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lug9257

Should I continue to ask about a threesome?

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About a month ago my wife was out with another couple and the topic of 3 somes came up somehow. I wasn't there but i am going by what she told me. The husband had said he would be willing to let his wife join us if i allowed my wife to join them. She told me about it the next day in a joking manner and i didn't think much of it. About a week later the idea popped back in my head and i started to think about it, i couldn't get it out of my head. I come to realize i would love to see my wife with another couple. I ended up texting her saying that you can tell A that if they are serious they wouldn't need to swap wives i would be ok with it as long as i got to watch and maybe touch a little but not really join in. After some talking about it she seemed into it and she wanted me to talk to the other couple about it. It turned out they where joking. After that situation i cant tell if my wife is embarrassed about being turned down or what but she keeps changing the subject. She seemed very into the idea before they said they where joking. Advice on if i should wait a bit and bring it up later or just drop the idea

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Communicate, communicate, communicate. Since it appears she is open to the idea, you should speak with her about possibly moving forward with another couple. Good luck.

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Tell her exactly what you told us! I'm guessing she is just taken back by what happened. And, the fact she didn't think they were joking when they were, shows that she's very interested.

 

You need to talk soon before she convinces herself that she was wrong for even considering it.

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I could be wrong, but it sounds like your wife was genuinely interested in playing with these folks. Unfortunately, she's probably embarrassed due to the misunderstanding/rejection. It's time to sit down and talk to her openly about how she feels about it. No pressure, just the two of you talking about what's on your minds.

 

It'll be good for ya'll to get that out in the open, even if you end up deciding not to act upon it. But either way, this board would be a great thing to share with her as you make those decisions.

 

=)

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Yes, your wife should not feel that she was in any way wrong to think like she did. And from my point of view, joking my tuckus. He probably didn't like your revised terms or something else occurred. Perhaps he was hoping to 'bag' your wife and not have to reciprocate ? Who knows. Social backlash inquiring about a threesome prevents most people from being glib about it. Also, I'd have firm words with this husband that his 'sense of humor' was not appreciated and next time he feels the need to joke,make certain that everyone heard the punchline. -- Ed

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the thing about the "revised terms" was they where even less then what they where originally. I kind of felt they didn't get what i was saying but i didn't want to push the idea. Hoping a few weeks down the road the topic comes up again between the couple and it may come true but i can only dream until then ;)

 

Orig terms:

Couple plays with my wife

then

Other wife plays with my wife and I

 

My terms:

My wife can play with the couple as long as i could watch and maybe do oral to both wives. Other wife does not need to play with me other then receive oral.

 

Other question would be (i know you cant speak for all swingers) would you think it would be hard to find a couple who would be up for a 3.5 some :lol:

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the thing about the "revised terms" was they where even less then what they where originally. I kind of felt they didn't get what i was saying but i didn't want to push the idea. Hoping a few weeks down the road the topic comes up again between the couple and it may come true but i can only dream until then ;)

 

Orig terms:

Couple plays with my wife

then

Other wife plays with my wife and I

 

My terms:

My wife can play with the couple as long as i could watch and maybe do oral to both wives. Other wife does not need to play with me other then receive oral.

 

Other question would be (i know you cant speak for all swingers) would you think it would be hard to find a couple who would be up for a 3.5 some :lol:

 

I have talked to many couples who are interested in just the girls playing and then having sex with their own spouse. I've never met any of them because we're not really interested in that. There are also many great soft swap couples who would probably fit what you're looking for. I'd suggest making a profile on swinglifestyle and being specific with your desires. Chat or email with some couples or go out to a club or meet and greet. Just be upfront with what you're looking for and you will eventually find some good matches.

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well it seems after a talk i may have been wrong(maybe). She says she has no desire to play with anyone else so it may come up in the future but as of right now its purely going to be my fantasy. I really do think she is ashamed of being turned down, I had asked her why she wanted me to talk to the other couple about it if she was not willing to play and she replied because i was bugging her about it yet this is the 1st time i have ever told her about my fantasy. There was a few others things she said that didn't add up but i don't want to be overly analytical. O well i am not going to push the subject because that would only cause unneeded problems:surrend:.

 

Time will tell. I love her to death but her and i are at both at different places sexually. She is very lights off missionary stile while i am somewhat kinky and want to play with toys and watch porn. Her idea of spontaneous is to wake me up 20 minutes before we have to get ready for work and having me climb on top. When she has a few drinks a little of the crazy sex comes out as if she is too embarrassed and ashamed about her sexuality when she is sober.

 

I think we need to work on getting closer in our ideas of sexuality before we move on to the swingers lifestyle.

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I think we need to work on getting closer in our ideas of sexuality before we move on to the swingers lifestyle.

 

Very wise. Swinging is not something I would push at this point, but it does appear that getting your private sex life on the same page is a very important topic of continuous discussion. Good luck!!

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I think we need to work on getting closer in our ideas of sexuality before we move on to the swingers lifestyle.

 

Ahhh, Grasshopper, you're a good student. Swinging, in reality, rarely works. Less than 1% of the population swing successfully. It takes a lot (and I DO mean, A LOT) of communication and both being on the same page, having a mutual respect for each other, and having HONEST and calm talks between you. You should be able to talk about anything!! You're both adults and married to one another. You're on a good head start, though.

 

Time will tell. I love her to death but her and i are at both at different places sexually. She is very lights off missionary stile while i am somewhat kinky and want to play with toys and watch porn. Her idea of spontaneous is to wake me up 20 minutes before we have to get ready for work and having me climb on top. When she has a few drinks a little of the crazy sex comes out as if she is too embarrassed and ashamed about her sexuality when she is sober.

 

Another wise observation. You sound like every other husband that comes in here looking for advice on how to talk the wife into swinging. I know you didn't come here for that, but you both need to be on the same page when it comes to sex. I've always thought of swinging as being under a microscope. It's going to magnify whatever is happening in your marriage. If it's good, it's going to show when you're with others. If it's got issues, that's also going to show up when you're with others. Marriage and it's issues need to be addressed before you ever think about playing with another couple.

 

I do think the others are correct though. I wouldn't bring it up with her until you've got the communication thing down pat. The best way I would advise that is to do it over coffee at the kitchen table. Not in the bedroom in the throes of romance. I do wish you luck though. My other suggestion is if you're serious about wanting to know more about swinging is to come in here and read threads galore, or there are there is a book where you can find all the advice you need in one great place!!

 

Please, ask questions if you need and :welcome3: to the Swingers Board!!

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Why don't you bring her on here and let her read this thread?? at lest let her know this sit is here and we are here to help where we can..

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After a few too many drinks last night we had a long discussion about it and as of right now she doesn't want anyone other then me and I respect that. I will continue to let her know my fantasy down the road but as of right now we will stay vanilla. I did see a side of her come out last night that I never had saw before...... She asked to watch porno... she wanted some story to It and all we had was the junk Adam and Eve sent when we bought a toy a new few weeks ago. But we had tons of fun.

 

Sorry for any errors I am typing on my phone

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I think we need to work on getting closer in our ideas of sexuality before we move on to the swingers lifestyle.

 

Good idea. While you are at it continue to work on your communication and the ability to openly talk about anything. Start with talking to her about some of your light desires in the bedroom. As those come to fruition you can work towards more and talk about more.

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This is Petra with my 2¢ (much harder to find ¢ than $ on the keyboard).

 

 

1. Make it about her. Ask about her fantasies, what porno she likes or doesn't, what she would and would not like you to do with her and others, which toys she likes, who she finds attractive, both men and women, real and celebs. The rest will come.

 

 

2. Keep in mind that in the end finding other partners, just like finding your spouse, is a matter of numbers. Don't get hung up on making it work with any one person or couple despite what vibes they might first be sending out.

 

 

Good luck and keep us updated!

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