Interest due to own insecurities?

I have a fantasy of my wife being with other men, or at least another man. I would love to join, but this would be all about her.

 

I couldn’t figure out why I had this fantasy, but realized I don’t have the confidence in myself to give her what she needs. I’m averaged sized and averaged stamina.

 

Our sex is good, but I think she deserves better. She is a great wife and mom, she needs to be fucked better than I think I can provide.

 

Is this a common reasoning to get into the scene?

 

We joke about it on occasion, and she doesn’t seem super against the idea, but she doesn’t really continue the conversation or do anything about my offers to allow it. She plays the more dominant role in the sex life, so I can’t really tell her her what to do. Her usual response is “you’d like that wouldn’t you?”.

 

I think she deserves it, and I think she’d enjoy it. That said, she is kind of shy with this stuff and I can’t really get her to open up about it.

 

Any suggestions as to how to get the conversation started? Just tell her I think she deserves a better fuck and we should find her another man? She is getting less and less shy (getting naked with bedroom windows open, fucking in front window), do I just keep being patient?

 

Thanks

TBH I think so for some of us. I am not sure if I had the exact same feelings and thought process. I knew my SO had a wild side and someone else could maybe bring it out. I spoke with a lot of friends in and not in the LS. They pointed out it has to be about both parts and open communication. Basically I wanted to see her enjoy herself differently than with me, has become very routine and discussing it was a chore. Am I insecure about sex? No... but believe that she deserved better or other experiences. Our 1st threesome with a good friend helped with one step in the right direction as she did come out of her sexual closet.

I have a fantasy of my wife being with other men, or at least another man. I would love to join, but this would be all about her.

 

I couldn’t figure out why I had this fantasy, but realized I don’t have the confidence in myself to give her what she needs. I’m averaged sized and averaged stamina.

 

Our sex is good, but I think she deserves better. She is a great wife and mom, she needs to be fucked better than I think I can provide.

 

Is this a common reasoning to get into the scene?

 

We joke about it on occasion, and she doesn’t seem super against the idea, but she doesn’t really continue the conversation or do anything about my offers to allow it. She plays the more dominant role in the sex life, so I can’t really tell her her what to do. Her usual response is “you’d like that wouldn’t you?”.

 

I think she deserves it, and I think she’d enjoy it. That said, she is kind of shy with this stuff and I can’t really get her to open up about it.

 

Any suggestions as to how to get the conversation started? Just tell her I think she deserves a better fuck and we should find her another man? She is getting less and less shy (getting naked with bedroom windows open, fucking in front window), do I just keep being patient?

 

Thanks

The idea started with my never ending dream/nightmare of another man fucking, raping?, my wife. She was my number one porn star in my dreams.

 

I couldn't help myself but to bring up the idea of her having sex with another man while I watched.

 

She was devastated. She thought I didn't love her any more. I had to reassure that it was because I loved her that I wanted to give her this experience. And many more.

If she was willing. She was

 

Watching her with another man for the first time was an experience beyond my ability to explain. She was so nervous it was like watching a virgin getting fucked for the first time.

 

She loved it! It was no problem talking her into doing it again.

"I don’t have the confidence in myself to give her what she needs . . . I think she deserves better."

 

You're half right, and that's good! She doesn't deserve better, but she does deserve *more* assuming she wants it. No one person can give another person all they want, all they could desire. I have no doubts your wife would describe you as a good lover. Don't worry about that. The LifeStyle is all about providing sexual pleasure with other people; the participant(s) gets something different, something fun.

 

My wife and I swap with other couples, and also we have MFMs. When we swap the other women have a lot of fun with me, so I know I'm at least an adequate lover. But when we bring in another man for her, I love watching her squirm with him as he treats her to stimulations and positions that don't occur to me. And when I later try those with her, it's hit and miss . . . not everybody is the same.

 

Now, the last question: Does your wife want different? That's up to her, and if she doesn't that's fine, isn't it? To discover what she (and you) are interested in, I suggest you both take the mojoupgrade.com quiz - it's very revealing.

 

Best of luck

Yes asking your wife / girlfriend to fuck another man because of insecurities, or because you feel she deserves better is very common reasoning to get involved with this lifestyle, however in my personal opinion its not one of the most healthy reasons. In fact people get involved with swinging, or shall we say group sex for a large variety of reasons, some common examples would include:

 

1: Insecurity: Because they feel insecure about their own sexual abilities and believe their partner needs / wants / or deserves better than they can provide. This often happens to men with a small to average size penis, and sometimes to women who have a complex about their body. This is essence is saying "If I can't do the job, I'll find a man who can" which is not the healthiest option.

 

2: Sexually Abused: Some people get involved with the idea of group sex because they were sexually abused in their younger years and sometimes have began to associate sex as a way of pleasing people or been accepted. Other times the person wishes to regain control of their own sex lives and decided group sex is good way of putting them in control, as they have the power to say yes or no.

 

3: Broken Relationship: I think many swingers have come across this before, as sometimes a couple decide to explore the world of group sex because their own relationship is fairly broken, which can include totally sexless relationships, argumentative relationships, or even attempts to repair the hurt caused by cheating.

 

4: Forced: You will perhaps be surprised to hear that a lot of people end up getting involved with group sex situation simply because they have been forced or talked into the subject by a nagging and often sexually obsessed partner who spends many months or even years pushing their partner towards the subject.

 

5: Lonely: Some couples attempt to get into swinging because in reality they have a very lonely social life. This is often a simple fact of life, for example at school / college / university we often have many different friends and a very active and fun social life. Then however once you leave education and get a job / buy a house / get a car then suddenly your friends and even time for a social life can suddenly drop away which leaves many couples lonely, and in some cases these couples try to make friends using swinging, or even mistake sex for friendship.

 

6: Porn Addicted: In some cases a person becomes interested in the world of group sex simply because they watch a stack load of porn films and suddenly begin to desire more exploratory sex. That they watch porn films and suddenly think their wife should also be doing all of these dirty or advanced sexual acts such as anal sex / cum swallowing / gang bangs, despite the fact the porn stars are paid to do such things.

 

7: Hidden Bisexuality: In some cases a person wishes to explore group sex because they have hidden or repressed feelings for members of the same sex. Within my years swinging I have actually met a fair chunk of men who class themselves as been 100% straight, the type of men who act homophobic, the type of men who sit in a pub telling their friends how much they dislike the idea of been gay. Then behind the scenes that same guy secretly watches gay porn, secretly fantasies about seeing another man fuck his wife, about sucking another mans cock.

 

8: Cheated: In a huge amount of cases people become interested in the world of swinging because they have been cheated on, either by their current partner, or a previous partner. Sure at first they were deeply hurt and upset when they found out their partner had been cheating on them. However maybe a year or two later that person has forgotten the hurt of been cheated on and suddenly finds themselves getting turned on by the idea of their partner fucking someone else, and suddenly the idea of a threesome is born.

 

 

 

The list goes on..............

 

 

Honestly there must be another 20 varied reasons that people get into the world of group sex, and in all honesty some of them are not that healthy.

 

However I am NOT saying such people shouldn't, or aren't allowed to try group sex. But instead a simply saying anyone interested in group sex should fully examine and understand their own reasons before attempting to ask their partner. That they should be honest with this themselves and try to pin point their true reasons for wanting group sex, and then ask themselves if those reasons are healthy and stable reasons that will benefit their life / their partners life / and their relationship.

 

Perhaps a great example is simply to say:

 

There is a massive difference between letting a man fuck your wife because you don't feel good enough, to letting a man fuck your wife because you enjoy it, because you thinks its really hot and sexy, because you want to get in there and help this sexy guy to fuck your wife.

 

Lets look at two basic examples:

 

 

A) Adam wants his wife to fuck another man, deep down Adam has some serious insecurities about his body and dick size. Adam believes his wife wants / needs / desires / deserves some super well hung guy with a gigantic cock to please her. He feels rather scared and confused about such feelings and barrages his wife with comments about how he is useless in bed, how she deserves better, how a different man would be better for her sexually, and to be honest Adam's wife rally doesn't like such talk not only because her husband is constantly displaying insecurity and weakness, but because it often makes her feel like a sex object, it often make her feel that Adam doesn't really care about her or the big picture but is just totally focused on sex.

 

B) Ben wants his wife to fuck another man, not because he feels insecure but because he enjoys sex, because he feels comfy, confident and secure with his wife and wants to share this experience with her. Ben doesn't ask his wife to fuck another man because he is not good enough himself, Ben asks his wife to fuck another man because he thinks it would be hot as fuck to see his wife soaking another mans cock in her pussy juice, and sure because he does love his wife and wants her to also have sexual variety and fun. Ben doesn't waffle or ask endless insecure questions, Ben has taken the time to explore his reasons and feels comfy enough with this subject which gives his wife a feeling of security.

 

 

I personally find men fall into this trap a lot when it comes to group sex, and suppose its all a rather deep subject.

 

You see in reality the vast majority of women (probably including your wife) do not actually give a fuck about dick size.

 

Did your wife chose to date you because of your dick size?

 

Did she chose to marry you based 100% on the size of your dick?

 

Did she chose to have children with you or buy a home together because she decided your dick was big enough?

 

 

NOPE!!!!!

 

In fact the vast majority of women on this planet chose to date a guy because they like the guy / because they find in attractive / funny / clean / handsome / hard working / reliable / that actually us men might think about sex about 1000 times a day, but generally women pick their partners based on very different criteria.

 

In my honest experience I find that a lot of women spend their time thinking about their family / friends / pets / hobbies / job / holidays / shopping / nights out / house renovations / education / and that the overwhelming majority of women do NOT spend all day sitting their thinking about sex or the size of their partner penis.

 

 

I guess this is all rather psychological and deep, however base human instincts are totally correct:

 

MEN: The vast majority of men enjoy sex, the vast majority of men are basically hard wired to enjoy sex / want sex / look for sex / to such an extent a lot of guys spend a huge amount of their time thinking about sex, or trying to get sex. In the grand reality of things most guys don't even think about the babies that sex causes, we are not here looking at some big family future, men are generally motivated by slamming their dick into a women they find attractive. In many cases a man picks a female partner simply because they find her attractive, because they are sexually attracted to her.

 

WOMEN: Well sure a women also picks a male partner because she finds him sexually attractive, however within a huge amount of women is the hidden and totally natural drive to breed / to become a mother / to find a stable and secure enough partner to provide a family. I know, I know that a lot of women (especially these days) will say that is all total rubbish, some women have 0% interest in becoming a mother. Sure I agree maybe some women do have no interest in becoming a mother, but I'd also say a lot of women who say such things are actually lying to themselves and simply haven't reached the right time yet.

 

In nature female often do build a NEST and that maternal instinct is not lost of us humans. I mean ask yourself this question, over the years how many women have broken up with you? How many women have broken up with your friends? How many women have ended relationships with your work mates or family members?

 

Okay so what reasons did these women have?

 

- I want someone older or more mature.

 

- I want someone who works harder and is more focused on the future?

 

- I want someone who earns more money and is actually going somewhere with their life?

 

- I want someone who is more responsible and secure?

 

 

In all of your life so far have you ever actually had heard a women say.....

 

"Oh yeah I dumped him because his dick wasn't big enough"

 

"Yeah I dumped him because I just wanted to fuck guys with huge massive cocks"

 

In many cases what women are saying is.....

 

 

- I wanted someone older or more mature.

 

Because in the long run I'd actually like a stable relationship that could provide a family, and someone older or more mature is a step in that direction.

 

- I wanted someone who works harder and is more focused on their future.

 

Because in the long run I'd actually like a family and someone who works harder and is more focused will provide a better life for my family.

 

 

Without even knowing it a lot of women (especially younger women aged 18 to 25) break up with guys because somewhere deep down inside they want to work towards a family and the stable secure relationship that will provide that family. Like stated in many cases the women doesn't even know that is the reason, that is almost a inbuilt drive.

 

What does all this mean?

 

Well it basically means that the vast majority of women on this planet do NOT sit around all day simply thinking about sex and the size of their partners penis. In many cases us men are the ones thinking about sex all of the time, and often make the mistake of thinking women are also doing the same.

 

 

If you ask ME (a man) what my perfect women would be like, then sure I might say something along the lines of:

 

Give me a 25 year old blonde haired girl with a size six body, a nice firm set of breasts, who happens to be a totally loyal nymphomaniac who wants to spend most days fucking, sucking, wanking my cock and will allow me to have as many threesome as I desire and will tattoo my name on her bum cheek.

 

You ask the vast majority of women what their perfect partner is and a lot of them will say things such as:

 

Someone who is funny, someone who makes me laugh, someone who is kind, handsome, caring, honest, strong, reliable, clean, someone who works hard, someone who will be there for me, someone who my friends and family like, someone who is confident and is working towards a real future, a man with integrity who I can trust and confide in.

 

 

That actually women often have very different values to what a man looks for.

 

That in some respects you might think your wife needs / wants a bigger dick, when actually a lot of women don't really think like that, or at least nowhere near as much as us guys do. I mean sure some women out there totally love sex, some women out there do desire big huge cocks been rammed into them, but actually the vast majority of women are not like that. The vast majority of women pick their partners based on totally different criteria than just the size of their dick.

 

Some years ago now I knew a guy who perhaps had the smallest dick I'd have ever seen, I'd say fully erect his dick must have been about 2 inch long (if that) yet that same guy is now married to a very attractive girl simply because he is a fun and genuine guy, because he is a nice person with a good sense of humour, seemingly his dick size has played no part at all in his wife's choice.

 

I myself have an average sized dick (about 6 inch and fairly thin) however some years ago my life had a revolution, you see I joined a local gym and begin weight lifting rather obsessively and sure at first I was really shy about sharing a shower with 20 other guys. Until I realised my 6 inch dick was actually bigger than 70% of the guys in there. Sure there was the occasional guy who came into the shower with a big huge cock but the vast majority of men were small to average, that actually what you class as small is perfectly normal.

 

I think pron films can also do a lot of damage to a mans ego, that we often watch porn films and see some guy with a huge 12 inch cock and begin to think we are small and pathetic in comparison. The truth is about 80 or 90% of men actually have an average sized cock and we are no different from them. We can still fuck, still marry, still fall in love and the vast majority of women will have dated someone with a 5 or 6 inch cock and been perfectly fine about it.

 

Perhaps a funny question to ask yourself is......

 

 

If you had a 12 inch cock would you still want another guy to come along a shove his dick up your wife?

 

Do YOU actually want another man to stick his dick up your wife, or are you simply wanting that because you don't feel good enough in bed?

 

 

One thing you also have to be aware of with insecurity is the aftermath of actually having group sex.

 

Please imagine for a second that your wife allows you to have a threesome with another man. That YOU fuck your wife and this other women all over the bedroom

 

THEN.........

 

For the next month solid your wife bombard you with never ending questions such as:

 

- Did you enjoy her more than me?

 

- Would you prefer to be with her and not me?

 

- Would you prefer it if my body was like hers?

 

- Do you fancy her?

 

- Do you like her better than me?

 

- Was her pussy nicer than mine?

 

- Would you date her if it wasn't for me?

 

- I bet you want to see her again?

 

- Did she make you cum more than me?

 

- I bet you have dreamed about her?

 

- I bet you enjoyed kissing her more than me?

 

- I bet deep down you want to run away with her?

 

 

Suddenly what viewed as simply some fun new sex becomes a quagmire of 1000 questions, and honestly this is what a lot of insecure guys do to their wives after a threesome.

 

You finally get your wish and your wife fucks this another guy, then for the next few months your wife is totally overwhelmed with endless questions about how she liked this new guy more / how she would prefer to be with him / how she enjoyed his cock so much more / how he is suddenly the better option, blarr, blarr, blarr.

 

In many circumstances your wife will NOT want to fuck a guy and then spend the next two months been quizzed about every aspect of that night, but often that is what insecure guys do. They almost want to hear their wife say.....

 

"Fine, he was better than you, his dick was amazing, it tuck me to places you never could, your shit in bed, I want Mr Big Cock every night, I prefer him and not you"

 

When actually all of that is bullshit and your wife only even agreed to the subject because its something you wanted, she didn't really want it, you did!!!!

 

 

OVERALL:

 

 

My advice would be NOT to ask your wife but first:

 

A) Do more research about the subject in general, read these forums, read articles, learn from others.

 

B) Truly explore your own reasons for wanting this and ask yourself if they are healthy reasons.

 

C) Then ask yourself what your wife values, what reasons would interest your wife, what would attract your wife to doing this other than just a bigger dick.

 

 

One thing I would say is be prepared!!!!!

 

 

Asking your partner to have sex with another man can often bring some shocking results, in many cases your partner can become upset / shout at you / feel like you don't love them anymore / feel like you want to cheat. In fact when asking a women to have a threesome you can expect questions such as:

 

- You don't love me anymore do you?

 

- You just want to cheat on me don't you?

 

- Are you secretly gay?

 

- If we did this we would end up breaking up?

 

- If we did this you would end up leaving me?

 

- What if we caught and STD such as HIV?

 

- Where would we even do this?

 

- Who would we do this with, where would we even meet them?

 

- You would end up getting really jealous?

 

- Why do you want this, give me the honest reasons why?

 

- What are you actually hoping to gain by us doing this?

 

- What if I fuck another man like you want and end up pregnant?

 

- What if our friends and family find out what we are doing?

 

- Where would we fuck this man, our home, his home, a hotel?

 

- How do we know we could even trust this new man, how do we know he is safe?

 

- What would our rules be, what would be allowed to do?

 

- Is this risky, how can you even be sure we would be safe?

 

- What happens if feelings began to grow for this other person?

 

 

Honestly when you ask your partner to really consider group sex you can often find yourself getting a 1000 questions thrown straight at you and some of them are dam hard to answer. m

 

 

My advice is....

 

Before you speak to your wife spend a few weeks thinking about every fear or question she might have, run the questions through in your mind, find the answers, research the subjects, gain knowledge and then when she does ask difficult questions you have a confident and direct answer to give. If you can give a quick, positive, confident answer it will help your partner feel more comfy about the situation.

 

If your partner asks a difficult question don't sit there saying "Eeerrrrrr eerrmmmm well I hadn't thought of that" Instead have a answer waiting, a good answer than you can say in a friendly positive manor.

 

 

One other bit of advice I strongly recommend when asking your partner about a possible threesome is to ask them OUTSIDE!!!!!

 

This is perhaps a little tricky but please believe me it can work wonders. In fact you can follow the steps below.

 

1) Pick a nice day, preferably when your partner is off work / without the children to look after / when she is relaxed and in a happy mood.

 

2) Suggest going out for the day, preferably somewhere you wouldn't usually go. The ideal places would include a trip to a large local park / a trip into the country / a walk in the country / a drink in a quiet country pubs beer garden. Basically somewhere you can speak in total privacy, somewhere that you are alone.

 

3) Once you have arrived at the location and are 100% sure no one else is around / that no one else can hear your conversation, then tell your partner you wish to speak with her about something a little naughty. Now at this point I always make sure to get my partner to confirm no one can hear us. I will say something like:

 

"Okay this sounds a bit weird but do you agree that no one can hear us? Do you agree that we can talk in private here?"

 

In years past I have done this sitting in a large local park and we can not even see another person, we are totally alone seeing the girl I'm dating agreeing that no one can hear us. This is actually a very vital step because the conversation your about to have is private and your wife will feel very nervous indeed if there is even a small chance of someone hearing your conversation.

 

4) Be honest and tell your wife you really like the idea of you both having a threesome together and insert your reasons and remarks.

 

 

 

Okay, okay, you might ask what the fuck am I talking about?

 

Well basically asking a partner to consider a threesome is much better done on neutral ground. In years past I have found that asking your partner about threesome whilst sitting in your own house can actually have some vert negative effects, for example.

 

You ask your wife / partner to consider a threesome whilst sitting in your house talking and suddenly your partner thinks:

 

- What, you want to bring a total stranger into our home and fuck them?

 

- What about this place, I'd have to clean this entire place before anyone came round?

 

- From this day forth this is no longer our living room, this is the room where you asked to fuck other people?

 

- What the fuck, you want to bring a total stranger into our home where our children eat and the fuck this random person?

 

- You want to bring someone into this house and share or marriage bed with them?

 

 

If you end up arguing about the situation then it can leave a nasty stain on your house, suddenly the living room isn't a living room anymore is the room where you ask to fuck other people. Every time your wife sits in the living room she remembers that difficult conversation where you ask to fuck strangers.

 

Generally if I begin dating a new women I'll take her to a large local park or for a picnic in the country, once we are there I'll be honest with her about my desires for group sex. I find the women will often speak more freely, she doesn't have the pressures of home sitting on her shoulders, she isn't thinking of the house and all the responsibilities at home. Plus if we argue or she becomes upset by the idea, then actually she is getting upset in thin air, she is getting upset in a place we are unlikely to visit again.

 

If she does become really upset at the idea she can leave a lot of that upset behind in a country field and not in my home.

 

Picking the right time can also be very helpful.

 

In fact you can actually do an awful lot to help your chances of success, for example:

 

Pick a date where you know your wife will be off work, and where you can easily arrange child care for that future date.

 

Say for example your wife is off work in 2 weeks time on Saturday. So for the next few weeks be on your best behaviour, avoid doing things that you know would upset your wife such as leaving clothes on the floor, leaving empty food packets laying around and so on. Not only avoid the things that she doesn't like, but actually help her around the house.

 

If you wake up before your wife then try to spend 30 minutes doing something, for example wash the pots / mop the kitchen / empty the bins / put some laundry in the washing machine. If your wife is at work or perhaps you stay up late then sure do the same. Find some general chores that will take some weight and responsibility off your wife's shoulders. If your wife usually washes the pots then you do it instead. If your wife usually does all the laundry the you do it instead, spend a few weeks taking the weight off her shoulders so she feels more relaxed and rested when you do ask about group sex.

 

If you like you can even slightly treat your wife, but obviously without making it to obvious. For example you could take her out for a meal / take her for a day shopping. The other thing you can do is target something your wife really want to get done. If your wife has been nagging at you about painting the spare room, then sure get off your backside and paint the spare room. If your wife has been nagging at you about tidying up the garden then get to the local DIY store and buy yourself some garden gloves and get cracking and clean up all the garden.

 

Over the space of a few weeks do a combination of things.

 

- Finish jobs you know your wife wants completing.

- Complete general chores to take the pressure off your wife.

- Spend some general quality time with your wife.

- Open your ears and let her nag about work or her friends.

- Perhaps go out for a nice meal or to watch a movie together.

 

 

By the end of those few weeks you ideally want your partner to be relaxed and in a happy mood with you. Then pick a nice sunny day where she is off work or the kids are at school and then speak about your group sex idea. What you want to avoid is speaking with your partner about group sex when she is tired / over worked / stressed / feeling overwhelmed / suffering issues at work or with sick family members. If for whatever reason your wife is tired / anxious / worried / stressed then it is NOT a good time to be talking about fucking other people.

 

If your wife's family member is really sick do you think she wants to sit their talking about fucking other people? If your wife has had a really bad week at work do you think she wants to sit there talking about group sex? If your wife is in a happy relaxed mood then it will seriously help when you do ask about group sex.

 

Porn can also be a good way to build your wife up to this subject.

 

For example if you actually find out what your wife does like, AND what she does not like then you can actually ask your wife to watch some porn with you and pick the specific threesomes films she will like.

 

 

If your wife says she really hates the idea of anal sex, then cool find a threesome film that doesn't involve any anal sex.

 

If your wife says she prefer slow romantic love making then do a search for "Romantic Threesomes" and pick a film that is more romantic.

 

If your wife says she would prefer a tall white guy then pick a threesome film with a tall white guy.

 

If your wife says she doesn't like the idea of swallowing cum then pick a film where the women doesn't swallow cum.

 

 

You do have to be careful, in many cases threesome films can be a bit brutal, they involve wild hard sex / double penetration / two dicks be rammed into one women / cum drinking and all sorts of stuff. They can also involve porn stars with almost perfect bodies, they can include young 20 year old models who will make your wife feel self conscious.

 

Instead specifically find a few threesome films that your wife will like, download them off the internet and watch them together. Get your wife use to the idea by watching the kind of threesome films she would enjoy herself. If she wants it slow and romantic then find those films. If she wants it rough and dirty then find those films. In reality show her using films that a threesome can be what she likes.

 

 

 

Good luck!

Thanks for the responses everyone! Very good points Sun&Moon.

 

To be clear, the reason I came here is to figure out exactly why I want this before determining how/if I want to talk to my wife about this, or if this is a terrible idea.

 

After these posts, I’m starting to realize I don’t think it really is my insecurity, or at least that isn’t the only reason. I think there are a few.

 

1. My insecurity

2. My interest in bisexuality

3. Getting my wife more comfortable

 

To be clear, it absolutely isn’t because a broken relationship. Our relationship is amazing. We are openly talk about good looking people as they pass by and joking about getting with other people. I have always openly talked about girls I think are cute. We often go to a restaurant that is more “hip” and is very casual about the girls dress codes, going as far as many of the girls going braless. She will go out of the way to say “did you see the bartender has no bra?”. She has zero issues with me going to Hooter type restaurants, and will even sit back and watch when girls talk to me.

 

First point has been discussed, the second doesn’t really have much to discuss.

 

The third point - When I first met my wife she was really the quiet, nerdy type. Graduated first in high school, could hardly get her to talk on dates, usually off my herself reading, very few friends, etc. Since having children and working this retail clothing job she has become much more confident with herself in the sense she’ll talk to anyone and is much more confident showing off her body. I absolutely love it, and I think part of this is I want her to continue to grow in this way. Usually I am the dominant type, but I really don’t want to be at home. Not just in bed, but with everything. I want to live by her rules, and I want her to continue to gain confidence and power so she knows she runs the show. Even if she chooses not to, part of this is just talking to her and giving her the option as another way of demonstrating my submission. Does that make sense?

 

Part of all of this is also her unwillingness to talk about what she wants in bed. For the longest time our sex was so routine and mundane. Once a month, which was initiated by me having to “romance” her. Finally I just bought some sex toys and brought them into bed, being more casual with talking about sex, and basically making her orgasm as much as she would let me. Our sex is much better now, but she still is quiet about her fantasies. I know she has a strong sex drive, so I want to continue to expand the boundaries and introduce new ideas to help her open up and enjoy herself.

 

Thanks again for all the good points. I’m loving this forum. Even if we don’t end up in the lifestyle, it’s nice to have somewhere to openly discuss these topics.

That was a great, thorough post. May I ask, do you write for a living? A couple of points:

 

Yes asking your wife / girlfriend to fuck another man because of insecurities, or because you feel she deserves better is very common reasoning to get involved with this lifestyle, however in my personal opinion its not one of the most healthy reasons...

I have no such insecurities, but I strongly believe that I (and no man) can be everything to my wife. It's about variety, and that's what I want my wife to have, whatever it is that I am not. Not better, but different.

 

... 7: Hidden Bisexuality: In some cases a person wishes to explore group sex because they have hidden or repressed feelings for members of the same sex..

The desire for same sex activity was one of the reasons we started swinging, but it was my wife's desire to lick pussy again (and it wasn't hidden from me or repressed).

 

.. . You see in reality the vast majority of women (probably including your wife) do not actually give a fuck about dick size.

We got started in swinging by talking about our past lovers, which turns us on, and you're right - my wife barely mentioned dick size, and was able to easily get off with all of them. Again, it's variety, not size.

 

... You ask your wife / partner to consider a threesome whilst sitting in your house talking and suddenly your partner thinks:

 

- What, you want to bring a total stranger into our home and fuck them?

 

- You want to bring someone into this house and share or marriage bed with them?

 

I can't disagree that this is a good idea initially, but my wife has no problem fucking lovers in our home, in our bed. Neither do I. Actually, first several times may be more comfortable there. You need to ask.

... Our sex is much better now, but she still is quiet about her fantasies. I know she has a strong sex drive, so I want to continue to expand the boundaries and introduce new ideas to help her open up and enjoy herself..

You're on the right track, but make it all about her, not you. As time goes on and she opens up, your wife may bring up people or things that you don't like. Never criticize her or be negative. Encourage her every step of the way. Enjoy the journey.