New Couple curious about next steps

Hi everyone. We are a married couple for 2 years. Me and my wife have talked about the lifestyle and willing to give it a try.

 

Just to give a bit of context, I (the guy) brought up this topic to my wife while watching threesome, foursome videos to understand what she thinks about doing it in real. Initially she didn't like the idea. Since we are from a conservative society (but living in Europe now), she didn't want to think about having sex with anyone other than me. But gradually she has agreed to give it a try at least.

 

To be honest, I do not last long (mostly 2-3 minutes) and though she doesn't say it, I think she is missing having a great sex. She did not have any other partner so she can not compare my performance with someone else.

 

That's why I am looking for MMF with a nice bull to begin with so that she gets a taste of long fuck. We talked to a guy online and have planned to meet casually. Though we have told him the Yes and NOs, we are not sure how should we go about the casual meet. She wants me to be with her at every step.

 

Maybe these are very naive questions, but I would like to know from your experiences:

1) What all to discuss in casual meet, should I do the talking or her. Anything naughty we should plan to do?

2) Do you recommend fun meet immediately after casual meet or plan for some other day.

 

Besides, She says that she will be more comfortable with a couple instead of a single guy, but I am a bit hesitant to meet a couple because of performance issues. If we talk to a couple, should I tell them about it. We are a bit confused on how the couple fun meet will go if we decide to do it.

 

Hope to find a good advice here. Thanks.

Just posted this on another thread but it is applicable here as well:

 

Love trust and communication: you can't have too much of any of the three. Make your relationship ROCK SOLID first before continuing. Remember to always move at a pace the slowest is comfortable with. Take baby steps...maybe start with visiting a club with the understanding that you don't do ANYTHING with anyone else, just the two of you. But this is to be done down the road. Take your time. She needs to understand that her being with other men runs the same risk that you being with other women runs and therefore shouldn't be breached until you are both ready. It may take years...it may take a lifetime and still never happen. Start with building up the relationship and when you both trust each other COMPLETELY, then (and only then) consider taking the next step. Jealously is a sign of a lack of one of the three. Take your time and see what happens but make sure that the relationship is as strong as possible before going anywhere. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

 

Finding a single guy in the lifestyle is like finding a cheeseburger at McDonalds...they are EVERYWHERE, so take your time and find one that is PERFECT for the both of you.

 

1) What all to discuss in casual meet, should I do the talking or her. Anything naughty we should plan to do?

 

First meeting should (IOHO) be a meeting ONLY. With everyone knowing that the meet is only to meet (and not to have sex) it takes the pressure off and gives you the chance to reflect later and make sure that you are both on the same page. Both of you should be talking and be clear as to what you are looking for (is it just sex for her, sex with you watching or assisting, or a FWB situation).

 

2) Do you recommend fun meet immediately after casual meet or plan for some other day.

 

We recommend another day. Afterwards you meet you can decide together if you want to move forward with whoever it is. This should be a joint decision and you should both be in agreement: one no is a no for the both of you, you are a team. If you decide to move forward, then plan on getting together. Meet on neutral ground and make sure that any contact (texts, email, calls) between your wife and him INCLUDE you ALWAYS.

 

She says that she will be more comfortable with a couple instead of a single guy, but I am a bit hesitant to meet a couple because of performance issues.

 

Then look for couples, but understand that finding a four way match can be difficult (but TOTALLY worth the effort). As for 'performance issues', there's more than one way to skin a cat. You DO have other body parts that work? Tongue, fingers, etc.? Also, most men, after the first shot, can go for quite awhile the second round. Don't worry about any 'issues', just enjoy yourself. Plus there's nothing hotter than watching live sex between people you know. Your 'issue' may not be an issue at all.

 

We are a bit confused on how the couple fun meet will go if we decide to do it.

 

Don't understand the question. It is what you all agree it to be. It may just be same room sex, or full swap, or anything in between. Decide what you are looking for and set your own rules and limits (and stick with them) and have fun. Don't over think things. Anyways, I'm sure you will have more questions before you move forward so we look forward to hearing them. Good luck and good times.

... To be honest, I do not last long (mostly 2-3 minutes) and though she doesn't say it, I think she is missing having a great sex...

Although the guys I have sex with last longer than that and I'm pretty good at anticipating when he's going to cum and get myself off before or as he does, there are times he orgasms well before I do. In those cases we have three options. Usually, I'll suck him up for round two, which for a guy lasts a lot longer than the first. (Sometimes long enough that if I've had enough and there's another woman he can move on to her to finish the second round.) The other option is for him to do oral on me until I've had one or two orgasms myself. The third is for me to move on to another willing partner if one is there (or waiting for me at home).

Although the guys I have sex with last longer than that and I'm pretty good at anticipating when he's going to cum and get myself off before or as he does, there are times he orgasms well before I do. In those cases we have three options. Usually, I'll suck him up for round two, which for a guy lasts a lot longer than the first. (Sometimes long enough that if I've had enough and there's another woman he can move on to her to finish the second round.) The other option is for him to do oral on me until I've had one or two orgasms myself. The third is for me to move on to another willing partner if one is there (or waiting for me at home).

 

Couplers

 

hi, thanks for the reply. However do you recommend that I let the other couple know (about the lasting time) when we talk to a couple or meet them casually?

Don't understand the question. It is what you all agree it to be. It may just be same room sex, or full swap, or anything in between. Decide what you are looking for and set your own rules and limits (and stick with them) and have fun. Don't over think things. Anyways, I'm sure you will have more questions before you move forward so we look forward to hearing them. Good luck and good times.

 

Thanks for the advice GoldCoCouple. What I meant was that should I tell about the performance issue (lasting time) to the other couple in our chat and casual meet.

Couplers

 

hi, thanks for the reply. However do you recommend that I let the other couple know (about the lasting time) when we talk to a couple or meet them casually?

Certainly tell them up front, but present it as a feature, not a bug. Tell her that if you cum before her and she wants more it can be handled by having an interlude with you going down on her after you've cum until you're erect again. And that the second time be however long she wants. She may want to suck you back up. Or perhaps he's the type who likes to jump right in afterwards.

No, don't tell them. Once again, as long as he is willing to either go for a second round or use another body part to help her achieve her goal, I think it will be fine. There are lots of guys who when they are in this situation (swinging/multiple partners/etc) that cum very quickly since having a fantasy become real is very (sometimes too) exciting. As long as he finishes her as well everything should be okay. Letting the other couple know that he is a quick shooter will most likely mean you don't find any other couples.

 

Finding a single guy in the lifestyle is like finding a cheeseburger at McDonalds...they are EVERYWHERE, so take your time and find one that is PERFECT for the both of you.

 

Do you recommend to connect with a single guy who has done an MMF before? Or it should not matter?

Akkijenny, the man you should be seeking is first attractive to your SO. After that, you would like him to be confident. If he's confident but not arrogant, he should be fine.

 

It doesn't really matter whether he's been in previous threesomes before. We've had guys who've said that was their first time in such a situation, and they were great. Other guys said they had experience and petered out quickly. You can't really tell what the candy tastes like until you bite into it.

Firstly: You mentioned in your post that "At First" your wife didn't like this idea, but after some time she has agreed to TRY.

 

I'd very strongly ask you to remember that when a women says she will "TRY" that does not mean she do this / enjoy this / be comfortable with the entire situation. It simply means she will TRY IT and in a lot of cases people who say that will end up trying this subject and quickly giving up, quickly developing issues with the subject.

 

There is a big difference between someone saying "YES I'd love to do that" compared to someone saying "I'll TRY"

 

Perhaps I'm wrong but it is possible your wife might TRY this subject 2,3 maybe even 4 or 5 times before she becomes sick of trying the subject. If your thinking that your wife will love this subject and suddenly want to experience lots of threesome and wild exciting group sex, then you may be mistaken. She has simply said she will TRY, and in my experience people who say that don't stay trying for long.

 

 

Secondly: You mention performance issues and how you only last 2 or 3 minutes before cumming (and this is after been married two years) which to me indicates there is a problem. That there is a problem you have no addressed, or perhaps different things you could try to improve that situation. That really before jumping in bed with another man / women / or couple, maybe you should focus a lot more on your own performance issues and try various things aimed at improving your stamina.

 

I mean forgive me for saying but it almost sounds like you are saying....

 

"Hey when I have sex I cum within 2 minutes and have bad sexual stamina, so I have decided its best if another guy fucks my wife instead"

 

Would it not be more productive to say....

 

"Hey when I have sex I cum within 2 minutes and have bad sexual stamina. So as a result I'm going to try various things ti improve my sexual stamina. I'm going to figure out the reason why I cum so quickly. I'm going to look at myself / my body / my mind and figure out why I am cumming so quickly and try to change that. There are various things I can try. Once that situation has began to improve then I'll ask myself again if I really want another man to fuck my wife"

 

That you are looking OUTWARDS to solve this problem. You are saying, hey I cum to quickly so I'll look outside my relaitonship and find another man who doesn't cum quickly and that will solve the problem. I'll bring in a cure from outside. When perhaps in this case its more about looking INSIDE yourself and figuring out why you cum quickly, and what will change that.

 

 

I am no expert on premature ejaculation, but I do know there are various things that can stop you from cumming to quickly.

 

 

Condoms often stop people from cumming to quickly.

 

Certain numbing creams can stop men form cumming to quickly.

 

Learning what to think about during sex can stop men from cumming quickly.

 

Certain medications can help stop men cumming quickly.

 

Good diet and exercise can stop men cumming quickly.

 

Masturbating before nights of sex can help stop men cumming quickly.

 

Therapy or counselling sessions can help stop men cumming quickly.

 

 

There are loads of things that can stop men from cumming quickly. I'd assume there are thousands of websites about "Premature Ejaculation" and how to stop it. I'm sure there are entire forums in the subject filled with stuff I'd never even think about. Generally if you have a problem there is a solution, that if you have a problem there is ways to help that problem.

 

In my experience a LOT OF MEN suffer from premature ejaculation and cum very quickly indeed because they THINK about the wrong things during sex.

 

If your having sex with a nice women and during sex you lay there thinking....

 

"God she is pretty. She is so sexy. Her pussy feels so good. Wow her breasts are amazing. Wow I'm having sex. I want her to swallow my cum. God I enjoy licking her pussy. Is so sexy when she is naked"

 

The SURE your going to cum really fucking quickly.

 

I'd say a dam good trick for a lot of guys is to lay there having sex, and basically think about anything but sex.

 

- Think about your day at work.

- Think about your favourite sports game.

- Think about what your cooking later.

- Think about what colour your going to paint your bedroom.

 

Think about anything that stops you from getting worked up.

 

I remember once I was fucking a 26 year old girl who had a size 6 body, and I laid in her bed fucking her and was actually reading the instructions on a huge TV box sat in the corner of her bedroom. I was there ramming my dick into her and was reading the TV information on the back of the box just to keep my mind off the sex part.

 

Sure my dick felt great, but you have to move your mind somewhere else, or you will cum to quickly.

 

I guess this sounds a little bad, but basically to have longer sex you have to be a little selfish. If you to view the women as a hole which pleases your dick.

 

If you lay there thinking:

 

"I love this women. This women is perfect. She is so sexy. Her body is so amazing. Her pussy feels so good"

 

The sure your going to cum quickly.

 

If you simply think:

 

"This is just some pussy to fuck"

 

Then perhaps you won't cum as quickly.

 

 

Not sure if that makes sense but basically the more you care about the women, the more you think about her, the more you like her body, the higher up on a pedestal that you place her, the quicker you cum. If you look at a women and see a sexual gorgeous goddess then your going to cum. If you look at the same women simply as a bit of pussy to enjoy then it changes things.

 

Maybe your simply over thinking during sex. Think of things that stop you from cumming. I remember some years ago now I fucked my ex girlfriend all over for about 90 minutes and all the way through was thinking about sports, and to be honest I'm not even a big sports fan. But sure every time I felt like cumming I'd slow down a little and start thinking about golf, or learning how to play tennis. I put my mind somewhere else and let my dick enjoy itself.

 

Perhaps another good thing to try would be VIAGRA.

 

Yes Viagra is a drug for ED (Erectile Dysfunction) however in your case it could perhaps help because:

 

A) People who use Viagra often report a numbing sensation in their penis. That their dick feels less sensitive meaning they can fuck for longer without cumming.

 

B) People who use Viagra can often have sex, then have a short break of maybe 10 to 30 minutes and then have sex again, sometimes 2,3,4 times in a evening.

 

I use Viagra and honestly I can fuck a women easily for 15 or 20 minutes. THEN after a short break I can fuck her again but last 2 or 3 times as long.

 

Another good thing to try is exercise that targets the muscles and tendons in your groin area, pelvic exercise.

 

Research pelvic exercise which will help give the muscles in your groin more ability to stop yourself from cumming.

 

 

The other well known option is never have a date night / sex night with a loaded gun. In other words never plan a night of sex unless you have already emptied your balls that day.

 

In many cases if I know I'll be having sex with a women, then I'll wake up in a morning a masturbate at least once, sometimes twice to make sure my balls are not filled with cum. Basically if your balls are already empty you generally last longer when you do actually have sex.

 

Perhaps try masturbating in the morning once or twice, then later that night try having sex with your wife. In my younger years if I had a hot date with a new women I'd masturbate at least twice during the day. Then obviously after a full bath or shower I'd head out to meet the girl and would spend the evening fucking her. Not only did I last longer because my balls wasn't filled with cum and about to burst, but when I did cum I produced far less sperm which helps cut the risk of any unplanned pregnancies.

 

I mean even if I did have bare back / no condom sex with a new girl I'd always have made sure to empty my balls first, not only so I'd last longer and not become over excited, but also because I was not 1005 sure that this new women was on contraception and I wanted to lover the chances of my sperm entering her body.

 

Basically there are loads of things you can try to stop yourself from cumming quickly and maybe it would be a good idea to attempt some of those things first and then you won't have performance issues, or at least they will get a bit better.

 

 

If your over thinking things during sex / if your not emptying your balls the morning before sex / if your not doing any exercise then all these things will make you cum quickly

A great, thoughtful post, except I disagree with one point:

 

... never plan a night of sex unless you have already emptied your balls that day.

 

In many cases if I know I'll be having sex with a women, then I'll wake up in a morning a masturbate at least once, sometimes twice to make sure my balls are not filled with cum. Basically if your balls are already empty you generally last longer when you do actually have sex...

I would feel cheated. A large part of the excitement and satisfaction of having sex with a man is his ejaculation of semen into me. I prefer my vagina, but even into my mouth, I swallow it all.

 

If a guy cums too fast, I prefer that he do oral on me while he rests, then I do oral on him to get him up for a lengthy round two. The first quick shot, however, I'm thinking, "He wants me so bad, he thinks I'm so hot, he's pumping such a load..."

That's a mouthful , no pun intended