other person and they are not into the LS, your call, and vis versa, if they are open to the LS and that is what you want, good for you that you have found an open minded SO.

 

Not sure if there are really set rules to this question???

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Secondary question to this post: Who here on the board has actually found love in the LS??? :rolleyes:

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I met this single woman online...I'm pretty sure she wanted to take it beyond the just meeting to hook-up..but I wasn't into it, she was a single mom of three kids(not that there's anything wrong with that)..but it was a bit much for me.

 

However I was honest about not wanting a relationship..and I think she respected that...we still hook-up(for sex) when I back in my hometown.

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I know of one guy that started a relationship with a single bi fem off of AFF. They are still together after 2 years, and are engaged now.

 

He is the only example that I know. This topic of great interest to me.

 

I think it is much easier to find women that don't really favor monogamy, but don't want to be "in the lifestyle" so to speak either. They don't want to be labelled as a swinger. They generally don't use ads. They usually meet guys in their town by going out at night, or just as they socialize during the day. These women are obviously not the shy types.

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Guest BamaRide

Actually that is where my wife and I met... we were a 'custom' couple put together by a couple we both saw as singles... it was lust and love at first sight.

 

BamaRide

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Hi, Petra here, having stumbled across this. This is a very interesting topic that I hadn't previously thought about. It would seem that meeting someone while involved in the lifestyle would certainly increase the chance of acceptance and continuing with multiple partners as the relationship grew. It's kind of disturbing that LS people would be so negative toward their own. Maybe the answer to avoiding some of the perceptual problems (ticket to swinging, jealousy issues) is that when a relationship starts the couple either plays separately until their relationship is better established or to become monogamous for a while to see how it works out. Clear the extra sex out of the way until the relationship stabilizes. When I first started dating my now husband David, we did not have sex for the first several months; I did, however, continue to have sex during that time with my previous boyfriend. This may seem wierd to you, because it seemed a little wierd then, but in retrospect now both hubby and I believe it was a good thing to have done.

 

 

All I can say now is that being currently in a poly situation, if I suddenly found myself single I would make it clear from the outset in any dating situation that in the long term, monogamy would not be part of the deal. One partner is just not enough for fulfillment. But the advantage of being in a poly relationship is that it is highly unlikely that I would suddenly find myself totally single and alone.

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Karla and I met as singles in the lifestyle. It started out as just sex, and included other people, and social activities. Over time, we became a couple, then (imagine) realised we loved each other. The communication and openess we each brought into the relationship has made it wonderful for both of us.

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The guy we had our first experience with met his current gf on sls. He contacted her and she gave him a chance, then it turned into more. I've also had the chance to chat with her online for an evening, and they seem to have a great relationship. They each have their own singles profile as well as a couples profile. The are both bi/bi-curious, so if they meet someone through their single profile they think the other would enjoy, they "share" (his words) which is why I've talked with her because he'd like to set something up with her and I (wife). :) Anyway, from what I've seen in the pictures and emails she shared with me, they are probably the sweetest kind of people you could hope to meet and seem very happy with each other.

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I think it's great. The thought of finding love on the lifestyle page. Number 1, you know you are connecting with another soul seeking the same from life that you are seeking. Should the connection be trusting and committed to you as a lifetime love and want to play together outside of your own bed that's even more awesome! Play outside, and make love with each other afterward. That is the ultimate in findind a partner for life.

 

On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

 

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

 

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

 

What are your thoughts?

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    • By HollySwinger
      Hi friendly swingers of the internet! My husband and I are active swingers who go to events, have a good circle of swinger friends, and have been in the LS for a number of years. This is my first time turning to a more anonymous message board because I'm not sure how to talk about this with my swinger friends...at the risk of coming across as high maintenance :/
       
      We were in a pretty intimate poly relationship with another couple for almost two years. Guy and I would spend the night together just the two of us, we all said I love you, got gifts for each other, spent holidays together, go on vacations together, things like that. They were not only great sexual partners, but also became our best friends. Throughout this time, we were all also swinging with other people. A number of issues arose between us, some having to do with jealousy due to outside swinging, but most significantly they moved a few hours away. So the relationship had to change.
       
      I still feel invested. But I'm not sure how to make the adjustment from a more intimate, poly relationship to a regular swinger friendship again. Everyone else seems ready to do this, but I guess I'm not. I have plenty of great, fun, light swinger friendships...but it's hard for me to think about having this style of relationship with this particular couple. However, I don't want to be left with nothing!
       
      Has anyone on this board dealt with "downgrading" ("reverting"?) a poly relationship back to a light, friendly swinger relationship, one where you can still play, attend parties, have group sex, etc...but not be poly anymore? Or is this just a case of pandora's box...since we went down that path, it's going to be all or nothing? Do I just enjoy the relationship for what it is now? Or do I be the drama queen who calls it quits on something I actually liked, just because it's not the same as what it once was?
       
      In the "vanilla" world, when you break up with someone, you don't typically have sex with them again, and again, and again. So what's a swinger (and in this case, poly) girl to do?
       
      TL; DR: It's hard for me to swing with my ex-poly bf. Can the "backwards" transition from poly bf/gf to lighthearted swinger friend work?
    • By km34
      This post in another thread got me thinking... In my mind "friends first" swinging and poly are two completely different things, but other people apparently think of them as one and the same. What does everyone else think?
       
      To expand on my views (the rest of the post is purely my opinion ).. Everyone I have met who wants to be friends first is looking more for a sense of safety by knowing people a bit before having sex. Whether or not this is legit or not is another topic, but it's something that people believe. Also, friends first folks tend to want to be more open about swinging - having that couple or two or five that you swing with AND hang out with gives you the chance to talk about swinging, be yourselves, and generally not have to be in the closet about it. At least every once in a while. Having a friendship makes things a bit more comfortable for some.
       
      Polyamory, on the other hand, is actually looking for romantic love. I love my friends, but that doesn't mean I'm in a poly relationship with all of them. On SLS, I mention that we are looking for friends, but we do not consider anyone we meet on SLS (or other swinging sites) as people with whom we could potentially have a real, whole, romantic relationship.
       
      I guess my general question is - Is this a common thought in people's minds? When you see someone looking for "friends first" does your mind automatically go to poly/relationships/too invested?
    • By intuition897
      Watched this and thought the coverage was pretty good in spite of the reporter's obvious disdain. The comments are always a riot. They were old comments, but I replied to some of them. Can't seem to help myself.
       

    • By Flori_DAMAN
      A dime per dozen. This has been the value placed on single men repeatedly.
       
      Are single men really worthless?
       
      Aren't we all just people? I am apparently the pendulem of swingers. Having lost my mate to death after 10 years of swinging I was shocked at the way I was treated.
       
      She died suddenly. Suddenly I was an outcast in the very society that we had embraced.
       
      I am sure that divorced single men have gone through the same process.
       
      I don't harbor any ill feelings whatsoever though because we were the same way as a couple. When the mate left the package deal was different. We showed no sympathy toward the single guy that lost his wife. Now he was just a horny single guy. Little did I know I would be there soon.
       
      At first I was very angry though. When I managed to find a female I was again welcomed with open arms to the clubs that I frequented.
       
      That is the way of the world though. The knockout rate will get you if you let it.
       
      It appears that I am single again. I wish to publicly have my name changed to Flori_DAMAN and if Julie will let me do it then I will appreciate it.
       
      I know that Julie does not like to have name changes because it can confuse people. However considering that I have changed status and states and I have posted for a long time I think it would be appropriate, but its ok if not.
       
      I would also like to offer assistance to both single guys and married couples that like single guys.
       
      I am prepared to do a topic within this board that addresses the plight of both single males in the lifestyle and couples that seek single males.
       
      If my name continues to be michigancouple then thats OK.
       
      I don't want to change policies, but I do want to create a system that makes it less risky and more comfortable to engage with single men in my little tiny way.
       
      First of all I would like to really get to the nuts and bolts of single males.
       
      Personally I am not going to be swinging for quite some time unless I get really lucky, which I don't see happening.
       
      I would very much like to offer an exchange of feelings concerning single men and couples seeking them in the lifestyle.
       
      Do to the disparaging remarks so often heard, (i.e. a dime a dozen), about single males I think the quality, (which is reconizably most are married screwballs and single guys that can't get any), of true lifestyle single males should be recognized.
       
      I would like to be a spokesperson so to speak within this board to both defend the true lifestyle single male and the true couple seeking them.
       
      A good single man in the lifestyle is not worth a dime per dozen. He is worth some very good times.
       
      They are though truly hard to find.
       
      You can't really hope to go to the bar or the next superbowl party to just have someone fuck your wife and think its safe.
       
      My feelings are that a good single male that should be considered has qualities beyond the average single male that is just looking to dump a load.
       
      He may have experience in the lifestyle or just be genuinely intrigued by it.
       
      He may be a good looking man with lots of charisma or he may be an average guy with no desire to have a long lasting commitment due to his status.
       
      Maybe he is in between relationships and just wants to share himself.
       
      They are agreeably easier to find than the elusive single female but how do you know what he is up to?
       
      Is there any way to screen this guy?
       
      I believe so.
       
      I have preached on safety of meeting single males for a very long time. You should never meet without making him realize that he is indeed the lower status until you meet and verify his reality.
       
      You should take extreme caution. No holds barred. Don't meet him at your house or in a non-public place....blah blah blah.
       
      Some of the issues I hope to address are:
       
      How do you deal with single men at swingers clubs, (which I personally feel is the safest place).
       
      How do you screen single men online?
       
      How do you meet single men in the real world and know that the reprucussions of the meeting won't cause problems?
       
      What do you really want in a single male?
       
      And for you single guys:
       
      Why do you want to swing?
       
      Do you realize the impact you may have if you do something that is out of bounds?
       
      Many things that are totally acceptable with couples are not acceptable with single males.
       
      If you have the mindset that you are among the "dime a dozen" guys then you will have desperation written all over your face.
       
      Single guys are horribly trod upon in the lifestyle.
       
      Guys that call themselves swingers and are just looking for a piece of ass are the reason. Most (around 95% in my feeling), are married or just looking to get there rocks off. They have no clue to the swingers mindset.
       
      I hope to somehow seperate single men that have no clue to the reality of the lifestyle.
       
      I will post some polls that deal with what single men and couples that seek them really think.
       
      If you are a single man that is just looking to cheat behind her back then don't respond.
       
      If you are a couple that feel single males have no place in the lifestyle then don't respond. Because you don't have any interest in single lifestyle males anyhow.
       
      I would like to hear from both single males and couples that truly seek them.
       
      I would like advice on how to design the polls.
       
      I would also like to know if and why you consider that being "a dime a dozen" could be construed as insulting.
       
      John
    • By Tortured_Soul
      I have been with a few women in my life... I guess around here, who hasn't? I don't consider myself to be a swinger but I have swapped partners a few times (albeit 99% of the time it's the same couple). The thing I am in total love with this woman, she is 10 years older than me and she is beautiful, hell I'd go as far as saying she is perfect... in every sense of the word. The problem is this... we are both married with children...and she is my wife's best friend... oucha, I know.
       
      Now, this is what I want from you guys, I want to hear about times that you felt like this. Was it always just fucking -or- were there times that you just felt like that one particular person might just be the one?
       
      Help me get out of this haze I am in...
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