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MattnCynn

Penis size and performance - Need help getting him over his fear

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We have been talking about this for a long time. This last weekend we went to a local club and enjoyed ourselves. We are taking things slow and pretty much just observed and took in the atmosphere. We loved it and are planning on returning in a couple of weeks.

 

My question is how to get him over thinking about how he measures up to the other men (he is average not small). He also is so worried about getting nervous and not being able to perform. Even after the host of the club told him most men do have that problem their first time he still cant seem to get over it.

 

Also while I am here how do you go about introducing yourself to another couple at the club and letting them know you are interested? We are both on the shy side until we get to know people. Or how do you know they might be interested? Really new at all this and not sure how things go.

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The neeto thing about being average is that by definition most everyone else is average too.

 

I'm average length and we never have had anyone substantially bigger than me and only once substantially smaller.

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First of all: Get him good and hard, then measure him. As long as he measures at least 5.5 inches, he is at least average. A little known fact: It looks much smaller from where we see it. How do I know? I used actual measurements of my own (which I always thought was low-average) to make a life size replica of my penis for Mrs. Cpl. When I was done, I compared it, yep the same, then took a good look at it and realized that there was no way that I would want that thing going into me! LOL For whatever reason, there is an optical illusion that occures when you look at it from 2' up. The other factor is that he has probably watched porn. Most of us (prior to swinging) have never seen an erect penis other than our own except in porn. They do NOT use small guys in porn. If he is comparing his own to the ones in the movies and thinks that it looks the same, he is probably pretty well endowed. If all else fails, remind him that most women are much more satisfied by a tongue than a 10" penis.

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I may use the line about the tongue it is very true. Thanks for the suggestion I hadn't even thought of that.

 

He started comparing himself to a few of the men that have posted pics on another site we visit. I don't think he realizes a really close up pic tends to make it look bigger lol. I was really surprised to find out he had this issue. I have always been the one to have issues with my body. He has always been confident and comfortable with his body.

 

Any advice about the not being able to perform??? I have read several posts and realize that it is a good possibility that it will happen the first time. How do I get across to him that most men have had this problem and the women will be understanding because their man probably went thru it also?

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Cple2share is right ... men see things differently. Mr. Fun thought he was "very" average ... until he was noticing my hand around him one day. His hand is twice as big as mine, therefore, things looked a little different.

 

Your boyfriend should have no worries over this stuff ... and he'll become more comfortable in time. Remember -- it's about variety. Something different and something new are good things :)

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My wife says she's never met a too small or too mishapened or bad penis of any shape or form--and she's met quite a few...some much smaller than me, but several that made me pale in comparison.

 

Personally, she's far more interested in the size of the heart, intellect, etc. I know that's not everyone's way of looking at things, but we've encountered several like us over the years.

 

Just tell him stiff upper lip, lots of confidence (fake it til you make it) and expect no problems.

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Well if you look at it this away... my wife prefers a smaller or less than average. After putting up with me (yes, I am very well endowed) for 8 years, it is a sight to see, and I suppose that there are other women who fell the same way out there. Just like... you have women who want to have the largest that can have in them, but there are others who want smaller.

 

Look at it this away... it not how big or small it is, but more on how you use it...

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I'd dare him to look at this in the opposite way. Let's suppose every swinger woman were pursuing "hung" guys, then... they should be married with hung guys as well, and swinging would be an activity reserved to hung guys and their spouses.

 

Now, you're his wife, why are you with "not such a hung" guy? And why do you want to swing? To "finally" meet a big cock?

 

Most swingers are into this because of the variety. Certainly, there are women who'd prefer (or require) a "hung" guy, and in those cases, it depends on these women to tell how hung is hung enough.

 

I believe I am average. I mean, I've seen guys bigger than me, and guys shorter than me. My wife has been with bigger and shorter guys, but it takes way more than just to cock to drive her crazy: the main sexual organ is the brain, it is about everything you do in bed, even more than just sticking the cock inside a hole. By giving that much importance to size, he'd be depriving everything else from it value.

 

Up to me, I am more than "just a cock", I am plenty of resources to have fun and to provide an enjoyable experience to a playmate... even if my cock isn't up to perform (something that, indeed, happened): I have a tongue, ten fingers (not counting my feet ones), even can put my nose to work!

 

So, let's do the opposite: let's suppose he isn't that well endowed (because there's always someone better in that department), let's suppose his cock wont perform properly (because it WILL happen, sooner or later, some time, moreover at the beginning)... and notice I pointed out "his cock won't perform", because he may perform well enough even if his cock doesn't wants to. Does he really believe people doesn't expect this to happen? It is a feasible scenario, one that happens pretty often, and yet people have fun.

 

The worst he can do is make a drama of this, moreover if a public drama in front of a playmate. Because the size, and the performance issues are part of the game, but making a drama of this really spoils the game for everyone involved, and it's be a way too selfish attitude. And while he remains playing the game, everything would be ok.

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MattnCynn said:
My question is how to get him over thinking about how he measures up to the other men (he is average not small)

 

Hi MattnCyn, welcome!

 

I think you'll like reading the posts in this thread: Confession: I like smaller penises!

 

MattnCynn said:
how do you go about introducing yourself to another cpl at the club and letting them know you are interested? We are both on the shy side until we get to know people. Or how do you know they might be interested? Really new at all this and not sure how things go.

 

You have to force yourself outside of the box a little, outside of your comfort level as a shy person, and be friendly. Clubs are full of couples who sit quietly all night in one spot, just observing. They're not approached much, because they don't look like they want to be. In clubs, you have to put yourself out there, smile a lot, say "hi", mingle. Hang out in the most social area of the club. If there's a dance floor, dance. Chat casually with people at the bar, at the buffet table. Ask friendly questions.

 

As far as zoning in on the particular couple you're interested in, be a little more friendly. Ask them to dance. Compliment their sexy outfit. If they respond positively, keep the conversation going. If it feels mutual, ask them to join you at a table, at the bar, etc. to chat/get to know each other better.

 

If the vibe is going really well and you want to play, say something like, "We were thinking of going to the back/upstairs (the sex area) - would you like to join us?" Yeah, you have to be prepared to make some moves. It might take some practice, but you'll get it!

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Performance issues: Have to say that I have never suffered from this except: Sometimes it takes a while to get it all the way up. Related to our earlier post: Tongue instead of penis. I have found that when I am slow to rise all I have to do is go down. When I am eating pussy several things happen: 1) I can not put my face into a good snatch without getting turned on; 2) When I am concentrating on doing a good job of eating I forget to be nervous about my penis; 3) I forget about my penis and it demands some attention. So: long story short: Tell him to quit looking and start licking.

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Rest assured that most of the "porn cock" out there, is actually in porn and not roaming swingers parties looking to show you up in a public forum :) The fact that he's open and trusting enough with you to go to a club to begin with is a good sign that he's a giving person. Make your sexual encounters about pleasing your partner(s) and the whole performance anxiety thing will fade away.

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